Lucid dream. Then I will

escape

I'm a *** loser,
white ni**er,
Chardonnay drinking,

steel reserve swill swallowing sack of pig ****,
road manure,
filthy

stain beneath the *** of a circuis clown.

  If you find me dead,
don't bother alerting the authorities, they don't deserve the hassle
of
sanitizing my waste.

     Let the dirt eat me;
and the field mice
live in my skull.

I will speak to the eternal garden and ride along with the valkyries to hell.
I am an artist and this is my punishment

I want to write a sincere poem but maybe I've lost my way.
I keep thinking of the way it needs to resolve at the end
to make it seem more meaningful than it is,
like a clever line which ultimately
isn't that interesting nor profound,
just esoteric. It's supposed to be meaningless I guess, like
everything else.

You paint your face with shadows and protest to a benevolent spirit.
All you have is
nothing, go dance in the
flame

The sale extends until wednesday.
Many styles in women's sunglasses

Nuclear armagedden would have been preferable
I always wanted to be a steaming skeleton
And I always wanted to go blind by beauty inconceivable

divided in two skulls two lives

2 eyes

2 tongues

2 hearts

2 livers.3 fingers

5 hands.6 legs

13 faces

14 teeth

16 parasites

and green roses on your table

and breakfast for the

dogs. I walk along the embarkadero. Feet in cement

If there are no mistakes in art
Then there are no mistakes in
life

let it go

My back hurts real bad
she called me to tell me she doesn't wanna talk

I ate a serving of rice
& A pepperoni
Condensed
Grape
substrate

My eyes hurt
I bleed in my gums
I *** a lot

I watch a show about lengthy dogs
Pick up your watch
Leave me alone
Leave me alone

Dont

This is a song about nothing
About crying outside

About dying tomorrow
And making a mess

You've got a face like a sun
And a body like a bent
Stem


Hold you close so you don't fall with the crowd

I'm running late now and seeking another
Appointment
Dead souls for the way we forget

A song about nothing
Can't even rhyme
I forged a ticket
And spat out an idol


Don't say you want me
When you wanted an excuse

of all  the times you sit across the window  and stare and the soil with  half a glass  of milk
the precious moon like a stone     not listening
but weeping

2 + 2
= 5

But it's a matter of opinion.




Who's to say how dark is the night
When it's merely a shade

There is no Reason

I write for the likes
Just being honest. I'm a lab rat suckling on the nectar from tubes. Acknowledge me
I have no life, the bean pellets taste like corn and the frothy soup has been digested along with the ham.

Sitting through 6 hours of pawn stores I have found
God
In a motor home

This is a long year and i've become nocturnal.
I have no routine
but i stick to my lifts.

2020

I had the vision but not the
Insight

I can't look anymore all

All I see are dead lizards and gaping holes



The lonely watchman takes his drag; what was your name

Grace

Time goes by so fast and you howl and breathe like a ***** beast
What once was 2 years is now 5 and what was once 5 is 10
And before you know it what was once cute and endearing at 16
Is now Strange and immature at 24
I didn't ask for this
I wanted to be eternal, I wanted to be timeless
And thats why they all die at 27 and I'm nearly there.
No one will bury me
I'll be scattered ash for daises, while the tombstones all read prayers

Famous ,5am poem

canned thunder
lofi beats
Snoring cat
Blender upstairs
Fat raccoon
eating larded trash
Moon is full
Rain is wet
Grass is cut
Window is open
Eyes are heavy
Nowhere to go
Still trying to dream
See you
when we wake
up


j

Changes in season
Like a bleeding
Clown

Flipped in a magazine circling the afro haircut radio specimen of latitude

Hairy ****, at 2mm shaving device.
I arrest her like a poolboy bowling pin

Sorry for hurting you physically
I don't know what I'm doing
I'm still a dumb kid even though I'm 25,
Not to absolve me of Blame but I'm dumb

I'm really dumb 8(5) = 40
Took me 3 seconds.  Pain is so so so so so so so so so so so sensual that's why it hurts

Went through the forest and sat on a rock in the sun. There was no life there but a barking dog
I walked back through the mud
and uploaded a picture
What next
. .
I see an invisible door
I peak through
Weary and bored. Fresh air

