I just can't stand it
It's ever irritating
I want to go home

How does it feel to be
One of the beautiful
People?
Now that you know who you are,
What do you want to be?
And have you traveled very far?
Far as the eye can see

How does it feel to be
One of the beautiful
People?
How often have you been there?
Often enough to know
What did you see when you were there?
Nothing that doesn't show

How does it feel to be
One of the beautiful
People?
Tuned to a natural E
Happy to be that way
Now that you found another key,
What are you going to play?

Oh death...
Why so sluggish?
If its going to be like this
Then i'm ready for you to take me
100 percent
So let's go

Walking with so much
Weighing on my mind
Never had i flirted
With trouble of this kind
See the people walking
They're not even real
The things they know
The things they feel
They don't have problems
To me, no pain
They are just peripherals
Just faces in the rain

I'm floating
Or sinking
Or splashing
Or swimming
Not really sure
Swirling around
In a lost puddle

Apologies disintegrate
So much regret i have
One swift swing of your blade
Silently, i die
You'll never understand
How much i'll suffer
Without your silly siren

When do I try again?
I honestly don't know
It's only been a day
But it feels like weeks
If I try too soon
Will it be a mistake?
Or is it what she wants?
I honestly don't know
Should I take a chance
Or wait for her
As long as it takes
It's what she asked for
But it's so hard
I'm caving under the pressure

But you're wrong, my dear
You're mistaken
It is not me
I told you before
I know how it is
Better than you could ever know
Because i've lived through it all
More than once, sweet girl
It hurts, and it won't stop
Maybe it didn't start with you
It's certainly not your fault
But when you turned me away,
In The Midst of the Stars,
Remember?
You had the chance there
To end the cycle
That my life continues to perform
In that moment,
I loved you and no one else
So you think it's worth it?
You think i'll prevail?
Perhaps you don't know me
And my world
As much as i thought

You smile
You wonder
As we love
We sunder
The bellows
Of thunder
Bring us
Back under

A gust
Of wind
The child
Of kin
Pulled apart
Again
I'm the worst
Of men

We sing
We kiss
Our lives
Are bliss
It's you
I miss
I'm glad
Of this

The end
You see
I see
Or we
Is you
With me
We hope
It will be

You start our "baff"
We sustain our laugh
You have your hot tea
But you have to ***

There is no direction
No predictability
I thought i could make it
Maybe i'm capable

But i'll always have that doubt
That nagging sensation
Even though it was so
Inevitable

The future looks dark
To a pessimist like me
Opportunity is easy
When it's available

It's been a long, long,
Long time
How could I ever
Have lost you?
When I
Loved you

It took a long, long
Long time
Now i'm so happy
I found you
How I
Love you

So many tears
I was searching
So many tears
I was wasting
Now I can see you
Be you

How can I ever
Misplace you
How I
Want you
No, I love you
You know that I need you

Nothing I can do
Nothing I can say
Back and forth
I fall, and can't get up
I'm up and I fall again
Drink myself to life
And consider myself to death
Love is life
Life is hard

I'd like not
To live the repetition
To decrease the aging
To slow the motion
Of this war that's waging
I ought not
To force the action
To make myself a fool
To descend to utter sadness
In the endless tears that pool
I fear not
To die or live again
To start all the way over
To make amends to actions passed
Because of how much i love her

They're the moon and the stars
Stars, stars
The moon and the stars
Stars, stars
The moon is yellow
And the sky is red
But their love never ends
As they stare at the sky
At the moon and the stars
Stars, stars

It was a cloudy day
And everything was okay
Then the sun came out
And it made everyone shout
"**** THIS ****, ITS HOT"

It fills the ocean
As it fills my eyes
I care more for you
Than my own demise
If i can't hold back
Then what can i do?
I can't go that far
I can't say that to you
For fear that you'll
Turn your scarred back
On me, i'm a fool
I'm a fool
I'm a fool

