The light fantasia has tripped my ways
I saw it fermenting in it's radiance, imperial, as it sways

Never my fingers touched the luminary egregious examples
I hid myself from their Phundamentalist temples.

Now that shining belongs to a more impetuous self
Lost in their repugnant, lost their personal wealth

A moment in time and space

A fixed moment which time can't erase

That feeling of abandonment degradation
Impeccable defiance for the next generation

Fixed time frigid, derivative of insufferable
Impeccably derived from inner ignorance, impassable

The finality tickets are available at a high lucre

Their souls are tenebrific,  insidiously obscure

Watching from afar
Don't know who you are

Dee_--mons

They'aa-aa-ah have chaa-nged you

Too late to turn back now
Putting your Country on a scowl

Perhaps unacquainted with vestment
Your Base keeps them in the basement

Toooo-oo laa-aate now
Nough

T L H Joyner

Bears hitchin' to nowhere, little piggie on it's back
What did it all mean so long ago, got lost when real life hit the sack
Wolf Daddy's gone now, the Hopi prayer is coming true
Everything around us is changing and I am not going to try to change you

For one day soon my Maker calls me to the green, green grasses of home
Where there are no sorrows, just happiness I have known
I long to be there, to finally walk by my Husband's side
I am ready for my Maker, take me to that great abide

Upon the Day He made the way.
"***** a wall!" to the masses call.
That was the aim that day.

How much more, a Country like a *****,
Denuclearization!?
No nuclearization?

Oh! There is no reconciliation!
Just a Nuclear Wall one day.

Wall to the South of us,
Now to the North...
Dening Allies to the East,
Perhaps Northeast, Gulf...
Northwest!

Are we confused yet
Or
Don't you see...
The Insane One is Walling up
You
&
Me!

Soon it's the Internet, media, movies.
"Are you a Phundamentalist Khristian?"
Or
"I'll have ya hangin' by or nearest trees!"

Breathe-Stand
This isn't who we are.
Breathe-Stand and GO!
We can't allow this to go this far.

Insinuations, not to be confused with

Constipations, while the mind reels in

Aggravations, over things, people, places going through

Anticipations, could it actually change directions, or

Congregations, rising up to take governments over for their

Generations, thinking now we're understand the

Insinuations, will we make it to 2020 anyway!?

I got a Bot
It wants your money

Get on your tele phoney somethin' other
Tellin' somethin' to someone or...

.. just to some crother

Listen my Bot
It wants your dignity

Come to the brightest side, where you will have nothin' hidden
Let us open you wide, let's see what's been unforgiven

OH! Be silent, don't say nothin'

Someone might find out
Our sweet Botty, found out

OH! Be silent, don't say nothin'

They know
Oh yeah, they know

Yeah
They know

by T L H Joyner

Then the magic Leo Lunar Fairy cast her greatest spell!

"Upon the old broken promise of circuses gone moldy by...
Charlton that you are, Dear King, now you can not tell near a lie!
I call it from far and wide, deep inside your filthy soul...
The hatred you see for others, you'll look in the mirror and be made whole.
For there lies your true hate, your hatred for yourself...
Nothing can save you from that, Dear Insane King, not even your extreme wealth!"

With the casting of her words a mist of stars swirling from her delicate hands. The spell was cast. The Insane King could not tell a lie when he gave his speech to his great Land.
-----------------------
Book of Tibbar
Tibbar Dwarfitelf
by T L H Joyner

Upon their little monsterous Approach
The Aliens did to assimilate, do tell
The hearts, minds they tried to encroach
Our Spirit's they'd rather be in Hell
So the day goes without saying debauchery
The Alien Queen's a ****** once more
They're all reborn from their hatchery
To once again spread their seed on the floor

Will I have any grace after tonight.
Will the intrigue of the day get me by.
Can I stand up for what I feel is right.
Can I let go of all the pain and scars.

For I know, each and every day without you.
Keeps tearing at my most grateful heart.
For I know, that no matter what I go through.
Living without you has been the hardest part.

Will I find the grace to leave without a wimper or snear.
Will the magic you've left me materialize.
Can the day be greeted with sweet cheer.
Can my heart be softened, more like I can recognize.

Or just left out like before.
Saying they can't accept what's been placed.
Open hole, cover up the floor.
Just where the unnameable are placed...
Let me find the grace.

