This Valentine's
All I have are my hopes
Of what could have been a great day.
Waking up in your arms
Listening to music with you
Singing along together off key
As you smile at me.
I want roses and chocolates
A romantic date under the stars
Champagne as we talk
Listen to the birds chirping.
Walking barefoot in the grass
Being cheesy as we want
For that would be love, right?

Instead I get to be alone
Watch movies by myself.
Think of you not here
and cry because am so sad.
All I really want is a proper Valentine's.
With you and me and love
Cherishing each other
because that's love.

You broke my heart, you know
When you walked away.
I lay on the floor
Banged my head against the wall
Wailed and begged you to stay
Held my heart hostage for you
You never looked back
seeming to move on as you left
It hurt some more
You left me broken in agony.
I tried to fix myself
With some duct tape
Cigarettes you left behind
Maybe as I inhaled the smoke
A part of you came back to me.
I tore your pictures to shreds
Saw your face in every reflection
I broke the mirrors and windows
but still your shadow remained
Lingering, looming, lurking.
You consume me like a flame
searing even as you went.
I can't get you out
Even as I scream to drown out your voice
you're not mine anymore!
Go bother someone else
I don't want you here
And yet you color all my memories
Tinged red by anger and hurt
You hurt me everytime
I remember your touch.
How it soothed the pain
And took my breath away.
You are the same one
That took away my reason to live
How can I stay here broken?
losing myself in drink and smoke
trying to find a reason
to live again.

You lay me down and then I fall for you
Staring into your liquid eyes
Drawing me in like a thread through a needle's eye.
You hold me fast
Like snug cloth over skin.
Hugging me close.
With every passing moment
I am drawn more to you.
Sharing my days with you
whiling the hours away
I want to spend my nights with you.

Pushing shards of hurt
Deeper into my heart.
Spreading searing pain
through every scar that remains.
It's not supposed to hurt
like there is no end to this
will you ever stop?
I still love you
Need you to hold me.
Won't you be my partner,
Lover and friend?
Am not ready to lose you
See you make it all better
won't you look in your heart
Find a place for you and I.

You drew me in
Like a deep dark secret
Encircling me with your tentacles
******* out my voice.
I couldn't speak what I felt
Like a vortex you wiped out
my thoughts.
I was empty and nothing
Without a voice or thought.
You wiped me out
Like a tidal storm
Brutal, violent, harsh.
With ruthless intent
you erased my every hope.
I was alone
Oh so alone.
Crumbling on the inside
folding in on myself.
Can anyone hear me?
My cries to get out.
Pain. Pure hot agony
searing my bones and mind
                    Help.
           Get me out!!
Falling deep into an abyss
Of nothingness and loneliness
nothing but space and time.
They have become my prison.

I wonder who these bosses think they are, bossying me around like some kind of slave. Tea
at 8,tea at 10,tea in between every break. Do they
know the fatigue from the stairs? I sincerely doubt, not with their password controlled elevators.
The other day one of those big men amused me. Mbu tell me Celia, why do u charge the same price even for people who take no sugar. I barely held bac insults and instead said, now if I were to charge according to how much sugar you take, I would charge those that take the price of quarter a kilo since I neither buy in spoons nor cups. And then for you that don't take sugar I would charge for the fuel used to boil the water.
hmph, men!!