The first time we said hello,
It brought me close to joy.
I remember falling for you,
You were all i needed.

The last time we spoke,
Is when i last felt alive.
You were everything to me,
Even though i didnt know you.

Everytime i close my eyes,
You are all i see.
Cant you see i miss you?
I feel so lost without you.

Your eyes hold the intensity of a thousand suns,
and when you look at me that way,
like you can't believe am all yours,
it gives me butterflies.
I look into your eyes and am blinded by what I see,
the depth of what you feel for me.
It takes all my effort not to bolt cause I know there is no turning back.
What I feel for you, there is no undoing it.
Its more like something that grew on me and is now part of me.
You cant unravel things like that.
I pray that what I feel won't lead me down the road to hurt and pain.

When you hold me so tenderly and kiss me,
feels like I am going to burn up.
The feelings burn their way down my body,
lighting me up like a flame for you.
You trail your hands gently down my cheek and i get shivers,
Can't you see am burning for you?
you are my sun all molded to fit me like a shadow.

I remember when I used to read to escape,
Losing myself in words that laughed and danced and played.
I was young.
I found a life I could stand.

I remember falling asleep with my head buried in a book.
I dreamed of heroes and heroines.
I guess fantasy made a better bed fellow.
I built my notions of romance at her footstool.
Falling in love the surreal dream come true.

I remember writing my first lines,
I couldnt tell verse from paragraph.
I wrote myself a lifeline.
Wove something that wasnt ugly or tainted.
I had something to bleed out the pain,
With ink stains instead of bruises and cuts.

I remember trying to change my story.
No one told me however good you write you can't do your own story.
So am peering out of my fears and thinking what good is this gift if all it does is create a bridge to run away but I end up smack in the middle of where I left?

Right now when its dark and quiet,
I stay up and think of you.
Not cause I want to.
It is what I was meant to do.
By fate or whatever deemed it fit that I be yours.
I have no will to leave.
Can't even think of a life without you.
Nights like this i watch movies hopping to be lulled to sleep.
But instead they bring tears to my eyes.
Sad sweet stories that make me wish you spoilt me.
Things planted into my subconscious that I want.
I want you to love me,
Need you to hold me every night.
I miss your smile.
Think of you looking at me like am the center of your world.
I hate nights when you aren't here.
I can't sleep.

The walls breathe out memories of
you,
From when you were last here.
They sigh the words you never said,
They moan from touches remembered
How come you don't touch me like
you used to?
Did I change or did you change?
it was moments like this which built
us,
Stolen kisses and hours when we couldnt spare time.
Regrets over ugly words said.
I guess what am trying to say is this;
I miss you.
My bed feels so large without you.
I need you.
Somehow my heart cant beat without you.
I love you.
Won't you make an honest woman out of me?

Marry me

He said he wanted to marry me.
I asked why?
I said I wasnt good enough to fit the bill.
He asked why birds sing.
I guess neither of us knows why he is here.
I pushed him away.
He rammed his way into my life and
refused to leave.
Instead he built pyramids on my insecurities and fortified them.
He trapped me in a lie.
He brought my dreams half way awake.
Now all that is left are shattered shells.
I thought we would be married this week.
But guess you have a reason not to.
Worst part is I dunno if its me or you that saw a way out.

I wrote a poem for our daughter,
On the day we lost her, but I still had you.
It seemed like nothing would keep us apart.
I loved you, you loved me.
We thought that was enough.
But you didnt love me enough to change.
I couldnt love you any longer as you hurt me.
If you loved me you wouldnt break me, i thought.
Yet somehow i feel i gave up on us.
Do you blame me?
For not being able to take any more pain?
I blame you.
For not fighting for me.
Maybe you thought i wouldnt leave.
But i can't forgive you.
For being indifferent.
Only time you let me see your heart was the day we lost her.
Even that feels like a part played,
Hurts to doubt myself cause you were too busy to show me what was real and what wasn't.