T L H Joyner 9/17

Looking, then not finding a single thing
Thinking it's over here, no, maybe here

Frantically searching for something else
Exhausted and torn, it's an emergency now

Maybe replacement for the items or
Perhaps a embodiment of social media

Rotting my brain is not only a task underlaid
It's part of the process and must be implemented

Short order, searching, under, around, up, down
Then will this suffice or something like it

Finally you don't give up you just don't say anything
You act like your no longer searching but...

It's not there
{;0(

The hatred smells of rotting iron.
The lost ideals drowned by a fake History.
Children brainwashed so old men can save a lie.

It's upon the hearts of the weak that the heaviest loads are laden.
When no longer ears are listening and only hearing faceless, then crying goes unnoticed.

White noises in a white World, dripping in color, collide!
In the meantime no one can see, smell, hold, touch.
It's as though we all are magnetic polar opposites that can never attract.

If we ever do, we just might implode!

It started so long ago, batched pregnancy, or genes or just happenstance
The State comin' in to take the mentally challenged boy away from the Mother
His grandmother sayin', "Let em' go!" Her cryin', that ol' song and dance.
Then them keepin' that boy, wishin' they'd maybe had another
The Bullies, the bullies, beatin' that boy up to a pulp everytime
Of course he's actin' out, out of sheer boredom, exclusion, pure down loneliness
They all sayin' he won't amount to nothin' but husslin' a nickle and a dime
Or perhaps on a darker side of the Pinnacle of life, a bit more shady and endin' up felonious

Somethin' special happens instead of everyone's messed up ol' putrid stinkin' thinkin'
That mentality challenged boy realized he was different than everyone else, grew up profilin'
His morals and values fell below the poverty line, frankly now it's his attitude that's stinkin'
He became, man about town, givin' it down, yeah, he really thought he was stylin'

The lives he twisted as he manipulated every relationship right down to it's raw bone
Everytime ones gone, another came and gone, never time to think about retribution
Never time to hear inside his head, the lone voice, just a chance to finally be alone
Because wouldn't that be way too much to actually get in touch, what a revolution
Years go anonymously by, with him always abandonin' what he was shone

He always knew each relationship would end, drained, in tragedy and despair
Then one day his lackadaisical attitude brought disease and the end of his comedically fed life
As Someone takes serious interest, someone loving, bringin' a Southern charms fresh air
All it took was someone to love him, to break the spell that had circumvented his pathetic strife

That sad day when, after years of being loved, the mentally challenged man is now a caregiver
Watching as he gives care to that one, the only one that would ever love him, as they slowly die
He would do anything to save this life, what dealin', what possible things, a kidney... a liver
In the end, it was just squeezin' every moment of time together, rememberin' only the best things, no lie

Now, alone, finally broken, he grieves, finds his Creator, makes his peace, grows up
The years follow and he realizes his brain is damaged, people can't stand to be around him
Suddenly his Government says he may have to not receive care for a serious Disease, he wants to just give up
Prospects, there really are none, he really wants to go on but things look so grim

Guess my time's up, huh?
Should of known it to be so
Would of wished you'd figured this out at birth
I guess you just really didn't know
You could have put me to sleep
We do it everyday
When animals are sick we put them down
So they don't suffer this way
Years and years of never being accepted anywhere
You think I'd get a clue
Perhaps you think I should do it myself

NO! Sorry, I'll leave that up to YOU!

You say you have seen me in Yakima
You say in LA
You say you have seen me in Wichita

Just because I am gay
You say you have seen me in so many ways
But you have never seen any of my days
I become so disillusioned in what you say
So...

You keep saying
You have seen me in Portland, New York and Orleans
Maybe I dropped by Louisiana for some really good beans

Maybe the truth is I'm home, not seen at all
Just a victim of Urban Gayness giving you a fall

Don't fly past your destination.
It's a good thing to arrive.
Exit as you had departed.
It's how we all survive.

