Hold me close
I need you so
I want you in my dreams

At once, the world was
Filled with happiness
And light, luminating
Then slowly
But quickly, the world was
Drowned in sorrow
And darkness, sickening

Sometimes it gets to me
And someday it will **** me
I mean it's fine
What she wants to do is fine
Whatever makes her happy
That's all that matters
Her wants and needs
Easily come before mine
But I do still feel
And it's becoming a detriment
To my life
To my own physical existence

People say every emotion is good
Sadness is a gift...
Fuuuuuuuuuck no, it's not!
I'd give anything to feel nothing
But happiness

Sometimes the world makes me feel
Like I never existed
And I existed
When she was laughing

I did it again
I messed up
Something good
Something my heart
Was going crazy for
I looked where
I knew i shouldn't
But i didn't really know
That this would be
The result of that
I only wanted to see
For myself what exactly
She was about
And i don't regret it
I told her that
I never would have
Known the wonders
Of her life that i love
Never never never
But now i will always
Remember those things
And cherish them
No matter what happens
And i'm keeping my word
I haven't looked at her there
In her small corner of the world
But she is mad at me now
She wants space
And all i want
Is her forgiveness
I'll cease to exist
And curl up and die
If i lose her
Before i even had her
If i lose my
Mystery Girl

I'm hurt,
I'm broken,
I'm bruised,
I'm sore,
I'm losing
The battle
Of life.
I'm on
The verge
Of death
Right now.
But you're ok
And that's
What matters.

Feel the wind
Make it a hobby
Letters sent
To the hotel lobby
Read the note
Repeat after me
"The less you wrote
The more i've seen"
"Don't write back.
I know you want to.
My bags are packed,
But i promise i'll miss you"
"Hard times for us all,
But I'll tell you, I must.
My protective steel walls
Are turning to rust"

Feeling the wind
Is my final hobby
Jump off the roof then
And land outside the lobby

Your yellow hair is like
The sunlight
However sweet it shines
Bit by the cold of December
I’m warm beside your smile
Oh lady, tell me I’m not leavin’
You’re everything I dream
I’m killin’ myself thinkin’
I’ve fallen like the leaves

But you knew i killed myself
And you didn't help me
Instead you came to the next place
Where i went after death
And you acted like you helped me
Like nothing ever happened
And i told you it was weird
That you left before i died
Yet you deny every bit of it
And you changed somewhat
From your looks to your person
And you're distracted by something
Like the time or the signs of winter
If it was space you needed,
You never once told me that

But you act like you loved me
And you act like you cared
But in the end,
When you don't pretend
I can see that you're really just scared

And yes, you're alone
You don't miss me
I know.

When once was vague
And we did not play
We hugged and kissed
Every day i was missed
We wanted to be together
And closer than a bird and its feathers
We looked into each others eyes
Very closely, our love never dies
Until one day in the winter
I was just a splinter
You kiss me and swear words
And my voice cannot be heard

And it still can't be
And you still won't love me

At
               
                   Arms
                        ­              
                                         Length

I
    Will
              Hold
                         You
                                  There
  
            ...There

In a daze,
Turned into lust,
Of frivolous effort,
Pleasure came differently.
It was the moment,
The feelings,
The emotions,
The passion,
The idea of it
Were all what made me happy.
And that was enough.
She was beautiful,
And she was lovely,
And she was all i've ever wanted.
I was hungry,
And I was fed,
And I am satisfied.
Nothing else matters,
Except for me and her,
And the moments we get.

To pull, to reach
The glasses come off
Enjoyable for each
So tender and soft

My wife ran off with the butcher again
So now i'm sleeping on a train
And i'm wearing blue
Because i'm feeling blue

I'm dreaming of a place
I cannot explain
So let me sleep on my train
So the world...
So the world goes by

If it all were to go
I would not complain
But let me sleep on my train
So the world...
So the world goes by

Yeah soon I will wake
To another pain
So let me sleep on my train
So the world...
So the world goes by

So the world...
So the world goes by

It's me
At sea
I really am useless

And she
Agrees
I'm not very good

The fee
To be
Totally misunderstood

To be free
Is a plea
To be far far away

I'm just me
You see
And i really am useless

My wont is what I want.
And what I want is what I’m worth
So what am I worth?

