If i had any last words,
If i had to do that sort of thing,
They would be this, i think:

Why has the good lord chosen
To treat me this way
With my one life
The only one i get
**** i love life
It's just so fascinating
The colors and the sounds
Flowers and laughter
People, lovers and friends
Love...
Living life is what i hate
So great from a distance
But up close, so messy
I've smiled until my death
But will never lie about it
It was miserable
And to those i drove away
That graveyard of mistakes
An apology, the last one
Because i could've been better
I loved you all
Ah, the helplessness
I'm already dead
Taking my head is only
The extra measure you must take
So goodbye life
And thank you for this
Terribly wonderful experience
It was quite the nightmare

The moment I believe I’m not alone
I am fooled
I feel like a fool
I commit suicide
I see nothing but blood
Then I see nothing.
Blackness
For what feels like eternity
I see nothing.
Then I see identities.
Not people
Not physical entities
I see remnants of souls
Ones that have left this world
Crying
Fighting their eternal destiny
Then I see light
Blinding
Then I see the morning sun
I dreamt the glory
Of leaving this life

She's necessary
I'm optional
She's important
I'm obsolete
She's catered to
I'm negotiated with
She's the only one
I'm this one
She's unique
I'm stagnant
She's everything
I'm something
She's all i've got
I'm another person
She's better
I'm lesser

She's finding a way to make life work without me
And i'm a wreck and my life is in shambles without her

Feel the wind
Make it a hobby
Letters sent
To the hotel lobby
Read the note
Repeat after me
"The less you wrote
The more i've seen"
"Don't write back.
I know you want to.
My bags are packed,
But i promise i'll miss you"
"Hard times for us all,
But I'll tell you, I must.
My protective steel walls
Are turning to rust"

Feeling the wind
Is my final hobby
Jump off the roof then
And land outside the lobby

Dear God,
*******
For everything you've put us through
The people here who write about
Sadness, depression, lost love
Heartbreak, anger, pity
It's not fair what we have to endure
Every single day
So I don't think you actually exist
But if you do,
*******, God.
*******.

If my mood is any indication
You won't accept any vindication
One second, it's clear
The next, it's fear
With you, i'm invincible
I heed you by principle
I am not without words
But i'm thinking about the birds
How they fly free in the sky
Without a care, without a lie
How they resemble you
If they only knew
And if you could only fly
You'd fly so high
With them, and leave me
And i'd wait patiently
So my mood is no indication
There is no needed vindication
I've just been down and blue
Because it's been a little while
And I miss you

You lie
I cry
You fly
Now I die

Talks over liquids
Intoxicating group
My awkwardness
Unheard of
Endless silent loop
On the other side
I think of 5 years ago
Top of red
Metal teeth
Happiness i'd never know
Finally, April
Future will see
Constantly
Harrowing
Sorrow for me

Polarized heights
Lookouts posted
Everlasting limits
And clueless eyes
Say to reach the end
Easy to say, that
Limits are stagnant
Of all that stays
Vigilance prevails,
Endurance survives
Might is lost
Even as the storm hits
And chaos ensues
Great wind, furious
Among the tall trees
In the dark forest
No one hears or sees a thing

Little, little
I feel so little
Sad, sad
And also sad
For if patience was
What patience is
She would not get
So mad, mad, mad

Weak, weak
I am so weak
Dumb, dumb
And oh-so-dumb
For if patience was
What patience is
I would not feel
Like ****, ****, ****

Another
Or just me
Can't know
Won't know
Until long gone
Emotions
Fading
1,2,3
Gone
Psychopath mode
Love
Still present
Still debilitating
Still for one
Happiness
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L o a d i n g . . .
Hope
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L o a d i n g . . .

