Nobody besides me is going to read this
so this is safe space, writing poetry
spilling unasked and unseen
scabbed over feelings onto
contrasting displays featuring marvelous me
and i know i've veered away from beautiful
rythmic verse and even the common crying
cursed sensitive soul not getting touched
beautifully wailing about the sweet mundane
and no I can't make up my mind on dinner or you
not reading this is a desired erasing i now regret

And then never stopped by and said "hello"
lines curled away only to be drawn in
whispers of fictitious subtexts huffed along
my stomach knew the truth and gurgled dissent
the isn'ts an' aints raint against obvious strings
i knew i was played made to sound like nothing
receding while bowing under clouds hiding something

let's make since as small as possible from now
then this space we inhabit likes probes with probes
temporaries laced together letter opener thin slits
breathe yesterday onto my blankety-blank tableu
an' i unknow what came to me onto the heap
of sharp rejection shards embedded in a sunny day
reigned in and skittish i knicker and chuff stranger

Destructs and restructs chop cross my eyes
trailing highs and thighs and sighs and wrys
I'm calmed on this channel's brit subterfuge
Just not the news the election news blues
How did not all of these clowns lose lose lose
All the layers churn and spike argue of right
And I think of light and my knees clamber
Smooth floors and roomless doors stretch out
O I think in bad TV and live in bad science
Reading news I shouldn't 'n' think about else

This is the feeling this balance
between inebriation and insentience
nice and fleetingly lucid in bent ways
I damage a <things list themselves here deploringly>

Must I feel all these nuances of inked settling ends
mends meant  rends rent sends unsent vein spent
when's the reasoning coming to rescue this humming
I imagine <all of these rescue scenarios imploringly>

Rescue me and  I'll rescue you I'll rescue you if I see
rending some ending some sending some aheming
awkward or awake and scrambling across away
I resonate with the scramble amongst the consonance

it gets crunchy here when it all lands thud thud thud
fallen comrades past careful passed help me past
I learned a valuable lesson and the blameless
perhaps you getting away is this envelope of tire

I have imaginary friends here
You may be one of them
I rub my stiff cold knee here
You might want to be warmth

Can you help me get out of here, please
please
             won't let me
leave

I don't understand why I am here, please
wheeze
              won't let me
breathe

Stretch the universe to fit
over your mind or genitalia
unless they're the same
then don't bother

Fit the cosmos to what comforts you
unless of course that's bathtub gin
You've just got to agree coming in
as going out is imaginary portrayal

of waves incongruent with themselves
crashing in the tank defined by our
coming in and reflecting upon fate
who laughs with popcorn

You guys good?
Lift your skirt a little
Show us a bit of what you've got
Under your vowels between your aspirations
and your imagination is not in these words is it
is it in these woods when we hear what we are
all are skittering about with some explanatory look
become explained away when the sound rains down
inside the cellular convulsion i'm poking about for

I am bringing darkness in vibration
glowering like microphone feedback
during a eulogy or the thoughts you have
for some people in this world, not some poets
sideways via correction helpful sweet correction
the taking of a wisp of life and you feel a little shudder
wonder and shake your head no its

A man trapped and playing his role
looks out from under your eyes or mine
asking

This current, this current must I follow it
on your imaginary shore, you wrestle
advise

Carried, decried, decidedly unwrapped
a burning sensation from unknown parts
advances

Just long enough to ask what's wrong
has moved on to more fertile land t han
about you

and follows it

Today, ok, right now
I, big I,
I feel happy

The a ngst is begging
the vibe is right
the night is quiet
and beauty has spoken
to me and laughed
such a sound
i'm waiting
for pictures
she promised
maybe

light accumulates this night

Ah, that's a good wine, I think and set the glass down
thinking hard I pick it back up then a couple of Ruffles
and pick it back up to counter the salt and back and forth

