I deserve it
I worked hard, my body won't feel the pain
Try me, I survived when i was basically falling while i was walking
It's good to feel a relieve
When all you used to have is pieces from the past
So here I stand
Telling you my story
Where we all know this is the end
And we all know it's a happy one
When you get Joy, frame it
And look at the beauty that I never had
Let's love, yes i give you the love I left
It's nothing but, it will help
Help you, when the world is full of hate
I left but, i can feel it from the underground
So How is it ?
Are they still fighting over religions ?
I hope not
It's a war that kills innocent people
So fix it, i was good
The universe will pay you back
Little help
So Help them, or **** them.

What are humans made of?
I know but still wonder what
Why do we feel? Why do we eat? And plenty more
I feel, and I don't want to
I think but, still wonder why to
I feel like what the animals from the Disney movies think of humans
They eat, talk nonsense, ****, for nonsense
Bury each other, for nonsense
I feel that feeling is nonsense
Can't help it but to admit and cave for nonsense
I walked a thousand miles in this thought
But nothing but, a white paper and explaintions written by a white pencil
I know but, just can't see it
Your thoughts and your points are not understandable to me, because they are nonsense.

Always drowning but, never deep enough
No one has ever called your bluff
You can almost feel the void, with your numb fingertips
Always deep but, never deep enough.

Lately I’ve been alone with all of my friends around me
Lately i feel the need to cry when the sky is smiling at me
Lately it has been coming in waves
Knocking me down at night
Not as bad as last time but, god ****** it’s not easy
And that’s the beginning of it, knowing that any minute i could slip away and fall down to the opposite side of the smiling sky
Hopefully this time I’ll die.

I said I’m not gonna break
But I broke anyway
Promised to hold myself but, I held my pieces away
And I whispered and after whispering came the scream
Run as far as you can from what sounds so real
For I could only imagine that if this isn’t a dream, I would never be able to wake.

My love,
Only you can understand,
and not underestimate me like myself and others do
How it feels to gather and cling to scraps of hope in means of staying sane
On most nights I talk to myself as if I were talking to you
I tell you about my day, about how mind numbing my work has become
It feels awfully devastating to say that I’ve tried, but it  wasn’t enough
I am busy most of the time, my free time feels like a sin
To eventually realize how little I know about life or how to live
Life has pushed me to a wall, that everyone seems to get through, but me
Often the only escape is sleep, but what feels like a dream, usually is
Because nightmares are real,
Painfully so
In search of solace, I have heard none sense of not working hard enough and other things that enrage me
Only my thoughts of you leave me in peace

After a storm, we didn't want to plant again
After a rainy day, we just wanted it to be over, we didn't even bother taking a little bit of water to quench our farm
Cause we didn't know how to love after we loved so hard
We didn't know how to admit after all of these lies
And I didn't know how could you be bored after you left me
And if you really knew the real me, you would remember me for a thousand years
Cause when you see the truth, you will know every lie.

Then you don't need a hand to hold
You don't need a way to go
Standing there waiting to fall

It hurts to say that you played the guitar in your head in your head
You memorized the rhythm
It cuts through to your spine
Look above, look around, look under, you hear no voices
The silence didn’t **** you the voice in your head did
The burn in your heart did, till you lost sense of it
So you keep playing what you wrote saying if my heart did ever bleed it would sound like this
It would sound like this
It would feel like this
It’s my magnum opus
I layed on the floor, im always leaving myself helpless.

Here, nothing but silence
Wanting for everything to happen in this life
(corruption)
There, praying for patience
Between aches from teared down buildings and blood from all of the children
Lay down, so you can drink your tears,
dehydration is the last thing you should fear
If the sounds don't worry you dear,
Where will you be next year?
They say success is about taking opportunities
And all of them, and all of their opportunities were taken by the wrong people, at the wrong time
Leaving you hopless and dry

I am the night,
They see and don’t feel
But the loneliest one
I am the knight,
They stand behind
And I hear the rythem of the fight
The battle bleeds,
And the knights are sacrificed.