You should be careful
When you juggle knives
There are people you love
And you could end those lives

You think that it's simple
Or its all just a game
If it's alright with you
We are not all the same

It's just not fair
And it seems that way
But it all comes together
At the end of the day

And we'll be with each other
If you let that be, here
There's nothing more
That you need to fear

I'll be here, and there
I'll be your bleeding star
In the darkest night
Sit here with me in your car

Forever please

How do you let go
When she's the first one
You ever really loved
When years ago
You swore that you would
**** and die for her
The first time you felt that way
About someone else
You find that they might
Be happy, while you aren't
How do you let it go
How do you keep from
The overly protective instincts
Almost like a parent
You accepted you weren't
To be with her
Or even see her again
But come to find
There is someone else
She can trust
But can you trust him?
You knew it would happen
Didn't want to think about it
But realized the inevitability
How do you see him now?
And how do you react now?
And how do you live now?
All the flashbacks from before
Rush to you, paralyzed
You are, sitting, lying
This is the first death
Of the first love

Tired, and weary
Afraid for death
Lights in the window
Kindred like us
In the waking night
Nothing like shadows
Gone in the wind

Stolen lives
Pillaging souls
Inside and out
Ruining a memory
In a lonely morning
To a faulty whisper
Singing a tune

My future is done
It's in the past,
It never happened
And now there can be
A flatline
Happiness no more
I might as well be dead
But knowing this life
I'll live forever...

Ten, and two
Me and you
Two, and two
All I think about is you
Ten, and two
This feeling's not new
Two, and two
I'm rubber, you're glue
Ten, and two
Like a recurring flu
Two, and two
What can i do
Ten, and two
We went to the zoo
Two, and two
Watched Younghoe Koo
Ten, and two
The Morning dew
Two, and two
Clearer now to you
Ten, and two
Now you're a jew
Two, and two
And unrelatedly, i'm blue

It feels as if
I'm saying goodbye
To the life that I knew
Because a new one is here

It's safe to say
There's nothing left there
To have been weighed down by
But I miss it all the same

If the birds knew
Oh if they only knew
How much worry can ****
And how much it hurts to die

But if it's done
If its not the same
If that is in the past
God help me, i'll die alone

The intimacy ends
And normalcy returns
Then something weird happens
The world is flipped
And I'm still on my feet
What happens next
It seems as though
I'll never know
My body is on fire
My guts are burning
Everything looks normal
But it feels wrong

It scares me to focus
On the task at hand
Because it feels as though
We're all in quick sand

Your eyes they have this glowing
You were more than I deserve
After all our shame and suffering
I turned my back to everything
Or anyone
And put you first
But are we really in love,
Completely in love?
Did mentioning make
Your skin start to crawl?
Started off living and broken
It unfolded like a dream
Dazzled by the very thought of it
Like the way dreams are
Supposed to be
If I'm not what's to come
I will sleep with it
I won't carry that on
And we will lose in the end
And we start the whole pattern over again
And over again
Are you truly in love,
Absolutely in love?
You're happy enough
Are you fully in love?
If I'm not,
No point in carrying on
Why spend half the time indifferent
And the other half alone
I will live with my regrets
Learn from accepting me
And be done with it
Start the whole thing
Start the whole thing over again

Upon your cheek
Upon your neck
Upon your wrist
Upon your legs
Upon your feet
Upon your thighs
Upon your lips
Upon your eyes
Upon your fingers
Upon your toes
Upon your hair
Upon your nose
Upon your heart
Upon your heart
Upon your heart

Upon your mind
And upon your hand
That is where
My love will land

I meander aimlessly through consciousness
Wishing that confusion was an option
I see myself on the outside with unwillingness
Lament is not the only, but the strongest emotion
Lately, this is as it has been, not much more
Astonished by what i thought was impossible
Lacerations in my heart from everything before
Wisdom leaves
Adolescence remains
You scarred me for the remainder of my life
Still my heart caresses and craves your attention
Left for death, the heart still has your knife
On the off chance of your repeated heavenly descension
Vast is the pool of memories in which i am submerged
Every breath i take, eternity
You neglect my toughened love through every single surge
Only you
Untouched by guilt
Masked by everything around you
Obvious are the feelings that have dissolved and gone away
Love is reserved for someone new
Lust, too, but still i long for the 27th of May
You will always be mine, always

