DElizabeth: Poems

186 · Aug 2022

DElizabeth Aug 2022

I.
"howl"
florence + the machine

II.
"mine forever"
lord huron

III.
"embody me"
novo armor

IV.
"carry you"
novo armor

V.
"the 30th"
billie eilish

186 · Oct 2022

Artificial Intelligence

DElizabeth Oct 2022

Artificial Intelligence

I took a walk this evening
barefoot.
Just in socks actually.
my peachy pink ones that only
go up to my ankle.

I took a walk this evening
in just my socks,
just to feel something different.
i felt a little more human.
a little less A.I.
and a little cold on the soles of my feet.

i wonder if there'll be a day when
i can go places and not be
looking over my shoulder to see
if my mom is following me.
watching me.
smothering me.
protecting me.
controlling me.
i know she means well.
but she's doing it all wrong.
but apparently, i have to be a mother
in order to be able to spot bad parenting.

i look up at the vast blackness
and see a star
trillions of miles away.
i wonder if it's even a star at all.
it could be a planet.
mars or venus i suppose.

i wonder what it must be like
to be a bright burning mass
far...far away from here...
where people could only look at you
from a distance
and see the beauty that you are...
sparkling...twinkling...brilliant...light...
up close we aren't as beautiful.
maybe only to the ones who don't love us
for who we really are.

as i walk home, i walk along the lines
along the sidewalk cement.
i stretch my arms outwards
on both sides of my body
and make-believe i'm an acrobat
dozens of feet in the air...

i hate falling.
it either hurts or just makes me overthink what the pain will feel like once the fall is complete.
i look up.
i look up at that vast twinkling darkness . . .
i am no longer falling,
i am f l y i n g . . .

186 · Sep 2023

11:12

DElizabeth Sep 2023

11:12

:::::::::::

better, i wish i had known.

i wish i never wrote that poem.

i wish i didn't visit you that day.

i wonder if things would be different if home, i had decided to stay.

:::::::::::

185 · Aug 2022

peach

DElizabeth Aug 2022

peach

secondhand high

vicarious emotions

secondary euphoria

suppressed longings

prolonged potential priority

dulling delight

increased heartbeat

pleasurable palpitations

butterflies flitter & tickle my tummy

i quiver, a subtle shiver

increased respiration

imitation crab

foul aftertaste, rubber, fallacy, fooled.

the real deal

i long for

"i only want what's right in front of me"

pretentious playmates

camouflage lightning bug signals

flicker, flash

morse code.

survival mode.

bioluminescence life-making

instinctive matchmaking

burning the matches down to the fingertips

"just to feel something, anything"

yearning, aching . . .

married like the geese, we are

"desperate times call for desperate measures"

or

"love is blind"

they say.

selective hearing...

but i loved him with my eyes wide open.

185 · Jun 2021

(An excerpt from my "Time is a Thief")

DElizabeth Jun 2021

(An excerpt from my "Time is a Thief")