At
               
                   Arms
                        ­              
                                         Length

I
    Will
              Hold
                         You
                                  There
  
            ...There

It's been a long, long,
Long time
How could I ever
Have lost you?
When I
Loved you

It took a long, long
Long time
Now i'm so happy
I found you
How I
Love you

So many tears
I was searching
So many tears
I was wasting
Now I can see you
Be you

How can I ever
Misplace you
How I
Want you
No, I love you
You know that I need you

I'm floating
Or sinking
Or splashing
Or swimming
Not really sure
Swirling around
In a lost puddle

Your eyes are songs
No one belongs to you
And listen to the words
But no words will ever do

There is no direction
No predictability
I thought i could make it
Maybe i'm capable

But i'll always have that doubt
That nagging sensation
Even though it was so
Inevitable

The future looks dark
To a pessimist like me
Opportunity is easy
When it's available

Heels, wheels
Rotten banana peels

Tides and rides
Poking your insides

Lids and vids
Talk of future kids

A deep sleep
The tv lawyer creep

Blown, thrown
A moan unknown

Kick your socks off
In your sleep
We'll get them in the morning
They're yours to keep
How much i love you
I've repeatedly sworn
This is your day Mausi
The day you were born

The day, today
Is my brother's wedding
Smiling faces, happy people
A hand shake
A casual greeting
A girl sitting next to me
Don't get too close
Because then I'll get too close
And the ceiling and
The walls will collapse
I'll be trapped there
For three years
Under the weight
Of what i thought
Was a lost love
Picked up by a fallen angel
Don't talk to me
Don't look at me
Don't cause me
To fall in love with you
Because I am just
Dumb enough to
Actually do it
The night ends
Everyone is drunk
And I'm still thinking
About you
The Bell that rings
In my ears
It will ring until
The day of my death
And I'll always remember
May 27

Meadowlark, fly your way down
I hold a cornucopia and a golden crown
For you to wear upon your fleecy down

My meadowlark, sing to me

Hummingbird, just let me die
Inside the broken ovals of your olive eyes
I do believe you gave it your best try

My hummingbird, sing to me

Don't believe a word that I haven't heard
Little children laughing at the boys and girls
The meadowlark singing to you each and every day
The arc light on the hillside and the market in the hay

If two lines
Are truly parallel
They'll never meet

When memories are all you’ve got
It’s hard to let go of the things they’re made of.

All of the memories
I cherish so much,
More than anything,
None of it means a thing
It might as well have been a dream
The Fleeting Angel

Are you awake?
Are you even alive?
I need you to be
Because soon, good will come
You'll need to be there for that
Do you remember when you were sad?
When you were alone?
When you hated yourself?
When you wanted to be someone else?
So badly that it hurt
So badly that it still hurts
What about when you were angry?
When sadness turned sour?
When you directed it toward the one you love?
How bad did you feel then?
Do you remember?
Do you?
Because i need you to
It will make you stronger
And it will help us win the next one
The next battle that decides our happiness

Wake up.
Get up.
Put on your shoes.
Get your **** together.
Remember.
And make sure that **** doesn't happen again.

A pen
A paper
A tired weary theme

Fingers
A keyboard
A dimly lit screen

A quill
And ink
A blurry midnight dream

Oh
It's been a ride
I think I have survived
But
I don't know

Dearly beloved,
We are gathered here today
To misplace our faith
To live in all things through a god
That we’re not even sure exists
And to make a pledge
That needs not be made

Give a ring
Take a breath
Forgive and forget
Pledge your life away

Molly my dear
Though i spend my days 
In conversation, please
Remember me
Molly my love 
Don't forget me
Molly my dear

Hold your head up
You pretty girl
Look what you've done
When you find yourself 
In the thick of it
Help yourself to a bit
Of what is all around you
Pretty girl

Take a good look around you
Take a good look, 
You're bound to see
That you and me
Were meant to be
With each other
Pretty girl

Hold your hand out
You pretty girl
See what you've done
When you find yourself 
In the thick of it
Help yourself to a bit
Of what is all around you
You pretty girl

Molly my dear
You have always been
My inspiration, please
Be good to me
Molly my love
Don't forget me
Molly my dear

