Old longings nomadic leap,
Chafing at custom's chain;
Again from its brumal sleep
Wakens the ferine strain.

Sometimes...
I want to **** myself
I want to discard my body
Make the world like i was never here
This would hurt people
But only for a little while
They'd move on
Because people do that
And the world
And all the people
Would be way better
Because i'm not there
Then people tell me that its selfish
To think such a thing
And so i feel selfish
I feel terrible
Because of that i think
Sometimes...
I want to **** myself
I want to discard my body
...

My world is falling apart
No matter how many times
I try
I fail
Find a brick
Find one hundred
Never matters
It gets blown over
By the wind
My sadness
Is a drop of blood
In a pool of sharks
It's ******* ridiculous.

Falling infinitely
Well maybe not,
I know there's an end
Soon, and it won't be pretty
Back to the ground
Means it will be unexpected
The sky is moving further away
No life flashing before my eyes
Only love
My love
Everything i did wrong
Becomes evident now
With impending death
I think, were i not falling
I would tell her everything
I'm thinking now
Maybe i'd ask her to marry me
That's what i've wanted after all
She's the only one i could stand
Such a miserable life
But one bright spot
But were i not falling,
I wouldn't be thinking this
I'd just be making
The same mistakes again
Unappreciative
I hope she somehow knows
That i'm sorry
For all the pain i caused her
The only thing i want to see now
Is her face
And i can't remember
What it looks like
For whatever reason
All i can see is
The sky moving further away
Now distant
****
Wish i could see
That beautiful face
One more time
All i can see
Is darkness

Because somehow,
Somehow she always ends up
In my arms again
Always, back in my arms
And i'm screaming, begging
I'm back begging her to stay here
But she leaves,
And i'm left alone, begging
For just five more minutes

Hero,
Legend,
Idol,
His loss will mean the loss of control
Gave all
He could
Give
The greatest to ever live

I hate myself
My life
My lack of friends
My personality
I'd welcome death
If i weren't such a coward
I hate myself

If i had any last words,
If i had to do that sort of thing,
They would be this, i think:

Why has the good lord chosen
To treat me this way
With my one life
The only one i get
**** i love life
It's just so fascinating
The colors and the sounds
Flowers and laughter
People, lovers and friends
Love...
Living life is what i hate
So great from a distance
But up close, so messy
I've smiled until my death
But will never lie about it
It was miserable
And to those i drove away
That graveyard of mistakes
An apology, the last one
Because i could've been better
I loved you all
Ah, the helplessness
I'm already dead
Taking my head is only
The extra measure you must take
So goodbye life
And thank you for this
Terribly wonderful experience
It was quite the nightmare

Crown of leaves,
High in the window on a gold morning
Young today,
Old as a railroad tomorrow
Days are just
Drops in the river to be lost always
Only you,
Only you, you know

Years ago,
Birds of a feather would arrive nightly
Gone you know,
Held to another like clutched ivy
On the shore,
Speak to the ocean and receive silence
Only you,
Only you, you know

You hesitate, so my memory fades
I'll hold to the first one
"I wouldn't turn to another," you say
On the long night we've made

Let it go

Only you,
Only you, you know
Only you,
Only you, you know

You hesitate, so my memory fades
I'll hold to the first one
"I wouldn't turn to another," you say
On the long night we've made

Let it go
Let it go

Speak to me slow, my dear
No ghost, of course, in here
Pleased to be lonesome, quiet and clear
All is alone in here

All i know
Is that i'm in limbo
And no matter how close
I get to an angel or demon
I'm never in heaven or hell
Just still in limbo

You know, you can't feel new
If your circumstances don't reflect you
It's just what you were that you feel
And what you are isn't real
Your time is wasted in nights
When you think your work is your rights
The innocence is lost throughout the day
But the person hasn't changed in any way
Being given the orders isn't being grown
Maturity is with the knowledge that's known

Someday it will all end
When your bloom is late
So give caution to the wind
Then worry about fate

If the sun refused to shine,
I would still be loving you.
When mountains crumble to the sea,
There will still be you and me.
Kind woman, I give you my all,
Kind woman, nothing more
Little drops of rain whisper of the pain,
Tears of loves lost in the days gone by
My love is strong,
With you there is no wrong,
Together we shall go until we die
An inspiration is what you are to me
And so today, my world it smiles,
Your hand in mine, we walk the miles,
Thanks to you it will be done,
For you to me are the only one
Happiness, no more be sad,
Happiness, I'm glad
If the sun refused to shine,
I would still be loving you
When mountains crumble to the sea,
There will still be you and me