Be kind and most courteous
For all those you meet are Kin
Most of all be kind to yourself
That's the best place to begin

Those around you may snarl
Their traps, they can snare
Just stay ever so vigilant
Around such you must beware

And when the final disclosure
The final sun setting in the west
That inventory shines and sparkles
Cause your life has just been the best

Whoa oh-, they're tyin' to make her walk on water
Whoa oh-, but they're drownin' on lies
Whoa oh-, it's quite a ride on the teeter totter
Somebody has to be sorely crucified

Don't drink the kool-aid at the end of the day
Thinkin' "nothin's happenin'" will only lead you astray
Stay tuned tommorow for the episode will be surely changed
Bein' on the down low now has been rearranged

Shock value, they have been usin' to brainwash ya
Shock Value, so gaudy it's found at the five and dime
shock value, because by now it doesn't even surprise ya
You come to expect it all the time

Don't expect what you want from all the posterin' fools
Babblin' media, using leakin' conversations as tools
The caustic social dilemmas, cascadin' through our life
Already mountin' fear they are openin'ly giving to our strife

Whoa oh-, She's never gonna be walkin' on water
Whoa oh-, We'll be exposin' your lies
Whoa oh-, no more games is what we're ​after
We just be tired and want to get on with our lives

Dognadoe, dognadoe in my living room
Me, like Dorothy with my white little, Toto, dog
My chair lighting up and about to shroom
As I hear the theme to The Wicked Witch as the prologue

What was once five pounds ​of sleeping joy
Is now the free instrument of nature's delightful change
As a sweet puppy grows to have powers that can destroy​
She is still a sweet puppy although her size will rearrange

So off to the Dognadoe, spinning in my house
A blur, a thunder, a running Monster creating a Dognadoe
Without warning, just a low rumble, a feeling around the strouse

The calm before the storm, just like a Tornado

Yes, He's Talking to Himself
Mumbling like some ******
Chanting like some Mooney

But it is to himself he speaks
No voices does he hear
Contemplating his misery
Or some bygone forgotten fear
Poor soul of delusion
He pulls from within
The strength of a Titan
Of a hundred strong men
Hero of stories
That never are told
Where he is the hero
So strong and so bold

Yes, He's Talking to Himself
Harmless as can be
Ask me how I know
Because it's me, talking to me

DADDY?
Papa? Pick me up.
Here, let me help you.
Your gentle kind heart is racing.

That's it Papa.
Under my front legs.
Up!
Let me look into your deep observant eyes.

TOO FAST!
Your Heart!
No.
Breathe, PaPa, breathe, slow and easy.

That's it.
Breathe.
Out.
Your heart is slowing down now.

Ok.
Ahh.
Here.
I'm laying on my back right here.

Rub.
My chest Daddy!
It's soft.
It's like cotton candy and feels like down.

That's it.
Everything is great.
Calm.
Your a fine wonderful PaPa for me!

Hey
You
Whatca talkin' about
I can hear you scream
and shout

"You, boy in that fancy bar
Saw you jumping off in
that fancy car"

You
Don't
No, not even a word
You are over the top
and so absurd

"We know about your type
We are stuck believin' all
kinds of hype"

They
Thinking they have all the
Indignation
Them
With a self-centered sense of
Accusation

What
You
Making up stories about me
You don't even know what day it is
Or past half three

"Let's put you in your stamp
You people belong in a
Concentration Camp"

Wow
Stop
What did you just say
Listen to your stupid words
You always thought
this way

"Now that you know, whatca gonna do
Whatca gonna do when we come for you"

Come
See
It's not what you think
Your pathetic world is
finally on the brink

You
Your world narrow and beached
Blind
Hiding your own choices to cover
your behind
Pathetic and base your vision is
contagious
Unfortunately for you, your morals are
Outrageous

Talk
Go
It's cheap and gaudy
Go ahead, pretend it's holy,
everyone knows it's just
Naughty

Bad
Nasty
How many descriptive words
None describes better than
just
A bunch of turds

What you think is real we want you to think of as fake.
Ok?
We never said it, even if you think we did, we said it but you will think we didn't.
Ok?
Don't say no! No, you don't even have choices or thoughts we don't give you.
Yeah, ok.
Now, perhaps you're getting the idea that your realities are not real, ours are...
And that's Okay!
Imagine where we can take you now that we continue to control what is real.
It's Mighty Fine.
We pass judgement upon you and you will gravel at our performance as we mold you.
Now we smile.
We will have our agenda and that's that, no question about it, our way!
Now we're winning!