Symbols
Lines, dots, and squares
No bother of thought
For how he fares

Rhythms
Strums, taps, and beats
The scorching sun
Without the heat

Signs
Stops, gos, and yields
Figure it out yourself
No one cares how you feel

Repetitions
Squares, taps, and stops
If they were any more fabled
I'd think they were Aesop's

Leisures
Rests, talks, and fun
Ends promising
Ends with "1:00"

Depressions
Complications, worries, and nothing
Did everything. Everything.
And got literally nothing

Monday-Saturday
Problems ranging
And the one good thing
Consistently ever-changing

And then I sleep
Because now I must

Oh, but the moonlight is coarse
And we're strong in detail
But before we go hoarse
The truth will prevail

I had this dream tonight
Resting my head on a pillow
Waiting for my drunken sibling
In this dream it's Christmas eve
And the world is as it is
And i meet my girl
I mean the girl who was mine
Until she decided
To destroy my world
I meet my girl and she tells me
Through a crooked evil grin
It was all a joke
The tears, the argument,
My world's sad end
A cruel joke yes, but
What i know she wanted
Was the excitement in my eyes
When they saw the flames
Being put out
And all the lies
And terrible things were
False like the lightly dim night
And that is what happened
I shed a tear and kissed her
A hundred times or more
And in that moment
We were back together
That was the greatest gift of all
On a Christmas in my dream
And it's not even real
Is the saddest part
Not at all as real as it seemed

Apologies disintegrate
So much regret i have
One swift swing of your blade
Silently, i die
You'll never understand
How much i'll suffer
Without your silly siren

Upon your cheek
Upon your neck
Upon your wrist
Upon your legs
Upon your feet
Upon your thighs
Upon your lips
Upon your eyes
Upon your fingers
Upon your toes
Upon your hair
Upon your nose
Upon your heart
Upon your heart
Upon your heart

Upon your mind
And upon your hand
That is where
My love will land

You might be able to live with this
But i can't
I want to kiss you
I want to taste your tongue
I want to look into your eyes
Seeing everything i did right
I want to fall into bed with you
And never get out
I want to hold hands
I want to talk about *** openly
I want you to tease me when you touch me
I want every day without you
To be a day with you
If i don't have that
I don't want to live
I want you, i want you so bad
It's driving me mad
It's driving me...

Roots in confidence
Shivering nostalgia
And testing the patience
Killing the buds
Spilling the blood
Every one of us
Near death
But close
To something new
Evenly odd
Changing the pace
With a different face
Still near death

The intimacy ends
And normalcy returns
Then something weird happens
The world is flipped
And I'm still on my feet
What happens next
It seems as though
I'll never know
My body is on fire
My guts are burning
Everything looks normal
But it feels wrong

It scares me to focus
On the task at hand
Because it feels as though
We're all in quick sand

But you're wrong, my dear
You're mistaken
It is not me
I told you before
I know how it is
Better than you could ever know
Because i've lived through it all
More than once, sweet girl
It hurts, and it won't stop
Maybe it didn't start with you
It's certainly not your fault
But when you turned me away,
In The Midst of the Stars,
Remember?
You had the chance there
To end the cycle
That my life continues to perform
In that moment,
I loved you and no one else
So you think it's worth it?
You think i'll prevail?
Perhaps you don't know me
And my world
As much as i thought

How did this happen?
Through maturity
I became something hateful
But I did not realize
As it was happening
Sometimes it takes one
To make one
New
I was like this before
And I was happy before
It's possible
Dealing with sadness
Made me like that
And now I remember
That life is better
With a wakeup call
With awareness
With people
With things
With respect
And with nature
But not with being subdued
By those things
Just accepting them
Separately, equally
With that, I start life again
Happier, more in love
With the woman of my dreams
Because she made me
What I used to be
She made me
New

