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47 · May 2020
In the way
Jay earnest May 2020
a dead mangled up bobcat with its head sqaushed in and brains seeping out of its eye in a patch of dirt on the mossy hill,

The bones will be clean within a week. Death doesn't care, we just get in the way
47 · May 2020
Next time
Jay earnest May 2020
I've died a thousand times
And made my bed a thousand times and attended funerals a thousand times and swam in green oceans a thousand times and juggled swords a thousand times
And paraded along silk streets a thousand times
And witnessed births a thousand times
And seen splattered remains a thousand times
And talked to ghosts a thousand times
And worn grey canvass potato bags a thousand times with Gucci slip ons in Georgia and I have ultimately learned nothing
Maybe next time
46 · May 2020
Untitled
Jay earnest May 2020
I'm smoking a cigarette now even though you hate it
You don't think I care but I thought of you
now while alone under grey clouds
at 1:37 am 2000 miles away
You're not easily forgotten,
And you make me consider what I may or may not have done to hurt you.
maybe this is what you wanted, but it is quiet out here and there is a trickle of rain splashing on moonlit
sidewalks
I'll be asleep very soon
46 · Apr 2020
easy
Jay earnest Apr 2020
I always get blame after the fact. I'm always the 'bad guy',
but I know the second I said "I love you" it was already over.

there was nothing left to plunder.
I was no longer interesting, I was
easy
45 · May 2020
memorial day
Jay earnest May 2020
tire changed,
It's changed, the crank fell down and bit the cement and theres oil
  
mama's boy standing on his balcony listening to bad hip hop,
cars roll down the street
polluting everything and
polluting any semblance of solitude

winning tickets,
and black eyes, don't give up on yourself, it only gets harder and what you get in the end for it
no one knows, but no one will put up a fight
Jay earnest Feb 2020
1000 miles is not any man youd wanna see anyway.
Really gross experience,
I won't write about it.         Banning is a *******
45 · Jul 2020
Untitled
Jay earnest Jul 2020
000+00p000


Sit down

     Lay down

the bag and collect your payment.

Who are these people
45 · Jan 2023
goddless
Jay earnest Jan 2023
She's a new mother
and she's a beauty

Full of anxiety and uncertainty
I kiss her slow
  and feel the etchings on her arm

We drink a little bit and then do some other stuff.
The TV is annoying so I turn it off

When the day it awakens I remember
That
I never got to meet her,
I only dreamed of her and that's where she'll stay because I don't
get to meet any *******
   manic pixie
45 · May 2020
No words
Jay earnest May 2020
my neighbor gave me a pedal steel and so I learned Sleepwalking.
It's a beautiful tune and was a favorite of my grandpa's, and there's no words
just how I like it
45 · May 2020
One of those nights
Jay earnest May 2020
It's gonna be one of those nights, I feel it in my stomach, I feel the self pity and loathing. I don't care if it makes me look like a *****, I feel it and it's painful.
I'll probably cry a bit too and listen to sad songs. I have my big bottle of Jack just for this occasion. I'll get through it, but it never gets easier. Just let the pain envelop you
Let yourself feel, because you know you've been hurting for a while now and were just looking for a little
Reprieve
now's that time
44 · May 2020
Untitled
Jay earnest May 2020
Suitcase full of stuff lungs full
Of residue
Off a cliff the rocks sit and pearly doves make their nests it's
too late
44 · Sep 2019
she lives behi
Jay earnest Sep 2019
she lives behind the wall she eats the flies
44 · May 2020
the stoic man
Jay earnest May 2020
they used to say writing poetry was a very girly and wimpy
endeavor, but it's actually quite the opposite. It's very
masculine and takes courage;
where else can a man vent and be heard without being judged for being too sensitive ?  if more men wrote poetry there would be far
less suicides.
keeping it in is a fool's errand. you will inevitably blow , and you'll be the source for another poem: cascading red down  a sepiatoned
couch
the stoic man had no chance
44 · Sep 2
hindsight
Jay earnest Sep 2
If you had 3 wishes. Give them to me.
Ask the angry serpents

I know you like it deep in your ****
What bleeds is necessary
Too tired to face you
Your voice reminds me of the grave

'Haven't tried yet" says the cat
Eyes like yellow saucers
The rain is full

" Go to bed"

One more time before dreaming
44 · Apr 2020
heart
Jay earnest Apr 2020
I don't want to love anymore,
because at some point, someone wants something that the other person can't
provide

it's never enough.

