Depression is where sadness is no longer comfort.
You lay like a corpse on your recliner and the flies buzz around and the food tastes like ****
And you can *** 30 times and you may as well ****** in a jug.
Your hair is messy
And your eyes are strained and the neighbors are yelling and there's a thin blue film which covers everything.
depression is like dancing without a song
And without anyone to care when you've fallen flat on your back
And the windows won't open and the carpet is grey

Little blue baby feet are crawling towards you and the door is shut
GOO GOO GAH GAHH
It ***** on your blood and shrinks your body down to a prune,
The feeding season musnt
Be disturbed

at the point of giving no *****
Im a lost cause
I need community
and belonging

Im severed from my tribe
a talking head with a lizard brain
hopscotching over coals

The hardest part is going on when you've already made your grave

Are there still beautiful things

Gonna spill the guts
& lick the *****
& eat the liver
And pack the belly full of sand
and dance in the sun. & cry
in the moon
& parade in the afternoon. And
**** the ******.
tight and painful
And spit on the idol
cold and pale
_& dance along the street
& pray to false prophets
& bleed for &
agonize over dreams of salt
running towards nowhere
running towards the infinite

.
What more is left

when I **** myself, it'll be with a hammer
so they can marvel
at the sheer
tenacity
and will of my death-drive


it'll take a good 30 strokes
  and you can find
the guns locked up
beside me;

if there's a will there's a way.
I love being awake
at 2:32

Sit and watch a video in a cold room
I make food and sit
I watch   a  show it amuses me
SHOW ends
I splash water
And slash my arm. Walk the bug
Walk the dog.
Sit in position
Tape off
****
Now food and water empty finish and green jelly. Weights and some slice. My dead mother calls from across town. I can't pick up
Meanwhile the clock runs empty.  Shut eye then work. Get to work and be bashful. Put your **** in a vice grip and squash your humanity. roses in your hair. So beautiful I kiss your eyes and tuck you in.  Asleep like a baby and close the doors. They won't get you tonight if you beg.
Beg



Beg
Beg for your life you give in

12 years of dissociative fog
eating my cerebellum

So long as the fires burn in winter
There's a path forward to Bethlehem
I forgot what I was
Gonna say but that's like most days


I wanna put a barrel to the next politician and ask
They
To sing in they most sincere voice
It's hard to lie when
You're trying to feel something.

I wanna ask a ghost what's it's like to be so empty
&
who haunts them
Tonight I need reassurance

thank you lime green
swimming pool with turtle neck doves that **** on  toddlers by the faculty
gym


thank you merica
  
  thank you iran

thank you god
  thank you
blm
  
thank you blt

  thank you mayo and chipotle sauces
   thank you my shoes for which I trample  blind mice
  thank
  you fathers of the land
  thank you  the dust which never settles and the hand which slaps .
thank you ,
liutenant dan . thank you  
          swallowers

Escort
Picked her up on"Eagle" and H
"Hey babe what's your rate?"
"120"
"Okay get in, let's have fun :)"
She gets in and it's pleasant. Her name is Jaeda, and is a soft Latina, smooth and tiny, young. I rub her thigh. Im not a cop. She smiles. She tells me of her home. We drive to the motel. It reeks of smells. I take off my clothes.
"woah your tattoos are crazy"
She slips on a ****** and inserts me in her mouth and starts *******. Bobbing up and down I rub her neck. I hear footsteps upstairs and a screaming lady. I'm hard. She says to insert into her now and mount. I do that and start thrusting. I start pounding her little teen *****, tight as my fist. I pound and pound and she moans and asks something about my hair. It's casual and the *** is an afterthought. I finish and *** and she puts her clothes on and it's as though I didn't even **** her and had her toes in my mouth mere seconds ago. Sweet girl but like a phantom, like most of life's experiences. I drive her back to her spot. Motown plays and cars keep whisking away. I stretch out my hand to kiss hers and say
"Thank you"
She laughs and walks to the street. A shadow obscures her form and I drive home.

