Diction

Diction May 2019

Memories

Here I am again thinking of you
No sleep
Heart ache
Wishing you could forgive every mistake
Your voice slowly becoming a whisper in the wind taking every memory of you away
The reason for these tears running down my face
Feeling in what now appears to be an empty world that I've become some how outta place
Like an angel who's fallen from grace
Burning ashes at my feet
Begging for this all to be a bad dream
I'm screaming please
If only you wouldn't leave you'd be able to see that you'd no longer need to be disappointed in me
20 words that seem to be running on repeat in my head until I'm wishing I was dead
Numb to all but the pain of knowing I'm the one to blame
"I'm sorry" I keep saying until my voice gives way
The music of my heart slowly fading away as the silence begins to play
Wondering if this is the way everything was meant to be because of every selfish action I decided to take in place of the love you tried to display
Despite each time I had taken it and thrown it away
Never thinking that one day it'd be the one thing I'd miss more then anything
Memories of those days by your side seem to now be slipping goodbye into the endless grey of yesterday
Can you promise you'll at least remember me when there's nothing left for me but regret for you to see when you look at me
Each day finding its getting harder to breathe
Finding it easier to be angry at you but only seeing me when looking for you in this reflection of everything we use to be
This misery
I didn't think it would ever come to be
The greed
Wanting there to be more then just me in the words of "you and me" when I speak
Pleading
That the misery bleeds away and the greed becomes something I no longer need
So Father
Won't you find it in you to understand how far I've come to just reach out with this hand
Steady and free of doubt that you'd come to see no disgrace in the sins I've washed away
Accepting the fact I'll never get my wings back
Asking for only the words "it's okay" so I can continue making it through another day
Father
I'm truly sorry
Lost in this poetry of misery
My last memory
My only reality
Hopefully it won't end with just me
Father please

Diction Apr 2019

Soon It's Fine Suicide

It's crazy the **** that comes to my mind when I pick up this pen and begin laying down a rhyme/
What might be me when I'm thinking suicide/
Borderline ****** probably why my jackets been tied with me trapped inside/
As the razor blade follows this open wrist "that's right" they said "just follow the line" every vein waking up the demons sleeping deep inside/
So I'm constantly laughing when people insist on telling me I've experienced nothing compared to their tragic life like next to them I've lived nothing/
Almost as if I'm doing anything but fine/
Because this smile I cant seem to hide the only time I lie telling the questions that I'm alright/
No one knowing anything of the demons I secretly fight/
The ones I'm barely keeping locked behind this false heart beating inside myself without any help/
So they can keep that forgotten horizon I once saw rise on the other side of whats been beautiful dead/
Red rose hidden beneath grey eyes I keep personally mine/
Depression hitting harder then any trigger pulled as this barrel rest against my broken mind as the painted memories of lost times flow freely thru the tears I've cried/
I wanna know how many might know what it's like to spend hollow nights alone/
Afraid to let go of the tears that continue to flow as if they were the only thing keeping you whole/
Struggling to never let go of that special someone no one knows but you because no ones ever done anything but eventually decide it's time to go/
So the worlds now become a world of cold/
Wondering if it's alright that this red paint thats covering you from wrist to waist might stain this once empty wall staring blank face where you've left your soon it's fine note/
Hoping you at least got that right before the noose closes tight around your throat/
Love was the last thing they happily wrote/

Diction Nov 2018

Sorry, I'm Here

Dear You,
I guess this is me doing the only thing I know how to do when I'm missing the clue
Now if only I knew
Should I or shouldn't I wait on some kind of que from you
Because it's been, as of today, several days since we last spoke
You're just enjoying life I hope
Havent heard from you since last Monday and since then I'd like to think your doing better then just okay
Because your a friend I honestly wouldn't like to have leave just yet when we just recently met
But I'll say if you did it would become something Id truly regret
And I'll admit that it would be mostly my fault
There's no reason I wasn't able to pick up this phone and give you a call
We honestly shared something that deserves better than the empty silence that has now sat for so long
I'm now left wondering why I did something so wrong
Because this relationship is worth more then the glance back that says it's less then that and I'm saying that as fact
When just you alone are worth more than anything anyone could ever think to believe
Since your the one and only one that makes the you no one could come to be
So when I say I'm sorry I truly mean every word you see
And I'll put all that I have in to making it show in my poetry even if it means showing the real me
Since its the only way I'm able to express the things I struggle to say
I hope that's okay
Because I would notice if your life was to change in a way that wasn't done in the best of ways like it has today
And how it's come to such a thing I couldn't begin to explain
But I know I shouldn't need to hear your voice walk away to experience this rain
When I should have honestly came and got you that day
So I'm sorry if you had it feel in any way
Like I've done some things that have caused you some kind of pain
Or felt that loneliness that wasn't yours just because it sometimes likes to pour
But you have to know
There won't always be a reason for why you always stay covered when eventually there's an end to all bad weather
Wet things can't get any wetter
Something to remeber
Sincerely your friend forever
Diction Dier