'I don't talk enough',
' I don't make enough',
'my friends are annoying' , ' I had previous girlfriends prior to you that make you jealous or something'
'I'm too affectionate'
'I drink too much' , 'you do this, you do that'
I'd rather just not be a part of it.
you want to be 'friends', but you know that could never happen.

there's nothing to gain by friendship, you need my
heart
Jay earnest Feb 2020
I then went back up stairs and continued to knock the door for 2 mins and yell as loud as I could; no response so I charged through the door and the hinge flew off and the frame splintered in pieces and I grabbed the **** from the throat and pulled him to the floor from the toilet and he gasped for breath.
"You ******* OD'd you *******" I said to him.
This **** is grey, and they don't care. I just prolonged the inevitable and he was angry,
Maybe because I broke the door maybe because it didn't matter
43 · May 2020
spectators
Jay earnest May 2020
I had a dream that people were huddled over my poems and discussing their content and really involved and almost arguing and laughing and really getting into it, and that I had some validation, but it was my imagination, one of those
Crazy fever dreams when it's
5 am and you're delirious and half awake.
I don't mind, it just means I have the
Auditorium to my self.
I set the matches on the table along with the gasoline; I'm tired of the circle ****.
The flies shall speak, and they shall simply buzz around the *****
cake in the hall  reserved for spectators
43 · May 2020
end of the world is now
Jay earnest May 2020
feeling pretty manic right now maybe its because I haven't done anything of interest today.
scorpions settle in the eyes of traitors alone with rotten bananas that we do not discard unless poisoned
my
neighbor is spraying his house with a hose trying to wash off bird ****,
and I see him
65
with rainbow crocs and a ponytail as he huddles over his hose and sprays and he plays grateful dead
  and a waft of *** smoke comes out of his smelly garage in the saharan heat.
the tank top sitting like a used up napkin in a deli with green splotches of
life.
old timers used to be interesting but now they're hippies.
so it takes 5 minutes  to bake a hot pocket-
  the end of the world is
  now
43 · Apr 2020
The forest
Jay earnest Apr 2020
It's never about writing that one immortal poem,
because believe me I've written a few
And the feeling never lasts
It's about writing a forest that some people hopefully decide to get lost in so they can find themselves on the
other side
42 · Sep 2
______=°°°
Jay earnest Sep 2
Pontificating over dead
Flowers

stringy guts
& rolling heads
Tasting of muck and grass

Can't escape them now
My tomorrow is yesterday
My future is forever
I am always late.
Not today
42 · Aug 2023
Untitled
Jay earnest Aug 2023
It's getting hard to live
When I can't even make up my mind
To exist

You get what you give
It's no use tryna make it out alive

Don't forsake me
Let me be
I'm riding this wave
Into uncertainty
With my eyes closed
Waiting for the call



I fold my head in my hands
And pray to eternity

I wanna make my way into the callous air

And see
41 · Apr 2020
fruit
Jay earnest Apr 2020
Why do some people in their
Poems suddenly talk like they're 18th century
Aristocrats?

I merrily stroll for thy love as truth is bequeethed upon me,
Strudle fruit like wine I digest for I am
Famished

Do they send it by mail too?
Indubitably
41 · May 2020
into madness
Jay earnest May 2020
I remember the nights in paisley shirts with my friends
Matt and Nate driving to San Diego and LA and Frisco and playing old velvet underground tunes or originals about hopping trains or Eliot Smith.
I miss those days, and I remember the scorched guitar that we got from a burned down house that still played perfectly and that we named Lucille. Everybody was awestruck by that guitar.
And I remember sipping beers by the Volvo at 1am laughing and kissing drunk girls who faintly cared for the music, but it was all about the music, ALWAYS about the music. And the crowds would applaud and we would fight on stage and flip tables like idiots and get kicked out, then inevitably park outside a knoll and stare at the timeless sky.
those days were formative and made men into men. Meandering along lost roads searching for purpose when everything seemed so bleak. We didn't know the direction, it merely manifested itself in front of us like ethereal plains, and when times got tough we stood tall,
when there were only a few options
we stood tall,
When the flame was all but extinguished,
we stood tall.
It was our only choice, no one taught us anything,
the pursuit towards glory was only a dream
but we chased the glimmer into madness
41 · May 2020
Upstream
Jay earnest May 2020
Crying when you haven't cried in months feels amazing and euphoric
It wouldn't be nearly as good if it happened every day
I really needed that

This is like my journal now haha
The dove swims
upstream
41 · May 2020
Messy
Jay earnest May 2020
Why am I laughing with myself right now
It's like that scene in the Joker
It's all so funny
And I hear a couple *******.
I throw an orange at the wall and **** out the window
.
Cut me up with your knife,
I've got the scars to cry over and damp lamps do not forget.