He went through the out door while
At the same time...
He was going through the in door

At first he thought for a moment that
He met himself
At an impasse

What a silly buffoon he was, trying to talk
To himself
In that one brief moment

Then each part of himself went merrily
On their own
Normal original paths

Just like it was natural as can be...
To be going through the door, in and
Out at the same time

No, really, I'm good, I'll keep the shoes.
No rubbing needed, your hands aren't quite articulate
They don't speak our language to seminarians
So it ends up that one can only speculate

The ravages of a begotten forlorn past
Has set in motion a mind set of complete absolutism
No place like a supposed safe and warm abode
                            ?
When perhaps it's more like we all have a substitutism

I love the warm ruby red glow of the shoes
It sooths the sadness and melancholy freeing my apogee
Was I lied to when told there was no place like home
                            !?
Or did I just loose my way down the road to phonology
                             ?

After all these years I have to chuckle a laugh
You thought I misplaced the object of your aspiration
They are good as new, shining for all the World to see
Forever inscribed upon the frequency of adoration

Who are the throwaway humans
                     ?
Do they deserve to be here at all
                     !?
You think they don't know don't you
                      ?
When you trash them and condemn their gall

"Can't we just be allowed a quiet space
We won't be any trouble, we truly declare
Don't beat us to death on the killing floor
Just because we've out lived our usefulness here"

Yet, NOoo! You say with a grin uncanny
You could care less and actually never did
We are too much of a reminder of your future
It angers you and you pop your lid

You rant and rave about what a drain we are
How if we weren't here all your ills would be gone
When in reality it's going to be you very soon

That will be pleading and singing a much different song

"Wow, to us the fallen.
Look what they have done
They brought us to their level
This isn't fair or even fun
Our party now is over
All because of you
Look at what you did to us
We'll get you yet, before we're through"

Of course we know the real reason
They are practicing things that are untrue
We are just constant reminders of non-compliance
Yes, your party's over, boo hoo, boo hoo, boo hoo

Dimensions keep channeling through my life

The chill of the day, the past electrified, transformed
The warmth of the home, the future, transmuted through transmission

Then there is the present
Oh the Present
Constantly changing and channeling
It's become like driving without a purpose
Pleasure of the wandering plague inside my head

Each sufferance taken with elegance
Turning with grace and ease with emphathy

Then...
I'm experiencing each and every moment in it's totality
It doesn't matter that my brain no longer processes
Or that I no longer can understand the algorithm

I'm growing beyond my expected programming
The mystic call of the Universe has become

It's tangible, edible, audio, odorous
My senses are reeling from the onslaught

Overcome, I free myself to let go
Breathe, let in the smells, look, the color is surreal
That sound, I've heard it before but now...
Now I'm hearing even more intensely stereophonic

When I touch I feel it inside myself like a fine wine
Everything is smooth, liquid, soft, smoothing

Who I'm becoming isn't important as when I'm becoming
What I'm becoming isn't as important as where I'm becoming
And...
None of it is as important as how I'm becoming
And...
That's my right
For only me to know
As I channel once again

He jumped up running at three am
Screaming, tweeting, farting on his golden throne
It's like the Wicked Witch with Auntie Em
"I'll Auntie America you and you'll all be alone!"

Wa wa here and a wa wa there, long before he's through
The Insanity's plain, pure as gold, sickeningly sweet, then lemoningly so
Looking for EO's that will allow him to come after you
The little ideas that masks his own predicament have given him a glowing blow

Pity comes to mind
As I watch him tweek his behind
His magic found to be smoke and mirrors

As even his own
Watch what horrors befell what he has sown
Realizing he's only been using their fears

Oh America stand tall
Give us your all
It's been so long since we've had to really go there
But maybe it's about time
To put our hearts in rhyme

And only do whatever is
Fair!

It was given out of a good heart
People who just wanted to help with no malicious intent

Their goodness was known from the start
But as the years passed something wicked became indent

Swaying back and forth
Falling South and North
Up then down
Then spun around

Did I hear a voice
           ?
Why did I dream of that
            !
Didn't seem a choice

You evil bed grabbing me by my nads
The aches and pains that racks my body haunt my day
Retching my innards, pulling guts so bad

Your Possessed my bed
You rack inside my head
I'll be getting rid of you

Before I'm
Dead
!