Diction Oct 2018

Her Despair and I

I know we just met but I'ma get this off my chest
These thoughts have me feeling confused so im not to sure what to do
Why I spend my time showing you how I feel making the things seen in the movies seem real
These moments of uncertainty I'm not sure anymore if they're meant to be
When we're missing emotionally the ability to accept that things might actually be good for the first time in history
When so many times they ended the worst way never knowing that wasn't ok
Why sitting next to you is often hard and I'm fearing this will be once again the start of the everything that caused this already broken heart
But I want you to know it's worth fighting these feelings when you smile back at me
Because its been a while since I've had a friend that I couldn't wait to see
It's something I've been needing the reason for these words your reading now I'm no longer left alone day dreaming
And honestly I think the reason this all came so easy is because your just as ****** up as me
Hit by it all mentally
And another manic addict addicted to the skeletons in the attic
Living with no way back from the habit that's the lab kit behind this tragic movie script to a life that's not yet sick
Something I still can't kick
And it's amazing seeing you loving something most see as nothing
While caring about the missing times when people onced shared
One more thing in this life that's often not fair
So despite all you've been facing these traits of yours are worth tasting
Now leave behind the questions that whisper of doubt because it's that happy ending we're both about
Love the piece of you you deceive from yourself and let that pain melt showing it's hidden wealth
Then steady that beat from your heart you keep
When it's locked away in that body of the beautifully tragic looking strong but weak
Longing to be painted with poetry with all that it be
And I hear the words you keep quietly pleading to be clean covered in the chaos of a ***** means
Stitching lies around disguising cries
I wonder how often you ask God your whys
Specially when your hating that self your unsure about leaving it sitting on the shelf that wants to ask for help
But that's alright since it's your every fault that I like wrong or right
I just wish you'd calm down an enjoy the simple moments that slip by
All the ones that should never get a goodbye
So maybe you can relax on the chase that's got you constantly strung high because it hurts seeing the world fall behind your sighs
And truthfully those are all the reasons why

Another about a friend of mine going through a bad time in her life. This is everything I feel and think about from all I've come to see. I know you asked me to write you something about you, and this was the last thing you were thinking I'd write. But these words you need to hear desperately. I'm here for you.

#depression #dark #despair

Diction Oct 2018

The Worse Color I Could See

The worse thing I could see in this life to me
is the insight on what's going on inside the
mind of another person whose eyes when
tested are wide open yet half closed an
glazed fixed with a message
No rest
**** bested
Just like me with a feeling that's overrated
I'm never waking cause your never sleeping
Yeah that's what we call self medicated
Drug dedicated
To ****** up to hate it
Even when your looking into the eyes of another behind a two way mirror that's not so two way
I'm faceless
A psychopath unlike the rest
So let me color this
Wait did you say something
Whos there
No one It's just you
Then whos looking back
Just yourself
That doesn't look like me
Why because they walk talk and dress different
No because I'm here and their there
A fact created by self absorbed ******* who believe to have made it
A bunch of fakes spitting venomous lies deceit filled eyes
Stabbing the backs of friends and foes alike
believing to be justified with what it is they
do
So don't you even begin to believe that
**** too
Now count to blue and remember there's been to few of us created with two sets of eyes so different yet their look is self imitated
Originality being one oh one over one duplicated known to be unrelated
Something I see each time I see my reflection so you're the worst thing I could see along
with this ****** up connection
Now don't get me wrong it’s amazing how we in no way tried to be found found each other
But I don't know if i’m ready for the inside tour of another just like me but uncovered
A psychopathic lover
And as I begin to laugh I hope like me you won't quit because if your like me we're
made for this wicked ****
I'm ****** glitch
Broke like a *****
Why am I so lyrically rich
That being said I gotta say I'm happy that **** so far has stayed where it belongs tucked away unlike this song
Inside my mind with the imagination creations I've created in my crayola crayon nation made education