You don't wanna try so I learned all the tricks for you
you don't wanna go to another direction so i ate all the rocks and they got through, through my eyes and my heart for you
I stood there like a wall to block the ugly vision that was in front of you
I guess they were true
You didn't appreciate me but, I wished you would do.

Someone tell me why we’re hurting instead of the people that should’ve been hurt?

**** they're playing him sad songs
Sad songs for a warrior, songs, that mess with his head
So even when he dies he'd think he deserved it

I was your poison, before the world went grey
I was crazy, before you called me insane
I was beautiful, before you called my       Beauty "pain"  
You've changed my title, cause you didn't want to feel the same
As they all say, I was crazy, competitive and stubborn,
So you saw them all but, in a different way
Baby trust me, I am your soulmate.

“ I am fading just like your colors do”
That’s what I wrote in the middle of it, in the deepest whole depression can dig
How could such bright colors represent such pitch black mood
Thought coloring will help, but coloring won’t do
Now looking at it, why do i still love the color blue after you?

You write the little things people forgot
You write the memories and those are a lot
And even if I wrote in poems,
What would I even gain from this rhythm?
Nobody could understand the puzzles I’ve written,
The feelings from within
Cause nobody could get in
Nobody could reach the part that drifts and sails in this useless rhythm.

The stars are falling into my eyes, and falling out of it, in a shape of a tear.

Us, i meant when i said “it wasn’t worth it”
Us, the thing that i was waiting for to get stone cold
Us, the thing that each one of us had enough of
Us, the thing that lasted much longer than it supposed to be and by everyday that stretches it effects me gradually
Trying not to force myself to write but **** it ate me
So yeah, us, the thing that never supposed to be.

Barely catching a breath
Nearly falling of the edge
So close to finding yourself
So far away from knowing it.

We really use them these days
When it’s time to turn off our blinding light
They fall into pieces
So yes, we fall back into the realization that we aren’t more than just depressed people trying to fake happiness until death.

You find diamonds in the ocean
And you say it's a desert full of sand
I see you standing, you and your devotion
Where nobody have to stand.

‪Struggling, I thought I was standing strong‬
But i was falling slowly.

All she had was her fire
And that was plenty,
To burn herself
all her desires withered and fell
As solid turned to ash
And embers seized the memorie that made her
smoke rose and told her,
All you have is your fire and that’s enough.

I feel sorry for the people who love
But some of them feel sorry for me.

It’s empty, the place where my words come from
I face the northern light
My back to the unknown
My mind drifts,
My thoughts sail
My poems never seem to unravel
To no avail
So I face,
Let the hand drag me deep, in the thoughts that were never reveled
And let every unwritten poem,
Every tremor throughout the years,
To the sea.

My darling
The shadows have swallowed me whole
And my thoughts of you never were written
they sank into my despair
smoke and evil took the will to ever write, to ever exist
Beyond your lingering touch,
I feel nothing
Beyond this bitter taste in the back of my throat,
I taste nothing
My dear I have finally given up
On anything beyond these shadows

You’ve always said to me “keep your eyes closed; I don’t wanna see your misery”
And you’ve said “ cry out loud cry out loud to the point where I don’t hear”
So I cried loud enough till the moon heard me and I talked to the echoes where my words faded into silence.

Cause all the music has become so loud
Is this how we go down?
After this beautiful view, you fall off a cliff
Watch your hand full of scars let go, for everything was in demand to be held
Everything but your hand
No songs of yours were ever sang
Poems you never wrote
Wasted passion into the mud
My face into the mud, it ends
It ends.

It's deeper than just a feeling
Even the tears are full of words

The sunlight on these empty streets
And this city blown up with lights
And these nightmares as they try to reach,
The core of my well hidden steadiness,
Put on a leash

I closed the lights to prove to myself
Maybe I could suffer more
MaybeI could reach and tear my limbs to reach the shore
I only closed the drapes
Because I know the light will still whisper
In its uncanny way
And undoubtedly it’s only my thoughts to see
But there’s nothing, in this void
Do you still wanna see?
Do you still wanna reach into this depthless sea?
That my words seem to drown in
Never to surface, never meaning to tell what I might feel.