For the second time
It's almost better this time
Two hundred
Twenty eight thousand
Nine hundred
Ninety six pieces
I will
Two hundred
Twenty eight thousand
Nine hundred
Ninety five pieces
Finally,
No more running
No more chasing
The pieces are cooperating
You were so broken
And you still are
When i finish
And i will
I can tell the final image
Will have breaks and tears
But i can feel myself being
Part of it
I am
Two hundred
Twenty eight thousand
Nine hundred
Ninety four pieces
I am, and i will
Two hundred
Twenty eight thousand
Nine hundred
Ninety three pieces
We are,
And we will

I began to lose control
There was a tension
Growing ever stronger
My pillow flattened
And the covers withdrew
The heat froze to a chill
And i remembered
That i hurt you
I was so confused before
But then, in that moment
I remembered perfectly
It was bliss, my life
And then it was pain
Just like that, pain
And i cried the night
Into a silent dawn
Until the wind was hot
The covers came back
The pillow fluffed
And in an instant,
Altogether, i forgot again
I forgot that i hurt you
And i forgot why you left

This is the start
And you are the first
We are just kids
But soon i'll be cursed
Playing and laughing
I love you so much
My heart is so tender
So soft to the touch
But you will move on
To bigger and better things
A fallen angel,
You lose your wings
Moving on now
The next one is new
I feel myself levitating
When i'm looking at you
Your beautiful brown eyes
And the hair so red
But before it has started
Our future is dead
I'm still not over it
But you will not be the last
No, the next one still stings
You come and go so fast
I love you most of all
Falling in love with you
Is literally my downfall
I could write books about you
Thousands, millions of them
You will darken my world
And make my life dim
But next is a short one
I need more from this
I care for you deeply, but
You leave my heart in the abyss
The last is least
That is, how much i care
You are perfect, i am lost
You are blissfully unaware
From The First, to VLG
And The Bell, to The Cat
To The Beauty, they go
I love them, and they hate that

But here i am now
Waiting for one more spark
Moving my hands, crying,
Making shadows in the dark

If i thought it was enough,
If i thought today was enough,
Maybe i could come back home
Without my sorrows
Without all of those things
And this thing we've come
To recognize again will die
We will all forget
what makes us happy
Really, actually happy
And it is not too soon to say
Nothing will come of it

Strong
Bold
Beautiful
Intelligent
Powerful
Kind
Wise
Our better half

Something seems off
Like i'm being deceived
Though my eyes can only see
What i'm wanted to perceive
It's such a nagging feeling
Because I trust what I see
But now that is
To a certain degree
There's something here
I'm not supposed to know
Something i'm shielded from
I haven't found any clues though

I had this dream tonight
Resting my head on a pillow
Waiting for my drunken sibling
In this dream it's Christmas eve
And the world is as it is
And i meet my girl
I mean the girl who was mine
Until she decided
To destroy my world
I meet my girl and she tells me
Through a crooked evil grin
It was all a joke
The tears, the argument,
My world's sad end
A cruel joke yes, but
What i know she wanted
Was the excitement in my eyes
When they saw the flames
Being put out
And all the lies
And terrible things were
False like the lightly dim night
And that is what happened
I shed a tear and kissed her
A hundred times or more
And in that moment
We were back together
That was the greatest gift of all
On a Christmas in my dream
And it's not even real
Is the saddest part
Not at all as real as it seemed

And now i know
My ABCs
*******, C.

Timothy can't find his happiness
It's abandoned him it seems
Though he does not know it now
He sees it in his dreams
It escapes his grasp, it runs away
In every single scene
It may be confusing him
But he knows just what it means
And it really gets to him
It hurts him to the core
If it goes like this much longer
He can't fight it anymore
He shudders every minute
With every step he takes
He does not know why
He hears his heart break
He's given it some thought
And taken all his time
He just might have to do it
Have a bit of wine
It will crush who he is
Who he wanted always to be
But he doesn't have a choice
He knows it is the key
Then hopefully he'll get the girl
The one who likes to sing
When he hears her pretty song
He'll imagine her with wings
If it works, he can be happy
All smiles and laughter
With her he can live on
Happily ever after

Pain is presence
Presence is pain
Pain presents itself
Presenting, itself, is pain
When you ache and groan,
I notice it
It chills me to the bone
Nowhere to sit
When you call out for help
I'm fully aware
You're the puddle when you melt
You wonder if you can relate to grass
As you feel people stepping on you
You feel them on your ***
To say something is taboo
You don't deserve that, you know
You've done nothing wrong
Inherently, although
The feeling is lifelong
I can never truly understand
What it's like to be you, and
You stick to solid ground,
But you're sinking in the sand
Being a woman is hard, man.