Diction Oct 2018

Pain, Rhyme, Reality, or Misery

Honestly I think this is me giving up again as I relapse back into this sin/
Watching the morning pass me by as white fades to black/
It takes everything in me not to look back/
Inside I'm fighting to forget the past that's had me held so fast/
Relax they say the moment will pass/
Another memory to remember the misery that's been blessed to be the only thing given to me/
While the few people around keep repeating It's gonna be ok/
Like they've lived my life for even a day/
Pain and loneliness that's the price I pay/
These tears and blood are what paved the way/
That's why I don't care if this life is taken away/
I want the music to change so let the silence play/
I'm a coward who's tired/
More afraid to live then I am of being dead/
As your promise keeps ringing in my ear as a whispered lie/
So what if you cried for a night/
I've been crying my whole life here take this knife and cut the wrist on my right/
Left one left with you when you took back everything you said that night/
Am I dreaming or are we playing make pretend so we don't feel alone when we lay in this bed/
I guess it doesn't really matter when it's this nothing I'm really after/
Depressed some of you probably think I've become when honestly/
I'm just upset at the lack of humanity/
Why I'm cursed by insanity and afflicted by the fake sincerity/
Of every made up reason given so it was ok for each one of you to walk away as if it was just another day like it was yesterday/
How easy it is to **** when your the one pulling the trigger as you will/
When all you have to do is pop another pill/
Do the thoughts of me yield so i can be forgotten/
Your face so still/
This false love was the loaded gun that made my life numb/
The bullet was made from your lies killing what little was left inside/
Every syllable formed is now dust/
Your words but rust/
In the mirror my eyes are lifeless the witness to its own emptiness/
Heartless
Now I'm colorless/
Black and white don't make or break the happiness/
Everybody bleeds the same color so why doesn't my life matter/
Sadder and sadder I become as my feelings fall deeper and deeper/
Feeling like a needle pressed slowly in is my only lover that still makes my veins flutter/
Despite drowning in water on this silent bottom i truly prefer/
Lost in my shadow always begging her for more searching for the suffer of forever torn/
Papers litter the floor of my mind as the tatter bits of you scattering memories of ink onto this blank letter/
Was i muttering writings of rhymes or poetry you tell me/
All I know is I was whole once before then you came along knocking down doors/
Filling me full of promises and things I was looking for/
When I was at my lowest hoping to be unnoticed you made living a choice/
For you I decided suicide wasn't alright half empty you smiled as I laid at your feet/
Weak from the tomorrow's that made yesterday/
Why help me if you were just gonna leave today/
All the love I felt I wont say I wish I never gave cause the same love i continue to save/
Dreaming of a day when I'm able to hand it away to a girl who's willing to do the same/
Lay here with me where we can feel ok because we both feel the same pain/
Rain on my face doesn't explain why the sky is grey/
When there's no clouds and the sun is the only thing out in every way/
Yet the rain is still falling an it makes no sound as it makes its way down/
So my sin I welcome again as I relapse back into this ground I lay on waiting to be found/
Rhyme of reality or dream of poetry which will it be/
Desperate human being or no longer breathing/
Which ones me I've yet to see if that's even a possibility/

Diction Oct 2018

Night Art of this Dying Art

Every night I sit and I vibe with this music and pen trying to describe the feelings hidden inside these walls I call my eyes\
Shaded with the stains of those I've hurt
With every lil flirt I convert\
Keeping you alert to the pain that is the twisted mind of mine\
Never will I be fine as I turn one into nine like blood to wine\
Consuming every line\
Only to be remembered by my time in the light as I fall from sight\
So before the sun fades away to bring the night\
I'ma turn wrong to right and take the life that should of been mine\
Pushing the line between heaven and hell with only the sound of a bell to remind you of what I'm about to tell\
And as the beginning becomes the end and begins to mend this body of mine\
What I hide behind for inside I'm nothing but a used up man shattered by the tears that fall from the moon for she weeps for me and my pain\
Making it rain as I become insane\
Lost within the fires of fame burning my shame and consuming my name\
With the flame created by the same as what I became\
My sin\
Born from the ashes of wrongful lust lost in a secret desire hidden within an appetite to be the best\
So I say to all the rest now begins the test\
For with this blade your eyes will fade away to grey ending the day before it can start\
As I take these words from my heart and turn them into a piece of art\
Every little letter playing it's part creating this my night art of this dying heart\