I see stars i see
Blackness
I see bitter lines and folded dreams
I see promises kept and promises
Broken
I see dirt roads and paper
Highways
I see plasticine smiles and liquid metal
hearts
I see tears in rain
And fiery baptisms
I see cataclysm lullabies and tired punched out
Laughter
Waiting in gutters for two cent coffee and divorce lawyers to **** my ***
I see wallpaper liars and tombstones filled with kings

I sit along this street and look up to the faint glow
Never expected nothing so it never hurt to lose

Lose
Lose


Lost

I cherish you,  I adore you.  I kiss you. I kiss your feets and your neck and your perfect lips.  Your cute nose and ears. I **** on your tongue and bite your cheek. We watch ****** Netflix shows and laugh at eachother's lame jokes because the sound is so joyous and exciting.  We ride blasting death metal and sharing cigs as I reach into your pants and rub you. Your heavy breaths making me excited. We kiss some more. We can't stop, compelled to kiss until the night becomes dawn. I never could have dreamt of this.  I never imagined. Love doesn't need drama it needs better actors

Cut out my heart and fill it mangos
Cut off my tongue and fill it with sugar
Cut off my **** and replace it with  teddybears eyes
Fill my guts with gummys and cotton candy
Bleach my hair
Indigo
And pink
Let me laugh maniacly I don't care.  Now there is no pain but I'm still weary.
I just enjoy the moment.  It's sweet as can be and hopefully never sour , with
you I don't wanna die

Something I've learned about women that never occurred to me in my years of resentment and frustration was that to be attractive to them I didn't have to do anything out of the ordinary.
I didn't need to be the most handsome, or the strongest or prettiest or smartest and most cultured and richest and most talented and sauve.
I just had to be there any second they needed me.
The second the phone buzzed, there. But not myself showing any neediness.  You don't need as a man, you give to your woman.
So that's what I did.  Gave my FULL attention.  Gave my time which is more precious than any other commodity. Devotion.  Cooked for her and showed her the town. And now she won't stop texting me and does anything I suggest. I put in the work, i didn't play hard to get. I let her have it and it was so easy afterwards.
If my teenage self knew this It'd be a different story. I kept trying to change myself when I was good enough.  Any man is good enough,  if you just make her feel important and
Give. Less of yourself,  more to her

Years go by  and new birds learn to fly
I saw you the other day
in a silver dress, and painted nails
Time flies when you're alone, painful but something that you barely recollect

Shooting a can and washing a dish the TV talks to me and says go away,
Go away

I hope your dogs got fed and thanks for showing me the sugarglider,  never seen one.  Smuggled from Peru.
God look up,  child be still, someone is trying to disappear what a trick
I still laugh. It's funny
to
me.  especially now

I want the worst for myself but not in a masochistic way relating to anything foul or ******.
I just want to be obliterated. I won't take **** from anyone and have honor and pride in most petty affairs but still at the end of the day wish I was run over by a truck and my brain was flattened.
****** analyze that.  Low self esteem,  but prideful and borderline arrogant otherwise.
I think I'm just depressed , so I sleep.
Sleep away

Sick of this suffering there is no respite.
In my head is a battlezone and nowhere to rest
I walk up and down the hall, maybe a chemical imbalance? But I take every hardship as something to endure for the sake of glory.
The pills would numb me,  but not to the realities of this plane of torment.
I would always know whilst sitting in my docile state that I gave in, and there could be nothing worse.
Even now I'm tormenting myself when most would readily accept help.
Hatred is what I feel, and it sustains when nothing else could. I feel no pain when I'm angry,  just a calm in knowing I'm still alive,  I'm not dead yet.
Or at least haven't been snuffed out. But the time will soon come.  When the echoes  stop repeating and it's the still bleating of an empty void. I don't know