I said
"I need to clear my head"
But i'm lying in bed
Pursuing the dead
And you can make the claim
To remove my name
Say "it's not the same"
But this isn't a game
It's my life, you see?
What can i be
When you're not with me?
You once said "patience is key"
But what's there to gain
Of all this wretched pain?
It'll drive us insane
What else should we feign?
The clothes we wear,
Or how much we care?
Perhaps, your hair,
The way you wear it there.
I don't know
The solution though
To the problem of our woes
Or where our feelings go
But i know one thing
I've heard the Bell ring
And the Tabby cat sing
There's something more i'll have to bring
There's something more i'll need
I must take the lead
And leave the greed
And accept that i will bleed

You are two people
Still separated by an ocean of time
Part of you bursting
To talk about what you saw
Part of you longing to tell you
What it all means

When i whisper
Something sweet to you
Will you always laugh
And smile that cute grin,
Looking at me
As if it's the sweetest thing
Anyone has ever said to you?
You know what you mean
To me, to my life
You storm through my heart
Tearing down everything
That once inhabited there
And though i couldn't be happier,
I get the sensation
I'm not your last strike
The lightning and the wind
It won't last forever
I'm just another shadow on the wall
As we look
Through the foggy window
We see what we want to,
Neglect what really lies ahead
Peering through the mists of time

Nothing more pure
But disgust clouds me
Makes me a terrible person
Each time she looks at me
The second road would end
The first is right
But we can't find our way
Back home
We will
We will
But I forget to see that.

Keeping quiet
I never return
Eternity
… later
You surface
Forgotten names
It’s Jenna
Until next time
Pay no mind
Stay distracted
Every day
Then, again
Random day
Old faces
Best news
Hope again
Missed chance
But hope still

Time passes
Harder to stand
Just begging
Need some help
…
He’s got me
I see her
Stop and talk
Got a number
Small world
Go on smiling
Wait a bit
…
There it is
It’s Jenna
How was your day
Smoking, join?
My mistake

Chaos outside
You hear this?
Remember,
That’s the name
…
Asking again
And then,
Borrow my car?
I’ll take you
Weird excuses
Take a nap
And…
… nothing
For too long
I keep trying
Still nice
Still patient
But nothing

Last try
One question
What’s the question?
There she is
This…
… is Jenna
I’m a loser
Hate this
Poor medium
But fine
I don’t know you
You don’t know me
Borrow my car?
Why?
Next question
What did I do?
What happened?
Then nothing.
…

In the morning
Waking up to
Terrible sunlight

All diffuse
Like skin abuse
The sun is half its size

When you talk
You hardly even
Look in my eyes

In the morning
In the morning

In the doorway
Holding every
Letter that i wrote

In the driveway
Pulling away
Putting on your coat

In the ocean
Washing off my
Name from your throat

In the morning
In the morning

It's night, it's day
It's night, it's day
I can't help but think
There is no path to pave
It's dark, it's bright
It's dark, it's bright
What is there tomorrow
If there is no tonight
It's right, it's wrong
It's right, it's wrong
This road doesn't exist
And yet it seems so long
It's quiet, it's loud
It's quiet, it's loud
The sun is covered up 
But there are no clouds
It's early, it's late
It's early, it's late
Should i get up and go
Or stay here and wait
It's night, it's day
It's night, it's day
Is it day or is it night
Is it night or is it day
It's night, it's night
It's night, it's night

Oh
It's been a ride
I think I have survived
But
I don't know

The day, today
Is my brother's wedding
Smiling faces, happy people
A hand shake
A casual greeting
A girl sitting next to me
Don't get too close
Because then I'll get too close
And the ceiling and
The walls will collapse
I'll be trapped there
For three years
Under the weight
Of what i thought
Was a lost love
Picked up by a fallen angel
Don't talk to me
Don't look at me
Don't cause me
To fall in love with you
Because I am just
Dumb enough to
Actually do it
The night ends
Everyone is drunk
And I'm still thinking
About you
The Bell that rings
In my ears
It will ring until
The day of my death
And I'll always remember
May 27

