I want to be with my girlfriend, but I hate not being able to be alone. ***** me up like a
vacuum, wherever I go, I follow
Want to be gone in a grey beam,
taken by something obvious. Your heaven in ribbons.
  Time to let her know

floating thru the space  as the meteor shower brushes past my face.

the solar
glare explodes

100/000 light years away.

the rumbling of Saturn
throws a few moons off its tilt.


earth is thrown into a reverse rotation.


the galaxy opens up

and the dust settles
somewhere near the end   when 'time' was just waking up.

beauty before there were words to describe it.  

a whole life without ever being born

up at 4:43 writing a poem as though writing a good one will change anything.
I have 600 poems and nothing has changed.

maybe it allows me to notarize and organize my life in certain stages by writing this stuff
even though I can go months without composing anything.

But maybe I'll say something which finally
       allows me to run naked through the hills.

something which allows me to go behead the president and take a ****
in front of a news camera on the most prominent station.
If I **** my own ****
it's only due to my long neck;
6-7 inches is nothing nowadays when competing with **** in which  every female is a consumer.

I am for sure
going to the post office tomorrow; my book of zen arrives.
It says be water, so I'll run

It's late in the morning
And my eyes are on you

Someone is talking in the other room
About Russia

We're leaving our robes on and walkong into the grass

Let me follow you today

As long as I'm awake
I'll still be sleeping
Wondering what went wrong with my soul

I brushed my teeth and made coffee and looked at my phone. then looked at my phone. Then looked at my phone then curled some weights and looked at my phone. Then I called someone on my phone while looking at my phone. Then I looked outside and saw a moth by a lamp

living in a home with 6 people like
  some monkey;
no privacy to ******* of
   or
to take a **** without smelling someone's own recent
evacuation.

   I want to fly out the window
and into a  coma.
I want to stick needles up my *******
like Albert Fish and
eat succulent butts.

I was born in 94, the year all my idols died.

I 'm confined to a room and am tired of seeing people. I 'm tired of the noses and faces and furrowed brows and chewed off toenails
and funky
        hair dos.

I wanna be a runaway with no grave marker; still born and as elusive as peace

I like doing pushups  and pull ups
because even though I have the equipment and a full weight rack in my cellar , I always assume that it could be taken away. I always picture scenarios -- alone in the woods with no equipment or nothing else;
try doing a 500ib squat or 300ib bench press then; your muscularity wouldn't even be suited to that environment, it would be dead-weight and quickly absorbed as fuel. & if you've ever used steroids or are currently abusing hormones, your
***** would shrink to a walnut; you've already damaged your body's hormonal system and are now a man reliant on exogenous substances. you're dependent. I
don't want to be dependent. I want to climb up a branch and pull myself up 20 times if I have to, or push my body's weight 100 times ,
I don't need a piece of steel , I need a piece of deer lung.
& as the cell closes in, the newspaper with water bags
make great dumbbells. just be sure to get your vitamins. & watch out for predators in the night

******* is what life is about. Splatters. Humor.  Who gives a ****.
Reinhardt
Black.
Rothko pastel majesty .
Ambiguous, neurotic yet disciplined .
Like a blind horse let loose among the plains. No rider to be found

No ****** and taming
No collars among beasts.

Wide space, wide flowing air.  Galloping and triumphant while the weeds bend against the might

Derelict in the chu chu
  frightened by life
pig **** scraped up in the bile vacuum
Your ***** half-hanging
g your ******* loose
a jar of flies
& Clown juice
13 halves  & 1 whole spectrum of decay

The warring tribes silently plunder the peaceful nation
admist negotiations of embezzled money
the small hat crowd throws bombs on hospitals of children
The violin player sits with his mistress singing songs about
Satan
& His bewilderment
The ****** and unfucked go devirgining the congregation of small eyed
fairies
Im still awake,
And it's 3:46
And I have nothing to do
Im now completely cooked
So they say
I wish I was a supernova star

I've lived a thousand lives
I've sat at thrones
And curled under paper blankets
I've folded my heart
for the vengeful & decadent

I've bled into a gaping chasm
& sold my soul for pennies
, lost all semblance of sanity
incalculable times .
Despaired at the scenic
destruction of a planet amidst competing interests.
Gouged out my eyes so I could see
Suckled at the teet of angels, &
tortured by ravenous imps
smattered in black sorrow.

