It's been 5 years since I last saw you,
Your secretive smile and weird way of cocking your head.
I miss how you used to laugh at my silly jokes.
Pull me close and just hold me.
I wonder If you visit our old haunts,
Places we used to visit when you loved me and the long winding road.
We walked hand in hand under the stars,
Dancing in the rain and listening to the wind.
I sometimes wait outside your house,
Hoping for a glimpse of you.

Daddy walked out on us when I was 6,
It really broke my heart.
I was supposed to be his little girl,
He called me his princess.
He built me castles and bought me ponies,
Taught me to sing and dance.
I thought we had forever,
But that never lasted a moment more.

Daddy has another daughter,
Prettier and younger than me.
He carries her around,
It breaks my heart.
He was supposed to be my daddy,
But somehow I don't see him here.
Holding my hand,
Taking me to school.
He doesn't love me anymore.

Daddy said I can share a room with his other girl,
But I don't want to.
He was mine first.
He doesn't come to see me anymore,
It's all my fault.
If I had been good he wouldn't have left.

Had I known it was the last time I would see you,
I might have stayed away.
You see, it's easier to dream about you.
The way you look at me then glance away,
the half knowing smile on your lips.
Sometimes how you pull me in for a hug and don't let go.
I think of you and all the things we could do.

Instead I came to see you,
heart fluttering in my chest.
The door was unlocked,
You weren't alone.
Watching you with someone else tore me apart.
You couldn't hear me whimper over the sound of your laughter.
I walked away, barely seeing through the tears pooled in my eyes.
I left my heart at your door in pieces.
Put it in an envelope marked 'Do not return' and slid it under your door.
I didn't want it, would not need it.

Had I known there would be no other time,
I would hold on to you and not let go.
Tell you I loved you over and over.
Give myself up and put you first.

I wanted to see you and talk to you,
Remind you of our first date.
Where you were so awkward, all you did was stare.
I was no nervous I giggled at each joke you said.
We made a bumbling mess of our first kiss.
I thought it would be forever together.

If I had known it was goodbye,
I wouldn't have come skipping to see you.
Bubbling with ideas of what we could do.
I would have stayed away and dreamt of you and I.
I could have stopped myself from walking into a fast moving car.

She sits on a stone carved in marble.
One that shows the beginning and end.
Someone once breathed in this air,
When it was pure and clean.
Its now fouled by bad memories,
Generated by unconcerned minds,
Too steeped in control and anger.
The air shimmers with past and loneliness.
It senses an eternity of solitude.
The girl returns everyday to wait,
Sitting in stillness like stone.
Someday, she says.
Hope shattered into fragments.
Glass showing what could be.
It never would happen now.
She reads the carvings that don't make sense.
Here lies mother, lover, friend.
She had never had one of those,
Not for one day.
She lay on marble and felt its hands wrap around her with cold precision.
It would be okay to not wake up, stone whispered.

My coming of age wasn't all that pretty. I was heartbroken and on a well worn path, trying to exhaust myself to shut off the pain. It worked at
first, as i slumped in the couch and passed out
every night. I couldn't hurt if all my nerves and thoughts shut off. I met a number of guys, each to
help drive me over the edge. I was fast and reckless with nothing left to use. I abused my body and violated my memories, they weren't sacred anymore. Even though I tried to be heartless, I sobbed myself to sleep. When that didn't work I started cutting. At first it was little scratches that were barely noticeable until I began to crave deeper pain. It reassured me that I was still alive since I could hurt. I bled out lines of loneliness and disappointment and it kept the pain contained within me.

I don't remember leaving my story.
I woke up and I was a part of yours.
I thought we could share space,
Co exist in love and harmony.
For a while you smiled,
The pied piper smile that led me by string into your life.
I was happy and carefree.
Throwing away my worries and pain.
Somehow I gave up pieces of me,
So you and I could fit better together.
I lie around waiting for a hug,
It's the only way I come alive.
Even though you wrote me out,
I keep waiting here for you,
To remind me what it's like,
To live, love and smile.
Sometimes you come alive for me.