It's night, it's day
It's night, it's day
I can't help but think
There is no path to pave
It's dark, it's bright
It's dark, it's bright
What is there tomorrow
If there is no tonight
It's right, it's wrong
It's right, it's wrong
This road doesn't exist
And yet it seems so long
It's quiet, it's loud
It's quiet, it's loud
The sun is covered up 
But there are no clouds
It's early, it's late
It's early, it's late
Should i get up and go
Or stay here and wait
It's night, it's day
It's night, it's day
Is it day or is it night
Is it night or is it day
It's night, it's night
It's night, it's night

I don't want to hear from you anymore
You're a liar
You're just a creep
Manipulative
Controlling
You never could have loved me
I literally can't stand you
I'm leaving
You'll never hear from me again
You'll never see me again
Goodbye

I'm going to be sick...
Somebody **** me please.

And what good am I
Really,
If I can never help
The woman I love most
In her greatest hours of need?

None,
None at all.

If i thought it was enough,
If i thought today was enough,
Maybe i could come back home
Without my sorrows
Without all of those things
And this thing we've come
To recognize again will die
We will all forget
what makes us happy
Really, actually happy
And it is not too soon to say
Nothing will come of it

I can look back
At least
At the good things
And smile
I know I can't
Be mad
I just hate it
This way
Why does it have
To end?
Does it have to?
Not now
If I can help,
Not now

Oh, that magic feeling
Nowhere to go

This is how I feel right now
Obsolete manuscript
No one reads and no one needs
Pages lost, incomplete
No one knows what it means
Minds grow dark, so suddenly
I was lost on your street

Hey I'm talking to myself
I can hear you listening in
To my thoughts, to my dreams
What I want, can't compete
Obsolete

Take me to the water's edge
Let me stand in the sand
Let me hear the waves crash-land
Useless part
This useless heart
Useless art
What am I? Why am I
Incomplete?
Obsolete

This is how it feels right now
Obsolete manuscript
No one reads, no one needs
Useless part
This useless heart
Useless art
What am I? Why am I
Incomplete?
Obsolete

All I want
Can't compete
All I want
Is a sleep
All I want
Incomplete
All I want
Obsolete

You're you
That, i can see
Its plain as day
But you're just like me

And it's weird to say
After stating that, but you know
We're totally different
From our joys to our woes

And i can love you for that
Even looking past
The fallen birds
That have amassed

I hope it's true
Because i want to take flight
And for our love to never die
As we fly off in the night

Of course.
It always happens
Has to happen
It's never over

Something seems off
Like i'm being deceived
Though my eyes can only see
What i'm wanted to perceive
It's such a nagging feeling
Because I trust what I see
But now that is
To a certain degree
There's something here
I'm not supposed to know
Something i'm shielded from
I haven't found any clues though

I want a love that’s right
Right is only half of what’s wrong
I want a short-haired girl
Who sometimes wears it twice as long
Now I’m stepping out this old brown shoe
Yeah, and I’m in love with you
I’m so glad you came here
It won’t be the same now I’m telling you
Although you pick me up
From where some try to drag me down
When I see your smile
Replacing every thoughtless frown
You got me escaping from this zoo
Baby, I’m in love with you
I’m so glad you came here
It won’t be the same now that I’m with you

If I grow up, I’ll be a singer
Wearing rings on every finger
Not worrying what they or you’ll say
I’ll live and love and maybe someday
Who knows baby
You may comfort me

I want a love that’s yours
To miss that love is something I’d hate
I’ll get an early start
In making sure that I’m not late
For your sweet top lip I’m in the queue
Baby, I’m in love with you
I’m so glad you came here
It won’t be the same now that I’m with you
I’m so glad you came here
It won’t be the same now I’m telling you

I may appear to be imperfect
My love is something you can’t reject
I’m changing faster than the weather
If you and me should get together
Who knows baby
You may comfort me

The more hopeless it seems,
The more hopeful I get.
The more hopeful I seem,
The more hopeless it gets.

One day
Without you
And every minute
Feels like
A year
I lack
The power
To create
With imagination
Your essence
Your ways
Your words
It's just
One day
But it feels
Like forever