I have lived,. And I have died.
I exist.
And I see the silver lining.
Somewhere behind the great curtain

tired, I've seen enough good poets

I hope I'm good,

these letters
are tossed in the bin, and maybe someone reads a note. kiss your lips,
and it spills into a glass
like cold water.

we're too young for this,
and too old to die.

the still waves caress the shore,
and she paints it just like she told me she
could

made some burgers , **** that was delicious

**** daniel
daaammmnn

damnn Daniel,back at it again with
the kicks
I see??/

daaaaamn

I wish I had some coleslaw and a coke--   I have green juice and  lays

It wasn't always this way
But sometimes when you reminisce you see the stains of a wasted life and potential like filaments dancing in a stuffy room

The children know as you pass them and their faces contort in disgust
And the dog barks like a ***** being culled from its cave

The dejected and the disorderly;
The castigated and condemned -
You wear your clothes
Like a rucksack and meander through the road as cars hiss past and eventually you stumble somewhere safe for the moment
What is the meaning of this suffering?
Surely it wasn't always this bad, but it has been
& My persistence is merely the persistence of a fool chasing delusion when reality is much more merciful in its blunt assertion

You don't belong
And that's ok too because
nothing matters

walked down the road and along the street where there was snow. It was cold and cloudy and my finger was cold too. I walked into the store and the Asian owner Bob had a mask on, I didn't. I proceeded to place my miller highlife and tea on the counter and paid for it. "Nice day" I said. He agreed and I walked back into the snow and went home

Dumb

laying

down on a

sofa

in the dirt.


my eyes

are open and the air
is rubbing-



wine in the freezer,


hamster
in the cage.


2 spongebobs in the hamper



love is just a 4 letter word

but so

is ****

broomstick in hand. The table was clear and the hounds were laughing.
You left to West Virginia bro and gave me your machete, it's dull asf.
I will go dig a grave and think of a silly tune.
Watch out for bears, and don't trip on any wires;::;;;:;;!;;!;
💥💥💥💥🔥🔥🔥🔥💥💥💥💥🔥🔥

went to the store and got angel hair pasta and a few eggs and a slab of cheese
to make carbonara;
also need the pancetta and a good block of parmesan.
boil the noodles
then whip up the eggs and pour in a **** load of pepper and some salt, and maybe rosemary or something along with the parmesan and a good helping of aged cheddar
whilst the pancetta is cooking.
place everything in the *** and mix around and let the eggs congeal and grate some parmesan on top
and mix in the pancetta with some pasta water.
get your nicest plate and gently pour the contents into the plate while wiping away any spattering,
as you walk over to the dinner table,
trip over and drop everything and let the cat eat it then go take a shower and
get **** faced and go for a walk
into a dark corridor humming a tune

Some days are harder,  some don't get started
Some get sawed in half and others vanish in thin air
Sometimes I talk too much,  sometimes I listen too little
Sometimes I drive myself nuts,  sometimes I **** what's left by pretending I'm ok and making improvement.
I'm manic and
all over the place so i watch out for the road but sometimes prefer the cliff and its ideations. To whom that may concern I don't know.  I just write it down and crawl towards the light in hopeful submission

You find someone special and then they leave.
You find something special and then it disappears, used up.
All comfort is temporary
Accept the pain
And accept the fact that love is transient and fleeting, but that is why it is beautiful
It's not here forever,
It merely visits

Lost again
With a blue cap on in the 20 degree rain
My dog is on a walker

I took a big bite and left some for you

Weve been mistaken for vagrants; that comes with being clean and 23

I was thinking about you
I have my geetar
Play me a song about your sorrows, mostly
Made up

I have very low self esteem
This is very apparent

feel



Sitting on a porch
Grossed out by the black and unwillingness to try
Ive been defeated
So sad the battle is




I'm sorry to my love
I'm a coward
Because I don't even have the ***** to say it
It's sad


Gonna publish this
So painfully self aware
So uptight
**** rententive
The abuse is evident
Let go
Little boy
It's okay
It's all okay
I love you
Be strong
Existence is something

Barking down the alleyway
Thevcool dawn touches me
Smokestack lighting makes it way around


Head in a cannon
Their eyes are satin
Barking orders like Patton   -  bayonetted and ****** on a sandy hill,
the ******
like a sweet hand
   in the grass. lemons and such

bleeeeeeeeeep
FOR THE MOMENT

FOR THE MOMENT


CAN'T WITHDRAW

CAN'T OBSESSS ----- HALF BAKED. ,, ON A CRUMB ,, 3 YEARS AGO,

WHY'
WHY

HALF 2 A MOON

and then I listen.

packed in a gross cage.

love like  a zebra.

