She's necessary
I'm optional
She's important
I'm obsolete
She's catered to
I'm negotiated with
She's the only one
I'm this one
She's unique
I'm stagnant
She's everything
I'm something
She's all i've got
I'm another person
She's better
I'm lesser

She's finding a way to make life work without me
And i'm a wreck and my life is in shambles without her

Another
Or just me
Can't know
Won't know
Until long gone
Emotions
Fading
1,2,3
Gone
Psychopath mode
Love
Still present
Still debilitating
Still for one
Happiness
Loading
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L o a d i n g . . .
Hope
Loading
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L o a d i n g . . .

If I'm a dog, I'm a dog
A cat would be better
She likes those more
But it is not terrible
I like my position
Of course I am,
A dog, that is
Because I pant and I whine
And wait patiently at the door
Waiting for you to come back
So eager for you to pet me
Rub my belly
Show me your love
For the little while
That you care to show it
Because you're distracted
By things more important
I get that
I'm just a dog
And there are people
And cats and responsibilities
You need to attend to
I don't fault you
You are my owner
I love you unconditionally
I'll die for you
But just for right now
I want your attention
Even if its a fraction of it
I just want you to keep petting me
And stroking my ears
While you do the other things
So I'll keep forcing my snout
Between your leg and your hand
In hopes that you won't find it annoying
But just mindlessly pet me
Because you're the sweetest
Most gracious girl
A domesticated man could ask for
But your attention is elsewhere
And I need you right here

Tonight I'm gonna have myself
A real good time
I feel alive and the world
I'll turn it inside out
And floating around in ecstasy
So don't stop me now
Don't stop me
'Cause I'm having a good time
Having a good time
I'm a shooting star
Leaping through the sky
Like a tiger
Defying the laws of gravity
I'm a racing car passing by
Like Lady Godiva
I'm gonna go go go
There's no stopping me
I'm burnin' through the sky
Two hundred degrees
That's why they call me Mr. Fahrenheit
I'm traveling at the speed of light
I wanna make a supersonic man out of you
Don't stop me now
I'm having such a good time
I'm having a ball
Don't stop me now
If you wanna have a good time
Just give me a call
Don't stop me now ('Cause I'm having a good time)
Don't stop me now (Yes I'm havin' a good time)
I don't want to stop at all
Yeah, I'm a rocket ship
On my way to Mars
On a collision course
I am a satellite
I'm out of control
I am a *** machine ready to reload
Like an atom bomb about to explode
I'm burnin' through the sky
Two hundred degrees
That's why they call me Mr. Fahrenheit
I'm traveling at the speed of light
I wanna make a supersonic woman of you

Heels, wheels
Rotten banana peels

Tides and rides
Poking your insides

Lids and vids
Talk of future kids

A deep sleep
The tv lawyer creep

Blown, thrown
A moan unknown

Kick your socks off
In your sleep
We'll get them in the morning
They're yours to keep
How much i love you
I've repeatedly sworn
This is your day Mausi
The day you were born

If my mood is any indication
You won't accept any vindication
One second, it's clear
The next, it's fear
With you, i'm invincible
I heed you by principle
I am not without words
But i'm thinking about the birds
How they fly free in the sky
Without a care, without a lie
How they resemble you
If they only knew
And if you could only fly
You'd fly so high
With them, and leave me
And i'd wait patiently
So my mood is no indication
There is no needed vindication
I've just been down and blue
Because it's been a little while
And I miss you

Why must we stay
Where we don't belong?
Why must we stay
Where we don't belong?

Because there's never gonna be enough space
So eat the meek
Savor the taste
It's always gonna be a delicacy
Lick your chops
And eat the meek

Why must we stay
Where we don't belong?
Why must we stay
Where we don't belong?
Don't belong

The factory mass producing fear, bottled, capped
Distributed near and far
Sold for a reasonable price
And the people,
They love it, they feed it
Brush with it, bathe with it, breathe it
Inject it direct to the blood
It seems to be replacing love

Why must we stay
Where we don't belong?
Why must we stay
Where we don't belong?
Don't belong

Because there's always gonna be token truth
Forgotten code
Discarded youth
You know there's always gonna be pedigree
One own the air
One pay to breathe

Why must we stay
Where we don't belong?
Why must we stay
where we don't belong?

Why must we stay
where we don't belong?
Don't belong...

