A change has passed
Like a wave over me
My sadness has subsided
For the time being
I possess no anger
For past mistakes
No shame, only confidence
Look to the future
For every time to come
But it will end
It always does
I need to find a way
To end this cycle
Because i could be happy
On a good path this time

I've felt the Earth crumble in my arms
Words slip from my mind
The life of a paradigm
There's such an infinite array 
It's meaningless to choose one
And those choices on their own
Are as meaningless as numbers
But if we put them together
They start to form something real
We have to take life one day at a time
If we don't, it starts to cluster
We get weeks in a day
Months in a week
Years in a season
The life we had once, slowly
Withers and becomes a lesson learned
Rather than an experience
It's a bad dream
Rather than a memory
We gasp for our final breath
Wishing we could have a little more time
Rather than tell the world it's time to go
Knowing we did everything
We were supposed to do
The way we knew
We were supposed to do it
But it's something 
We've got to deal with
Something we have to see
It feels like the only point
Of life is the means to an end
When that end nears
You want no complaints
Death has no ears to hear them
Nor a mouth to respond
A universe is created, or born
Every time a love dies
And one is destroyed
When a love lasts to face death
With none before or after
Thus, you have too many universes 
As humans, we have a need
A desire, a hunger, a craving
For this powerful love
Too many let it pass away
Too many suffer because of that
Cuts and bruises don't measure
To loss and sadness
Nerve and negligence
Serve a king of dangling bodies

And what substance is there?
What reason do you have
To be truly grateful?
Nothing at all, except,
That the situation is not equal
You don't always get a bad roll of the dice
Even when it turns up snake eyes. 
And whatever happens, happens,
Truly,
And i know it to be true

As i've experienced death
Life is, itself, 
The never-ending cycle of hatred
And it's up to us to end it
The path to this execution
Has always been somewhat
Generally specific
Love one another
Differences, cast them aside
We are different, inherently

So let that go, and let that be
Love one another
And let our souls be free
Leave the grass green
And the oceans blue
It's ok, i know someday
I'm going to be with you
All of you, my fellow beings
We'll come through
We'll make it to our own

Eden

Have you ever started walking,
And you're sort of wandering?
I mean you have a path
There is a direction,
There is a destination,
But your mind isn't going there with you
Your mind disappears from your body
It goes somewhere else
To the point where you're sort of
Just blindly walking
Still going the right way
And at the point that you are
Near the destination,
You start to realize that
You aren't you
You have no opinions,
No desires, no needs
Death and poverty become
Just words with a textbook meaning
Rather than actual problems
You realize that you are only
A symbol or an idea
Of what you once were
And once wanted to be
Have you?

Somewhere, there is,
In a cloudy place,
A person, perhaps
With either ***,
Who might do all
And everything
For my sake
For my happiness
Who will give up
On other dreams
Other desires
Who would exist
Solely for me
And what was ours
One who carries
All of the burdens
That fell from my arms
I dreamt of that person
In a sleepless night
I know not where
Or who this person is
But wherever that one lies,
I am here, confounded
By life and love,
Completely oblivious

Human nature
Is to defend
And to love
Those to whom
We are close
Or have been
In the past

Animal nature
Is to scurry
Or to fight
Those who
They do not understand
Or have not
In history

I think about this
And get confused
That i seem
To be dealing
With animals
Rather than
Human beings

I look at the two moons in the east
Point to them with my index finger,
Thumb pointing up, like a gun, and say:
"Bang, bang."

I found just now
The personality
I am the most in love with
A great relief for me
But the bad part is
It doesn't actually exist
It's only in fiction
Condescending yet
Fully understanding
Comically light, yet
No seriousness
No fear in speaking the mind
Dark past, bad visions
Terrible desires
But a good heart
Makes me want to die
And be reborn anew
In her presence
The next great novel
I'd **** for that,
She'll **** anyway

The emotions, the feelings
They fill my soul
Like dread and emptiness
My heart grows old
This fresh hell
This tiring sorrow
I am crying tonight
So i can drown tomorrow
The faces, the memories
Like people and places
They fill my eyes
Tears freeze, mind races
I've felt this before
It's the same thing
I see a bluejay
Hear the sad song he sings
The emotions, the feelings
They fill my soul
Like dread and emptiness
They take their toll

Broken spears lie in the roads;
We have torn our hair in grief.
The houses are roofless now, and their walls
Are red with blood...