You forget that saying nothing can be more painful than saying something hurtful.
~~~
Will we do something we'll regret or
will we not do something & regret it?

184 · Aug 2022

5:32

DElizabeth Aug 2022

5:32

the hum of the house

baby blue sheer curtains looming over me

sprawled sleeplessly on the stuffy carpet

seeking comfort from the suffocating sheets

they try to wrap me, trap me within the nightmares of losing you
over and over and over and over again

i listen

it's eerily peaceful without the whirring of the a.c.
broken, peak summer

the faint hiss of the sprinklers

i miss the cool morning dew on the grass overwhelming my sense of touch

everything takes my breath now

the scent of untouched morning air
crisp. innocent.

awaiting the day to begin

awaiting the quiet awakening of everyone else

it's been lonely, i'll admit.

i suppose i promised lonely.

it doesn't have to be, i know.

i stand at my window, lean against the frame

warmth of my breath fogging the glass
as i study the colors of the dawn

gradient blues & hints of shy pink

colors of an infant day

not many sleepy eyes get to see
que lastima

if lonely is what it'll take,
then lonely is what it'll be.

184 · Feb 2021

Talk

DElizabeth Feb 2021

Talk

They drain you
They aren't adding any positive value
And yet you still
keep them around.
Why?

Why?

You must not be
afraid
to let them go.
Sometimes keeping them around
is hurting you more
than the pain you think you may have
by letting them go.

Let them go, darling
You will be okay.

You can't keep giving them
power & permission
to hurt you
the way they do.

184 · Jul 2023

you were

DElizabeth Jul 2023

you were

just because i don't talk to you
doesn't mean i don't think of you...

darling, i need you to know just one thing...

i need you to know that you were perfect...

i need you to know that you were always enough for me...

darling, i need you to know that you were always the only one...

i need you to know that you were it for me...

you made my world turn upside down when i met you

you made my world pause when i had you

and my world burst into flames when you left...

darling, you need to know that i will never not care for you...

the fire we had the fire we were

i need you to know that there's no way i could forget how it was...

i wanted to be your everything... nothing more...nothing less.

i will never not think of us when i hear those songs...

maybe one day i'll be able to dance to them instead of mourn...

i will never not want to send you that photo or share with you that exciting thing that just happened or tell you that funny joke i just heard or ask you if you got home okay...i'm going to want to share it all with you...

but i know that you have to go...

i've kept you close in the corner of my pocket, but i know you have to go...

i know you have to go...

i wish you didn't have to...

but i know you have to go...

darling, i need you to know just one thing...

i need you to know that you were perfect...

i need you to know that you were always enough for me...

darling, i need you to know that you were always the only one...

i need you to know that you were it for me...

darling, i need you to know that you were perfect...

7/22/23

183 · Sep 2021

SEPTEMBER

DElizabeth Sep 2021

SEPTEMBER

Sleepless evenings full of love & laughter
Early morning sunbeams peeking through the trees
Purple, pink, & periwinkle skies stretching across the sea
Talking quietly, careful not to wake the dogs
Eastward geese flying towards the Empire State
Music, soft and slow beneath the stars
Branches brown and losing leaves, turning rouge & gold
Even the mountains & hills still call out my name
Remember those misty mornings, crisp air & no despair

182 · May 2023

can we change it maybe?

DElizabeth May 2023

can we change it maybe?

we were solid
like the ground beneath our feet,
except yours grew cold
and mine burned through

damaged finds damaged
nothing new,
and we both knew
that one day we'd let them
get the best of us . . .

if it hurts so bad
then why is destruction
so beautiful?
we had all the stars,
so bright & bold & light & full.
darling, i never want
to leave this place.
we started a story
that ended in "sorry"
and i don't like that ending, f a d i n g . . .
so let's change it maybe?

we knew it from the first time
we saw the pain in each other's eyes...
how quickly we turned the rain into gold,
and we never had to say a word.
we just knew, and that's all there was to it...
you could be across the room
and i'd hear every word you'd say,
everything you felt