It was not the beginning
But somewhere in the middle
Where we met
That I started really
To realize what it is
What my life is sure to be
And you know, the nights
I stare at nothing
Into the darkness
With words that never come
Thoughts that never float
I don't know where they come from
But I do know where they go
They end up in this dusty corner
In the b-side of my mind
And there they stay, quietly
Until it's time to unwind
This is when I go outside
Sit on the porch, look up at the sky
And think of the things
Like you, where you are, and why
Then I hope for the best
Send my wish to the moon
Go inside acting like nothing happened
Nothing ever happened
Because nothing ever happens
That's how it has to be

Polarized heights
Lookouts posted
Everlasting limits
And clueless eyes
Say to reach the end
Easy to say, that
Limits are stagnant
Of all that stays
Vigilance prevails,
Endurance survives
Might is lost
Even as the storm hits
And chaos ensues
Great wind, furious
Among the tall trees
In the dark forest
No one hears or sees a thing

Where is there opportunity
In this field of sadness
Nothing accomplished
Nothing gained

What's the point
Of going on any further
No commitment
No more pain

Why is it important
To get through this
No more hardships
Nothing's the same

When will it be fine
To just give up
Not a sacrifice
No disdain

They tell me
"Don't give up"
But all I hear is
"Aim for the brain"

And what good am I
Really,
If I can never help
The woman I love most
In her greatest hours of need?

None,
None at all.

Put my eyes
Where I can see
Where the soul
Used to be
I feel the walls
Closing in on me

Shut my mouth
I take it back
It’s no way
For us to act
I missed the boat
But somehow sailed away

But that’s okay
I’ll have a talk
With this divebar
On a long walk
Along the shortest pier
And watch it disappear

There’s a hole
In my mind
Where the sun
Used to shine
Memories
In black and white

Cut me off
I’ve had enough
Infect the wound
And sew me up
No more words
...

But that’s okay
I’ll have a talk
With this divebar
On a long walk
Along the shortest pier
And watch it disappear

I never felt
Like I was meant
For this world
Until you came along
I used to feel happy
When I thought of you
When I was around you
Now I feel undying sadness
Don't feel bad
It's my fault
You're innocent
I forgot that
I'll pay for my crimes
I'll wish you were around
I'll hate myself
But I will never forget
You always loved me
Even when you didn't want to
And I ****** up
So now I have to say...

Adios, my sweet, sweet girl

Eat.
Drink.
Breathe.
Figure this out.
Sleep.
Find happiness.
Find love.
Find pleasure.
Enjoy some anger.
Enjoy the little things.
Fix it.
You need her.
Fix this.
Stop.
Stop talking to that girl.
Stop!
Fix it again.
Try again.
**** yourself.
Try again.
Remind her how much you love her.
Don't talk to that girl again.
Seriously, don't.
Stop talking to her.
Forget about her.
Keep this a secret.
Tell the truth.
Tell her nothing.
Tell her everything.
**** yourself.
Thank her.
Consider yourself lucky.
Keep this going.
Don't let this happen again.
**** yourself.
Don't be sad.
Find happiness again.
Eat.
Drink.
Breathe.
**** yourself.
**** yourself, Alex.

Service of a cut
Looking at your ****
Service of a burn
New songs learned
Torn and frayed
Memories made
All of a loss
Paths are crossed
Progress slowed
Checkers on the road

Unique we start
But I have no heart

Killing a dead man
Holding your hand
Constantly now nervous
Doing you a disservice
Throwing a fit
Still looking at it
Draw the line
Now you look at mine
Praying you're fine
Drinking the wine

Holding a knife
And I have no life

Making you remember
Good September
Continuously pivoting
Conversations riveting
Boundaries set
How we met
Want to run
Your fear of a gun
What I couldn't see
Your love for me

My heart thunders for you still
Though I have no will

Stabbed in the gut
Stuffed in an urn
Service of a cut
Service of a burn

When memories are all you’ve got
It’s hard to let go of the things they’re made of.

