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 Dec 2012 Edward Coles
Nicole
Guilt
 Dec 2012 Edward Coles
Nicole
I don't owe you.
Not a **** thing.
But still you're in my mind.
Surfacing from anything.
I hear your voice.
It burns deep into my chest.
But you no longer speak to me.
And I know it's for the best.
You did this.
It wasn't me.
You ******* it up.
Now why do I feel guilty?
I've wrapped it up in tinsel
although it made it itch
and hung a bauble on it
to watch it sway and twitch
I've written merry christmas
in lipstick red and pink
and I promise you will love it
(ignore my cheeky wink)
There's no reciept to swap it
but it's worth I'll guarantee
you'll get years of fun out of it
and without a battery
so slip it in enjoy it
let the turkey cook and burn
for this the type of stuffing
that I know you'll always yearn
so merry Christmas baby
on this sweet Yule tide
let's forget the sleigh this evening
and enjoy another ride.
 Dec 2012 Edward Coles
Tyler G
I carry the shallow weight of my own regrets.
I carry the guilt of my mother who felt she could’ve done more for my grandmother.
Nights spent, teary-eyed phone calls to the nursing home.
I carry the comprehension of my father.
Hundreds of times he’s defeated me at chess, at card games.
I am his knowledge.
I carry sorrow from soccer games lost and triumph from games won with the stench of wet grass and caked on mud still fresh in my memory.

I carry the weight of high school, the pressure to get into college, the weight of rumors and the regret of not paying attention in class.
Feeling hopeless and defeated when I fail a test, though I remember I can carry the power of success.
I carry the daily jeers and spite of my peers and my teachers.
I carry the burden of my mother’s size eight firmly up my *** when I don’t do what I’m told.
I carry three-day weekends and the joy of a snow day.

I carry my blood, my veins, my organs.
I carry my bones, my cartilage, my flesh and my hair.
I carry my beating heart and the sound it makes letting everyone around me and myself to know that I’m still very much alive.
I carry the ability of perfect hindsight vision, the ability of blind foresight.

I carry my friends, the pressure of their own burdens.
I own the ability to make them smile, the ability to cheer them up when I don’t know how to help myself.
I’ve carried some of them for as long as I can remember; some I can’t carry anymore, and some I’ve just started to carry.

I carry love and passion; I carry hate and abhor.
I carry confusion, delirium, nostalgia of days past.
I carry insomnia and sleepless nights dreaming up at my ceiling of life to come.
I carry my dreams, both physical and mental.
I carry what I aspire to be.
I carry photography, a story of my life through pictures, through captivity, through still frame.
I carry my wishes.

I carry the beach, the waves that crash down onto the shore and onto me and the salty residue that lands on my flesh and hair from staying out too long.

I carry stupidity, I carry charm and I carry luck.
I carry the regret of anonymity and the fear of being alone.
We all carry that; no one wants to spend life alone.
We carry expensive wedding bands and the pressure to say “Yes” and the hope that she’ll say it.

I carry the everlasting gaze of older relatives, some who have passed on to a better world.
They won’t have to carry anything anymore.

I carry countless vacations and holidays spent with my cousins and the millions of laughs we have shared.

I carry reminiscences of vacations and of meeting new people, people who I tried to stay in contact with, but alas, distance prevents friendship.
I carry the knowledge of the traveled world and the confusion of the uninhabited, undiscovered land.
I am a world traveler, I am a superhero; I am what I want to be and I carry that.

I carry a tainted mind.
A mind spoiled by politics, by war, greed and corruption of not only the government, but of my parents as well.
I carry the ignorance of thinking I’m right and everyone else is wrong, the false sense that I know what is really going on in the world and that I, and I alone, can make a difference.

I carry the benefit of living in a prosperous nation, a flourishing town.
I carry the thought of uncertainty of impoverish nations and how they live everyday without food and water, while I sit here and type on my own personal laptop.

I carry teenage angst.
I carry thoughts and memories of former lovers.
Some girls who have grown up to be different than what they once were, some who haven’t changed a bit.
I carry the thoughts of wonder, should I have said something to her?