Bleeding words they seem
But im fine
They’re feelings I know I should’ve felt but, not this time
Describing every inch
The feeling is not mine
It might’ve looked like im writing this with heartache and a fractured skull
Im not writing to revenge nor to vent
Im writing because I owe it to myself
Because one day I’ll find this and say “ what was this all about?”

How does the ocean know?
Holding the star, facing the ocean,
“Take all of me” I say as soon as the water touches me
And if i were to give you my star is it actually worth giving?
If the star represent my feelings, my personality, my poetry and my good will
So here i stand facing the ocean wondering, how many people have asked you that?
So the waves are getting stronger
And the footprints start to fade
Do i have to tell you my feelings or do you already know?
So should I open up or should i fade with my footprints in your wave.

I can’t sleep, waking up every four hours trying to escape
Are you just like my past? The mistakes that I should have learned from
I can’t take the feeling in, there’s no beginning nor an end
They say if you didn’t learn the first time, you deserve the pain of the second
And I don’t wanna let you go without trying but, maybe I’ve tried enough
So now, where do I stand?
I love you, but it aches
Your actions i try to forgive
But, it’s taking a part of me
It’s knocking me down, I don’t know who I am
Ignored all my experiences,
Ignored the subtle signs,
Ignored my feelings at night
Ignored my friends advice
I’m afraid if i let you go, you’re not like my experiences at all.

How can one even begin to describe such a thought
How can one be deprived of such a thing
It was just a fantasy of mine,
I drool over it before I try to numb my mind, or to lay asleep with one such fantasy and wake shattered
Oh my love if only you were true
Oh my poor silly heart that longs for you
And all I have ever written, was always secretly about you
Oh such a feeling to feel,
To struggle and constantly remind oneself
the one thing you dream of, is a creation of your own suffering mind
As one who might not ever be in love
The thought of it devours me

You find hope  in the little things, I’m no one to tell you to lose it
I don’t wanna break the hands that ever reached out and helped me but ******* they held me under
Held me tight
And I wanna let you go but, letting go hurts you and I know
I know
Why does it matter if we go our separate ways?
why do you care?
You didn’t care enough to stay
Why do you care? You didn’t notice our goodbyes in the silence
You didn’t notice the change of our way.

Ghost whispering in my mind,
Before the words i stand
Some are cought up in my spine
Tilting my head just a little bit,
somehow seeing them, the unthought thoughts in my mind
Recognizing the style
As if I just waited just a little they would’ve been mine
They looked shallow, much less sweet than the words I spoke

You said I don’t want you, all i want is the memory
Can’t bear to see you so sad so im leaving, it’s not that big of a tragedy
Like when you always cry when you leave the sea
Oh the memory it’s kills me, it kills me
And I’ve always looked at you like you’ve always looked at the sky
It kills me how you know how to write
And express feelings that never came out of my mind
Coffee will do you just fine, lift up your mood like mine
To which I’ve responded, fascinating how you got deep and still shallow inside.

Im lost, Im genuinely lost
Don’t you see?
I’m lost between my words
Im lost between holding on too hard or letting go too easily
I’m lost whether this is me or what the consequences made out of me
Im lost, what do I do when I don’t have confidence in me?
I’m lost, having to fight the thoughts that bring you down
And I lost a part of me
I’m lost because nothing is good enough now
Because that’s the achievements that came out of me
Im lost, should I sleep where the stress ate away from me, or should I wake up and be in my nightmare reality.

With this perfect rhythm, I feel it break
With those love words, I feel further away,
from what I used to be
My words used to mean something,
something maybe deep
But they couldn’t heal this cut, this wound, this break
From this I unknown depth, Everything seems foggy
Seem to have been overtaken.