You, you used to read Karl Marx
Alone in the bath
Whenever you were low
Whenever you were low
You made cakes out of love
And love out of hugs
'Cause that is what you do
Yes that is what you do

And you made a paper boat
And you sailed it all across the floor
To the harbor by the door

La quiero
La necesito
La amo

If I scratched myself on the way down
If it bled throughout the night
If it kept me awake for weeks
Would it matter to those I want most?
If all of my hard work
Is now for nothing
And if I made the wrong decisions
Will my tears fill the gaps?
If every moment, I yearn for one
And every moment, silence echoes
If that makes me say things I'll soon regret
Is it my fate I feel changing?


It's the spirits I talk to
In the night
We're both crazy
But you were right
The world around us
Clings too tight
It's just the two of us
But we must fight

Darling, angel, lovely girl,
Let us not fight each other
We must fight those
Who dare to tear us apart

The world will deceive
And people will lie
It's you and I who are constant
When they will all die

Every night
I cry myself to sleep
Over a thousand dreams

You can tell
When someone cares
It's obvious
But when someone doesn't
When they don't care
At all
They're able to hide it
Sometimes
But if you pay attention
It's glaring
And it makes you feel like ****
But whatever...

Symbols
Lines, dots, and squares
No bother of thought
For how he fares

Rhythms
Strums, taps, and beats
The scorching sun
Without the heat

Signs
Stops, gos, and yields
Figure it out yourself
No one cares how you feel

Repetitions
Squares, taps, and stops
If they were any more fabled
I'd think they were Aesop's

Leisures
Rests, talks, and fun
Ends promising
Ends with "1:00"

Depressions
Complications, worries, and nothing
Did everything. Everything.
And got literally nothing

Monday-Saturday
Problems ranging
And the one good thing
Consistently ever-changing

And then I sleep
Because now I must

At times I feel the pressure
All at once
To fulfill my destiny
To be what i'm meant to be
And what matters most
Is that i'm perfect
Everything I do
Precise and planned
Concise and in control
And though I am,
Meanwhile, seemingly
I am not
I am only flawed
And I am not enough
For I am not every person
And not everywhere
Not all of the time
I am human
I am grateful
But I am flawed
And that's where I've gone wrong

If two lines
Are truly parallel
They'll never meet

You don’t know me
Let alone my intent
Actions do not always
Self represent
I don’t feel urgency
In explaining
My conscience so vaguely clear

Look at her lips
And at her sighs
And see signs of life

Look at her shoulders
And her hair in the light
And see something right

Look at her feet
And her movements
And everything is proven

But look in her eyes
When you tell the truth
And you'll be caught in endless blues

Home is where it all begins
Where memories are made
Where they are always kept
Where favorites are found
The passion is never lost
Home is where it is safe
The enemies of the world
Can no longer reach
Where communication
Is prevalent and promises
Kept and made
Where nothing else matters
But the person inside the person
Home is where love is born
Where hatred dissipates
Adoring tastes of life
Where rhetoric and theme
Are not relevant anymore
But most of all
Home is where you found me
It's where I'll always be

Your eyes are songs
No one belongs to you
And listen to the words
But no words will ever do

It's ok
I know someday
I'm gonna be with you

There are places I remember
All my life though some have changed
Some forever not for better
Some have gone and some remain
All these places have their moments
With lovers and friends I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I've loved them all
But of all these friends and lovers
There is no one compares with you
And these memories lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new
Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more

You’ve broken my bones
Every other day
You’ve left me alone
To feel this way
You’ve asked my worries
To avoid your own
You’ve no guilt that hurries
To make itself known

Because you’re you
Regret hardly exists
Inside your head
To the confines of friendship
To the confines of marriage
And the confines of all else
Never ailing for what we said
Yet I hardly exist

I am alone
And utterly detached
Meandering through the means
Inside my head
Never forgetting what you said
Listening to my vague plight
Opening your eyes to the closed mind
Varying degrees of comfort
Every other day

Whether or not to trust-
In words said, actions done,
To the confines of today,
Heart-wrenching conclusions-

you.

A pen
A paper
A tired weary theme

Fingers
A keyboard
A dimly lit screen

A quill
And ink
A blurry midnight dream