I think it's good
a motivation
1000 days of life
changed. It's still rainbows
deal with it. God blessed

tubes
has been what works best
reminding of myself reminds my brain leading to a relapse several times eventually with good habits
consciously thinking and
Truly integrated

your life.
Planted rose, carcass and soon
0

it's been quiet lately    so I just  listen

It was a corpse there
nothing  quite noteworthy but the bubbling amused me
And the whistles from the station made the effort far more laborious than anticipated
But to straddle a shepered the winking pheasant press play at your dorsus scapula,
When is the play. Take the brown,.  It's shy in lime

With a person you hate and wishing they were dead. And when they go to the bathroom the toilet flush is an agonizing disturbance, and their footsteps like trampling on your mother's grave. You want out, but theyre there and they know you hate it, and you want to sleep without their warmth. What once was comforting is now suffocating, their reassurance and notion of love, cruelty.
You want out, out, out ,out, out onto a dead field with no rose and no shine, just like you always imagined, just like your dreams

so many ****** poems

if these words are as bored as I feel then I may as well
just set them on fire.

horrendous - read a cook or cookbook. 2 cups of sugars per serving of steak,
we walk along corridors of blood and sewage,
and we pray
to gods that wish for our demise.
laugh if you want
it's a little funny

this is the most uneventful apacalypse I think we could have been subjected to,
we'll die of boredom before anything interesting happens
&
I hope future generations
many distant centuries from now, primitive yet stoic, dig up an iphone
and use it as an axe head to chop more fire wood and sleep soundly
in the cool starry night with no distraction
ever
again

Not really a poem, but I just want to throw everything away and start a life in nature and live among people who love and understand me and who I can work with to achieve in that setting.
Simplicity.
Food needs met
Water needs met
Shelter
And finally love with no distractions

Because I don't remember how to be human. I'm always looking elsewhere. I want to be here with them. I want to be here with you. I can't make it on my own

Kodak blue
visions in a submarine den cottage with pink paper
The fan will whisk her away but so will the vines.
If it goes so do my ears now vibrating in salacious hum, doldrum metal aluminum scream

I found you like a child in the space under the stairs
What happened of your smile once so
pearly?

Some 60 year old ****** with no teeth offered me a ******* for my pack of cigarettes.
I just gave her the pack and said
"Thank you, but I'm alright".
I picked up my brother at the next block.
There is no light

because someone tells you something is a fact

prevention is more affordable
than treatment
dubiously related: the medical field

Older doesn't always mean wise
the importance of getting 7-9hrs of sleep every single night.

Human memory is extremely unreliable.
fabricate memories
conform to our biases

revolve around photograph

gender of the people doing the ignoring
*55555

feed a cat

I'm not a romantic poet and it kind of bums me out.
  no chick would ever
read my stuff and fantasize about me;
  I don't even have a gnarled hideous face so as to be poetic.
I'm just whatever, with no real vices, no alcoholism, drug abuse,
  or abuse otherwise.
     I am a little ****** up,  but so is everyone. that's a prerequisite to living.
  
    and living is getting old

Threw my phone against the wall and it shattered in a million pieces. then I threw the rest in the pond and let the frogs eat the battery and SIM card. You can have it; & I've never slept better. I even read a ******* book.  That's different - & I didn't even miss
anyone -- in fact I realized how much I hated being available to everyone and anyone at all hours. but I don't mind the dark-
it's nice and cool here

but she talks to me like a *******
man bro.
she'll get what she wants.
she wants to bury me, and I'll
let
her

If you will

Well I must
If you insist

I insist
Good oysters they say?
Yes indeed
Gosh these oysters are fine
Yish

On a wall
Dripping down blue ribbons like a noose, your hand outstretched and cadavers leaking on a table
Squeeze the pus from the wound and consume ***** dogs
Names etched in sand with no purpose

I drank some water just now and I watched a movie
My plants are cold and now it's dead.
See something between these lines because I genuinely don't know anymore
Nothing really matters does it
?

She says I "can't change"

The stuff she wants me to fix is superficial like buying flowers and spending more money on dates.

If that's her measure of love whilst disregarding all the ways I helped her and loved her unconditionally what the **** am I hanging on for?