3 stories down and it's over and I HOPE it's
messy
40 · Apr 2020
Untitled
Jay earnest Apr 2020
We're all connected one away or another. If we're all essentially energy in a limitless plane just know that fetus whose brain is suctioned out is you. That ****** thats beaten and laying helpless in a gutter is you. That man ****** the child is you. The patient gouging out his own eye is you. That dictator starving the populous is you. I'm you writing this. You're me reading it. You're everyone and everyone is me. That itch in your arm is the millions as they decay, and the trillions as they echo back from the void; we see the limitless expanse. We feel the emptiness. There's no escaping god when you always were God
40 · May 2020
Untitled
Jay earnest May 2020
Never trust someone who doesn't know the difference between jail and prison.
If they tell you they went to prison for shoplifting, or drunk and disorderly they are full of ****;
especially
if they write numerous poems about it. there's only one poem to write,
and it's about sitting in your bed frame watching jerry springer.
The rest are breakfast poems
Stop lying
40 · Sep 10
Bored
Jay earnest Sep 10
Talking to some old *****
Divorcee
She's in France atm

Saw her **** and teeth
Now I'm bored

Hit up another *****, purely for the back hole..no reply. I'm bored

Another brown girl
sending me a heart
Yawn

I'm at the beach
And riding a rusty bike with children's flip flops
I swim into the waves and lay on the sand
I see a muscle man
  Flexing and a little girl with her cheeks and thong

The sun shines on me
And I throw my pretzel at a bird
then ride back
Still bored
Jay earnest Feb 2020
Is think about yourself.
I don't write this.  I don't need to know why    I just need proof that it was there, and actually lived, not a fading shadow or a lost thought
40 · May 2020
Dead roses
Jay earnest May 2020
I get tired of writing about me all the time
Because how much can a man *****?
So dig up some dirt and clean a car,
Don't cry, don't be a sad sack.
Put those dead roses in a vase and pretend they're alive, at least they smell good
40 · May 2020
haiku for nobody
Jay earnest May 2020
Do not tell me to watch my mouth,
if you're cold
then go grab a blanket
39 · Mar 2023
Untitled
Jay earnest Mar 2023
Losing my grasp
Agonizing over nothing,
Clinging to a crumbling piece of debris,
I am but a single period within your time.
I am a lonely cloud on a hot day.
I run amok when everyone is smiling.
I am a broken hand and a broken tooth
What I am is the same as yesterday.
Goodbye
39 · Apr 2020
Untitled
Jay earnest Apr 2020
Rolling hardship up a hill like a hungry peasant

I lay my offering at the temple.
So very lost,
I see no reflection, have we all been
duped
39 · May 2020
yesterdays history
Jay earnest May 2020
bass and feel
based
in grounding
air tight no room for sin
it goes up and down
loud and slow
hot and cold
blue streaks of fire
I wipe my face of sweat
and needles circumvent me- lasting til dawn,
faces
scrawled on ash silk, there's 14 candles and one still burning. tomorrow is yesterdays history
39 · May 2020
Untitled
Jay earnest May 2020
Flooded by false hope,
the flowers can faintly breathe;
39 · May 2020
sometime
Jay earnest May 2020
this is a hunger poem ,

    my stomach is rumbling , and the coyote pelt with its whiskers sits there staring
with empty cut out eyes in the dining room. it was $22 bucks on eBay;
  the stool is twisted at its ankles
and I call for no-one's help.

My nephew has been diagnosed bipolar and so I calm him down;
the rain falls gently on the porch outsides and I drive to a
gas station.

$5 in nickels, the pump greased with sanitizer, I squirt it in.
     a  10th of a tank, and a 10th of
  human heart -- rolling into a dusty willow patch and making no amends.
we all must die
sometime
39 · May 2020
myth
Jay earnest May 2020
your tears hurt me
and I can only watch.
I can't force something out of pity,
it needs to be real and right now it feels like obligation,
like something preconceived

I don't know what to do anymore, but you keep making the same mistakes over and over allowing yourself to feel such pain
over nobody.
dispel the myth,
there's nothing behind these curtains
38 · Apr 2020
dreams
Jay earnest Apr 2020
I got a 40 oz, and listened to music on my way there. I bought it and asked how he's doing. He said 'fine'. I actually wore a mask this time, then I drove down the road and saw a downed tree and some rocks.
It was cloudy and grey, and devoid of life and intention and it felt fine. It felt natural like my imagination made
reality
But I always vanish in my dreams and I've just started sleeping
38 · Apr 2020
Go
Jay earnest Apr 2020
Go
Youve been stuck In a lift we've been trying to reach you for hours
The power has been cut
And the doors wont pry

  What is your name, do you feel Ill?
Where are your parents?
What do you do?