I am just another fool,
And I have to keep telling myself that
I am just a hypocrite,
And I have to keep calling you one
Cause I forgot to bite my tongue
And my assumption,
It is the mother of all mistakes
So I assume the role,
Open my mouth,
And clumsy words escape

So why do you wanna be there,
When you could be here,
You are slipping away

I awake to your replacement,
A bottle in my mouth,
In an unfamiliar place
Because you put me out,
The **** of a sick joke,
Into this ashtray life
As you come and go,
Cause I forgot to service you,
And we broke down
And you can't live with my mistakes,
But I assume false grace
Open my arms
And grasp for something true

How are you,
How have you been,
Girl I miss you,
Wanna see you again
Oh why do you wanna be there,
When you could be here,
You are slipping away

I bring out the worst in you,
And you try to let me know
You bring out the worst in me,
Anxiety, anxiety
I'm trying hard to let you go, but
You say I'm giving you the creeps
So I assume the role,
Open my claws
And grasp for your heart

How are you,
How have you been,
Girl I miss you,
Wanna **** you again
Into you like a mortal stake
So vindictive
Your love's slipping away

You should be careful
When you juggle knives
There are people you love
And you could end those lives

You think that it's simple
Or its all just a game
If it's alright with you
We are not all the same

It's just not fair
And it seems that way
But it all comes together
At the end of the day

And we'll be with each other
If you let that be, here
There's nothing more
That you need to fear

I'll be here, and there
I'll be your bleeding star
In the darkest night
Sit here with me in your car

Forever please

Some coincidences
Are crazy
The numbers
The meanings
At 6:38, she wrote,
Use the numbers
Multiply them
You get 228
Significance?
Evident, her day
Coincidence?
Possibly, but really
I could never know
But she loves numbers
She'd appreciate that
I know it

If i had any last words,
If i had to do that sort of thing,
They would be this, i think:

Why has the good lord chosen
To treat me this way
With my one life
The only one i get
**** i love life
It's just so fascinating
The colors and the sounds
Flowers and laughter
People, lovers and friends
Love...
Living life is what i hate
So great from a distance
But up close, so messy
I've smiled until my death
But will never lie about it
It was miserable
And to those i drove away
That graveyard of mistakes
An apology, the last one
Because i could've been better
I loved you all
Ah, the helplessness
I'm already dead
Taking my head is only
The extra measure you must take
So goodbye life
And thank you for this
Terribly wonderful experience
It was quite the nightmare

Meadowlark, fly your way down
I hold a cornucopia and a golden crown
For you to wear upon your fleecy down

My meadowlark, sing to me

Hummingbird, just let me die
Inside the broken ovals of your olive eyes
I do believe you gave it your best try

My hummingbird, sing to me

Don't believe a word that I haven't heard
Little children laughing at the boys and girls
The meadowlark singing to you each and every day
The arc light on the hillside and the market in the hay

Apologies disintegrate
So much regret i have
One swift swing of your blade
Silently, i die
You'll never understand
How much i'll suffer
Without your silly siren

With the world the way it is
The way it seems to be
It's an opportune time
To explore the sky
And the world around me

I wake up with a thirst
For blood and death
I hunt with others
It fills me with excitement
Makes me feel alive
As far as the world is concerned
I'm not here
The Earth rotates
My heart turns to dust
My mind wanders
Drearily, wearily
Becoming cloudy
With each second
I feel the sun pulling me
Lost, i look up
All i see is moon
With a witch on one side
And a snake on the other
The One in Charge has no answer
Silence fills the air
My feet tremble
The ground shakes
For a while
The moon turns red
And clouds dance
Across the purple sky
One is reborn
The wind and a wolf
Howl in harmony
For a moment, we can all
See the world
And go back
To making it better
I wake up
To a bright, white moonrise

Happy, if we're talking
What could have been
Meaningful, and full
Of emotion, good feelings
I never had doubt
All you had to do
Was let it work
Two lives that will be
Now forever plagued
With sadness and misfortune
They'll end on the same day
And far away
From each other
The problem here
Was not me, it was you
My dear, my darling
My sweetheart
I loved your singing, but,
Sad, if we're talking
What will be
Meaningless, and empty
With regret

How do you let go
When she's the first one
You ever really loved
When years ago
You swore that you would
**** and die for her
The first time you felt that way
About someone else
You find that they might
Be happy, while you aren't
How do you let it go
How do you keep from
The overly protective instincts
Almost like a parent
You accepted you weren't
To be with her
Or even see her again
But come to find
There is someone else
She can trust
But can you trust him?
You knew it would happen
Didn't want to think about it
But realized the inevitability
How do you see him now?
And how do you react now?
And how do you live now?
All the flashbacks from before
Rush to you, paralyzed
You are, sitting, lying
This is the first death
Of the first love

Someday when i'm younger
I'll have more time to say
Things i always wanted to
And i'll attack the flaws
That were so hard to find
It seems i'm forever Old

But someday when i'm younger
I'll tell women in my life
That i don't have time for them
I'll tell them to grow up
I'll have a future but
No growing up to do, my own

And someday when i'm younger
There won't be things
I have no clue about
I'll be in love with someone
And i'll have high self esteem
Happiness won't be so far away

Yeah, someday when i'm younger
I'll think about the things
I did when i had the chance
Rather than think about
What i didn't do when i had the chance
I'll be brave, and people will like me...