Sad muggy night where the air is stale and the brown leaves hiss along the street with apathy
It reminds me of everything that is wrong, of everything that shouldn't have been

The spider gathers another moth in her web , the lamps are amber like marmalade

My body is failing in sense
got.liquid ****
Or that could be the onion rings and chicken fingers

My **** is obscured by a sock of fat
My feet are like that of an ox
I can **** but it takes a hefty heave
Tongue on my nuts
I have a deaf baby here
Golden arches

Nowhere is a destination
And nothing is a state of being
It takes courage to be free
It takes courage to not
Exist

authentication required, zeep zoop
2+ 4 @

Ilovesluts.com, foward slash parenthesis,
email is as follows
ranger1@straight
gangster . com
windows 95 booting up in the dungeon whilst chomping on a yellow Macintosh,
dust of the centuries of wistful electricity. it's zap around the air and sooner or later it comes by mail. your perfume and kisses like my favorite
newsletter
subscription, I like, and hearts it and keep you in my file
drive for
rainy days .
give my channel
a thumbs up. I need another
memory stick

Love is ******* you up the ***
And spitting in your mouth agape
And beating the **** out of you
And choking you until you're a purple hew
Love is biting you
And cutting you
Love is taking your money and buying
*******
Love is never calling you past 5
And 1 text a day
Love is breeding nothing
But confusion
Love is a word
I love you

No escaping it
I see it everywhere
Crawling into their brains
& into mine
Making me numb and apathetic
titillated with the understanding of trivial knowledge
Knowing my neighbor's
trip to Costa Rica
& Breakfast sandwich
rather than knowing my neighbor
Clubbed into submission
among weak and docile beings
Masculinized women
& feminine men
Wearing glass of automated knowledge
Sharing nothing
But the sadness of consciousness
In world that's asleep
We gave birth to AI so
a facsimile of life could go on,
when everywhere else is death

I'll lie to her
with her fat rolls &
tiny feet
"You are so ****, *** *** so ****"
All men lie to get *****

It's been harder lately and it's probably because my purposeless aura transmits through the phone screen in photonic dismal
decay

I **** her anyway. It's okay.
If I've learned anything it's that we are slaves to our selves til the end; salvation
   is when you can
Walk unfettered in a world of pain & lies
& Hate all that you think you love because the ones you love hate you the most

Something like that

There is 5 feet of snow outside my door.
There are toppled trees
and mangled branches.
There are fires in a distant hellscape and cannibalized flesh juicy to the touch.
There are mothers clutching infants with hollowed out eyes and distended bellies.
There are tongues cut off and thrown into a barrel.
There are leeches clinging to a healthy man.
There's an ape imitating a man and a monkey ******* on a teenager's nub.
There is a pit of food but no forks.
There is a laughing clown but no comedy.
There is a drooling dog and an emaciated cat.
The fountains filter no more and the leaves rustle in the abyss.
No shade, no shelter, no hope. so
I go back
In my room and lay down

What I want to see is more blue, or maybe
Light greyish
Teal
Coated with sparkles
In a reflective aquarium
With eels and sponges,
Then I can go swim with my face facing the fishes like my friends in
    The deepest water, riding a  
bellowing whale to somewhere far far away

ha ha,
the shine is not seen, frothing at a dumpster now
noon by 11,
so it goes.

and what if it isn't a barbituate? and the senator is irate?
then you still stand among the folly and whisper
what they despise,
she cries like
lemons in dusk,

and I'm a deadly flower, picked and pricked. hallucinogenic, datura is a deliriant,
you will be
spinning in your kitchen for the next 10 hours and gurgling hymns
to Jehovah.

tip toe,
and put your feet on my lap,
let's watch a movie and drift away. the night is like a fire, just before the coals
give out,  the smoke
softly kisses your  
face, gently,
and with passion

you can make a poem out of a everything. I have my keyboard here and a piece of fabric from the bed bath and beyond catalog, fuscia green with specks of yellow -  
    green hazlemint coffee
and jug bottles line the table. I have a sharpie marker that doesn't work, and some cat socks on me- comfortable. a picture of a woman named Marie on the desk ;; a picture of a Shibanawa  illustration of a head with grey blood and the void of now
" sorry"
   it sounds good, and it feels good,  but what is sorry, if there's no accountability --
     I have no refuge in this storm, and you don't know me

"WHAT'S YOUR WORDCOUNT?
WHAT'S YOUR WORDCOUNT?" he shouted

I don't know, but I make my words count

Absolute hell
& Misery
My head aches
Like a ticking bomb and my heart is full of compressed air
I see faces without emotion even though there are human impulses here.