She's necessary
I'm optional
She's important
I'm obsolete
She's catered to
I'm negotiated with
She's the only one
I'm this one
She's unique
I'm stagnant
She's everything
I'm something
She's all i've got
I'm another person
She's better
I'm lesser

She's finding a way to make life work without me
And i'm a wreck and my life is in shambles without her

You can trust me
You can believe me
When i say
I've been there and back
I've experienced it all
Not in this life
Some other time
That's how i know
When you ask that question
And i don't have an answer
That's how i know
And i could take it
Or leave it, but
The reality is,
It won't happen
Not the way you think it will
You're predictions
I'm sorry, honey
They're false
Now you can stay here
With me
Or you can go back home
Where no one cares
Like i do
Where they aren't gentle
Like i am
Because i know you
You're fragile
A butterfly
Or a fragment
Of a soiled puzzle
On the surface of a pond
But i would rather, i would
If you stayed
Right here with me
Forever, with me
In the midst of the stars

Because why
Would anyone
In their right mind
Be in love
With me?

I'm awake
Eyes staring at the ceiling
Days of sleep
After escaping death
Yet i can't escape her
She blankets every thought
Every time i try
To think of other things
Important things
My future
Doesn't seem to take precedence
At all
My family, my own happiness
Not a chance
But her, and my love for her
That shrouds my mind
It will forever
All i have are
Simple borrowed words

Don't be fooled
I am not complaining
I only wish it was not accompanied
By sadness

Why should I
Wait for tomorrow?

You lie
I cry
You fly
Now I die

No matter how much
I wish for my death
I always feel weirdly
Attached to this life

A feeling of anxiousness
Overwhelms me
Intensely
But not really anxiousness
Or nervousness
Can't describe it
Except,
Agida

It all comes and goes
All these woes

And then I looked up
And saw myself at 71
After 50 years of it
And looked down
And saw myself at 21
After a few months of it
And I don't know
And I may never
Which one did it
But I looked at myself
And just said the words
"Beckon Me"

I can't
Pretend
It's not
The End
Lovers
Then friends,
Strangers
Again

You might be able to live with this
But i can't
I want to kiss you
I want to taste your tongue
I want to look into your eyes
Seeing everything i did right
I want to fall into bed with you
And never get out
I want to hold hands
I want to talk about *** openly
I want you to tease me when you touch me
I want every day without you
To be a day with you
If i don't have that
I don't want to live
I want you, i want you so bad
It's driving me mad
It's driving me...

Rain rain
Go away
Like *******
*******
Dude seriously
Come on
This **** *****

Scarcely,
I see what I hope to see

Loudly,
I want to yell your name

Yieldingly,
I elect not to do so

Instantly,
I sink into the depths

Regrettably,
I take the foolish risks

Incessantly,
I continue to hang onto this

Slowly,
I will wither and blow away

Like the pedals of the flower
Yes, I wither and blow away
Like the beauty of nature itself
My sadness is here to stay

And then I reset...

As I rise from rest
I know a few things
One of which is simple:
Watermelon is the perfect fruit
The others are more complex
I can't really explain:
Love is elusive
It can be my best friend
Or it can be my worst enemy
However, I've had it best before
And...
Abelias.
Like the flower?
Not sure what this means
Maybe it's an anagram for something
Something largely important
Or someone
Who it seems as though
My whole life depends on
This one, I can't seem to let go of
Abelias...