No period of six days
Has ever felt so long
As this one seems to
I've never felt so wrong
Feel like I'm in a maze
With an hour long ****** song
Stuck in my head all day
For some reason I'm singing along
Going backwards in a daze

I am just another fool,
And I have to keep telling myself that
I am just a hypocrite,
And I have to keep calling you one
Cause I forgot to bite my tongue
And my assumption,
It is the mother of all mistakes
So I assume the role,
Open my mouth,
And clumsy words escape

So why do you wanna be there,
When you could be here,
You are slipping away

I awake to your replacement,
A bottle in my mouth,
In an unfamiliar place
Because you put me out,
The **** of a sick joke,
Into this ashtray life
As you come and go,
Cause I forgot to service you,
And we broke down
And you can't live with my mistakes,
But I assume false grace
Open my arms
And grasp for something true

How are you,
How have you been,
Girl I miss you,
Wanna see you again
Oh why do you wanna be there,
When you could be here,
You are slipping away

I bring out the worst in you,
And you try to let me know
You bring out the worst in me,
Anxiety, anxiety
I'm trying hard to let you go, but
You say I'm giving you the creeps
So I assume the role,
Open my claws
And grasp for your heart

How are you,
How have you been,
Girl I miss you,
Wanna **** you again
Into you like a mortal stake
So vindictive
Your love's slipping away

It’s a terrible affliction
You’re my addiction
But maybe I’ll have a better mood tomorrow

Death is too kind
For a person like me

No risk
Full aversion
Sleep my life away
Because living it is harder
At least my dreams
Can make me somewhat happy
I get to see her
In some of them
And because I'll die
If I have to live with this ****

It's 1 a.m.
And you're leaving
You've lost me
After you so recently
Found me
My busted finger
Is nothing
Compared to
The heartbreak
If you don't find me
Again
My message to you
Please listen
Ignore everything
Come back
Where you first
Found me
Bind yourself
To the purity
Of young love
And find me
Please find me
Because i'm lost
Without you

You can’t change it
You can’t rearrange it
Time is all that we’ve got
So baby let’s take it.

A cause for caution
The distance in the middle
When the hands aren't touching
And i can't return the call
There was a storm tonight
And my heart isn't calm
Now yours isn't either
I know that's the problem
But it's all better now
Or it can be, it could be
That is, if you still want me
Because i know i'm of no help to you

Are you awake?
Are you even alive?
I need you to be
Because soon, good will come
You'll need to be there for that
Do you remember when you were sad?
When you were alone?
When you hated yourself?
When you wanted to be someone else?
So badly that it hurt
So badly that it still hurts
What about when you were angry?
When sadness turned sour?
When you directed it toward the one you love?
How bad did you feel then?
Do you remember?
Do you?
Because i need you to
It will make you stronger
And it will help us win the next one
The next battle that decides our happiness

Wake up.
Get up.
Put on your shoes.
Get your **** together.
Remember.
And make sure that **** doesn't happen again.

Someday when i'm younger
I'll have more time to say
Things i always wanted to
And i'll attack the flaws
That were so hard to find
It seems i'm forever Old

But someday when i'm younger
I'll tell women in my life
That i don't have time for them
I'll tell them to grow up
I'll have a future but
No growing up to do, my own

And someday when i'm younger
There won't be things
I have no clue about
I'll be in love with someone
And i'll have high self esteem
Happiness won't be so far away

Yeah, someday when i'm younger
I'll think about the things
I did when i had the chance
Rather than think about
What i didn't do when i had the chance
I'll be brave, and people will like me...

Someday...

Yeah soon you may find
Me with a married man
So take to the sky
With all you can
You can go
Or you can be my friend
On your way here
I read your fears
I understand
Why you're here
You won't go
Because you know the end
Sometimes you say
The silliest things
And no one brings
The happiness you bring
Please don't go
We're on the mend

Please don't go...
I'll need you again...