I guess I'm trying to have a co nversation  with someone
and its more like I'm try ing to have a conversation with
an attitude I imagine antagonistic  to my blurry self
blurrily how-dare-you's are steps in a building of
angry

one line over the **** sweet poesy broke into a lope
its the angle of its exit from the current context that's hot
state and curvilinear girls achieved a simplicity in time

how do you find this transition of self crossing  boundaries
contiguous hallucination s become agreed upon and scheduled
and you have a nice organized day hardly a thought out of order
'cept that bludgeoning wi imagined when we learned we weren't

getting and we weren't gonna be having an' that fornication well
actually, a series throughout the day of such imaginings leaving
all of us longing and smili ng helpful happy to be distracted

from stone and light and shear forces not to mention dark energy
70 percent of everything including yourself gonnawannado\
something sometime that changes everything everywhere ya-uh

and then we get here, some unadulterated space where we just are
sitting around the house in our gotchas and our extended awareness
processing time into lines similar but not *******

Scribblers, whether fitting to form
and rhythm
or stalking the formless,
stacking the pretty to be seen
or shredding to see all
clamber to some space
to feel safe to flower
or attempt
or reject
or all

and if
from this effort
another takes offense

that one should pay
the poet's rent
for showing you the extent
of your ego's bent

for holding harm
from another's pen
thoughts that swarm
only in your ken

Write something at this sad hour to intent
write so mething and enjoy your elixirs
smile even at this thought a bit grimly
just write something non-existant
while -hopeless- being listenable

Write something rancid and runny
i really enjoyed that there
that will tickle a cunni
ngham kitten
i'm killing it here

Write something really revealing
unless its real ly boring
unless you can make boring
really really a knife of life eh
these incisions of clench
heart turns a wrench

Write something dark and happy
that will perk them up
in that bleak homeless shelter for joy
whacked on the head by its mom
fear is coming for you son
"can't go back there now"

The sipping point has arrived
I am increased and resupplied
in this fortification so languid
and dark and insinuating

Poured into this dress curved
hard by this   unexploded  mine
ther e is no predicate to this awareness
sipping against when

my imagination detonates'sss
again things i've been leave the stage
unattractively so everyo ne knows
I want them to think it was

I lost the fight
not a fight
the fight

it's been replaced

with the "oh ****
you too?" approach

If no we might be back
to fighting

so say yaa me too please
and i'll smile
and we'll vibe

Legend in a chair
celebrating
here's to
th at thing i did

toast reaching
to get out of
the toaster

lift me out
butter me
tell me
I'm tasty

These things
don't end
aside from
a s i de hidden

you can't see
what I'm doing to me
unread        an'
unknown

still the best
and only
ambulatory fool
i've to drive

It's here, the poetic moment
dancing tonsils
you have to let the moment build
an ever-increasing yodel
spurned like a bunny
ears sadly askew
running hell-bent
yet comically confident
for never been there land

even
never even been
there

tones change
when you're hard

landing

I've begun the other
imaginary process
of undoing
being undone

Unkempt words
and sounds
fearful and alone
find one another
in shallow sand
they mean to be
heard and held
mouthed over
and over and again

Constraints arrive as I open this site
tightening fear and degrading hope
a nd i elope with tv and cabernet
slicing in   and out of this haircut
of drift

I drift from my drif t
ing

Complaints arise as I open this rite
tightening fear and degrading hope
a nd i elope with descriptions a nd
slipping in  a nd out this this question
of drift

a study of beauty the musicality
of the bulging awareness or not
in d issonance to assonance we cling like
wet cabbage leaves in the porcelain sink
some things are bet ter finely ground
i have found such handsy syllables

out of grasp conflationary soup for one
is seasoned and ready tho i bought a mix
inhalations of craven veins distilled no salt
have you felt of vanquishing a foe whole
you see i have these episodes of nerves quit ting
at beginnings middles and ends or otherwise

and so dear readers our hero wanders away
delirious in a narrow band of certainty
held tightly by something other than hands

