I don't want what he loved about me to show,but unfortunately he loved everything about me

As I hold my mouth shut
Reading the words on my screen
I feel the warm tears
Caused by each letter's sting

My stomach curses me
Tied in knots
A lump in my throat
Sobs silenced by my hands

Quietly
My heart has shattered
My eyes,waterfalls
My body shaking

Again I read the words i refuse to accept
Im exhausted
3am

I hope this is all a nightmare
But I havent cried myself to sleep yet

In agonizing stab wounds the heart
In gut-wrenching reality
I feel nothing but pain
Unsure how to feel about you
As I wonder what went wrong
And why you refused to stay
When I needed you most.

She wore his Champion sweater.
She wore the necklace,
Her anniversary gift.
She held close the stuffed penguin
He had since he was a child.
Next to her head,
The book he got her for her birthday.
On her feet were the slipper socks
He sent to keep her warm last winter.
Even from a distance,
He took such great care of her.
He loves her so much.
And she loves him too.
And she wishes she could do the same.

She has every reason to be happy..
But alone
She lays on her bed
In tears
A hollow shell of who she once was.
Faking a smile for him.
Surviving for him.
Struggling through each day for him.
Eating only for him.

She's no longer in a dark place,
As she once was.
But...

the weight of the world is on my back
can't catch up on the sleep i lack
practically waiting for the upcoming heart attack

what is death?
well death is this
it is not some romanticized bliss
some think its when your body begins to decay
but it's really when your soul fades away

who am i?
just another teen that wants to die
just another day; just waking up makes me want to cry.
why?
maybe the men that slid their hands up my thighs.
maybe its the way that i'm criticized
maybe i'm the idiot that fell for their lies
and yet you don't understand the tears in my eyes?!
it all just makes me want to cry

yeah i'm upset, but i'm not sad.
i'm angry, overwhelmed
i have been devoured whole
no hope of escape
no bright light, because it's not a tunnel...

but maybe now i understand..
maybe my therapist was right when he said
"maybe life just isn't everyone"

One must give a life
So that another may live.

We shed a tear as we say goodbye
To a cathedral that once touched the sky.
I dont know how it started or why,
But somehow
Its highest peak now points to the ground.
Ash,what once was glass and wood.
Eight hundred years it proudly stood.
It now bows to the heavens above
Because it was shown less than love
The gothic cathedral has gone to ruin
Almost burnt down to its frame,
It can be rebuilt,but never the same..
•••••
..Because when you break something down..
When you break someone down...
They will never be the same again.
They wont have the same...anything.
○○○
They wont be as outgoing as they once were.
They will hide their smile..if it ever comes.
The light in their eyes grows dark.
They...they are forever changed..
And not for the better..
○○○○○
Once they're gone,they're gone..
Sure,they can change for the better
As a building can be rebuilt,
But they will never be themselves again.
They will never be who they once were.
They will forever be emptied of the life that was once there..
And that's why life just isnt fair..

What's wrong with me?
I procrastinate
And I cant think straight
No I dont need help
I can do this myself
My body aches
Im always in pain
My bones are four times older than my age
Its hard to sleep
I toss and turn
My eyelids are heavy but my brain
Is wide awake
I try to blame my mattress
But it is my own skin
That I am not comfortable in
And people will never understand how hard it is for me to be awake
Im always on the edge
But not always a bridge
I wish
Im always upset and angry and I dont know why
I blame my hyper sensitivity
Im consistently overwhelmed
By the ship in my head
That holds me at its helm
Stormy seas
Its hard to breathe
Around people
Because the monsters that people are
Away, I will stay far
For the monsters I live among
Would rather watch me be hung
And I cant handle their eyes
Because within them holds lies
And they will always try
To convince I'm not
Good
Strong
Pretty
Perfect
Enough
I want to not care what they think
But all I do is overthink
Which makes me tired
But my brain wont let me sleep
Help me
My legs will shake when I sit
But I cant stand
Because my knobby knees
Will crash like thunder
And then give out
Or I will start to dance
Without a tune
Because I need to let go
Of my negative energy
And then find
That I've gotten into a bind
Because there is a mess in my mind
And I will start a million projects
That never come to a finish line
And I am at the end of mine