Hannah

Hannah Oct 2017

Words

Sometimes the simplest words
Are more easy to write
Than to say.
Even in the most quietest of voices.
Even when they go unheard.

Hannah Oct 2017

Despite the Obvious

Despite the obvious you promise a forever.
Despite the obvious you claim you love me.
You claim that you're in love with me.
You claim that it's only me.

Despite the obvious,
You love me for all of my flaws.
For our views that don't agree.
For our beliefs that don't match up.

Despite the obvious,
You say it doesn't bother you.
You say that you'll only love me.
You say that it's my choice.

Despite the obvious,
You still don't know heartbreak.
You may know the world through a different view,
You still have yet to feel heartbreak.

Despite the obvious,
You know I don't trust you to keep your word.
You know I'm prepared for any moment you could leave.
For all of those to be left broken.

Despite the obvious,
You know I'm scared for you to leave.
Despite the obvious,
You know I know that you love me.

Despite the obvious,
You have overlooked them and saw only me.
You saw the love for me.
You saw my love for you.

Despite the obvious,
You saw beyond our differences,
Even if they bothered you.
You saw me and just me.

So despite the obvious,
Still don't make promises you can't keep.
Don't say words you mean.
Don't love that you don't truly feel.

Then I'll know and be okay.

Hannah Sep 2017

Tick

Tick...
Tick...
Tick...
The clock keeps ticking.
The day goes by slow.
Every breath.
Every word.
Every empty thought.

Tick...
Tick...
Tick...
It's time to say goodbye.

Tick...
Tick...
Tick...
You're all mine tonight.

Tick...
Tick...
Tick...
Every second of the hand.
Every thought without a plan.
Tick...
Tick...
Tick...

Sep 2017

Isabelle

I don't own it

While you offer me those
sweet words and lovely poems
I am writing the same for him

And while you whisper
“I miss you” to me
I silently say the same to him

Sorry but it’s true, I ain’t over him
So tighten your grip, don’t slip
I don’t want you to get broken just like me

And as much as I hate saying this
It’s not you, it’s me
It’s always me, always me

And I can't accept anything you will give
Because I can't give what I do not have
-my heart, because sadly, he still owns it

I don't know how to say this to you.

#sorry #icant

Hannah Sep 2017

My Hands

I don't know where my hands belong,
As I had thought they belonged with yours.
Intertwined fingers.
A comfortable silence.
I thought they had fit perfectly for us two.

Till you pulled away,
Left me stranded,
Abandoned,
No map or directions of where I go next.
No goodbye.
No reason.
Just the harsh sting of rejection.

I had thought my hands
Belonged in yours.
For you had learned to grab mine.
I had thought you thought
The same way,
Like we kissed that first night.

I don't know now where my hands belong.
For I had thought they
Belonged with you.
But you pulled away.
And now I know my hands are
Meant to hold on.
But yet they won't hold on to you.

Even though I thought my hands belonged in yours,
I'll tell you the simple truth.
I wish that my hands did belong in yours.
But it doesn't seem to be true.

Hannah Sep 2017

ashN

Shh,
Don’t talk.
Don’t make a noise.
Don’t think.

Close your eyes.
Listen.
Do you hear them?
The soft little voices in your head.
The ones that are constantly talking.
The ones that scream.
That cry.
That are never ending.
The ones that no one but you hears.

Now open your eyes.
Look around.
No one around you can hear them,
But you can.
Every word. Every sentence.
But people only think you’re crazy.
Imagine that every day.

Now go outside.
Try to ignore them.
Try to convince yourself that they’re not there
But they’ll never leave.
And you know that.
But no one else does.

Try living every day with those constant whispers.
Or screams.
The constant voices that you can’t get rid of.
The ones that drive you crazy no matter how hard you try.
Because they don’t care.
They never did. And they never will.

Now go to bed.
Get under the covers.
You might think that they’ll go away before you sleep.
No.
That’s a lie.
Now with no distractions they get louder.
Trying to convince you and convince you to do as they say.
The government is a lie.
They’re after you.
They’ve bugged your house and everything that you eat.
They’ve brainwashed you into thinking this was normal.
That everyone around you was crazy
And you’re the only one who can see the truth.
No matter how hard you press your hands against your ears,
They get louder and louder and louder.
They scream.
You close your eyes.
But they will not leave.
No, they won’t ever leave, no matter how hard you wish.

You manage to sleep, if that.
You wake up, rubbing your eyes.
And the routine starts all over again.

I give credit to my dad for the title. It's an anagram for Nash who's full name was John Nash and he was a famous mathematician who had schizophrenia.

Hannah Aug 2017

To My Brother

You were unexpected.
You were my other half.
Our stories were the same of how we both came to be.
But yet we were different.
...
I lived to be sixteen.
And you weren't even born.
Only 13 weeks into our mother's pregnancy that you were here.
You were going to be the second Capricorn.
We were both produced out of mistakes.
But mother would always say "happy accidents."
Why did you have to leave us?
We had your name picked out, Jonah Sebastian Justice.
But you passed away before hearing it.
Why did you go?
Why did you leave?
I'll still remember hearing that our mother had a miscarriage, I had to work that day. I thought it would help.
It didn't.
But I held through well enough until I got home, can't cry at work.
Why did you die? Why couldn't you have been strong?
I hope you're well now, wherever you are.
I hope you're safe.
I hope you come back.
I hope somewhere, wherever your soul it, that you know and remember who we are.

Jonah Sebastian Justice. July 5th, 2017.