every little thing you felt...
i never knew how eyes could hold a conversation,
i knew it, i felt it, i held it, i had it...
all they screamed was "IT'S MANIPULATION".

if it hurts so bad
then why is destruction
so beautiful?
we had all the stars,
so bright & bold & light & full.
but darling, i never want
to leave this place.
we started a story
that ended in "sorry"
and i don't like that ending, f a d i n g . . .
can we change it maybe?

you know i always have so much to say
yet never really know how to say it,
i can try
i can cry
and these tears, they can stain like dye...
there's so much to feel
so much to tell,
we touched, we fell
but no pentameter could hold
what needs to be told.

we loved
we laughed,
we cried
we sighed...
who knew i'd still be crying
3 years later? . . .

if it hurts so bad
then why is destruction
so beautiful?
we had all the stars
so bright & bold & light & full.
darling, i never want
to leave this place.
we started a story
that ended in "sorry"
and i don't like that ending, f a d i n g . . .
will we change it, maybe? . . .

182 · Feb 2022

helpless

DElizabeth Feb 2022

helpless

i'm sorry i said
that you cannot help me

i didn't mean
that i did not want you to..

181 · Feb 2024

murder on the sidewalk

DElizabeth Feb 2024

****** on the sidewalk

the sun
kissed me
as the
night's knife,
unsympathetic, honed, & deafeningly-silent,
took me...
took me
to the headstone
like ebenezer
on christmas eve...
i knew what
i was getting myself
into
but i dove in
anyway. . .

181 · Sep 2023

still so new

DElizabeth Sep 2023

still so new

i look out my window from across my bedroom and wonder if that's mars or venus blinking back at me.

everything is still so new.

then why does it feel this familiar? . . .

181 · Jun 2021

Cotton Candy Clouds

DElizabeth Jun 2021

Cotton Candy Clouds

What I would do
to have this dance
with you
beneath these
cotton candy clouds
sprawled across the
gold & blue

181 · Jul 2023

TOURIST

DElizabeth Jul 2023

TOURIST

PRIVATE TERRITORY.

i gave warning signs...

BEWARE OF RUMORS

i trusted i wouldn't have to issue fines...

the lines i drew,

were the same ones you crossed.

i said i would tell you what's true,

but it looks like curiosity got the best of you.

you should have asked me

before you ran to her.

you don't know me

and neither does she

and i will not be the opinion of someone who doesn't know me.

stories are stories.

sides are sides.

pick & choose, you have nothing to lose...

you could have tried to make it fair, at least.

this narration was never up for LEASE...

paint me with your palette, but i will never, EVER be your masterpiece.

180 · Nov 2021

"i don't want you anymore."

DElizabeth Nov 2021

"i don't want you anymore."

say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it
say it

180 · Apr 2021

I Miss You

DElizabeth Apr 2021

I Miss You

I miss you
though you're standing
right next to me.

I miss you
in ways you
will never fully know.

I miss you
in ways I
feel I will never be able to
accurately explain.

I miss you
in ways I
will fastidiously express with you.

179 · Apr 2022

Sign of the times

DElizabeth Apr 2022

Sign of the times

You said my ideas are
"old school"

I should have known better..
Modern "love"..
Modern relationships..
Modern marriage..

It isn't about
Bonds or trust or honesty or emotion anymore..

It isn't about
Getting to know the other on the deepest levels..connection..chemistry..thoughtfulness anymore..

It isn't about thinking of the other person or considering their needs or how they crave to be loved or taken care of..

It's about selfishness..
It's about not opening up and not expressing emotions..
It's about self service and lust..
It's about looking out for yourself and protecting only yourself..

I suppose I should keep up with the times..

179 · Sep 2022

Ray

DElizabeth Sep 2022

Ray

a capital letter

maybe there's hope for me afterall

distant persistent beats

reverse . . . reverse . . . reverse

if i only could . . .

i dreamt of fire

i wake to fire

stretch out my hand into the young, bright, & golden ray

finger wrapped in brown bandages

i stand there staring at how i could find something so mundane so wonderful . . .so romantic . . .so beautiful

i slowly tilt my hand & turn it so that my palm is facing the pale-painted ceiling

i slowly open my palm, outstretching my fingers, then gently close it again as if to catch the ray

rays . . .a byproduct of fire

something beautiful can come of something terrifying

i need fresh air

morning air is filled with purity, a life unlived, untouched, untainted, unknown . . .