Someday
I'll have sweet release
But my pleasure will come from sparing them
Because she won't have to worry about me
Nor will the rest of them
And they'll all live happily ever after
Without me
I'll no longer annoy the **** out of them
Someday

She told me once
And a thousand times
No
Not gonna happen
Never again
And every time
I thought differently
I never listened
Because I'm a man
And men get their way
She'll tell me again
A thousand more times
No
Not gonna happen
Never again
And every time
I'll think differently
I'll never listen
Because I'm a man
And men get their way

Another cigarette
Another case of beer
Another bad decision
Another child of fear

One more time
One more day
One more fault
One more fray

Keep on smoking
Keep on drinking
Keep on ruining
Keep on sinking

Continue your mess
Continue your ways
Continue ******* us up
Continue to pray

You think God
is going to fix
what you've done?

One more far fetched game
Keep on wishing
Continue your dream

It's a weird and confusing thing isn't it?
We all want to be loved,
But the timing has to be right
We want to be in love
But we can't control it once it happens
We cherish the idea of emotions
But too emotional is unattractive
We have the technology for X-rays
But few people see through the exterior
We want attention
But when we get it, we freeze
We want people to care about us
But when they do, we get scared
We close ourselves off
We want people to fight for us,
But we rarely fight for people
It's a weird and confusing thing isn't it?

I showed i care
And i'm all alone
I killed my desires
And i'm all alone
I did what you said
And i'm all alone
I spent so much money...
...none of which you wanted
And i'm all alone
I made myself the bad guy
And i'm all alone
I cried in my car
And i'm all alone
I did everything i could...
...to make you happy
And i'm all alone
I halted communication
And i'm all alone
I committed to you
And i'm all alone
I'm sitting here in love...
...wishing you were here
And i'm all alone
All. Alone.

A father
His suicide
A drugged up mom
Depression
A miscarriage
A ****** life's bomb
Bipolar
Pessimism
Being just a pawn
PTSD
Insomnia
How do you go on?

With the world the way it is
The way it seems to be
It's an opportune time
To explore the sky
And the world around me

I wake up with a thirst
For blood and death
I hunt with others
It fills me with excitement
Makes me feel alive
As far as the world is concerned
I'm not here
The Earth rotates
My heart turns to dust
My mind wanders
Drearily, wearily
Becoming cloudy
With each second
I feel the sun pulling me
Lost, i look up
All i see is moon
With a witch on one side
And a snake on the other
The One in Charge has no answer
Silence fills the air
My feet tremble
The ground shakes
For a while
The moon turns red
And clouds dance
Across the purple sky
One is reborn
The wind and a wolf
Howl in harmony
For a moment, we can all
See the world
And go back
To making it better
I wake up
To a bright, white moonrise

I've felt the Earth crumble in my arms
Words slip from my mind
The life of a paradigm
There's such an infinite array 
It's meaningless to choose one
And those choices on their own
Are as meaningless as numbers
But if we put them together
They start to form something real
We have to take life one day at a time
If we don't, it starts to cluster
We get weeks in a day
Months in a week
Years in a season
The life we had once, slowly
Withers and becomes a lesson learned
Rather than an experience
It's a bad dream
Rather than a memory
We gasp for our final breath
Wishing we could have a little more time
Rather than tell the world it's time to go
Knowing we did everything
We were supposed to do
The way we knew
We were supposed to do it
But it's something 
We've got to deal with
Something we have to see
It feels like the only point
Of life is the means to an end
When that end nears
You want no complaints
Death has no ears to hear them
Nor a mouth to respond
A universe is created, or born
Every time a love dies
And one is destroyed
When a love lasts to face death
With none before or after
Thus, you have too many universes 
As humans, we have a need
A desire, a hunger, a craving
For this powerful love
Too many let it pass away
Too many suffer because of that
Cuts and bruises don't measure
To loss and sadness
Nerve and negligence
Serve a king of dangling bodies

And what substance is there?
What reason do you have
To be truly grateful?
Nothing at all, except,
That the situation is not equal
You don't always get a bad roll of the dice
Even when it turns up snake eyes. 
And whatever happens, happens,
Truly,
And i know it to be true

As i've experienced death
Life is, itself, 
The never-ending cycle of hatred
And it's up to us to end it
The path to this execution
Has always been somewhat
Generally specific
Love one another
Differences, cast them aside
We are different, inherently

So let that go, and let that be
Love one another
And let our souls be free
Leave the grass green
And the oceans blue
It's ok, i know someday
I'm going to be with you
All of you, my fellow beings
We'll come through
We'll make it to our own

Eden

**** life
Its such a
Never ending
Circle of
Cliche stories
We love
We hate
We ****
We abstain
It doesn't matter
None of it
Not for me anyway
I might as well be dead
Believe me
I wish that i was dead
I can't do any
**** thing right...