It's 1 a.m.
And you're leaving
You've lost me
After you so recently
Found me
My busted finger
Is nothing
Compared to
The heartbreak
If you don't find me
Again
My message to you
Please listen
Ignore everything
Come back
Where you first
Found me
Bind yourself
To the purity
Of young love
And find me
Please find me
Because i'm lost
Without you

How did this happen?
Through maturity
I became something hateful
But I did not realize
As it was happening
Sometimes it takes one
To make one
New
I was like this before
And I was happy before
It's possible
Dealing with sadness
Made me like that
And now I remember
That life is better
With a wakeup call
With awareness
With people
With things
With respect
And with nature
But not with being subdued
By those things
Just accepting them
Separately, equally
With that, I start life again
Happier, more in love
With the woman of my dreams
Because she made me
What I used to be
She made me
New

Your eyes are songs
No one belongs to you
And listen to the words
But no words will ever do

This morning I received
air mail letter three
from my connection overseas.
I pulled the paper back,
you begin your attack and it reads:

Of all the places I laid down my head,
I think of two I regret
Love isn’t easy my baby
Is sayin' today

But tell Mr. shoemaker I’ll be away
On a rocket or a comet
or the dock of the bay
On a continental steam ship
sailin' away
On a one way ticket
on a 1st class airplane
I wanna know
what you’re thinkin' about
Don’t just let me go

Four hundred days have passed since I’ve heard from you last
I’m getting worried, I admit
Maybe it’s nothing much
There’s nicer shores in sight
Oh I just don’t know

Of all the places I laid down my head
I think of two I regret
Love isn’t easy my baby
will tell you today
But tell Mr. shoemaker I’ll be away
On a rocket or a comet
or the dock of the bay
On a continental steam ship
sailin' away
On a one way ticket
on a 1st class airplane
I wanna know
what you’re thinkin' about
Don’t just let me go

I’m sayin' so long
I want my baby back
I know it’s hard to see
Why she’s in love with me
I’m sayin' so long
I want my baby back
I know it’s hard to see
Why she’s in love with me
So long to the headstrong
I wasn’t qualified
to lead that city life
That’s all I have to say

Landing the flip
It doesn't matter
The music plays
In the background
I spend my life
The same every day
New person
Different day
Same me
I'm always just
Breaking broken

You can tell
When someone cares
It's obvious
But when someone doesn't
When they don't care
At all
They're able to hide it
Sometimes
But if you pay attention
It's glaring
And it makes you feel like ****
But whatever...

You told me of a time
When you relinquished it all
The feelings you had
Because you felt you had to
To not get burned
And now you do it again
There's nothing I can do
You're convinced
And so one day I'll cry
Or die
And you will be happier
And you won't be burned
Except you won't know

You wouldn't be burned regardless
Not with me
You'll never burn with me
I care too much
I wish you did too

Little, little
I feel so little
Sad, sad
And also sad
For if patience was
What patience is
She would not get
So mad, mad, mad

Weak, weak
I am so weak
Dumb, dumb
And oh-so-dumb
For if patience was
What patience is
I would not feel
Like ****, ****, ****

The intimacy ends
And normalcy returns
Then something weird happens
The world is flipped
And I'm still on my feet
What happens next
It seems as though
I'll never know
My body is on fire
My guts are burning
Everything looks normal
But it feels wrong

It scares me to focus
On the task at hand
Because it feels as though
We're all in quick sand

I am the enemy
I can't get out
Of my own way
I am after blood
And sweat and tears
My metallic red blood
And my sad tears
I constantly hurt myself
Every chance I get
If now is it
I speak the truth
Two more short lines
With four more words
Words only for you:
I'm winning the battle
The battle with myself.

And one more thing
Although you physically cannot,
You can trust me

And what good am I
Really,
If I can never help
The woman I love most
In her greatest hours of need?

None,
None at all.

Oh
It's been a ride
I think I have survived
But
I don't know

It's a split decision
Of a loss in time
It's not quite so
But still it's mine
It takes an hour or so
To get in the swing
We get the food
But i'm not eating
The people are nice
It's really very fun
But the dog barks
Because he's scared of the sun
All in all
It was three days in Texas
Peaceful and fun
But responsibility begs us
We return now
To Murfreesboro
To an anti-abortion rally
And my love for it is now narrow

Fear is a potion
Its fire is potent
Like unrequitted love
It is its own mercy
It has you by the throat
And it squeezes
Until your eyes pop out
And your life is gone
Fear is your faction
It is debilitating
You'll need help
But you've got none
And too, you're only one
Good luck
You look fear in the eye
And give it nothing.