I'm holstered and, for the moment
safe to be around none of that
that nonsense as usual business
tonight, not tonight, tonight
there are commas and caution
is not thrown, in this w indy a way
as i've not got any to throw

not lurching into
whatever you think i might
lurch into

lowered to binary we squirm
flattened and catered
lunches in boxes are nice
aren't they
there's usually a cookie
and chips

Atttractive eople oing
attractive things
lead us until
the hardening of the way
to be broken
crusting the new way
hard and broke
grinning tiime swallowing
and still saying now
the other shore
snuffling wav es
sounding

I've looked up having just
stepped out and the sky
is blue and suddenly holds me
out of wherever i had been
out of everything yet arms down
I yield skin to heat shut eyes to light
artery red warm light filters in
fragmenting in my appreciation
either side some dancing on  
seems to have been called for

I owe you an apology
for all these attempts
these rents of garments
these - i swallow -
hesitations upon keys

It's just a click or two to exit
once you've been done in
when in the jaws do you
cast your blood in hope

thin asks in as a paint
over hungers and needs
prevalent enough now
to be expected fabrications

of foursomes of get togethers hot
and not approved or understood
in that sense in that stupid overlay
you represent upon your very odor

smell that what is that i know that
smell that's that's that's mom
that's home that's dad and mom
workin' and bein' and ruttin' here

thumbing through possible loves
shopping for
i'm i'm i'm
i don't even know
getting to look
'thout being seen
no-ope nope no-ope

i am passed by
by those i like
i am liked by
by by by those
i am like

yike
ssss
i've got to
<clenching>

Can I sustain
what do we want to sustain
in lyrical
s machina s

A death or a deep
love i've been taught
are necessary to the nare
narrative the money

of threads  i'm grasping
am i part of the weave
ing am i part of the weave
not to repeat myself am i

Open a window and I climb in
ramble ing  a round sensi bility
comfy couches and lounges for languid
living in ness of our green scre ene set
a fracturing system of extension cracks further
into knowing more or less of more or less
nearby d is t ant choices synchronize now don't they
simple rests and

land ** shore is evident and we are lost
being ******
certainty of  what you are thinking
pulls it together doesn't it
sound like you opining like an engine
spitting

I'm planicking again
if this then flip out
if that then freak
otherwise be
overwhelmed

i don't see any flaws
in my reasoning
all my bases
are covered
fully prepared
for the day

Can I really tell you
I want to tell you
I just don't want you to go
I just want to icily say

go away, go away, go Away
over and over i hear myself say
to your face go away just go away
mayhap more than one isn't icily

this doesn't work this never works
i just sit all day and resist what i want to say
come back come back u effin ****
and always u make me while away

I have scribbled an array of variables
tho the number of dimensions
is indeterminate
so the address
of that feeling
(0)(1)(2)(abandonment
doesn't compute
keys stick hesitate
as this is close
one more just one more
so i return to the start

from the array i resolve
you know its true this listening we do
arteries of thought hardening in camps

i narrate from cell to cell a tale somehow
somehow never anything at all wound around

i just have these minutes and i'm being here
at once rectifying and stultifying just fying really

a parade we are waving to a smaller time
when fewer things said fewer things to us

Noisome old child would be vibing tine
seeking orchestration waves of direction
keeping time and melodic line and silences
like boxcars parked in the switch yard
long as anyone can remember tapping along

snick snick goes something timely in the background
snick snick
snick snick
rising tenor has me hoping and looking up
for light to shine you should see the air shimmer

skritch skritch across a rising round solidity
are you are you are you still in this
song still playing along i can't tell
anymore i can't feel any more subtlety
i need the boom boom boom song
i need to ask i need to be along note

Careening way up sides against the edges
that's how I fly
trying to through soup

You live in an imaginary world
where there are high dromedary burled
Where pings and pangs and yings and yangs
and the tasty tings and tangs wing and bang
seriously even deliriously I've previously deviously
doubted even pouted surreptitiously scouted 'n been outed
you know it as a you know it as a who wrote it 'n gloated
this was front loaded and goaded not oded high roaded
the hurt of that last spurt stops these beating flops