Someday...

There are places I remember
All my life though some have changed
Some forever not for better
Some have gone and some remain
All these places have their moments
With lovers and friends I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I've loved them all
But of all these friends and lovers
There is no one compares with you
And these memories lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new
Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more

Because why
Would anyone
In their right mind
Be in love
With me?

I picked up some pieces
Broken pieces
I put them in a bag
Figured i'd wait until later
To put them together
And i went along
About my business
But at a certain point,
I realized that
For every piece i picked up
Five more appeared
In another place
This brings me to the
Conclusion that
I'll never finish
I'll be done when i die
And i will have accomplished
Nothing i set out for
All of my hearts desires
Will rest in the ground
Without content
It took me this long to see that
My efforts were wasted
And yet i still feel the need
To pick up more broken pieces
And each time i see
Other pieces being formed
Uniting on their own
Without my help
I see pieces of my own
Falling from my body
With shattering descent
Looking behind, i see no one
Picking up what i've left
Do i have to pick up those too?
I feel like a mess
And when it's all said and done,
When i'm dead,
My bag will weigh forty tons
A full bag of broken

Mellow. Like a cloud
If that's right
To be compared to
It's how i feel
It's my anger and sorrow
It's the fire and rain
All that fills my heart
A heart of darkness
So meaningless
Everything that has happened
None of it mattered
The people didn't
The *******
The hatred burns
Lava overflowing the cloud
The mellow cloud
I've turned into a psychopath
I think, because of the mellowness
I feel nothing even though
I should feel these feelings
I know i should push through
She said i could
But **** her
I want to die
I never belonged
But now it's even more
Evident
Cold, everyone has been to me
Cold, when i'm dead, i'll be
Cold, i feel nothing
****, be killed
It matters not
To me
I feel nothing
Just mellow
Like a cloud
No thunder
No lightning
No rain
Just white and fluffy
Feeling nothing

Old longings nomadic leap,
Chafing at custom's chain;
Again from its brumal sleep
Wakens the ferine strain.

A pair of socks is all you gave to me
But i wore those socks forever
Wore those socks forever

I peered through the bannisters
I remember hearing talking
I remember hearing talking

How do they all fit inside
Secrets in the night sky
Secrets in the night sky

Candle in the corner of the room
It was filled with christmas quiet
Filled with christmas quiet

Wandering on a cold misty morning
I was wearing all the jumpers
Wearing all the jumpers

A pair of socks is all you gave to me
But i wore those socks forever
Wore those socks forever

Don't let your mind get weary and confuse
Your will, be still, don't try
Don't let your heart get heavy child
Inside you there's a strength that lies
Don't let your soul get lonely child
It's only time, it will go by
Don't look for love in faces, places
It's in you, that's where you'll find kindness
Be here now
Don't lose your faith in me
And I will try not to lose faith in you
Don't put your trust in walls
'Cause walls will only crush you when they fall
Be here now

I had this dream tonight
Resting my head on a pillow
Waiting for my drunken sibling
In this dream it's Christmas eve
And the world is as it is
And i meet my girl
I mean the girl who was mine
Until she decided
To destroy my world
I meet my girl and she tells me
Through a crooked evil grin
It was all a joke
The tears, the argument,
My world's sad end
A cruel joke yes, but
What i know she wanted
Was the excitement in my eyes
When they saw the flames
Being put out
And all the lies
And terrible things were
False like the lightly dim night
And that is what happened
I shed a tear and kissed her
A hundred times or more
And in that moment
We were back together
That was the greatest gift of all
On a Christmas in my dream
And it's not even real
Is the saddest part
Not at all as real as it seemed

