I have nothing to write about
Everythings closed down and I have the same routine everyday
No one even really talks, which I'm fine with, but I'd at least want the option to hear your drivel if I feel like it.
Boots and Hammer digging the ditch outside
Should be done by next decade then it won't snow in the garage no mo
Distance so fine

my life is meaningless toil and rot
and the heat sticks to me like glue

no pleasure, no pain and my senses are a green hue like the swamp

I tell no one.

It never gets better
So why waste anyones time

the turn signal was green   and the joint was loose,
you rolled up the window
like a snitch and the rain rolled in. The ****** on my lap
wouldn't stop spitting
and years of
forgotten youth lay in front of me . The road was closed for good.
Moulton pkwy
was that way
  I was over there,
we were here

1 2 3 4 5
1 2 3 4 5 6 Sven
1 2 3 4 5

Rattling down a hall way with a case of beer I see Ethan
Checkered shirt with pink hair
👌🖕 candy lit dungeon
I crouch for crumbs.

I have my wine, I have enough ******* to worry about.
Float on into infinity

Love is a like a ride for women when men built the amusement park. It's too much ******* effort some times. I'm not here to amuse you.
Pay your own dinner, tell your own jokes. I'm staying home and doing nothing. I already worked today

I know what it's like to be dead
here and
Now.

Like the fatal dose, so sensual
The Siren of my black ocean

1 seconds left to write I crumple the paper
And sigh .  Be klnd to
Your self

even in this uninhabited niche corner of the Internet where I'm mostly anonymous
& mostly free from criticism seeing as
as barely anyone engages or comments,
I still feel guilty 'venting' or
coming across
as weak
I'm truly hurting here, and I wish I had someone to pour myself into
But
I'm not as strong as
I think I am

I'm held up with tape & bandages, and I need to let go of the act.
I'm only human, and this pain isn't a state of mind,
it's an alarm to my senses & psyche telling me I
Need help, & I need to change
because this is clearly no longer
working

go into debt & be free
slave for a goal, like hardwares and cynics turning coins down by a crumbling and filthy street
today is a good to waste, like forever, and all the days after.
don't be afraid to
             fail

how does one become a fortune cookie writer?
    
  "alway avoid contradiction with misty people"
I shall

This bed is so comfy. I think it has some **** stains and a mouse lives in it but it's so comfy in its broken way. There's a constant stream from the sewer washing around my head in the night. I had oatmeal earlier and listened to braveheart soundtracks.
Do what you want. Dream before you stop dreaming. I fall asleep and it's nothing, just like when I used to be eternal. I want to go home. I want to be me

when I'm dead,
  it'll be like nothing ever happened. I could have saved time not being born

I lay down with my hand on her breast
And her whimper in the night
You want me to fix you
But I can't nor should I
You need to make yourself whole, I never signed up for being anything other than a warm shoulder
To cry on, and to provide my love if you needed it
But I can't perform miracles, because I'm only human
And Lord knows I've been waiting for some miracles too

Love is two things.

Rain
, Blowing cold.

Sentience

Disturbed.
Passive,     but giving and of course suicidal.
All the above.
But one more.

Loving

everyday feels like a breakdown

blue

indigo

Black
In the pan

Covers and heated beds. Making up stories for morons
liars awake them

I realize I was writing a lot of abstraction without direction. any loser and fraud can write
''
  leaves pronounce the petulant tongue in noon like
leaky
dreams for a feathered
    fawn for its squirming young & the mouth opens for a foster mother in blue jeans.
  squeeze the juice of eternal life into a
  paper cut for faded  faculties"

it's alright, but it's not as impressive as saying ' Took a walk and I felt like blowing my brains out; it is 2:21 pm and I'm bored'
  it takes some guts to be vulnerable is all I'm saying, I like hiding behind abstraction, but when the hurt comes there are only so many purple skies and crippled hands you can paint; the void doesn't care about emotion but I sometimes like spitting in the face of eternity.
  an ant against an army of sorrow; you know the outcome, but you still try, to some avail

Poetry rarely makes its way into the public stream of consciousness, but it's good to know that it's at least timeless. Words don't age, cheesy saxaphones and traps beats do

The tree sits in place forever and never gets to leave

When the saw Mill takes its lover
The shadow falls like heavy linen draped over a small child

It doesn't ask for much,
  just to be left alone in the summer rain so it can remember all
the things it never got
to do

Set
The schematics for the bomb, insert the nails and tie a little bow.