At times I feel the pressure
All at once
To fulfill my destiny
To be what i'm meant to be
And what matters most
Is that i'm perfect
Everything I do
Precise and planned
Concise and in control
And though I am,
Meanwhile, seemingly
I am not
I am only flawed
And I am not enough
For I am not every person
And not everywhere
Not all of the time
I am human
I am grateful
But I am flawed
And that's where I've gone wrong

You smile
You wonder
As we love
We sunder
The bellows
Of thunder
Bring us
Back under

A gust
Of wind
The child
Of kin
Pulled apart
Again
I'm the worst
Of men

We sing
We kiss
Our lives
Are bliss
It's you
I miss
I'm glad
Of this

The end
You see
I see
Or we
Is you
With me
We hope
It will be

You start our "baff"
We sustain our laugh
You have your hot tea
But you have to ***

Sometimes I marvel
At how such good people
Ruin their lives
I'd like to think
That we don't have to
Soil our hands with revenge
To get justice
That people reap what they sow
That life itself
Will deal hard punches
To those of us who hurt others
Case closed

I woke up one morning
All my fingers rotting
I woke up a dying man
Without a chance

I came to your window
Threw a stone and waited
At the door a stranger stood
The stranger's voice said nothing good
I turned to walk the frozen ground
Alone
All the way home

Wide-eyed walker
Do not wander
Do not wander
Through the dawn

Both my eyes are fading
No light in the evening
Planted like a seed in sand
And drowned in rain

Watch you for an hour
He kept you beneath him
He kept you on lock and key
He paid the wage you sent to me
And waste the day so idly
Alone
All the way home

Wide-eyed walker
Do not wander
Do not wander
Through the dawn

Look at her lips
And at her sighs
And see signs of life

Look at her shoulders
And her hair in the light
And see something right

Look at her feet
And her movements
And everything is proven

But look in her eyes
When you tell the truth
And you'll be caught in endless blues

But you knew i killed myself
And you didn't help me
Instead you came to the next place
Where i went after death
And you acted like you helped me
Like nothing ever happened
And i told you it was weird
That you left before i died
Yet you deny every bit of it
And you changed somewhat
From your looks to your person
And you're distracted by something
Like the time or the signs of winter
If it was space you needed,
You never once told me that

But you act like you loved me
And you act like you cared
But in the end,
When you don't pretend
I can see that you're really just scared

I finally found someone
Willing to pick up my pieces
We helped each other
I picked up her pieces too
I showed her
Pointed my finger
"See? Those are mine"
She picked them up
And put them in her bag
She pointed her finger
"Those, and those, and those,
And those" she keeps pointing
"Those are mine, they're everywhere"
"I'm sorry, you don't have to
Pick them up, and really,
I don't know if you can"
I said "I can. Watch."
And i did.
I picked up almost all of her pieces
And put them in my bag
We weren't completing
Individual pictures
We were completing one
The pieces fit together
It was incredible
But i think my pieces
Were too heavy
One day, she decided
She didn't want to do that anymore
She took her bag,
And she gave it back to me
And then i almost ran over her
And now both of our pieces
Our collective pieces
That we had worked so hard
To find,
They were scattered again
And there are even more of them now
We'll never get them all picked up
Not apart
But she is satisfied
As long as she doesn't have
My pieces
I ruined everything
And now every time i look in my bag
I see pieces of hers
And i cry
I sob
And the tears are hot
And i'm cold
And the pain won't go away
For either of us
And now she's leaving
She's gone
And now we're both
Permanently
Infinitely
Forever
Broken

I don't want to hear from you anymore
You're a liar
You're just a creep
Manipulative
Controlling
You never could have loved me
I literally can't stand you
I'm leaving
You'll never hear from me again
You'll never see me again
Goodbye

I'm going to be sick...
Somebody **** me please.

I always thought
I wasn't brave enough
To **** myself

Now i realize
I just hadn't lost
Anything worth killing myself over

Now i have. I'm sorry

And then I reset...

As I rise from rest
I know a few things
One of which is simple:
Watermelon is the perfect fruit
The others are more complex
I can't really explain:
Love is elusive
It can be my best friend
Or it can be my worst enemy
However, I've had it best before
And...
Abelias.
Like the flower?
Not sure what this means
Maybe it's an anagram for something
Something largely important
Or someone
Who it seems as though
My whole life depends on
This one, I can't seem to let go of
Abelias...

I won't forget, I know
I'll never escape these woes
No matter how hard I try
I can never match that high

What do I deserve?
Death?
Well obviously
Suicide?
Certainly that
Torturing myself
In unimaginable ways
Until I die of just too much pain?
More than that really
I deserve to lose the woman
That I love most in the world
That's the worst thing
That can happen to me
I deserve it
But i'd rather have to do
The other things

I can look back
At least
At the good things
And smile
I know I can't
Be mad
I just hate it
This way
Why does it have
To end?
Does it have to?
Not now
If I can help,
Not now

With no hope
I'm gone
My humanity is lost
I can never return
I might as well be dead
For not a single person
Will know me as I was
Because I messed up
And there's not a shred of hope
And what used to be life
Has caused my death
Sadness and regret
Those are the last two feelings
I'll ever have
The love for one
Frozen at gunpoint

My future is done
It's in the past,
It never happened
And now there can be
A flatline
Happiness no more
I might as well be dead
But knowing this life
I'll live forever...