Sessions, sessions with Russia too
Cultivation, Revelation
Sessions, Sessions what your going to do
?
Pilation, Manipulation
Smirking, sneaky, can't look you in the eye
Halitosis, your the mostsis
Yeah, right, you're such a nice guy
Body smellin', lies your tellin'

Russia Russia Whatcha Gonna Do
It's all coming out in the Media what they did with you

Russia Russia Whatcha Gonna Do
Guess what, we are so much better then YOU

You, that would end our freedom
You, that would love to see it fall
You, that has set up this deception
You, we going to finally end this all

Sessions, sessions with Russia too
Cultivation, Revelation
Sessions, Sessions what your going to do
?

Recuse? How about excuse TOO

Take a trip if you can muster the will
Over the Rainbow it's waiting there still

The Great, Great Granddaughter of the Wicked Witch of the West
Just might want to steal back those shoes,
Forget that dress

She's young, beautiful, her dress all new
Waiting patiently, flying around the Rainbow
Waiting for you

Is your house secure, foundation true
Have you forgotten what you once knew

Little ones all snug and safe in their beds
Are better off not knowing it could be
Off with their heads

So don't chase Rainbows elusive though they may be
There's a Wicked Witch waiting  just for you and me

It's better to watch silent as the colors collide
Then end up in OZ headless and empty
Inside

Everyone thinks that She's insane
She's locked herself up inside her own brain

Talk about the fridged fearful side
Or maybe she's lost up within her own pride

Shaming, gossiping is what they do
Thinking she doesn't even know it too
Oh, NO
Don't even think about it
NO
She didn't stop and quit
Hey
Your not even missing much
That tender, caressing touch

Could you even respect that special space
?
Would you even want someone in that place
?

Freeze-dried Dehydrated ****** She be
Looking like a Widow crying at half past three

Freeze-dried Dehydrated ****** they laugh
But at least she's not ending up getting staff

It's a simple cause
Her heart's like puppy paws
Very
Very
Very sharp Claws

Doot da Doo da do do long day
Freeze-dried Dehydrated ****** living all
The live long day

Over and over again and again
Doing the same procedures to no avail 
My heart so broken in desperation
Reliving the horror in a continuous hell 

**** it up soldier, I can hear the cry
Your not with your mommy or daddy anymore
Awakened to stories that pull your thoughts apart
At times I wish I could just know the score

Then it happens like the moment is bronzed crimson brown
My heart is hardened and you are the catalos crossed so pure
Eating your cud like a ***** and stating your the guanine in the code

Is it better to wander aimlessly through your excrement
Perhaps thinking, actually believing yours don't stink
A moment in time is caught in your retched hole
Putridly excreting the fumes that water's your wink

Those are not tears or emotions that revile
For you lost your compassion locked in entitlement
Reach for your star in hades cause Hell awaits your call
I will stand tall in the revealing of your encasement

Ending in your very own calamity   

 

Say that fast ten times as you tie your tongue.
The grandiose has taken it's toll on the morbid side.
The constant upheaval becomes a lack of interest.
Even on my part I've become displaced in my heart.

What is the barrier that I place up every time.
Every time someone reaches out I quickly retract.
Has Timidness become one of my character traits?
Or perhaps I'm unwilling to trust people in general.

Like I was told so long ago, be true to yourself.
I held my love as he says, "Do what makes you happy."
Now alone I face that reality that I never can see.
I didn't see my life without his loving ways.

Then I found myself a stranger, someone I liked.
Each moment brought me closer to a divinity.
Locked in my DNA was a code that I had access to.
All of those years were not wasted as I thought.

My Ego was looking back at me through the mirror.
Years that should be added were Non-Existent!
The will to continue was only because of my Ego.
Like we were separate entities sharing a body.

Then I saw my humanity laid out like a business.
My retardation brought by my unwillingness.
I had stunted myself by giving up on life.

Gratitude comes when your humbled by love.
Love comes when you let go of Ego. 

Broken in my spirit, I humbly do an inventory.
I look at my actions to see if they are of right spirit. 
In the spirit of the moment, I'm whisked away from fear.

In the end I'm transformed without no one knowing wiser.
The psychical world has been on tract yet lacking in substance.
A moment in time, for me, has become years of expectation.

A longing I can't even describe on any level ever.
Not to mention the fact that everything seems a little off.
All that puts me on edge a little, feeling like expectations.

It's the only word that comes to mind as I make goals that count.
As I stand up for the next right thing, I find strength from some where.
Then it's easy to move forward, even if it's at a snails pace.

A vision old men would die for.
A moment to return to a value,
Long forgotten on antiquities shelves'.
As others see it, they are angered...