I can imagine
A river
The flow of the rapids
There is calm
There is chaos
But it never loses its shape
It is forever
Forever a river

I can imagine
Our love
The feel of the kisses
There is calm
There is chaos
But it never loses its shape
It is forever
Forever our love

Where are we
In this maze of ropes
This was once a
Katamari of tropes
Designed to make
Us happier beings
And now i feel
Like we've lost our wings
We've hit a dead end
And to turn around
Seems to be easy
Give up the love we found
But we can't do that
And why would we?
This is what we both need
The way we wanted to be
So i propose a new idea
Don't turn around or reverse
Don't do what we know
Will make it worse
Power through the dead end
Carve our way through
Make a new land
The land of me and you

Listen to me:

The more you see
The less I’m me
The worse you think
The further you sink
You’re captured inside
Your needing to hide
Don’t slip through your skin
To the depression within

If you can trust what you know
We can both fight this foe
And if you do know me
Then happier, we’ll be
But now, you must be brave
And not fear what I gave
You must listen once more:
Something wonderful is in store

Why am i so attracted to brokenness?
Like a magnet to little shreds of iron
Picking up all the pieces, naturally
Is it a flaw, or is that my purpose?
Am i meant to, as Jimi Hendrix once said,
"Pick up the all pieces, and make an island?"
Or am i some sick, demented man
Driven by lust to love what others won't?
Maybe i'm wrong, i'm not bad
I actually admire the people
Who are broken, and still come back
To form some new, strong human being
My heroes are the broken ones
Sticking to life with their own adhesive

Today was just a day
And you dealt with it okay
But tomorrow is a boy who needs to run

You've seen it all before
You've knocked on all the doors
But tomorrow is a funny looking one

Everything is about to change
But I say bring it closer to me

Oh it's coming soon
But like the spinning of the moon
In truth, it is already happening

Think back to the start
When we sang with bolder hearts
And the darkness wasn't even bothering

Oh everything is about to change
But I say bring it closer to me

Bring the storm and the blows
And everything it knows
And I say bring it closer to me

Soon
Soon

Hope it was a bird
That flew til it was heard
And landed in a corner of a mind

I'll get what I'll get
And we ain't seen nothing yet
And no one has ever glanced the other side

Oh everything is about to change
But I say bring it closer to me

Bring the time and the space
And the lost, forgotten place
And I say bring it closer to me

Today was just a day
And you dealt with it okay
But tomorrow is a boy who needs to run

Oh everything is about to change
But I say bring it closer to me

Everyone
I push away everyone
Everyone i care about
Everyone i love
Everyone who can stand to hate me
Not on purpose
I've pushed away some of the greatest
The most amazing people
I don't know how
To keep it from happening
Again and again and again
And again and again and again
I'm in hell
Because when bad things happen
It's just life
When they are all your fault
And you have no idea how
Or why
Or what could have prevented them
It's hell

Have you ever started walking,
And you're sort of wandering?
I mean you have a path
There is a direction,
There is a destination,
But your mind isn't going there with you
Your mind disappears from your body
It goes somewhere else
To the point where you're sort of
Just blindly walking
Still going the right way
And at the point that you are
Near the destination,
You start to realize that
You aren't you
You have no opinions,
No desires, no needs
Death and poverty become
Just words with a textbook meaning
Rather than actual problems
You realize that you are only
A symbol or an idea
Of what you once were
And once wanted to be
Have you?

How does it feel to be
One of the beautiful
People?
Now that you know who you are,
What do you want to be?
And have you traveled very far?
Far as the eye can see

How does it feel to be
One of the beautiful
People?
How often have you been there?
Often enough to know
What did you see when you were there?
Nothing that doesn't show

How does it feel to be
One of the beautiful
People?
Tuned to a natural E
Happy to be that way
Now that you found another key,
What are you going to play?