filled with dew & songs of birds & innocent light

maybe there is hope for me afterall

179 · Feb 2021

Do You Remember?

DElizabeth Feb 2021

Do You Remember?

Do you remember
the way it felt?

In the beginning
like nothing could
touch us?

Like we were
unstoppable?

That overwhelming feeling of
newness
of
flying
of
excitement
&
light.

When we were
hopelessly happy?

Do you remember
the way we
would speak
everyday?

Never running out of
things to say?

Its f a d i n g, but I don't want it to

178 · Aug 2023

lost in translation

DElizabeth Aug 2023

lost in translation

he was avoidant
i was anxious-ambivalent

and somewhere along the way we got lost in translation.

he was the rational to
my irrational

i was the bright yellow sky before dusk
and he was the deep indigo when it's past bedtime

and somewhere along the way we got lost in translation.

he was the dark
and i was the light
yin & yang they used to call us...
we were complementary colors
disguised as human beings

he was the midnight sky full of bursting stars
while i was the pink vast sunrise beaming through the clouds

but instead of his hands up in my hair
and me against the drapes
we only got left with scars and scrapes

you fooled me one last time
i thought we had it
i thought we will make it..
i thought you were going out with a BANG
but it turns out it was just me walking out with a bruise

a bruise on my heart
good thing they heal over time
because i know i left plenty on you too, darling...

i thought we had it
i thought we will make it
i remember the first look you gave me,
those sad pale blue eyes
just begging for me to love them...
i gave you my all, love
you gave me your all..

and somewhere along the way we got lost in translation. . .

177 · Feb 2021

Little House by the Tracks

DElizabeth Feb 2021

Little House by the Tracks

The paint dries.

I watch the neighbor
cut her grass with scissors
while she sits in her lawn chair.

The chimes blow in the
gentle summer breeze.

The page turns by itself.

I hear the ocean waves
calling out my name
from miles... miles away.

Late is better than never.

The tick of my watch
grows louder,
I notice it
when the silence grows.

The little finch
sits upon the bowl,
crystal water splashing up with his wings.

The sky
a runway of vibrant colors.
orange, gold, red, pink, lavender,
whispy baby blue clouds.

Telephone wires
buzzing above
as I stand barefoot on the
hot pavement
staring hypnotized by the dazzling
vastness of the black space
above
surrounding
enveloping
consuming.

Airplanes fly overhead
blinking green & red lights
peeking out in between the thick clouds.

A nearby train
rattles the old family photographs
hanging on the peeling wallpaper
by 60 year old rusty nails.

Warm December air.

The loose string on the cuff
of my sweater sleeve
unravels as I pull it.

The grass feels cool
in between my toes
as I watch the
grasshopper watch me
watch him.

I feel homesick
even though I am home.

The lemons ripen.

The lake water
quietly lapping.

Catching my breath
my chest tightens
after running down the street.

The chilly autumn wind
brushes across my blushed cheek.
I shiver.
I don't mind
because the view is worth it.

These memories

These places

These overwhelming
feelings

These moments

These seconds

I'd do anything to
experience
once more.

I don't know what
the days ahead
hold.

This wanting

Forth & back.

This needing

While these intangibles last
forever,
I can't help but know
this nostalgic haunting
couldn't.

177 · Nov 2023

black butterfly

DElizabeth Nov 2023

black butterfly

i thought i lost us
but i realized that
we will live on forever
in my words

176 · Feb 2021

Permission Denied

DElizabeth Feb 2021

Permission Denied

I will no longer
give you permission
to invalidate
the abuse
(you've brought unto me)
I have experienced.

"You did this to yourself"

I have found my voice that says
no.

Just because you are family doesn't mean you cannot be toxic.
I wish you were not,
because you are family after all
& I love you after all.

I have gone through enough to be able to tell the difference between
self-inflicted & externally-inflicted pain.

175 · Aug 2023

lightning in a bottle

DElizabeth Aug 2023

lightning in a bottle

this is the poem
i am convinced i will never be ready to write.

this is the poem
i have been avoiding writing
because i know the depth of it...
the depth of what we had
& how difficult it is to capture it.

we know how it was.
we know how it is.

we know how we wanted it to be
& we know how it didn't get to be.