I want to leave
And be forgotten
Like the many dead

I cherish you,  I adore you.  I kiss you. I kiss your feets and your neck and your perfect lips.  Your cute nose and ears. I **** on your tongue and bite your cheek. We watch ****** Netflix shows and laugh at eachother's lame jokes because the sound is so joyous and exciting.  We ride blasting death metal and sharing cigs as I reach into your pants and rub you. Your heavy breaths making me excited. We kiss some more. We can't stop, compelled to kiss until the night becomes dawn. I never could have dreamt of this.  I never imagined. Love doesn't need drama it needs better actors

If I would've known i had to do this again
I may as well have just
      retreated into the light

What gives you the right to be so
Unnafraid?

Don't seek advice because know one
Knows shït

blue
berry,
tongue
sheet nine and ***, tied with tape, mouth full of seed we lay down in a grass dungeon.
hormones
like a fly in a trapped jar,
she straddles the spike and inserts 98
sticks of thermite. dissolving along lines of cold separation. neither knows how,
it descends like
fuel.
poke your eyes,
I **** the man and eat his mistake . Don't pretend there are vibrations anywhere but
here

Something I've learned about women that never occurred to me in my years of resentment and frustration was that to be attractive to them I didn't have to do anything out of the ordinary.
I didn't need to be the most handsome, or the strongest or prettiest or smartest and most cultured and richest and most talented and sauve.
I just had to be there any second they needed me.
The second the phone buzzed, there. But not myself showing any neediness.  You don't need as a man, you give to your woman.
So that's what I did.  Gave my FULL attention.  Gave my time which is more precious than any other commodity. Devotion.  Cooked for her and showed her the town. And now she won't stop texting me and does anything I suggest. I put in the work, i didn't play hard to get. I let her have it and it was so easy afterwards.
If my teenage self knew this It'd be a different story. I kept trying to change myself when I was good enough.  Any man is good enough,  if you just make her feel important and
Give. Less of yourself,  more to her

Elliot smith

you're a genius,

youre a
poem
that doesn't need to rhyme,     a thought without contrivance.

I know you didn't **** yourself,

but the papers need a headline.  a poet can never rest

I am a scientist
people are the angle.
a party of it, I will also highlight
extensive issues

done reacting to how minorities
never forget my first Japanese boss.

(at a Japanese company, where this behavior was higher than I've experienced)
curt and ******

data
By the second week
off real quick
overconfident and mean


20 years of experience
Made myself essential very easily;
nobody bothered
Not genius ideas
automating &
pathetically inefficient
for one button

stamps
suh sun

The ciggarette cartons will be full,
and the homemade pruno will be worth a corvette. Oil is useless now,
and electricity is a dream.
stock up on beans, and make friends with the fellow coalman. enough shells for a nuclear war in the desert night like
right now

Tinnitus rings out in an otherwise tapioca colored room with frog mugs lining the dresser

A picture of a flower is sat bent along the wooded beam

There's a dusty web with a spider's 13th ****** hanging behind me

There's a shoe of only 1 lace adorned
& A cutthroat lingering in the hall

If I had to do it all over again
Id be born somewhere tropical
Then drown when
The waves hit me

This is too much

the elephants

in the dancing hall
keep stomping on the mouse


the burger -king fries keep beating the lady into submission
until she
stops rubbing the hand-clock

the boy
keeps
kissing the elk as it moans in the night


the cat
keeps slapping the
fool as he tells his
story


the moon keeps
wondering if it's worth
even waking up

You're my future wife
You're my girl.
I hold your hand
I kiss you
I bite your lip and kiss your nose
I nuzzle your breast and massage your feet
I caress your *****
I rub your back
I talk to you
I watch movies with you
I laugh with you and tease you, and you me
I make you angry and I make you sad
I make you cry
I kiss your neck
I wipe your tears
I embrace you and kiss your smile
I walk with you
Hand in hand
I see you in my dreams
I think of you constantly
I put my faith in you when I had none
I give you my time,  and my love,  and my best efforts
I want you
And I need you
But I don't own you
You were borrowed and I hope they forget.
The universe has collected enough
debts.
Just let me have
     this

Disembodied
head rolls along the dirt

Shiny lavender smile
and painted disposition
I slip my fingers inside
It screams
and the door jams

Your teeth fall out
and the good Samaritan raises its fist

"We are but servants of the serpent"

Another ******* slides in,
And it gets bent.
Foot goes up the whole
And the fetus desolves into acidic gel
We are expatriates
The son is good
and the sun is warm