I **** the clover,  I **** her deep, like a pulse in.  July.

no more sleeping.


hanging from your blum
.

god told me no lies .                                      stained

everytime you have ***,
especially if youre positioned over the girl in military style with your straightened back
  and tightened glutes and hamstrings with your neck aligned parallel
thrusting
in unison with the metronome,
you always think ''
oh yeah, I'm just doing a workout at your leisure"
and when the *** seeps out of your **** and you roll away,
you stand up
and shake your head in disappointment
and **** on your cigarette stained with
***** juice.
that cigarette is always amazing afterwards though,
and so is the
drive home

I know I'm saying goodbye now
It's why I kept my reservations because I knew we'd get here, even through all the intimate moments, it's always just talk.
Just the next time you say you belong to someone I hope you remember me.
Looking into their hopeful eyes knowing full well you have no intention of honoring the promise.
**** my life.

I'm too old to care, yet here I am

I'm so ******* jealous

  I always tell myself I won't be
that this stuff doesn't affect me, that it's just casual intimacy,
but I can't help comparing myself to the guy she's posting stories about

she didn't post **** about me.

she's pleasant and we have a good time and she says she likes hanging out with me but I'm obviously deficient

what am I doing with a 19 year old anyway.

next time I'm gonna strangle her til she's blue and that'll be a casual Tuesday for her

the depth of depravity is now
inverted
and I sit on satan's throne.

I want out of all of this

I see stars i see
Blackness
I see bitter lines and folded dreams
I see promises kept and promises
Broken
I see dirt roads and paper
Highways
I see plasticine smiles and liquid metal
hearts
I see tears in rain
And fiery baptisms
I see cataclysm lullabies and tired punched out
Laughter
Waiting in gutters for two cent coffee and divorce lawyers to **** my ***
I see wallpaper liars and tombstones filled with kings

I sit along this street and look up to the faint glow
Never expected nothing so it never hurt to lose

Lose
Lose


Lost

Feel so dead inside I can't feel my hands

Can't see a reflection
see empty air behind a glass pane

So dead inside I've forgotten my name or the meaning

Can only ***** in a gutter, wanna cry but for what
Count to eternity until I'm found,  lost and found spinning around in madness
Who was I, and why does it hurt so much but still feel like nothing.

.
.











***,,,*,

2 seconds to write. Power off watch the shadow turn into mist

Push pin



Soda & fleas tongue

sweet



Normalized by 5





with a chip in place

Unlock it now



Ruiners WASP. And guns pointing

cavity

unlike gestation

Wound up : impulse bit blown . leak away red res red red red

          redvred red

she sold
poems


she sold
linen


she folded
cotton


she ate
biscuits


I  prayed on thursdays


I sat
on porches


I played violins


I played
clarinets


I    ate
greeen

I spelled
neanderthal



I drew
pictures
of lanterns


I dreamed of   your face.


I crawled in the   cold.


I begged

for a better
bag.


I   denied
the toad.


I froze
the throne.

I am
the dusty
thorn.



you took too long.


and now it seems there's only 3 ways

but only 1
code.


don't say     I   was afraid

Flip every plate into the pit
  We talk about ******* but never do, her wife wouldnt let us anyway
But I scrape more **** into the trash and talk to the old lady, she's goes off into the eating lounge.
I talk to the old man, old and dying
There is no youth here.
I try to talk to the kitchen, they don't talk in my language.
I try to talk to myself but I am too ashamed to self-associate

So I take a breath and then 10 hours turn into 5 minutes as I break with mild tremors.
I am alive and now I can sleep to escape
Until tomorrow, until I
Have forgotten who I am

being bugged at all hours,
at all hours, the ******* phone.

I wish I could incinerate it;
I will, one day.

or I will just end everything and the phone could be collateral damage

why

I was watching you there standing with the witches in your head
You were not smiling
In fact you were dead

And there was a blank canvas
With god on the side
It said "who here among us, has any more
Pride?"