Hot shower, rent paid, isolation, isolation,
In a green tent.

Have my sweats on go back to cloud 9 baby.
Jump off a bridge, and hope for the best.
No love

As theyre relieved so are the patent watchers said the director.
No need for nose bleeds or salty iron. Count your pennies, Stew shine on rain
Had enough of ***** casualties and stringy viscera. Eat your own ***** and your own ***** Fish.

   An age of time

I'll just go away, you don't really know me
you fell in love with the idea of me
an idealized version of who I am,
I don't want to let you down.
it's time to go home now, time to open your eyes and see
the potential in front of you;
limitless

Tapioca
Weathered
# 9
You were shot in the morning
I loved you
I hear your voice
You speak to me
All you need is love
But the hate sometimes
Gets its way

Let's be friends and lovers
All time is an illusion
it didn't matter

I throw a sock at it but it starts hissing at me. Let me eat my Cheetos in piece.
My eyes look up at the van Gogh, a beautiful portrait of a corpse, like me.
My head is groggy so I lay down and sneeze.
"You will be forgiven"
Yes, as long as there isn't a jury. To be good, you have to be fast, and sadlly some will get left behind

Was it love

Does a child love his imaginary friend.

It was real

You made me cry when i was all alone
And the knife pressed even deeper

I couldn't face the day knowing I hurt
nobody but static air
I lost all sanity then
And you just laughed, and i just turned out the light and walked towards anywhere







.

Going to oregon
buying some acres
.

Buying a pet

Buying a shed

Buying a home in the hills with the dead spring gardens and gumdrop suns and making a life
where time stands still behind trees

saving up

Saving up


With myself

the bills pressed in pillows
The saints plead for mercy
I had so
Much time to

            Be

To be

     Me

It takes a second to say how you feel

It takes a lifetime to know yourself

It takes money to die

It takes a train to stop crying

It takes a scientist to know what's right

It takes a man to jump in a fire

It takes a flame to keep burning

measured in miles
and weighed down by smiles,
the blue glimmer in your eye
now looks like chalk
.  dead
   and sleeping

Junk
This may be junk

There are commas and there are questions

Like junk
In your
Cellar
And junk in your spoon

The creeping
Dread is like family

Bonded by blood and
embittered by
time

human relations bother me,

they're too much for someone who doesn't need much.
I try to be stoic, but they want me to be a faithful consumer and to give up all of me

I want love but hookers are expensive.
I want silence
but the tinnitus keeps me up at night.
I want solitude but the brick is a little too stiff to sleep on. I want death, but to see it for myself.
and I can't wait to see it

I love growing out my hair and beard, it feels Noble and wise
Why did we ever bother with vanity anyway
It just shows we had nothing better to do
The Mammoth had already been slain, now we were just watching a pale sun that never seemed to set

Lost my way long ago
doesnt mean I cant find another
path

Nowhere poem, like a line drawn on a blank canvass - blue and bleeding,
parallel and listless, fluttering towards dawn,
crumbled up papers like the other hundred you spat out.
It's no good,
It's no good.
Zipper lips, cold and frostbitten, alone in a room with a window that won't shut
The voices yell and they tell you to jump out,
5am and nothing changes. 5am and the freaks stare whilst the the locks get locked, and the noose gets tighter
like a curfew. You know what you are

divided in two skulls two lives

2 eyes

2 tongues

2 hearts

2 livers.3 fingers

5 hands.6 legs

13 faces

14 teeth

16 parasites

and green roses on your table

and breakfast for the

dogs. I walk along the embarkadero. Feet in cement

Up at 5:04am
Incapable of sleeping
Calling off today; I won't be making the patients their apple sauce
I'll lay in bed
And *** to pictures of
    Of past excursions
Wondering if I still know how to ****
I'm such a loser, but that's a good thing sometimes.
My mirror is broken
And my room is full of ****
.
The webs sit and the spiders eat daily, even some drinking my blood
I **** out the window
And fantasize about
Being a serial killer; but that would bore me even too - too much work to sever a head
And kick it down a street.
Im angry
& Feel as if I have no way of release. I'm unheard,
I hate my friend.
I hate my circumstance and I'm lost
So I write
Some words and prolong the descent -- I know I'll
Get out of this, but It doesn't get easier even after the 119th time
**** it all

the duck goes squawk squack
with green crackers,
"SQACKK SQAACCK WITH GREEN CRACKERSS!!!"
you toss
a biscuit in its mouth and it chokes it down

