Don't believe in god because I've seen enough suffering
I die on a daily basis
Anxiety is death of self,
Suffocating whilst breathing, my eyes whiten and my cheeks turn ashen, my tongue swells and my heart pulses along while the beat of existence draws to a stop
   In a cafe, or in a car,  in the bed of my loved one I ask to die.
I  feel it all crumbling away,  I see the petals before they've withered.
I  see the grave as the body rots  in silence. I see the baby condemned  from its first breath.
The earth spins closer to the sun. The twilight gives way to dusk. No man's hour and it's so so lonely

You're my future wife
You're my girl.
I hold your hand
I kiss you
I bite your lip and kiss your nose
I nuzzle your breast and massage your feet
I caress your *****
I rub your back
I talk to you
I watch movies with you
I laugh with you and tease you, and you me
I make you angry and I make you sad
I make you cry
I kiss your neck
I wipe your tears
I embrace you and kiss your smile
I walk with you
Hand in hand
I see you in my dreams
I think of you constantly
I put my faith in you when I had none
I give you my time,  and my love,  and my best efforts
I want you
And I need you
But I don't own you
You were borrowed and I hope they forget.
The universe has collected enough
debts.
Just let me have
     this

Don't know what to say
These words are hollow, collapsing in on me.

I see a truncated face and wrinkled fingers which wipe away tears.
Acid bath,
Pig stain.
**** what doesn't scream back, the bag won't tighten over shrunken heads.
I hate this life,  because I always get cheated,

Cheated out of living.   Only pins in these eyes. And I smile

brain of mush
     scrambled words and half formulated thoughts, uninspired,   like factory work

brain of mush, of
pudding, cold soup. I ride along the road, so many thoughts and half heartless. I'll leave you because I hurt myself.
You knew this,  you were comfort I didn't deserve.
So I throw it away.
I'm dumb. Brain of mush, soul already crushed. I'll miss your eyes though,  beautiful girl,  and your sweetness as I make my place somewhere far, and lost in the pages,  where no one bothers to read  

Some days are harder,  some don't get started
Some get sawed in half and others vanish in thin air
Sometimes I talk too much,  sometimes I listen too little
Sometimes I drive myself nuts,  sometimes I **** what's left by pretending I'm ok and making improvement.
I'm manic and
all over the place so i watch out for the road but sometimes prefer the cliff and its ideations. To whom that may concern I don't know.  I just write it down and crawl towards the light in hopeful submission

Ohhh
too sensitive.

I'm depressed and get told to cut my wrists. That hurt because I have.
I need to stop being an idealist ,
Maybe I thrive on pain but it gets a little old.  I just wanna drift by on good vibes.
Tired of the suspense
I don't need the suprises. Give Me the shot to numb, and in the morning recall your life.  Not a test, just a sad dream

Zzzzzzzz

Bought a gun so i know where my sanity lies

You can pass all the laws you like
But I still have it

I am mentally ill and i laugh at you.  Try to take it.  Loaded and ready but now I sleep. tomorrow the toast might be stale but not the coffee.
**** this country and *******.

All roots were torn,  we're a nation of insects. Made in China. Fill our hearts with plastic