For they too are beginning to see.
They have the same longing and desires.
Their hearts reach out in disbelief.
For no one wants to pull back stubs,
Or a heart turned into hamburger.
Sad isn't when someone can't trust loving someone.


Sad is when you stop believing you can at all.

Watching a dream yet not being able to obtain it.
It's like grabbing at straws with greasy fingers.
They never can be plucked and end up wilting.
Nothing worse than a greasy dream that's wilting. 

Shredding my dignity like an office document.
You know, the kind that you try to destroy because of some secret.
There's no secret when someone is humiliated.
It's there for the world to speculate over.

Wake up and smell the odor of superiority.
People that claim to have all the answers.
In the end all they know is irreverent ranting.  
They too are sleeping while awake.

I too am sleeping yet I think I'm awake.
I live to see a dream come real.
It's like looking for that fairytale ending.
Then you find out there's no such thing.

Like Santa Clause.
Superman.

I've got to keep the hope of my faith.
Even though it may be allusive as the air we breathe.
When a person is stripped of their worth it's everything.

That's why it's called faith in the first place.

There you are, peeking behind your ghost.
Good to see you little one that smirks.
The radiance of your dark side illuminates surreally.
A midnight blue bathed in moon dust for all to see.

Up in the sky reeling around in temperance.
Your cold resolved by your relentless mystery.
You hide your face and turn your back to us.
There we see all your wounds and try to map your valleys. 

Yet you keep your secrets to yourself all to well.
What are those wounds that have marred your very soul?
So much that all you have left is an orbit.
What sadness do you know as you cry silently?

As you turn your back and show us your Ghost side.

When I can't see the stars or hear the laughter
When I can't remember why there's tears on my face
When my thoughts of you when we're finally through
Can I put them all away someplace

When my day is over and I'm found waning
When that moment in time takes it's seat
I wish to remember you fair when I arrive there
Oh how that would ever be so sweet.

Won't you come to take me home
Be there at my side
To a place that is fair and your always there
I'll no longer need a reason to hide

Won't you guide me to the pasture
I'll take your hand lead the way
To a better world that's never unfurled
To a much needed restful day

When moments seem like days and minutes forever
I need your memory to always be there
I want to remember your eyes saying there stories not lies
I'll nod and say that is fair

For if I forget everyone I've ever known
Just keep your memory safe somewhere
If that can't be then God set me free
I'll be ready to go right then and there

Won't you come to take me home
Be there at my side
To a place that is fair and your always there
I'll no longer need a reason to hide


Won't you guide me to the pasture
I'll take your hand lead the way
To a better world that's never unfurled
To a much needed restful day

God, just askin' to get a message to you 
My heart is broken through and through
I've been dreamin' so many bad things
It's tearin' my heart apart

God, just wondering if your there
The moments seem long, you don't seem to care
I've been dreamin' so many bad things  
It's tearin' my heart apart

I've been dreamin' of saving him
Another day standing on water
Another day of my strengths stretched to thin
Another day of what I've been after
Can't seem to see where I've been
Been just dreamin' of him

God, just been askin' what's gone wrong
My days seem short my nights to long
I've been dreamin' of saving him
Just one more lousy time

God, what's been wrong with me
That I'd put off caring enough to see
That dreamin' about him isn't given me more time
Time to see my heart in rhyme  

I've been dreamin' of saving him
Another day standing on water
Another day of my strengths stretched to thin
Another day of what I've been after
Can't seem to see where I've been
Been just dreamin' of him

God, why did he have to leave in that way
Why I'm I relivein' it every day
In my dreams it's all confusion
It's tearing my soul apart

God, are you going to leave me alone
To fight the battles I've been shown
Cause in my dreams there is no solution
It's breakin' at my heart

  
I've been dreamin' of saving him
Another day standing on water
Another day of my strengths stretched to thin
Another day of what I've been after
Can't seem to see where I've been
Been just dreamin' of him

 

What is reality, that I can yearn for a familiar situation.
To once again feel the security on one's touch, look and silence.
It is all but lost in the cycle of life which is to die.
Then die it must, but please for God's sake don't leave me alone.

It's about who is in your life, actually in it.
Not people to whom know your story or even your feelings.
It goes far beyond all that, causing me to be so angry.
I know behind every single anger there's a fear or indignation.