It's just a shallow justification for her *******, considering she already 'moved on' with another guy a week after our break up

when it's over it's over
and it dies
  months before you even knew it.
women are nature's best actors

a dead mangled up bobcat with its head sqaushed in and brains seeping out of its eye in a patch of dirt on the mossy hill,

The bones will be clean within a week. Death doesn't care, we just get in the way

But I'd have to pay for it. And I wouldnt mind. I stopped caring about what's 'real' anymore. This pain is real enough

I put her back in her box, and tuck her under the bed and she doesnt even cry

I could travel 100000 miles spanning all continents meeting countless people and encountering numerous obstacles and happenings but I'd ultimately still be stuck with myself.
Maybe that's why the wanderlust wore off.
You cant run from yourself, but merely distract yourself.
Sitting feels like dying but traveling feels like futility to reach a destination of which you never arrive.
But i keep searching nonetheless. Maybe the trick is killing yourself.
metaphorically of course. Complete detachment, dissolving into space like a
Low murmur

liquefied time and the absense of material location.

I'll still be there.

I'll still be here

Blew me away pressed
My face to the wall
Shattered my lungs with a blow and
Danced on the street
Syrupy kisses
And black
Lunges

The equals had a name and they sang hallelujah
I'll be there

Hallelujah I'll be there.
.
..

Wrinkled bags and gelatinous
comfort

How was it then

How was it when gods sang to

swine?

I'm smoking a cigarette now even though you hate it
You don't think I care but I thought of you
now while alone under grey clouds
at 1:37 am 2000 miles away
You're not easily forgotten,
And you make me consider what I may or may not have done to hurt you.
maybe this is what you wanted, but it is quiet out here and there is a trickle of rain splashing on moonlit
sidewalks
I'll be asleep very soon

I always get blame after the fact. I'm always the 'bad guy',
but I know the second I said "I love you" it was already over.

there was nothing left to plunder.
I was no longer interesting, I was
easy

What goes in goes in
read your head
and comb your eyeballs and place your ***** in a candy box
and lament james dean
drinking orangecream.
  The lost souls of yore
stand on battalions of gods;
honing
in a circular
provisional
and blinking past none.  Their time would come, just not
now
just not now

tire changed,
It's changed, the crank fell down and bit the cement and theres oil
  
mama's boy standing on his balcony listening to bad hip hop,
cars roll down the street
polluting everything and
polluting any semblance of solitude

winning tickets,
and black eyes, don't give up on yourself, it only gets harder and what you get in the end for it
no one knows, but no one will put up a fight

she lives behind the wall she eats the flies

I've died a thousand times
And made my bed a thousand times and attended funerals a thousand times and swam in green oceans a thousand times and juggled swords a thousand times
And paraded along silk streets a thousand times
And witnessed births a thousand times
And seen splattered remains a thousand times
And talked to ghosts a thousand times
And worn grey canvass potato bags a thousand times with Gucci slip ons in Georgia and I have ultimately learned nothing
Maybe next time

It's gonna be one of those nights, I feel it in my stomach, I feel the self pity and loathing. I don't care if it makes me look like a *****, I feel it and it's painful.
I'll probably cry a bit too and listen to sad songs. I have my big bottle of Jack just for this occasion. I'll get through it, but it never gets easier. Just let the pain envelop you
Let yourself feel, because you know you've been hurting for a while now and were just looking for a little
Reprieve
now's that time

my neighbor gave me a pedal steel and so I learned Sleepwalking.
It's a beautiful tune and was a favorite of my grandpa's, and there's no words
just how I like it

I had a dream that people were huddled over my poems and discussing their content and really involved and almost arguing and laughing and really getting into it, and that I had some validation, but it was my imagination, one of those
Crazy fever dreams when it's
5 am and you're delirious and half awake.
I don't mind, it just means I have the
Auditorium to my self.
I set the matches on the table along with the gasoline; I'm tired of the circle ****.
The flies shall speak, and they shall simply buzz around the *****
cake in the hall  reserved for spectators

they used to say writing poetry was a very girly and wimpy
endeavor, but it's actually quite the opposite. It's very
masculine and takes courage;
where else can a man vent and be heard without being judged for being too sensitive ?  if more men wrote poetry there would be far
less suicides.
keeping it in is a fool's errand. you will inevitably blow , and you'll be the source for another poem: cascading red down  a sepiatoned
couch
the stoic man had no chance

1000 miles is not any man youd wanna see anyway.
Really gross experience,
I won't write about it.         Banning is a *******