Press the button to the bottom floor,
And be on your merry way
There is no resolve
37 · Apr 2020
Light
Jay earnest Apr 2020
I hope future undisturbed, beautiful generations with their rich communal bonds and time- honored traditions and ceremony and purpose  may look back and only scarcely begin to imagine how perverted and degenerated everything got before it was too late,
But it had to happen, and Im glad it will all have  been a bad dream
37 · Apr 2020
Tunclp
Jay earnest Apr 2020
Too much pride to go around you beat the faithless
Hanging by their nails as the kaliadiscope bleeds; parasite

To know the road is to know eternity, indoors.
Faces marked by suffering, i fold out the blade
Color 2, fifty in pairs, don't hang yourself like a pale
lung
37 · May 2020
un inspired
Jay earnest May 2020
blah blah blah

the enlightened shrine sits atop withered disaster zones like toppled fortunes among
Hebrew scholars.

Donald trump.

a wind storm overtakes the nursery and a thousand perish like sickly flies-
2am in baltimore; the newscaster speaks
"IT'S A TOUGH ONE"

stained glasses with velvet tips, you bleed out into a cavernous emptiness;
if only
  lies made for better entertainment- instead we
die mercilessly and
unloved, and
   un inspired
37 · Apr 2020
you're so beautiful
Jay earnest Apr 2020
beautiful like a flash in the pan, beautiful like a light in the fog,
beautiful like
a tree on a hill,
beautiful like a skull
with bugs,
beautiful like a spider ******* the fluids out of a grasshopper
and feeding its young,
beautiful
like inheriting your dead mother's fortune
beautiful like walking along a cobble stone path in July when the lilacs are dead
you are beautiful
like a
word
36 · May 2020
Psa
Jay earnest May 2020
Psa
Stop liking my throw away poems, you might as well just tell me you don't care what I say
Now this is a poem

Flapjacks and cream
Flapjacks and cream
The lonely mouse skitters into an old boot
36 · May 2020
<s:>
Jay earnest May 2020
I can't fight it anymore , send all your messages;
I'll like and comment and repost, I'll pose in front of a cucumber with the lilting light as it kisses my cheek in front of a bank,
I'll suntan on an Indian gutter as flows of sewage
dance across my back;  
I'll stare at sunsets as they explode in grey nights. I'll cry to myself as your fingers pulse in ***** cement ;
I'll stand naked as you call me a
**** up . I'll keep my phone on silent and reply to a select few - and plug in the modem as it dies down and turns blue. freedom without fear -  the sliding carcass makes it way somewhere in the east -- love grows
in surprising places, mostly piles of ash
36 · May 2020
Untitled
Jay earnest May 2020
Is this a poem?

Or
   is
  this

a poem?



I received a $2,142 return on my taxes and they are due by July.

I
  received a
$2,142
dollar
  return on my taxes and they are due
by
      July


This whole art form could be arbitrary.

were my forum posts on seedy websites
poems?
36 · May 2020
reality
Jay earnest May 2020
I just want to live inside poetry or in the night of a Van Gogh painting.
Everytime I step out into the world and am greeted by a sad cashier's face or a **** lining the cement or a guy throwing a slurpee into a schoolyard or politician talking at a camera or a lady digging for coins or a bomb exploding in a plaza it makes me realize what I hate about the world,
It's the world
36 · May 2020
Untitled
Jay earnest May 2020
a nameless poem as you skulk around in your winter coat;
running water
with a rusty faucet.

He got his first tattoo; so did the mail clerk, and
lady  making stew.  We peel away our desires.
last I tried, I looked up to a haze and stole my own dreams . IF you want to speak unwind your tongue.
fissures
  on a back
  like steely remains.  Demons may only dissolve in cool
lava ,
beat away the forces that keep you repressed. & Don't apologize
ever again
36 · May 2020
The End
Jay earnest May 2020
I used to care so much about my hair, having
the perfect fade, if  it grew too much I'd freak out etc, etc.
But this quarantine has made me realize I really don't care.
it's just hair .

I'm growing it out like  Jim Morrison ,
    the end
#thedoors
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