Took a walk;
Saw a cool trail
Saw the litter

Saw the bramble
I walked in the road
Saw the lack of people
And the red truck
With tires now deflated
Saw the sun
Saw the breeze
Saw the pebbles along borders and a misty eyed grasshopper
Swallowing a leaf

bought a little ****** guitar
and I'm now strumming the rising sun

it plays like like a
little mexican
baking beans in the doorway of an iguana


  I love to flick the b
and the tunes ring out
and I hear ''ah'' as the raisins moisten with the dew

god gave us music so we could cry alone in peace;
my own therapy
and I'm not judged

that is why I listen to mbop
and disco

put a rod into me

Lush and pure
hands like pianos
Face like gesticulated larvae
The plunger weeps for my soul

I put the barrel in
And blow you away
Your brain like butter
I eat god

I slither among the vapid wind
I am done with you
I am released

So it goes
   2 steps forward A lot of nothing

"Dont mistake my kindess for weakness"

She cries anyway.
Red
Tears

I999

I need time away
, I need seconds to breathe,  I need crumbs to which I can count my scraps. I need poison to drink wine,
I need to feel your tight holes as I relax in my studio.
When I feel music,  I see trees.  I cut Down mountains because the babies keep crying.
If you get pregnant, my lips will turn tangerine. I have no fathers left,  just tears of pride. Seconds don't count now,  I'm all
ash

along roses
Severed heads & lilting hands
the ***** throbs with ****
and the **** squirts mud
the woman swallows all filth
on hands and knees while maggots *****
in the dead air
mutated glances
Howling cathedrals

She is free from sin
And the impalement reaches disgorged viscera
They eat what's left of it
& Her
not much.  Thrown away like
always

Feels good to write something
Feels good to remember that I can still speak
I still feel something
whilst floating in this spirit world
I don't know how long I have
But I still have my words

What used to be hard is now soft

& what used to hurt feels like laughter

.



If you push it in maybe it will

Work

Standard eraser, jet black plume, Friday night settlement
Dependent on wires

Frail commerce at first petulant
Orange in detail, noon ground, bent and spent
Corner of a laughing
Depot

Fifty give a ****, **** it but don't duck it
Off to a sane sorrow,
Plastered in paradise and feeding mice. Weather 09

funeral Mass will be celebrated for Margarita "Maggie" Iglesias  at 1: 00 p.m. , at Sacred Heart Catholic Church today, November 28, 2020. Burial will follow at Palm Valley Memorial Gardens Cemetery in the Ceballos-Diaz Funeral Home of Edinburg. Sadie is in charge of arrangements.

there's an obligation to not
**** sometimes


but I still hear the humming

I still use words like 'clack'
and 'void'

and mist is always evocative of a nice nostalgic moment.


but
my obligation really is just to get through the day

I put this out   because I like noise

the horror eclipses anything I could've possibly imagined
I've been punished all through this life
for nothing
As a kid I was good hearted, I felt sympathy and compassion,
now I take comfort in the downfall of my fellow
man
or at least feel apathetic in their misfortune
I'm a sociopath; I only look out for my gain.
I wasn't wired this way initially but I learned to adapt
Now that I'm nearing 30
I hope for a modicum of peace, and if not for hope, I'll make it that way
I don't put my faith in a god or higher power because it's only managed to fail me innumerable times
But despite the set backs, I win.
I was set to die and yet here I am.
30
Ancient
Full of self assuredness, invulnerable to the torment, hard as steel
Thirty
You ******* tried and failed

Now every day after is a bonus.
I love me

& I love you too. Sometimes

Love that is dead is like used carpentry, zebra walls tell me their story, for the bird in who's town? July. I'm so ******* broken.
Losing feels like gaining. Gaining more courage for the inevitable. I've crossed out September and put up walls. I can't listen to myself anymore.  Abundance is waste now  , I have everything I don't need and want.  I forget the point? It's still fine now, or I stay together for the pain

Lost in so many ways. Losing my girlfriend, lost all my friends, losing my hair and my mind. I can only speak through a phone, and in there I find soulless circuitry. My name means nothing to me now, I was orphaned sometime ago. I want to crawl in the woods and dig my pit. It never goes away, I just make friends with the same strangers and acquaintences, weary of the breeze and the trembling leaves

If this is all it takes to bring down a civilization, then maybe it should collapse
modern humans are weak , and the 'primitives' would be laughing at how pathetic and far man has fallen. Like a wolf sadly glancing at the pellet-filled
chihuahua barking tethered from a fence. It was lost a long time
ago

I feel so much lonlier than when I was by myself
The dense humidity of this room crushes me
And I cannot sleep
I suffocate until I achieve a semblance of peace
Suicide is for beginners. Try living as a dead  man