even writing it now
makes the lump in my throat grow wider
& the tears that have waited this long to be let out
make a caleidescope of my eyes...

your pale blue eyes
& your hands as warm as a fire
faded in the distance during a winter snow storm
in the middle of nowhere...

you came out of no where
& when i wasn't looking...
they say that's when you find it
is when you least expect to...

that was you for me.

we had so many sparks
we could set this town ablaze...
so much chemistry
we could create a thousand new & undiscovered elements...
& far much more in common that we or anyone
would have ever guessed...

but we knew how it was...
we know who we were...

we had lightning in a bottle,
you said to me
right before you left...
and then someone removed the lid
you said to me
moments before my heart gave out...

i could never forget how it was...
because how could i?...

i will never forget the way we were...
because how is that possible?...

i will never forget the way it felt
as we fell head over heals,
risked everything for this lightning,
as we sat with our feet barely touching the ground
watching as those warm, bright summer days past us by...

i will never forget how the inner edges of your eye brows would raise up when you could just tell how i was feeling.
the way your cheeks turned baby pink, flushed when i kissed you on your birthday that night in my car,
or the way you'd look up at me unable to speak when i'd merely graze you i had that profound of an impact on you...

i will never forget those hours you spent painting & drawing for me or pouring your darkest most vulnerable parts of you onto paper...nor will i forgive myself for letting you down...
when i made you hurt...
when i made you scream...
when i made you frustrated...
when i made you cry...
when i made you feel unseen.

i will always remember to allow myself to feel, to remember, & smile when i hear the music that belongs to us...
the quiet moments only we know...
the moments where we could just say anything & just be ourselves & allow ourselves to be
fully known
fully seen
fully heard
fully loved
fully cared for
fully understood
fully accepted...

we will always have that lightning...
no one can take something like that away from us.
we will always have our bottles,
cherished, remembered, & tucked away safe...
maybe one day we'll rebottle some of that again...

175 · Jan 2022

ca.

DElizabeth Jan 2022

ca.

the dry heat
and dusty air

bare feet
and rolled up jeans

citrus trees of
oranges
lemons
limes
and grapefruits

the dusty blue blinds
replaced with
clean white new ones

the old is moving out,
but the memories
will always remain

the days i'd walk across
the rough sandy bricks,
arms stretched out
on either side of me
balancing my way
from one side of the yard
to the other

summer breeze
messy caramel hair

my side hurts
from running around
in the itchy cool grass

cheeks flushed
morning to evening

vibrant colors
painted the sky

the downtown
city lights
twinkling softly

feeling
homesick,
nostalgic,
downhearted,
euphoric.

won't you come with me?

will i get to show you?

all the places i've been,
i've left a piece of me behind..
and taken a piece of every place
with me..
part of me now.

won't you come?

the places i grew up,
and walked around
when i was younger

i still live there..
i always have..
my forever home.

the smell of the
mountains
and fresh seaside air..

the In-N-Out burgers
and endless museums
& theaters..

the place i've always known
yet long to know even more..

so much i haven't seen,
would you want to see it
together?

would you love our adventure
or only pretend for me? . .

this place that belongs to me
and i in reciprocal..

just a taste, just a glimpse
home is where i feel it is..

174 · May 2021

Happiness Is

DElizabeth May 2021

Happiness Is

I never knew
something as simple as
walking next to someone
would make me feel
as if my heart is overflowing
with the light of
all the stars in the universe
until I met you.

174 · Dec 2024

dramatic

DElizabeth Dec 2024

dramatic

.

i love you more than you will ever know
don't bother
i cry at the sound of your voice
i am dramatic
i am ungrateful
i am atrocious
and there is no sorry
for hurting me
what you do best
but you aren't supposed to
you're supposed to
tell me you love me
& actually love me
you're supposed to
tell me i am wrong
when i feel inadequate
tell me i am strong
when i show you tears
say you're sorry
when you demolish my spirit

.

173 · Aug 2022

Cairns

DElizabeth Aug 2022

Cairns

assertive wind
tearing through
my saltless hair.