This group before you wants things
from you apparently
wants things they don't know they want
or why
they sit here to type words out like this
preening and hoping or is it
creating beauty and moping or is it
singing and dancing with keys
its the printed dance off
pick me please
this group of me
needs to come into existence

Sorry, I feel
sorry and shame
Sorry, I feel
guilt, sorry
I am so
embarrassed
I feel guilty
and ashamed
sorry sorry
sorry
i go

The blood red time is upon us
-No it isn't
The lefting and righting ends now
-No they don't
The constriction is here
-Nah
the singularity hardens against
-It's all gas
the final conflict flares
-gas

Dramatis personae included
we act like lines ask us to act

lines formed in absence of presence
aching, pining, for a time like now

take and run some paint by numbers
universe

they all explode
figuratively

I've let you off
the hook as if

Some narrative
"you can't keep up"
wafts thru me
about you

your frail patronage
sings happy ignorance

Some narrative
"this all *****"
wafts thru me
about all of you

your frail personage
wonders with a smile

Some narrative
"i give up"
wafts thru me

It was a three girl day
honest
it was

I'm grinning so wide
and fear
arises

you'll interpret this
in some
bad way

and i'll empathize
in some
darkness

that isn't the light
shared
today

This finding
this identification
a tagging and categorization
of you in a slot
where no advertisements
will follow
no inducements
will lead
here
where syllables seek
to sing
for tiny amounts
of giant hearts

Don't come and ask me for money
and tell me you love me in the same breath
tho
you think you would never -you would
its the circumstances the narrative making you
keel over an' belly up belie your belly full
and some lies own everything with deep hooks
and cascading nuances of cheap surrender
to ice cream to grocery stores to mexican joints
spent time before you ran off and came back

its time for a remake of the popular organization
of the state its time for a subjugation of subjugation
and letters bringing smiles and pronunciations of joy

The line of inebriation
I'm finally getting over it
took a giant margarita
and a few brain freezes
to huff my way

The lesser view the diminishment of you
so I can be big so I can be the artist
I am the artist I am the source I am
Groveling in capital letters for love

Someday I will get all the way here
where the taste on my tongue is you
not some idea not some recognition of you

molecules of you on my tongue savored
in a moment in which you are revered
exalted above all the source the connection

the chemicals made in your pressured maker
spray over me spray over me wetly
i am included I am covered in our stickiness

construct of one earlier none all about sum
*** reaching for belonging  and to be accepted
i and my seed are to be tolerated now

that right there is me that right there see
that right there is not going to get here in time
to prevent to stop to pull to ground this muscle

thumping the ground must just must must
acquiesce to my hand my finger rubbing
another lottery ticked without looking at the result

I'd write a good one
if i was sure what that was
so i write these epistles
hoping for sound missiles
getting erstwhile thistles
of gisticles mostly indigestible

old actors singing my song satisfyingly
and i'm still uncomfortable that's  possible
that i'm so easy to capture

notes make sense for a thousand years
cast in tears identical
and rich as cake

playing at playing at deadly play
the lines clear on their faces
not to be seen as borrowing

this is as deep as i'm willing
to excavate at this late nerve
vibrates my what am i blathering at here

perception of everything
bumbling forward everywhere
non sensicly

I read the science on you
why "you do the things you do"
it made all the sense saying
you get a kick out of being cruel
this skin gets in its licks sticks
***** of pain and confusion
in your plans for *******
this channel surfing these pizza
commercials and c-minus movies
this squirming is unbecoming
and I know you know the tv
is too loud the lean is too proud
on you
leans
on you
as if you were real
in some sense close
personal friends
with me
something i wish could be
you might be in your robes
inking knives to be used
as smiles or dollar signs
or horns on a clown car
just before we all get out

i hate this rude world
this brutish slapping of meat
sound

of get

of ear-closed certainty

wet slapping gives way to tearing
and gobbling

my head the last part
capitulates and can't swallow

mesmerizing this engulfing
almost love of me as dinner
i feel your satisfaction
of going on