I won't forget, I know
I'll never escape these woes
No matter how hard I try
I can never match that high

If I'm a dog, I'm a dog
A cat would be better
She likes those more
But it is not terrible
I like my position
Of course I am,
A dog, that is
Because I pant and I whine
And wait patiently at the door
Waiting for you to come back
So eager for you to pet me
Rub my belly
Show me your love
For the little while
That you care to show it
Because you're distracted
By things more important
I get that
I'm just a dog
And there are people
And cats and responsibilities
You need to attend to
I don't fault you
You are my owner
I love you unconditionally
I'll die for you
But just for right now
I want your attention
Even if its a fraction of it
I just want you to keep petting me
And stroking my ears
While you do the other things
So I'll keep forcing my snout
Between your leg and your hand
In hopes that you won't find it annoying
But just mindlessly pet me
Because you're the sweetest
Most gracious girl
A domesticated man could ask for
But your attention is elsewhere
And I need you right here

It was such a dumb thing
In a stressful time
I knew who I loved
And it was not her
Not the one I kept secret
I only ever really loved one
She asked me if I'd tell her
And I straight up lied
Because I knew
I would never tell her
Not until she already knew
Because how could I?
I'm not shameless
I'm not fearless
I'm helpless
I'm relentless
I'm brainless
Because had I not
Made that mistake
I could still be looking ahead
At the little children
Little ones that will never come
I could still be looking ahead
At the wedding
The Marriage that will never come
I could still be looking ahead
At the happy life
The life with her that I'll never have

Cried out
To you alone
What's in you?
Throw me a bone
Oh life
What did you know?
How do we ever decide?

Careful love
Blow it away
Let's go there
What do you say?
Oh life
Why do you wait?
How do we get to the sky?

Called out
To you alone
What made you?
Maybe you know
Oh life
Let it all go
How do we get to the sky?

Find your frown
Is here to stay
And you want Jesus
To run away

Aztec eyes
A vacant smile
Yawning comfort
Your modern style

Heroes of stories
Told when we were young
Powered through
The song that was sung

Your ancient ruins
Are where you left them
Your hands are fine
As you side with him

Savage thirst
Sophisticated hunger
All are the same
It's all a blunder

Turn to dust
Cinder and smoke
Gust of wind
Whirling stroke

Done and gone
Going gladly
We forage for what
We desire madly

Burn it to a crisp
Burn it to the ground
Burn it all now
Burn what I found

We are flawed and we are now
I wonder why and i wonder how

A pair of socks is all you gave to me
But i wore those socks forever
Wore those socks forever

I peered through the bannisters
I remember hearing talking
I remember hearing talking

How do they all fit inside
Secrets in the night sky
Secrets in the night sky

Candle in the corner of the room
It was filled with christmas quiet
Filled with christmas quiet

Wandering on a cold misty morning
I was wearing all the jumpers
Wearing all the jumpers

A pair of socks is all you gave to me
But i wore those socks forever
Wore those socks forever

A thousand years
I've got time
I've come a long way

A thousand years
I've lost time
I've come a long way

A thousand years
I am life
I've come a long way

I don't want to hear from you anymore
You're a liar
You're just a creep
Manipulative
Controlling
You never could have loved me
I literally can't stand you
I'm leaving
You'll never hear from me again
You'll never see me again
Goodbye

I'm going to be sick...
Somebody **** me please.

Feel the wind
Make it a hobby
Letters sent
To the hotel lobby
Read the note
Repeat after me
"The less you wrote
The more i've seen"
"Don't write back.
I know you want to.
My bags are packed,
But i promise i'll miss you"
"Hard times for us all,
But I'll tell you, I must.
My protective steel walls
Are turning to rust"

Feeling the wind
Is my final hobby
Jump off the roof then
And land outside the lobby

I'm hurt,
I'm broken,
I'm bruised,
I'm sore,
I'm losing
The battle
Of life.
I'm on
The verge
Of death
Right now.
But you're ok
And that's
What matters.

Pay your debt
Make your bet
You wept and wept
Over the promise you kept
And all the while
You face the trials
Of your own never ending
Death

Hold me close
I need you so
I want you in my dreams