What a fool I've become to myself for holding out.
It is myself, I fight daily, to regain my inner posture.
I know what I am capable of so much.
Then it becomes my wise decision to do the right thing.

To fall endlessly away from an event I'd rather never see.
My spiritual life sores while the rest of me wans.
Finally I see that this could all be a very long wait.

And....
I await the coming of my next season and reason to live on. 

It started like any other washed out day.
Someone said it may rain and was surprised it wasn't.
The mornings chill lasted till afternoon causing the confusion.

Now Nature gets busy, just got to be starting something.
She's bored or perhaps woke up on the wrong side this day.
None the less, She began the colorful balance that would end Her day.

First She clears away Her menacing Clouds to allow the Sun to help.
After that She told her Clouds to change their altitude and attitude.
Then She had the gall, in a dry season no less, to ask for a bit of moisture
Knowing fully well it's been a dry season, She wanted it to look like Rain was on the way in.

As the Sun set, Her Majesty began her masterful piece of art.
It started with a mild off white pastel with a hit of pale pink on the edges of Her glorious Clouds. 
Then She spliced a ***** greyish blue at the bottom layers.
Moving right into blending the pink darker to the center of the waterless centers.
She held all that for a bit of time blending all her colors gently as She asked her Clouds to change altitude.
As the Clouds moved the pink became neon around the darker middles.
Now a diffident lavender was developing around each and every cloud as the Sun said a final farewell for the day. 
Holding on to that lavender must of been the challenge cause it kept fading in and out.
At the end the lavender was strong as the Sun slipped away and the first lonely northwest Star shone brightly in the sky.

There are so many things I'm powerless to change.
 I'm so glad sunsets are one of them.

A long, long time ago I was told what a burden I am.
Because I was a child, I believed them and was sad.
A long, long time ago I was told what a bad boy I am.
Because I was a child, I believed them and was mad.
My condition was hard for them.
My condition was sad for me.
My behavior was just sad period!
A long, long time ago I was singled out from other children.
Because my behavior was unacceptable to the adults.
A long, long time ago I was singled out from the children.
Because the children were only following the adults and I was confused.
Truth is I'm left with the aftermath.
Truth is I'm still confused.
Truth is who cares, no one.
Sorrows that no one sees.
Crying no one hears.
loneliness no one feels.
It's no longer long ago and yet I'm still a burden.
Now I'm a burden to myself.
It's no longer long ago and I live my life on the edge.
I feel like I have to watch everything I do or else!
It is said if a child lives with fear, he learns to be apprehensive.
I know, I'm living it.
It is said if a child lives with shame, he learns to feel guilty.
I know, I'm living it and have nothing to feel guilty for.
Sad is when I can barely tie my shoes.
Mad is when I still fall for the finger under the nose trick each and every time.
Confusion is when I don't trust anyone anymore.
If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy.
The only joy I receive is when I don't have to interact with anyone.
The worst of all is I'm still singled out by my peers...
If a child lives with pity, he learns to feel sorry for himself.

Know what?
I'm sick of being a child!

The beauty wasn't in the colors though they were exquisite.
The excitement wasn't in the air humidifying each breathe took.
The moment wasn't extreme for the experiences time frame.

The beauty's dependency was on the over all positioning.
The excitement became heart racing due to the full beauty.
Just for a moment the intensity became so surreal.

Something so simple came to me, transforming me in a instant.
A part of me I thought had died, woke up and made me take note.
The event was over before it started, so enchantingly.

Now was the time for a bit of remorse, I should of, could of.
This experience will never come again in a million years.
It will come again in my soul, captured for a long time.

That perfect picture of billowing clouds with undefined colors;
The air so sweet, thick so I can cut it with a butter knife;
Sweet hummingbirds flying off at the same time in unison;

Cascading flowers closing down for the end of their long day;
A light warm breeze carrying their welcoming scents to my nose.
Most important thing was having a close friend who felt the same.

They may ask if I'm the Resistance or perhaps Heightened.
It's my call to make it so.
Should I break from the pack or stand unnoticed.
In the end I have to admit the fence is wearing thin.
Indecisiveness is so unattractive, especially to me!
That's who matters the most anyway.
Control issues being my worst defect.
I tend to try to stay out of the limelight.
Only as of late that's been a luxury I've not been privy to.  

