Your sleepy eyes and broken smile,
Little messages on my voicemail box.

Your smashed guitar and nights binge drinking,
Smelled your fragrance in my sheets.

Unrewarding look, burned your toast,
So apathetic, let's just go down the street.

You're admiring bagels and counting the flavors,
Ripped jeans and leather boots.

I'm glad I'm not dead yet,
Infinite playlist and a song called 'Robbers'.

You spilled your coffee and smiled,
Horrible delivery of kind words.

It was October
He was inside me
I was crying.

Driving home at sunset,
I don't remember where I was coming from.
I keep seeing it, a brief image as I passed by,
A boy with a rusty old car,
parked on the side of the road,
Feeding the ducks in the pond small pieces of bread.  
I looked over for only a second and I don't know why but I felt so in love with him.
In my chest and in my stomach,
Like a thousand butterflies being released and  fluttering through my veins and circling my brain.
I just loved him so much and I'd never seen him before in my life.
I keep thinking about it again,
And again,
And again.
The boy feeding ducks and I just happened to pass by,
And I can't help but think that
Maybe I should have stopped to feed the ducks too.

I fell into the thought that I was nothing,
That nothing would get better,
The mind controls all.
I'd been told many times, "what we think, we become."
And it's true,
I was becoming less
And less,
I was becoming nothing.

I didn't walk poised,
I walked unnoticed.
I didn't work with pride,
I slipped under the radar,
Good enough,
I guess,
Better than nothing.
But almost nothing.

I didn't start conversations,
I didn't contribute to them either.
I said nothing.
I didn't answer calls from friends,
I stopped replying to texts from worried family members,
They received nothing.
I couldn't consume rich foods on holiday,
I couldn't gain anything.
I couldn't look my parents in the eyes anymore,
I was such a **** up,
I was nothing.

my rough and tattered edges like sea glass
smoothly rounded by her passions
relentlessly polished by intimate contact
with her welling water and earthy grit

the reality of her excites me
humbling any romantic doubt
dispelling any fantasy skepticism
instilling a will for the moment

she is energy in pure spherical form
encircling this scattered life
she holds for me a sense of place
a bookmark to poetic existence

just as bands bind magic barrel staves
as rainbows secretly circle underground
as concentric rings indicate growth
love will revolve even as it expands