A longing so deeply rooted tugs at my heart
It crawls through and breaks the surface of my being
It’s bursting at the seams and waiting to be released
It’s always been there, teeming in my being
Only just recently have I discovered a sound meaning

Individuality

Neverending, a search for meaning
Desperately climbing trees to reach something I cannot see
Spontaneity, just to see if it feels more freeing
I just want to see beyond my life
Beyond the things I’ve never seen

I’m missing you a lot tonight
I miss the conversations I could only have with you
And truly feeling understood
I miss you caring for me, in a way no other friend had
I miss you calling me your little flower as you put one in my hair
I miss drinking coffee with you and talking about boys
You’d raise your eyebrows in such a funny way
I thought our friendship was something you cherished
As you told me so before
But
It was foolish of me
To think you’d cherish me
As I had cherished you
And because of that, we fell apart
Unfairly, and too easily
Considering how much I cared for you
I could never totally forget you
You impacted me so greatly
But there’s always time for goodbye
And for me, that is now
You hid manipulation and passive aggression
Behind the mask of friendship
Because of that, I vow to be different
As of right now, I’m saying goodbye
To feeling like I’m only worthy of this kind of friendship

I’ve happened upon a realization
As I explored the depths
One unwarranted
And one that reminded me of them
One that made me seriously think
About my life
About my maturity in comparison
To the role models I’ve had

So far so good,
But I live in a constant state of dread
Thinking that I will be projecting the same influence to friends
That I once had been given
And that took me down a path
I really wish I didn’t need to explore in order to build
My character