restless waves.

fading cornflower-blue sky
& pale pinks and purples.

our star sinking slowly
into the horizon,
swallowed by the lake.

smokey wisps and whirls
float among the aimless
muted gray puffs akin.

we walk beside each other
in constant companionate
chatter.

carefully
stack &
balance
lakefront
jagged
rocks
&
smooth
pebbles
atop
sturdy
stones.

i want to hold his hand.

badly . . .

but i reel myself in.
i don't hold his hand.

because i know
it is not his hand
i am longing to hold.

it's yours.

173 · Jun 2021

2

DElizabeth Jun 2021

2

Stories unt(f)old

172 · Nov 2023

11/11

DElizabeth Nov 2023

11/11

i wish we all weren't this sh#tty.

"hurt people hurt people" they say.

& it's true.

i wish it wasn't, though.

i wish i could take it all back.

it's always the brightest days that get ruined.

it's always right at the end, too.

i should know this by now.

& we aren't getting anywhere...

we aren't dancing around anything but neither are there any solutions in sight...

i hate this.

i hurt you.

you hurt me.

& we aren't getting anywhere.

there are no signs. no maps. not even a road.

just a wide open space full of air we keep shouting at each other.

we're never on the same page, they keep getting torn out.

or we are but they're written in a language neither of us speaks.

i feel remorse.

my head is pounding & my eyes are swollen.

i have some apologies to make tomorrow.

i feel remorse.

thought half of what i said was true...and valid lest we forget...

it is a shame that even the loveliest of skies can crash & burn.

172 · May 2021

Again

DElizabeth May 2021

Again

To hear your voice
say my name
again

To see your eyes
glance at me from across the room
again

To say to you
everything will be okay
again

To smile ear-to-ear
laughing about absolutely nothing &
being goofy together
again

To listen to our favorite songs
in complete comfortable silence
again

To have pure intentions & hopes
for the future
again

To feel your lips
pressed against my neck,
goosebumps raising,
pulling each other close

To talk for hours with you
about anything & everything
again

To feel your protective touch
standing next to me
again

To breathe jubilant life & unconditional love
into each other
again...

172 · Feb 2021

Baby Steps

DElizabeth Feb 2021

Baby Steps

There is so much more
that lies ahead waiting for you
than what left you
b e h i n d

172 · Sep 2023

question

DElizabeth Sep 2023

question

\ \ \
i can't wait to see you

do you feel the same way?

i wish i could ask you

if that's okay & if i may?
/ / /

172 · Jun 2023

who am i

DElizabeth Jun 2023

who am i

who am i to feel this way
when i don't have you anyway

172 · Aug 2022

Google Search

DElizabeth Aug 2022

Google Search

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
how to say "i miss you" in asl
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

172 · Jul 2021

In It For

DElizabeth Jul 2021

In It For

This heart feels
the satisfaction you harvest after
planting the hurt in it.
Near or far,
your words and words I wanted you to say
haunt it until it breaks.
Over & over.
I can't help but wonder
if you won't walk away
because you enjoy seeing
me struggle beneath your intentions,
or because you know
I wouldn't have the strength to walk away
myself.
And the part that really gets me
is not knowing which one is the truth.
And wondering if you would tell me. . .

172 · Jun 2021

6

DElizabeth Jun 2021

6

Salty air, truth or dare? Truth...

172 · Oct 2023

j e a l o u s !

DElizabeth Oct 2023

j e a l o u s !

i'm jealous of
the wind
because it doesn't know
how lucky it is
that it gets to run through your hair
the way my fingers used to.

i'm jealous of
the moon
because it doesn't know
how lucky it is
that it gets to watch as you
softly slip into shallow slumbers
the way i used to as i laid in your arms.

i'm jealous of
the stars
because they don't know
how lucky they are
that they get to be gazed at by you
and your bright hazel eyes full of awe
the way i used to be by you
every time you walked towards me.

i'm jealous of
the sun
because it doesn't know
how lucky it is
to get to kiss your summer skin
beneath it's warmth
the way i used to when i was still yours & you mine.

i'm jealous of
every bottle of wine
that reaches your lips
because they don't know
how lucky they are
that they get to be pressed gently against
yours that make that sincere smile
and words sweeter than honey,
the way mine used to
over & over & over
because we could never have just one.

i'm jealous of
the grass
because it doesn't know