I meander aimlessly through consciousness
Wishing that confusion was an option
I see myself on the outside with unwillingness
Lament is not the only, but the strongest emotion
Lately, this is as it has been, not much more
Astonished by what i thought was impossible
Lacerations in my heart from everything before
Wisdom leaves
Adolescence remains
You scarred me for the remainder of my life
Still my heart caresses and craves your attention
Left for death, the heart still has your knife
On the off chance of your repeated heavenly descension
Vast is the pool of memories in which i am submerged
Every breath i take, eternity
You neglect my toughened love through every single surge
Only you
Untouched by guilt
Masked by everything around you
Obvious are the feelings that have dissolved and gone away
Love is reserved for someone new
Lust, too, but still i long for the 27th of May
You will always be mine, always

Another day, another dollar
Going to school to be a scholar
Sitting here in physics class
I could really use a homework pass
Mrs. Harvey is teaching and being loud
Everyone's so calm, but i don't know how
Learning Thermodynamics and specific heat
As i sit unaware while my mind retreats
Thinking about a single person's lies
Which caused my constantly twitching eye
Only thinking one thing, asking myself why
I keep telling myself that the end is nigh
Giving the tax payers a tight, stiff collar
Just so i can write this poem...
Another day, another dollar

There's always been a passion
A feeling, a need to love
Killing, evil sensation
We drown in from above
He looks ahead, she stares back
A portrait as blue as the skies
He can't look away, he's taken aback
By just the sight of her eyes
He knows, he knows
He's got no chance
She goes, she goes
Without a glance
There is no way of expression
For this solo threatening depression
A 7, a 6, a 4 or a 5?
Is there any point to being alive?
8 and 9 and 10 or more
Those are the ones that i live for
I really wish i was dead

Find your frown
Is here to stay
And you want Jesus
To run away

Aztec eyes
A vacant smile
Yawning comfort
Your modern style

Heroes of stories
Told when we were young
Powered through
The song that was sung

Your ancient ruins
Are where you left them
Your hands are fine
As you side with him

Savage thirst
Sophisticated hunger
All are the same
It's all a blunder

Turn to dust
Cinder and smoke
Gust of wind
Whirling stroke

Done and gone
Going gladly
We forage for what
We desire madly

Burn it to a crisp
Burn it to the ground
Burn it all now
Burn what I found

We are flawed and we are now
I wonder why and i wonder how

Where is there opportunity
In this field of sadness
Nothing accomplished
Nothing gained

What's the point
Of going on any further
No commitment
No more pain

Why is it important
To get through this
No more hardships
Nothing's the same

When will it be fine
To just give up
Not a sacrifice
No disdain

They tell me
"Don't give up"
But all I hear is
"Aim for the brain"

This is the window where
I watched the future start
My pupils dilated
The shock sped up my arms
I shut my ambushed eyes
And turned my face towards the heat

I felt the city choke
I heard the world at war
I prayed for providence
God said, don't pray no more
You went and made your mess
Now keep your blame off my feet

So I got off my knees
I faced the devil's day
The sky was ****** red
The streets were headstone gray
A flaming ferris wheel
Spun where the sun used to be

I watched it's buckets dip and dance
I saw a couple making love lock hands
They were pushing for abandon and the answers it could bring
90 million miles from the graveyard growing over everything

I saw my lover chased
Through fields of sugarcane
She clutched her belly close
And whispered, "keep us safe"
They ground her down to dust
No more miracles today

I dreamt myself awake
In a resort hotel
Above a golden coast
Beside my Southern belle
We heard the sea reborn
In each singing shell

And every coughing car
And every coiled snake
And every shrieking star
And every burning stake
Dissolved to atmosphere
All of everything, erased

I spread into a distant hum
I droned along with everyone
And the earth grew green and nursed herself to what she used to be
All our senseless shouting calmed to quiet in her ancient memory

And oh, what a joy
To be free

And now i know
My ABCs
*******, C.

I hate myself
My life
My lack of friends
My personality
I'd welcome death
If i weren't such a coward
I hate myself

I'm repulsive, aren't i?
My sullen stature
My barren body
I find myself to be so
They all hate me
All of the people
Even She hates me now
I can feel it in her words
Hear it in her voice
See it in her signs
I do everything i can
But what can i do
Really, i'm just me
I'm nice and loving
It seems to be too much
But i can't stop
Because i love them
And i love her
And i'll die
Before i let them go

Your family
Brother, sister
Mother, father
Niece, nephew
They're all you've got
In this world where
Everyone is out to get you
It seems, family,
It's all you can trust
You may hate them
As people, sometimes
You can't really help that
They may treat you badly
They might break you
From time to time
But they're all you've got
You know?
And whether you like it or not
They stay forever
And they love you
Not because they should
But because that's just
Something inside us all
We sorta have to
Love our family
No real choice in the matter
So trust them
Help them
Love them
It's not like
You have much of a choice
They're yours
For good

It's a weird and confusing thing isn't it?
We all want to be loved,
But the timing has to be right
We want to be in love
But we can't control it once it happens
We cherish the idea of emotions
But too emotional is unattractive
We have the technology for X-rays
But few people see through the exterior
We want attention
But when we get it, we freeze
We want people to care about us
But when they do, we get scared
We close ourselves off
We want people to fight for us,
But we rarely fight for people
It's a weird and confusing thing isn't it?