So I stole it and went feral
And I tore it with my tongue
Like a wounded mother
Cradling her young

There were whispers in the footsteps,
A shadow on at night,
You didn't know that, you were just another light

So the showmen all grew angry, and the clown was ignored, all the people stared at him while he sat there bored

A channel was not open, and there were 50 singing bells
One For each orphan and
Another for your health

Now no one was asking why the dancers wouldnt cry,
So they all left to chase another lie

Keep dreaming of death
and dismemberment

The death does nt phase me.The clean up, annoying

If it goes on like this
what will the neighbors say

Awkwwrd thoughts

ok

Just to see where I go

She stared at me with cold eyes
"Hey what's up. Why are you staying at me?"
The words had no effect and she merely skittered to the back of the store.
It was really late or she was having latency issues on account of a Xanax binge.
I bought cigarettes like a ******* fool - it's so embarrassing nowadays and I practically say it under my breath. At least I buy the cool kind
"Marlboro 27s please"
I go home then watch pulp fiction and finish tattooing my arm and gulp my steel reserve. I live like a ******* goblin. I get so drunk that I start jacking off on the porch and eventually stop once the third car with its blinding light shakes me out of my stupor.
Now it's 6 am and I sleep. I dont dream. The window is frosted over and I will pray to Jesus.
I will take help from anyone at this point.
The gutter is too full and I'm standing naked in a pool of leeches. It's gone too far

when


you are struggling to

stay awake-


play the violin on the
4th fret
with a crooked
spoon.

no tears
were made

to be wasted

I keep saying every year that this is the day of celebration which finally means absolutely nothing, but I was wrong, there was an even greater threshold for me not giving a ****.
I'm just getting tired of living this flat circle existence

I want to punch you in your ******* face for having written that and I hope your whole operation burns to the ground and you end up  hungry
and alone.
What is Taylor swift up to?
    I heard she takes a lot of vagisil and eats grapes?  
  
Bradd Pitt has his eyes stapled in a chameleon glare-  and
  potholes are full of actors  of a play called life

If I was to **** myself, it'd surely be today. I feel hollow as an abscessed heart.
This is why there are alcoholics.
This is why children grow into derelicts.
I can't escape the torment which circles my soul, and only the devil consoles me.

Depression is writing poems
  nowhere
In a nowhere dwelling, suspended in nowhere time in nowhere space hoping these words reach some one

God is here
He's got a big face
There's children in the garage
This is wasting ink
Writing for a son
Nowhere to be found

Put a fist up my head
Saw 3 truths
1 about blowing smoke
2 about talking to strangers

Hopefully I can find the meaning down the road
I'm a little sick
And it's whatever
This time it's now

Book book book 3 yelled
Clowns and a pipe with two
Stems

Hurted by forget repossessed paper clips in may lark dig

Who in the same by real have a shout sure of go

When you start you
Start to fly

Depression is where sadness is no longer comfort.
You lay like a corpse on your recliner and the flies buzz around and the food tastes like ****
And you can *** 30 times and you may as well ****** in a jug.
Your hair is messy
And your eyes are strained and the neighbors are yelling and there's a thin blue film which covers everything.
depression is like dancing without a song
And without anyone to care when you've fallen flat on your back
And the windows won't open and the carpet is grey

Escort
Picked her up on"Eagle" and H
"Hey babe what's your rate?"
"120"
"Okay get in, let's have fun :)"
She gets in and it's pleasant. Her name is Jaeda, and is a soft Latina, smooth and tiny, young. I rub her thigh. Im not a cop. She smiles. She tells me of her home. We drive to the motel. It reeks of smells. I take off my clothes.
"woah your tattoos are crazy"
She slips on a ****** and inserts me in her mouth and starts *******. Bobbing up and down I rub her neck. I hear footsteps upstairs and a screaming lady. I'm hard. She says to insert into her now and mount. I do that and start thrusting. I start pounding her little teen *****, tight as my fist. I pound and pound and she moans and asks something about my hair. It's casual and the *** is an afterthought. I finish and *** and she puts her clothes on and it's as though I didn't even **** her and had her toes in my mouth mere seconds ago. Sweet girl but like a phantom, like most of life's experiences. I drive her back to her spot. Motown plays and cars keep whisking away. I stretch out my hand to kiss hers and say
"Thank you"
She laughs and walks to the street. A shadow obscures her form and I drive home.

Sit and watch a video in a cold room
I make food and sit
I watch   a  show it amuses me
SHOW ends
I splash water
And slash my arm. Walk the bug
Walk the dog.
Sit in position
Tape off
****
Now food and water empty finish and green jelly. Weights and some slice. My dead mother calls from across town. I can't pick up
Meanwhile the clock runs empty.  Shut eye then work. Get to work and be bashful. Put your **** in a vice grip and squash your humanity. roses in your hair. So beautiful I kiss your eyes and tuck you in.  Asleep like a baby and close the doors. They won't get you tonight if you beg.
Beg



Beg
Beg for your life you give in