''SQACCK SQACCKK. GREEN CRACKERS!!" as it charges towards you and rams its head into your kidney

''SQACK SQACK!!!''
then you pull out of your silver switchblade and stab the beast
and its entrails spill out and cover you in red blood and you wrestle its neck while it pecks your eyes with its dull beak SQACKKINNGG

as you stand over its corpse, you tap its gentle body and say a prayer and place some pennies over its eyes
it was a fine adversary but too much for an afternoon
  at a petting zoo

Beaten down
fist on my eye with black tears
Boot on my throat and grey years.

Spit and dust and powder lies
& powder kegs
Dynamite
Erupting in the night
And *****
      Children in the blue light
Grey tongues and swollen
might

Rolling into dusk
No days count
Adolescence like curfew
And kittens by the string
"No more no more"
You ask
The door shuts.
January has april showers

We walk alone.

*******

  the swing sets cold

the days go on til infinity
without
mercy and clouds part
way for october

They call it Hurricane because it turns your insides into a hurricane.
My dead friend called it '*** ****'
my other dead friend called it 'brewski', I call it stuff to get you through a miserable night.
Netflix and cartoons and icecream pops
I drive to Sav- On and collect my stamps
The world has five more years then Its over.
That's a Bowie reference
Sorry for wasting your time

bukowski's greatest accomplishment is that his books are the most frequently stolen from book stores;
     No one would bother stealing Moby ****. live on you old ****

I'm a *** loser,
white ni**er,
Chardonnay drinking,

steel reserve swill swallowing sack of pig ****,
road manure,
filthy

stain beneath the *** of a circuis clown.

  If you find me dead,
don't bother alerting the authorities, they don't deserve the hassle
of
sanitizing my waste.

     Let the dirt eat me;
and the field mice
live in my skull.

I will speak to the eternal garden and ride along with the valkyries to hell.
I am an artist and this is my punishment

I've gotta get over my hyper-awareness that people are reading this.
enough with the 'stars'
and 'lights'
and 'dead airs'  '
' blue souls'.

you've gotta be **** too sometimes. maybe i'm always ****, but I need to explicitly be **** too.
this is poetry

Lucid dream. Then I will

escape

you only want me because I'm the one person who won't
give you what you want, because you should
know better

- - Masked, bought soup and cranberry juice then ate strawberries and a health bar
- went swimming
-got the mail
- walked dog
-dog threw up
- talked to pat
- watched movie on ***** rockstar who shot himself in the face
- jacked off
- did some push ups
- ate a subway
- took shower with green soap
- folded shirt
- walked dog again
- dog happy
- bed  ?
- bed
- sleep
-  dream then
- wake up

have not slept  
this is how Dali did it,
this is how he painted
his elephants on stilts and melting strawberries in blue bowls.
  this is how Picasso rolled a ball of dirt into a woman,
and how
michelangelo
   gave himself to the lord.
   this is how a child
  eats from the box
of Kraft
  and the    girl cries herself to sleep for what she can't have and nothing changes.
  this is how it goes,
  this is how it always was and always will be.   the past whispers to the  
     thorn like it cares. and the  man stands tall among demons.  now go to bed and
dream

It was a corpse there
nothing  quite noteworthy but the bubbling amused me
And the whistles from the station made the effort far more laborious than anticipated
But to straddle a shepered the winking pheasant press play at your dorsus scapula,
When is the play. Take the brown,.  It's shy in lime

Went through the forest and sat on a rock in the sun. There was no life there but a barking dog
I walked back through the mud
and uploaded a picture
What next
. .
I see an invisible door
I peak through
Weary and bored. Fresh air

If it takes so long. Then it takes all the gas,
Put your foot down. Because maybe there's a way to Chicago

i hope i die in my sleep


  
  I hope i feel
      the calm
Breeze as i slip away
Into benign
      acceptance

So quiet
She wipes away my
   Tears