Falling infinitely
Well maybe not,
I know there's an end
Soon, and it won't be pretty
Back to the ground
Means it will be unexpected
The sky is moving further away
No life flashing before my eyes
Only love
My love
Everything i did wrong
Becomes evident now
With impending death
I think, were i not falling
I would tell her everything
I'm thinking now
Maybe i'd ask her to marry me
That's what i've wanted after all
She's the only one i could stand
Such a miserable life
But one bright spot
But were i not falling,
I wouldn't be thinking this
I'd just be making
The same mistakes again
Unappreciative
I hope she somehow knows
That i'm sorry
For all the pain i caused her
The only thing i want to see now
Is her face
And i can't remember
What it looks like
For whatever reason
All i can see is
The sky moving further away
Now distant
****
Wish i could see
That beautiful face
One more time
All i can see
Is darkness

My professor said
Write on the board
What you want most in life
I wrote the word "****"
Not because i'm a pervert
I just always wanted
To see that word
On a dry erase board
In big letters

Everyone
I push away everyone
Everyone i care about
Everyone i love
Everyone who can stand to hate me
Not on purpose
I've pushed away some of the greatest
The most amazing people
I don't know how
To keep it from happening
Again and again and again
And again and again and again
I'm in hell
Because when bad things happen
It's just life
When they are all your fault
And you have no idea how
Or why
Or what could have prevented them
It's hell

Worthless
A shame
A mistake
An accident
A name
*******
*******
*******
Lame
A burden
I am
And I won't change
I never should have been
I shouldn't ever be

After all is said and done I feel the same
All that I hoped would change within me stayed
Like a huddled moon-lit exile on the shore
Warming his hands, a thousand years ago

I walk with others in me yearning to get out
Claw at my skin and gnash their teeth and shout
One of them wants only to be someone you'd admire
One would as soon just throw you on the fire

After all is said and after all is done
God only knows which of them I'll become

If the world has found another new
Terrible disaster from which to endure
Then it will need courage, strength too
Wisdom from one who will ensure
The safety from harm and more,
Banishment of evil for the sake
Of the good people, a princess of lore
There is a sacrifice you need to make
Oh, hero of time, we need you now
More than ever before, so go
Do that which weakness won't allow
Fight the evil, defeat your old foe
The hardships you will face are known
There is so much here at risk
It's dangerous to go alone
Take this

I've always been a mistake
It seems you planned it
Now it does anyway
We've been rivals so long
At each other's throats
Like dogs, ever read the book
Call of the Wild?
I imagine that
You made me do all of this
You lead me into this
Only to make me drown
In my own coffin that you built
And they say
"Its ok, God will save you
He can make everything better"
Is that true?
That's what they're supposed
To think huh?
But they don't know
What you hide from them
They don't know you
Like I do
You planned all of this
Didn't you, God?
It's been you the whole time
Well I'm ready, ******
Let's do battle, let's fight
And when I win
When I kick your ***
You don't get to **** with me
Not anymore
I get to be happy permanently
Got it?
Bring it on, *******.

**** life
Its such a
Never ending
Circle of
Cliche stories
We love
We hate
We ****
We abstain
It doesn't matter
None of it
Not for me anyway
I might as well be dead
Believe me
I wish that i was dead
I can't do any
**** thing right...

Where are we
In this maze of ropes
This was once a
Katamari of tropes
Designed to make
Us happier beings
And now i feel
Like we've lost our wings
We've hit a dead end
And to turn around
Seems to be easy
Give up the love we found
But we can't do that
And why would we?
This is what we both need
The way we wanted to be
So i propose a new idea
Don't turn around or reverse
Don't do what we know
Will make it worse
Power through the dead end
Carve our way through
Make a new land
The land of me and you

Home is where it all begins
Where memories are made
Where they are always kept
Where favorites are found
The passion is never lost
Home is where it is safe
The enemies of the world
Can no longer reach
Where communication
Is prevalent and promises
Kept and made
Where nothing else matters
But the person inside the person
Home is where love is born
Where hatred dissipates
Adoring tastes of life
Where rhetoric and theme
Are not relevant anymore
But most of all
Home is where you found me
It's where I'll always be