I carry individualism, not being afraid of letting you know who I am and what I do.
I am myself and if you can’t deal with it then you won’t have to carry me anymore.
I no longer carry these words; my thought have been poured onto this paper.
My future holds the risk of not knowing what I will carry tomorrow, but I know I will carry life.
I know I may not be able to carry this all, but one thing is for certain: I will carry myself.
 Dec 2012 Edward Coles
samasati
we never write as much when we are in love
and if we do write as much, we never write the same way
we get so much more boring
we could write a sad poem every day
and it would be much more interesting than an
everything-is-perfect poem
happiness has very little substance
have you ever noticed that most mainstream music is
aggressively depressing?
we write when there's something missing
or when we feel cold toward the world
and want to stick it to the man with a good 'ol *******
a writer in love will only produce a masterpiece if who they love
doesn't love them back
falling in love with someone that loves you back feels like having
everything you need
and there becomes no reason to write because there is no need to write
most people feel misunderstood when they're sad
and people only want to soak themselves in art if it makes them feel
understood
so, art has got to be sad too, hasn't it?
it started with me alone in a field
it was somewhere in long island, I think
yeah, I know they don’t have fields
I was spinning real slow
well, more like normal speed but in slow motion
and my hands were ****** to the sky all dramatically
and I was wearing that white sun dress
  and then there was thunder that was really quiet and lightning that was blue
       and then I fell down to the ground
    and the tall prickly grass felt soft and warm and I was going to stay there forever
I remember that part because I screamed it real loud
           but then you come out of nowhere and just picked me up
and I was real mad cause I screamed I want to stay here forever and
don’t you know what forever means?
but apparently you didn’t cause you picked me up and carried me like Superman—
actually no, you dragged me by my left arm,
                                 I don’t think it hurt that much;
  at some point I looked up at you expecting caring & sympathetic eyes
but was startled by your ugly indifference—
           yes, indifference can be ugly, you know that—
      you dragged me for about an hour,
until finally we reached a lake and you let me look:
     it was a ***** lake,
        matching perfectly to the dark sky and unimpressive trees,
     and it went on for infinity which I thought was weird for a lake;
you helped me stand up,
your touch delicate but so firm,
and as we held hands and looked together at this majestic lake,
         the reflection of the cloud filled sky disappears,
         and I bend to get a closer look and I see that this isn’t a lake at all—
it’s a cliff.
  a cliff that stretches down for miles, no, light years,
   and I look at you in astonishment,
and instead of seeing your non-caring & sympathetic eyes,
you have no face
and your expressionless faceless head ***** to the side a bit,
kind of pensive-looking,
and at the same time I feel your delicate but firm hand in the middle of my back,
   and I feel myself falling forward in slow motion,
my feet slowly tearing away from ground,
  and I take one last look back at you
    and your face is back and looks caring & sympathetic at my body lifelessly freefalling
so I blow it a kiss and say I’ll see you soon
because I know when this is over you’ll be waiting at the other end
and I know it’ll be worth it to see your face one more time.

it was a pathetic dream.
Oh, will you ever return to me,
My wild first force, will you return
When the old madness comes to
Blacken in me and to burn
Slow in my brain like a slow fire
In a blackened brazier - dull
like a smear of blood,
Humid and hot evil, slow-sweltering
up in a flood!
Oh, will you not come back, my fierce song?
Jubilant and exultant, triumphing over
the huge wrong
of that slow fire of madness that feeds
on me - the slow mad blood
thick with its hate and evil, sweltering
up in its flood!
Oh! will you not purge it from me -
my wild lost flame?
Come and restore me, save me from the
intolerable shame
Of that huge eye that eats into my
Naked body constantly
And has no name,
Gazing upon me from the immense and
Cruel bareness of the sky
That leaves no mercy of concealment
That gives no promise of revealment
And that drives us on forever with its
lidless eye
Across a huge and houseless level of
a planetary vacancy
Oh, wild song and fury, fire and flame,
Lost magic of my youth return, defend
me from this shame!
And Oh! You golden vengeance of bright
song
Not cure but answer to earth's wrong
I met a man the other day--
  A kindly man, and serious--
Who viewed me in a thoughtful way,
  And spoke me so, and spoke me thus:

"Oh, dallying's a sad mistake;
  'Tis craven to survey the morrow!
Go give your heart, and if it break--
  A wise companion is Sorrow.

"Oh, live, my child, nor keep your soul
  To crowd your coffin when you're dead...."
I asked his work; he dealt in coal,
  And shipped it up the Tyne, he said.
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