Thought maybe growing up, would mean tumbling down the slippery hill.
Lose my goals beneath my feet.
But I didn't.
Keen to be an adult.
Do what the big girls do.

Maybe I did, maybe I didn't.
Sought out controversy.
From the land of fools.
What I got I did not want.
Thought I did .
I didn't want it really.

And did those feet from ancient times lead me in the wrong direction?
Maybe they did, maybe they didn't.
Finally at the juicy age of fifty.
Am not stumbling or tumbling.
Nor tripping the light fantastic.
Found a pile of discarded *******.
Finally threw it in the bin.
Once missing, now recouped.
My long lost self-esteem!
(C) LIVVI X 2014

My sweetest times were spent with them
They brought me here gave me a name
The only ones to be called my own
Now shadowy reflections in my moments alone!

His voice blurs faint as the years go by
Her face is a haze in the distant sky
I found from them an unmatched love
Living to this day in my treasure trove!

They gave me here a place to claim
Brought me here gave me a name
On this day of blessing and wish
I feel them within find a soothing peace.

You want to tell your mother that she is digg
ing your grave you need to show your little s
ister that she is helping raised streaks and stre
tch marks this baby has battle scars they may
make you feel like you're feelings are invalid b
ut your body is living proof there will always b
e boys who reject you and old men with a thin
g for green eyes who'll want to help you solve
your daddy problems show your teeth confirm
all the rumors that you're bat **** crazy you do
n't owe anyone a smile when people call you bitte
r spit in their faces you will always belong to you

you wear your ulterior motives around your neck like a no
ose or a beaded choker you know you have weird style yo
u don't need reminding its not supposed to hurt when ****
boys with high libidos take and break but you've got eyes
that remind them who's in control they think you're *****
y and whatever you totally are it's okay to howl at the mo
on every once in awhile they'll make you want to slide into
a sinkhole or be swallowed in the soft wet soil but you've
got a hidden agenda for when you smile the sun shines bri
ght no one can deny a witch like you when you sing for ma
ma earth your soft skin makes plants grow what's a minor
heartbreak when a tsunami could wash away an entire vill
age at least you have patience

I want to write your name 1,000,000 times
on a chalkboard and then erase it and bang
the erasers and breath in the cloud and
suffocate ok?
actually I want to curbstomp you and lick
your blood off the cement and collect as many
of your teeth as I can and make a bracelet
                                              (I want to be your love, I want to make you cry)
actually I want to kiss every inch of your body kiss I mean bite
I want to tear you to shreds
actually I want to cut your chest open and crawl inside and
vibrate with your heartbeat and force you to hold me
                                     (I want you inside of me)
actually I want to call you out on a white lie in front of all your friends
                                                   (I want to be your only friend)
actually I want to read you conspiracy theories right before you go to sleep
and fill your dreams with paranoia
                                     (I want to kiss your eyelids)
actually I want to cut the brakes in your car and I want to be the one driving us
100 mph towards a cliff
actually I want to put bleach in your morning coffee and I want to force
you to drink it
actually I want to empty your bank account and live out my days alone
somewhere warm, alone
actually I want to give you all the pleasure in the world, all the pleasure a
human man could experience and then I want to castrate you
actually I want to tell you elaborate lies about my childhood
actually I want to write you books
actually I want to make you feel adored
actually I want to make up my mind about you
actually I want to paint your nails and cut your hands off
and use your fingers to display my ring collection
actually I want you to notice me   (please)

My life is mostly the same some
Times I feel the need to
Spice it up
I took it before I left my house
The ride to
School was average. Small talk
With my Mother little does she know how tricked my body is
A small screen lit up my dark restless night. And the little green vessels meet the average sunrise
Everything is average
Zoning out as usual, average until suddenly .
My head how it spins like a Saturday night of drinking. My head how it bobs about like a Sunday morning regret.
The choir sings the preacher commands me to repent my sins
I can't take it back. And I wouldn't
Id rather stare at the walls all night depriving myself of the one thing my body wants most and fight it in the morning
Little does the preacher know that I don't give a **** about what's in my textbook. The congregation is engaged in the service little do they know that world war 3 has begun in my head
Blood fills the pews battle smells permeate
Personal poisons are subjective and on this morning,,ironically,,nyquil is my choice thank god for liquicaps the syrup is god awful

we're friends right? no we are strained acquaintances we are yin yan
g with nine colors we are tv static on all night when you're too tired to
get up and turn it off we are doodles in the margins of a very importa
nt research paper you are lost in everyone forgetting that my middle
name is freedom i am putting on metaphorical makeup to mask my
emotional blemishes we are sour candy and ginger ale we are obscu
re genres of music shoegaze my ****** valentine we are a waterco
lor clusterfuck bleeding together like an amateur blood drive read b
etween the lines we are biodegradable plastic half covered in the soil
untouched for two years we are sunshine and chill bumps I hate you
for the same reasons I hate myself we are nostalgia and anxiety we a
re insomniacs who only want each other between the hours of 8 pm
and 6 am we are avoiding eye contact in the halls