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Ellie Sep 2021
Meet me where the light pours in
On this troubled day
In this manic hour
In which all things have seemed to decay
All that was once new and bright
Normal and constant
Withers under the weighing pressure of this hour
The pressure of grief and sorrow
Pressing down upon these all too familiar people

Meet me where the light pours in
Upon this muddy grass
The baseball diamond a few feet away
And a swingset to our left
Let’s climb these bright green structures
As we did in times way past
To find a source of comfort
A source of light to keep us climbing
Amidst the chaos of our house

Past and present meets us now
Colliding and burning and smelling of salt
Tasting like ash and feeling like freedom
All things have been said and everyone is forgiven
Let us all go
Across the asphalt lot
By the stagnant pond
And through the lining pines
To the little source of light
We found in troubled times

Innocence lost is wisdom gained
A bittersweet give and take  
That always results in growth and pain
it's been a whiiile
Ellie Dec 2020
We meet again,
Old friend
Behind this closed door
We shake upon an agreement
That is never not wrong

Partner in crime,
I wonder when we will decide
To part ways
For good this time

You always resurface
When I need to not need you
And you ****** me with a vowed secrecy
One that still hurts me,
More than it eases me
Ellie Oct 2020
The ground rumbles
With impending change
The glass falls down
Shattered sense of time
Fragile state of mind

How suddenly did this begin
An unnatural natural disaster
That came just as quickly as it disappeared
Just long enough for strings to attach,
For friendship to take grasp

I stare, surrounded by broken porcelain
What a familiar sight, I sigh
"At least it wasn’t like last time"
I create a mosaic out of the pieces
Left behind once again
mamma mia!
Ellie Oct 2020
Looking back and being better
Looking forward and expecting more
Feeling lighter,
Knowing things are getting brighter

New confidence
Because that’s not who I am anymore
From things that previously kept me
From living a life I deserve to live

One full of happiness, 
That can not be taken away from me 
Joy that is instilled in me 
Regardless of circumstances 

I was wounded, 
I am healing
Scars prevail, 
But even they will begin to fade
As time and process
Has their way
healing hurts and being vulnerable is scary, but it is so incredibly worth it.
Ellie Oct 2020
When people turn out to be
Not what you had thought of them
For so long

Memories of hide and seek
Childhood days
Are replaced with worry and deceit
Youthful haze
Clouds my previously thought
Strong sense of right and wrong

My thoughts turn to me
And what I think
As I begin to reevaluate
Everything that has been taught to me
And the ways of morality

A rebelliousness stirs within me
Sparkling and bleating
As I wonder what I'd do
If presented with the chance
To test the waters
Something akin to teenage rebellion
Calls to me faintly
What it do
Ellie Apr 2020
You are my violet sky
The wavelengths of your being Invisible to me
Your existence scattered in my eyes
All I can see is the blue of your disguise
A glimpse into the red of your sunsets
But the violet in your eyes, in the sky
That’s something that I will only see with time
Time I am willing to spend
Only seeing your blues and your reds
Rayleigh scattering anyone?
Ellie Mar 2020
Nostalgia hits like a brick at times like this
As the corners of the night air begin to chill
As leaves begin to decay
It’s when I think to myself
“It was this time last year”
The edge of summer we called it
Was filled with unabashed youth and regret
With stagnation hidden under the guise of freedom
The places we’d go
And the things we’d do
I will always remember as they were  

The town where we walked through the cemetery and looked at the stars in the tennis courts
The woods where we jumped into the mucky lake in our clothes before singing together in the back of the truck
The train tracks where he bumped my hip when I tried to put a flower in his hair and we accidentally wore matching jackets
The special spot with trees and the lake where he taught me how to skip stones and his laugh when I just couldn’t figure out how to do it

I was high off the butterflies he’d give me in my stomach
and the free-spirited group I associated with gave me a rush
It didn’t last long and for the better
In hindsight they were just trying to live in the way they thought they should
But despite all of this, and despite the acceptance I have for this time in my life
I can’t help but think of them, and him, when this time of year hits
can i still be over them if i miss them sometimes?
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