I don't understand.
The once sturdy ground has turned to sand.
My feet sink in
And so do your words.

I don't understand.
Don't you still love me?
Do I no longer make you happy?
What's wrong with me?
Am I not enough?

I don't understand.
I know life is rough.
I know you feel lost.
But please don't push me away.

I don't understand.
Why do I have to keep convincing you to stay?
Several times you've tried to leave,
And then turn around and tell me you love me.

I'm sorry mom.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry my grades don't match my IQ.
I'm sorry I can't keep my grades up.
I'm sorry that no matter what I do it's not enough.
I'm sorry that I'd rather express
How I feel
Then get stuck in a desk.
I'm sorry I'm such a mess.
I'm sorry, but I'll never wear a dress.
Voluntarily.
I'm sorry that the color black
And the boy you don't approve of
make me happy
I'm sorry I'm not normal
Color is depressing.
Darkness is happiness.
Sorry, but I'm not perfect.
I never will be.
All I ask
Is for you to love and support me.
*
I'm a sorry dad.
I'm sorry I can't be strong enough.
I'm sorry for the mistakes I've made.
I'm sorry for what I've done.
I'm sorry that we didn't have more time together.
I'm sorry for my carelessness.
I'm sorry because I know that if you were here,
I'd be a disappointment
and you would disown me.
I'm sorry that I haven't been motivated.
I'm sorry, I know I'm not enough.
I'm sorry I'm so weak.
I'm sorry that I have shut everyone out.
I'm sorry that I need you now that you're gone.
I'm sorry for what you went through.
I'm sorry for all the sacrifices you had to make for me.
.....
I'm sorry
.....
I understand
If you don't accept my apology
Because who would want empty words
From a disappointment like me?

I can't wait to see you again.
For us to hold each other tight.
For everything to be perfect,
Even if it's just for one night.

I've made all the arrangements.
Everything is set.
Everything is ready
For our best night yet.

Dark room.
Colorful lights.
Loud music.
Sweaty teens.
All wearing something expensive
That they will only wear once.
A night they'll remember
Until prom the same year.
But all that matters
Is you and I, my dear.

As the speakers blare
And the sound and lights dance around us
Despite the crowd,
There is only us.

Trying.
To .
Breathe.

Can't.
Continue.

Room.
Darker.

Water.
I.
I need..
Water.

My..
My legs..
Are..
Giving out.

Heart.
Pounding.

Head.
Spinning.

I..
I need you.

Don't leave me!..

I..
Can't..
Do this..
Without you..

Stop walking away!
Please!
Anyone!
Help me!

I.
Can't..
...Breathe..

My darling
I'm sorry

I love you
I hate you
I need you
I fear you

You make me happy
You scare the **** out of me
I need you
Leave me alone
You saved me
Let me die

I can't stand you
But
I can't stand without you

Don't leave
Go away
You comfort me
Don't touch me
Stay
Get out of here

I'M BROKEN
YOU TRY TO FIX ME

LEAVE ME IN PAIN
IN PIECES
LIKE I'M MEANT TO BE

I don't deserve your
Warm
Loving
Caring
Heart.
I don't deserve love.

I deserve pain
Hurt
Suffering
Anger
Sadness.

Just..
Go away

I've never had what you give.
I'm afraid to accept it
because despite your promises, you might leave too.
I understand if you do.
...
But
Why stay?

You don't know.
I never told you.
I'm sorry..
But I know that's not enough...
So hear my side.

I never wanted him.
I had no choice.
Not really.
He forced what I didn't want.
I couldn't escape.
He had me pinned.
He played twisted mind-games.
My mother forced me to hang out with him.
How could I tell her what happened?
How could I tell anyone?

I found the strength.
I said no.
He got mad.
He made me look like a *****.
He made himself seem innocent.

He broke your heart.
He convinced you to leave.
He turned almost everyone against me.

You need to understand.
He's the one that ruined everything.
I love you and I never wanted you to get hurt.
He's a monster.
I deserved what he did to me.
Had it coming.
You did nothing to deserve that.
I'm sorry for what he did to you.
That monster wanted revenge on me.
It's reason?
Don't know.
But it had no right to go after you.
I'm sorry I didn't protect you.
I'm sorry I lost you.
I'm sorry I didn't tell you.
I'm sorry.
I know it's not enough,
But my apologies are sincere
And if I could fix everything
Go back and change it
I would in a heartbeat.
I promise.

Times change.
People change.
We never think our parents will change.
Especially not for the worse.

Mom,
You held me tight
When I cried at night
And when Dad died.
You wiped my tears.
You pushed away my fears.

Now you've become
What you protected me from.

You push me away.
I cry in silence.
I drown in my tears.
I'm afraid of not having anyone;
Of being left behind.

I don't see why
I continue to cry
Because
When's the last time
You were actually there for me?

Three years ago.
Before that?
Four years.
Before that?
Five Years.

You can't just be part of my life
And then leave.
You can't just come and go
As you please
Then yell when I don't do
As you please.

Why don't you
Just get out of my life
And stay out

I'll just continue
To silently cry
In the dark
Until I fall asleep

..Wishing Dad was still here.