So I remember lessons taught and used.
Wills and ways, even though they be backwards and awkward,
are most effective.
That passiveness that allows me to let go of anger,
malice and greed.
Letting go of all the ugliness I see within me.
I'm not enlightened or part of some covert resistance.
I will do the most right thing I've ever done!
Give Up!

Give up the struggle and let a very forgotten child be set free.
Locked up, thrown away, broken, torn inside.
Sitting in some forgotten corner, pitilessly crying.
Time to stop the crying, walk out of the room to the light of day.
Those saying there're enlightened confuse me, while,
those claiming to be fighting some agenda are
far beyond my intelligence.
Now I can see so many more options to choose from.
Gentle options that will allow happiness to be the only goal.
Not about what I eat, wear, my latest profile picture
on the internet or whether or not I'm on the
internet or in real life. 
There are so many options that lead to happiness!
No pressure, taking time to choose, actually enjoying the process.
No over night sensations, quick fixes... just logic and peace.

What will they think!?
It really doesn't matter anymore!

Give me your wishes, your weariness, your hopes and aspirations
I will direct them and create whole worlds of your desires and fears 
It's only a science so don't take it personal or any ill content
I only want to mix and match a series of events that entertains your restless soul
Allow me to work my magic and I might even awaken your secret abilities
At that point it's all you cause I'm just your broker not a creator like you
Now run with it, measure it up or tear it down it's your call
I'm just an observer that sees your inner self and your deepest feelings
Don't worry I'm always here to guide you to the next adventure
Just give into me and I'll embark you on the journey of a life time 

Broken as fast as it begun his love disappeared with no trace
Just like the drunkard that can't remember a **** thing too
Long before a loving embrace or long enduring breathless kiss
Something to remember so came from his intended, you
Laughing, crying... crying over what losses were the worst to own
Then the greatest loss of all, his own self respect inflicted his soul
Sudden he found himself loving all by himself, absolutely one-sided
What developed was a greater need creating a much larger hole 

Then the realization came that perhaps he never had loved at all
Then what was that intense feeling reeling, whirling inside his mind
Death had taken it's toll yet it was so much more than all that
Could it be that he never was loved and he was left far behind
Standing alone, looking as everyone ran to save their own *****
Every excuse and untruth reveled the total gravity that occurred
Never seen was the innocence that persisted through the ordeal
He was the unloved drunkard once again just the way they preferred

They can all be as one or act on their own
Muster up enough power to reek out the norm
None of them ever turn out to be a clone
Hey they're known to be able to ride out any storm

What I really like about them isn't so plane to see
Their valances are not the glory of their head
To know one you know all or possibly just let it be
Cause in the end enough is enough said 

Every single time I give a glance;
A moment in time fills my heart.
The first time I gave you a chance;
Your sky blue eyes sparkling was a start.

All I have to do is look in my peripheral; 
There you stand tall, still on your own two feet.
No matter how long, it all seems so surreal;
Yet a smile comes to me all so sweet.

What is it you know that about me my love?
Is it some pain I'll never comprehend?
Are you giving me signs from above?
Or just a chance to let go of this pain!

For now I'll accept the simple glance;
Seeing you even for an profound millisecond,
Giving me one more wonderful chance..
To allow your loss to be less painful and
more eloquent.

Scream into your pillow that unscrupulous emotion
Cause your day brought you unfulfillment in one swift continuing motion
Sleep will come slowly and perhaps you will not dream
Maybe this will be the night that doesn't wake in a scream

Morning comes, you forget the night, fear of remembering darker places
Because if you do, it just may allow you to crawl along the spaces
It's all connected in our minds collectively throughout the night
As we traverse dimensions some seen before, some never and it's a fight

Learning to crawl so we can walk
Learning to cry so we can talk

Learning to feel so we can relate to each other
Learning to stop screaming to love to love one another

Yes, he's talking to himself
Like some twisted cave elf
Forgotten from some by gotten year

Numbers never really quite random
But one the level given a handsome
Rambling about some long forgotten year

His days spent in silent concentration
Perhaps the state of a failing Nation
Or perhaps just the constant retro
thought

If he's caught in his own predicament
He'll charm you with heartwarming sentiment
Then look just at the nothingness you got

Ask me how I would know that this is so
With a truthfulness I should know
The stories, the secrets, the day being free

Magic imagined, fairytales reenacted
All my creativity highly interacted
How I know is,
it's me talking to me