I'm tired of being people's punching bag
I'm the thing they practice all their moves on
Beating me senseless with every new torture technique they find
What they're trying for though isn't boxing
It's a game that ends you
They **** me everyday
Trying to prepare themselves for a war
I go through a war everyday day and
every night

I used to think I was strong
Used to
But apparently other people haven't stopped thinking that because they keep coming back
They don't come back for me
They come back for what I can offer
The only things they give me is
Pain-filled company
Beatings
Heartache

Maybe they don't actually think I'm strong enough and that's why they keep coming back
They leave thinking I'm broken
Only to return and find out they were wrong
I'm not sure if that's good
I'm not sure if it's good that I won't break
Because it doesn't feel like it
It feels like I'm losing
I hate losing
But I don't know how to win this war

They're supposed to be training to fight in a different war
They supposed to fight with and beside me
But they throw punches my way
I don't know how to fight back
Should I?
They're supposed to be my friends
Maybe I'm wrong and they're trying to simply break down my walls

I built strong walls
I know that
It was on purpose
I would love for someone to try and break them
I want  someone to fight for me
But why does it feel like they're fighting against me?
I want them to tear into me and find my soul; to connect with it
What it seems like they're doing is beating me so I can no longer stand
That way it's easier to **lay my head in the guillotine

That's all I ever do in these classes;
I memorize
I never learn
I simply carve things on the edge of my mind
Only for them to fade away after the week long war
The unfortunate thing is that these memories die in these short battles that I have to live through every single week
It doesn't end for me

I sit in these classrooms feeling my soul taking punches
Being bruised constantly
Never fully healing

I spend my days in these classrooms surrounded by halls that I wait to escape from
Only to have to come and spend my time doing homework

I swear one day though
It will end

There was an intensity, a passion from inside
In fact so great, it rose to his eyes
Surfacing his emotion into a hazel chamber
As his simple expression grew fainter and fainter
His eyes told a story but it was hard to listen
For his answers were locked in his chamber that glistened

...

I push people away.
perhaps it's because I don't want them to know the secrets I hide
maybe it's because I'm afraid once they know my secrets they'll think of me different
or it might be because I want people to think I'm stronger than I really am
Whatever the reason it makes me lonely
leaves me pathetically wishing on a star or when the clock reads 11:11

wishing you could tell me you know I'm not okay when I smile through the tears
as we tilt back our heads and take another drink
I think maybe one day I'll tell you
but I know when I'm sober that will be just a distant memory
and you will become another thing I have pushed away

A dreary hot night in July
I saw the world and opened my eyes
I discovered that love was just a game
For it hurts my heart, but heals the pain
It lifts me up, then throws me down
Up to the sky, then to the ground
I've seen its worst, and its beauty
I've seen it in vain, and I've seen it truly
I've seen it whole, and I've seen it broken
I've seen it ruined, and I've seen it mend

A dreary hot night in July
I saw the world and opened my eyes
I saw that happiness is entirely temporary
And to feel it forever only comes rarely
It washes over you in waves, then recedes
Cleansing you shortly, then it leaves
I've seen it truly, and in disguise
As a true smile, and one that lies
I've seen it from the surface, and from the heart
But no matter what the cause, it always departs