It was a cloudy day
And everything was okay
Then the sun came out
And it made everyone shout
"**** THIS ****, ITS HOT"

This hurts a lot
A clot
In the life of one
It's brought
Not caught
And seen
Not
In the expression of face
But gives a loss
For words

And we all have meaning
At least we assume it to
But what would happen
If that were proven untrue?

It feels as if
I'm saying goodbye
To the life that I knew
Because a new one is here

It's safe to say
There's nothing left there
To have been weighed down by
But I miss it all the same

If the birds knew
Oh if they only knew
How much worry can ****
And how much it hurts to die

But if it's done
If its not the same
If that is in the past
God help me, i'll die alone

Something seems off
Like i'm being deceived
Though my eyes can only see
What i'm wanted to perceive
It's such a nagging feeling
Because I trust what I see
But now that is
To a certain degree
There's something here
I'm not supposed to know
Something i'm shielded from
I haven't found any clues though

Would she do it on purpose?
Or is it something bad?
Rejection of kindness
Reeling from the folds
Is this just a coincidence?
Every second now
Drowning in the mystery

A thousand years
I've got time
I've come a long way

A thousand years
I've lost time
I've come a long way

A thousand years
I am life
I've come a long way

Roots in confidence
Shivering nostalgia
And testing the patience
Killing the buds
Spilling the blood
Every one of us
Near death
But close
To something new
Evenly odd
Changing the pace
With a different face
Still near death

I can imagine
A river
The flow of the rapids
There is calm
There is chaos
But it never loses its shape
It is forever
Forever a river

I can imagine
Our love
The feel of the kisses
There is calm
There is chaos
But it never loses its shape
It is forever
Forever our love

It's me
At sea
I really am useless

And she
Agrees
I'm not very good

The fee
To be
Totally misunderstood

To be free
Is a plea
To be far far away

I'm just me
You see
And i really am useless

High
As a kite
Then the wind gives a whirl
And the kite blows away
A sigh
In the night
Developing feelings in the heart
That makes the mind pay
Why?
Is it right?
Because the kite wasn't strong enough
And the feelings could decay

Feel the wind
Make it a hobby
Letters sent
To the hotel lobby
Read the note
Repeat after me
"The less you wrote
The more i've seen"
"Don't write back.
I know you want to.
My bags are packed,
But i promise i'll miss you"
"Hard times for us all,
But I'll tell you, I must.
My protective steel walls
Are turning to rust"

Feeling the wind
Is my final hobby
Jump off the roof then
And land outside the lobby

A cause for caution
The distance in the middle
When the hands aren't touching
And i can't return the call
There was a storm tonight
And my heart isn't calm
Now yours isn't either
I know that's the problem
But it's all better now
Or it can be, it could be
That is, if you still want me
Because i know i'm of no help to you

In a daze,
Turned into lust,
Of frivolous effort,
Pleasure came differently.
It was the moment,
The feelings,
The emotions,
The passion,
The idea of it
Were all what made me happy.
And that was enough.
She was beautiful,
And she was lovely,
And she was all i've ever wanted.
I was hungry,
And I was fed,
And I am satisfied.
Nothing else matters,
Except for me and her,
And the moments we get.

To pull, to reach
The glasses come off
Enjoyable for each
So tender and soft

Wind and worry
Never clouded
The true light

When gravel and dirt
Pave the way
To our desires

We know
It's nature
For us now

To wait it out
Until next time
Through the sting

Hugs and flirts
A touch in the morning
And a kiss of evening

Anticipation grows
For tomorrow knows
No more woes

I know not at all
What it's called
But I think i've felt it before
The feel of it
This feeling
It crushes you down
And builds you up
Blows you away
And stands you up
It makes you feel pointless
Yet with a reason to live
And she walks with you
And she talks with you
And she laughs with you
And she looks at you
And you look back
Into her life, her being
Her decisions, her thoughts
Her past, her future
When you look in her eyes
And you see the present
And you can't quite tell
If the heartbeat you hear
Is hers, because of you
Or you grew another heart
Because one might not be enough

But the moment the two part ways
The man and the woman
They have separate points of view
He hates how time passes so slowly
And she just loves the butterflies
When they meet again, music will play
And everyone will know
What they're too embarrassed to admit