I won't apologize
For things I said to your face.
Neither am I sorry,
For those I never said.
Ideas conceived in half hearted attempts to care,
after one fail top many.
Repeatedly making the same mistakes,
With the same people.
Designs made by the architect,
Or maybe revised for personal gain.

I will not uncry tears that were born
from unbearable pain I could not contain.
Wiping moist eyes with bruised thumbs,
Choking on regrets and convicted half truths.
I wear my tears like a safety belt,
To keep my body in check.

I do not regret knowing this life
That shaped me. Bent me. Built me.
I am pulp and foam,
I was made and not pre existent.
I am new.

He weaves a web with his words
Somehow, am caught between here and there
The distance doesn't matter,
Not as long as he writes.
And I am enthralled, captivated,
If only for a while.
I long to look upon his face,
Listen as he speaks of what he feels,
I want him to reach out to me,
And ask me to stay.

I find myself addicted,
Hooked.
Drawn in.
To your words and presence,
I can't bring myself to leave,
You have me bound to you.
Might be the promise of days to come,
Or how time loses its edge.
It is minutes or days when we talk,
I lose count of the moments we share together.
There is nowhere that I yearn to be,
except here.
I am lost and yet feel like I belong.
I am halfway to euphoria,
Held back by the allure of you.

I am craving a cuddle like a smoker needs their
fix.
My heart's racing, fingers twitching and thoughts scattering.
I want you, need you, can't have you.
My breath hitches in my chest,
Temperature rises and I break in a sweat.
I am suffocating, losing my calmness.
I draw on my inner strength, deep breaths.
Panic seizes my unrest.
I need something, anything to take my mind off the stress.
I need you.
Do be my fortress.

My love,

It’s time to talk again. I know your heart is closing up so fast so the words I say won’t stab you where it hurts. It’s time to say everything we couldn’t when we were together and feared that words would be too much to convey what we meant. I want to talk about being together and yet being alone. The loneliness consumes me and the silence deafens me.

I wish I could lie and say that I am happy, but you can always see the depth of sorrow in my eyes. You once said I had the saddest eyes. We have forgotten to love as we are, instead we try to change and mold the other. I asked you what love was, you said you weren’t sure. I told you what I felt and you called it dependence.

I wake up everyday and watch you do things you know I would not like, for people I don’t like. You won’t do the little things for me, you don’t care that I wilt a little when you don’t put me first. I feel like you don’t want to be together, you might not need to be with someone.

I think you’re looking for something no one can give you. I know you will get angry that am tired and weary of trying. You need to see the truth, I don’t have the strength to fight alone. To cry for you, to die for you. I have been alone while I am with you, and I no longer wish to try.

You were this close to breaking,
And I helped add the last crack.
After that everything else crumbled.
The smile you saved for good days,
The love you shared even if it hurt you.
The promise to hold on.
You couldn't take much more,
especially when you felt alone.

I should not have let go of your hand.
I knew you needed the strength.
In putting myself first you felt alone.
All those times I walked away,
The pain of nails keeping you away intensified.
You were mine to protect and I left you alone.
And now you're broken,
Your spirit scattered as shards.

I loved you when I told you so,
It broke my heart to leave you then.
But you hurt me too much,
you just didn't care about my feelings.
You laughed when I screamed out in frustration.
Taking a piece of my sanity with you.
I wanted to hit you,
You broke my heart into pieces.

I loved you when I told you so.
That day you joined your lips to mine.
It was everything they said it would be.
My heart came home to you.
I hoped we would meet in between the moments we fought,
Where none of us was giving an inch.
Instead we saw different things,
You wanted less, I wanted more.

I loved you when I told you so.
I loved you then and now.
I know you're trying to get this back,
Even though you blew this to bits.
I wait for you, I pine for you,
Come back to me.