No.
Stop.
Stop it.
Stop it,okay?!
I'm not doing this again.
Alice will never again
venture down the rabbit hole.

And why should she?!
The rabbit is always out of reach.
The rabbit never sticks around for her.
She chases him
With a heart full of hope
And legs that can only carry her so fast..

But now
She is too tired to keep going.
Her hope has left her behind,
Turned its back on her,
Just as everyone else has.

Dont you dare
Taunt her with a new adventure
Dont you dare
Lure her in with promises of it being
"Different"
"A new path"
"Uncharted territory"
Because that will never be true.

The Weeping Willow stands
On Heartbreak Hill,
Watered only by its visitor's tears..
And Alice refuses
To keep watering a dead plant
She once hoped would live.

The hope of it living
Made her pain seem worth it

But now..
Alice has grown the **** up.

the hardest thing one can do
is pursue their happiness
despite the pain it may cause
the ones who love them.

is being happy worth their sadness?
will it actually make you happy?

and what happens,
once you make the choice?
what if it's all a mistake?
what if there is no going back?

then what?
what now?

When we are lost
We look within ourselves
Not realizing
It is precisely ourselves
That we must find

It may become especially hard
To find who we might be
When we dont know
Who we are or want to be

We become forever entangled
In this labyrinth of the mind
Searching for answers
Finding ourselves
That we often look elsewhere

Elsewhere may often be the danger
For we look in the wrong places.
We do not find ourselves
Among stems
Among bottles
Among the smoke
For we must set a fire
In our hearts, not our lungs

We especially do not find
Whom we are meant to be
Within another
They may have found you
But you are now lost together,lovers
Often, one more lost than the other

No one will ever
Take your journey
For you,
Although paths may cross,
So you must venture out
Making your own path
So you may once again
Find you.

You say you love me
You say you want me
You say "It'll be different"
"It won't happen again"
"Let's prove them wrong"
Its a never ending cycle,dear.

I knew it.
I knew it would happen again.
Deep down in my heart
I just knew.
So the more I let you in
The closer we got..
The more I let myself love..
It happened again.

They are protecting you from me
Because they see it too;
What I have always known.

I may be your "dream girl"
But never..
Was I ever meant
To be your soulmate
Because you deserve so much better
Than I could ever be

Again,with love,
I set you free

Four years
Two months
Two weeks
And a day or two
Thats how long its been
Maybe, truly,it hasnt been very long,
But I miss you.
A short forever of sad and empty days
That makes me cry
The way orphans with memories do

To you,I write,
But its never meant to be read to you
To you I am dedicated,
Though you are gone
I'm grown up now;I had to quickly
Because when you died
I hadn't a shoulder to cry on.

I never let you see
  But your illness was a burden to me
And your death
Was also the death of me

My clothing is dark now
I'm much thinner now
And I havent moved on
But I'm happier now

Your little girl is doing okay
At least thats what she'll always say..
Its what she's been saying

She went into theatre
Because she can put on an act!
That smile you loved,
Now just a mask!
But she says she's okay;
Its what she's supposed to say,
To whomever may ask.

They say that
When a symbol of love breaks,
The love no longer exists..

So today..
When the pendant fell
From its third new chain;
When your heart fell to the ground..
I thought
" you really dont love me"

And for so long..
I convinced myself
"I dont love you..
And I've met someone new.."
But

When I broke his necklace
To fix yours..
I then knew...
I always have
And always will
Love you
..even if you no longer love me too

But a part of me wishes you still do..

Are you okay?
What happened?
To you..
To us...
Our love.
What happened?

You became stressed
And needed space
So you left
And I'll never forget the taste
Of honey turned vinegar
As my body rejected
The sweet promises
It once thrived on..

You said you wouldnt leave again
You said you'd always love me
You said you'd marry me
You said you wanted
To spend your life with me..

Do those words mean nothing to you?
Did they ever?
Was it all just a beautiful lie?
Did
"Forever and Always"
Mean absolutely nothing?
Do the tears i cried,
The sleepless, hungry nights,
The months of grief
For love we once shared
Mean nothing to you?

Who are you
And are you okay?
You smoked away
The cells of your brain
So you didnt have to think of me
Or guilt or pain
That you felt
That you caused..
A get away.
But little did you know
That you smoked yourself away
And became someone i dont know

I fell in love
With the man you once were..
But now youre just a stranger
Who looks very similar
To the love i lost.

For you may walk around in his skin
Wear his smile
His clothes
His hair
But you arent him

I lost him.
I need him..
And i cant find him anywhere..