how lucky it is
to get to graze you softly
as you walk by
the way i used to when we barely knew
each other...
before we knew we were meant to . . .

171 · Oct 2023

how does it feel?

DElizabeth Oct 2023

how does it feel?

how does it feel
to make love to the
middle of the week?

to be a perfect stranger
to the one that makes you meek?

to kiss me in a peculiar fashion,
to miss me in the smallest of rations,
to touch me with the maddest passion?

how does it feel
to have left with reason
but still want more,
more throughout the season?

171 · May 2021

Untitled

DElizabeth May 2021

Untitled

You
said
you
love
me
but
do
you
?

I fear you only think you love me...
do you know who I am?

171 · Aug 2024

the bad dream

DElizabeth Aug 2024

the bad dream

the world felt like a bad dream
that would never end.

the sky, a violet so dark
it looked as black as a raven's feathers.

when the air smelled of
smoke, cinnamon & wormy, damp earth.

i went to the store & bought
a cologne that smells just like you.

you pulled me closer when
i thought you were about to let go.

i normally close my eyes,
but with you i have to keep a look-out.

i promise
to keep you safe, i promise...

the feeling of wanting to go home,
bur you're already there.

my stomach turns like the sea,
churning it's foam & shells to the shore.

in the end, the world will always be
a bad dream we can't wake up from...

a bad dream where
we cannot be together.

171 · Apr 2021

Us

DElizabeth Apr 2021

Us

The sun sets
orange & pink
across our eyes,
blue & brown.

We talk like always,
although we know
it will be the last time.

I think of the moment
I felt safest with you
& loved by you.

We smile in silence.

I give you a song
while we leave
each other,
never truly left.

Overwhelmed, I unexpectedly cry.

"Who needs a tissue?"
I playfully ask, tossing aside my pain,
when I have your hand
wiping away the tears with gentle care?

Never enough...

Unable to walk away,
"I believe in us"
you say.

You watch as I walk away,
I look back over my shoulder
& the music fades...

I never want to leave you again...

171 · Nov 2023

a drink to sip

DElizabeth Nov 2023

a drink to sip

i sit & stare at my beige-painted walls wondering how long "a while" is.

i realize that maybe i'm not something to be indulged in all at once, for that would simply be too much, too soon, too quickly. i'm something to be savored...a drink to sip, never guzzled without manners... something to be cherished & deeply considered...something to take your time with, never rush through or overlook all that i am comprised of.

this poem originally was supposed to be about self-pity. & how i am only tolerable in small amounts...but now it is a poem of self-recognition. & how potent my whole mind, my whole heart, my whole body, my whole truth, my whole presence is to be explored, admired, seen, known, understood, wanted, felt, accompanied, & loved.

170 · Aug 2024

blue moon

DElizabeth Aug 2024

blue moon

the scarf wrung it's hands around my neck softly, & hung down my body, maroon, like blood dripping from my paper-cut finger.

the wind went to bed, leaving my hair to it's own devices, wispy & frizzing down either side of my pale face, as if summer hadn't yet touched my skin.

a fawn lept across a yard with only the
light of a streetlamp & the Super Blue Moon to illuminate it's majestic, tawny limbs.

you were my blue moon, my once in a lifetime.
how do we know we made the right decision?
you always knew how to make me laugh.
how do we know we made the right decision?. . .

169 · Oct 2023

come home

DElizabeth Oct 2023

come home

i do not know if i am
ready or not ready,
but i do need time.
& when that time is up,
i will know
i will know.
& when i know
i will wait & i will trust
& when that time comes,
it will come home to me
it will come home to me . . .

169 · Aug 2021

Show Me

DElizabeth Aug 2021

Show Me

Is there anything I could do
my love
to pull you out form
under?

Is there anything I could do
my love
to at least silence the
thunder?

If there was anything,
would you tell me?
If there was something,
would you want me to be
the one beside you?

Show me how I can love you better.

Show me how I can draw the
pain out from your veins.

Show me how you need to be loved.

Because I feel universes away from you
when I want to be beside you...

Show me
because you smile
yet I see your pain..

Show me
because you smile
yet I feel your aching..

169 · Feb 2024

the suture

DElizabeth Feb 2024

the suture

no matter how pure,
how nourishing, or how flourishing...

the itch drives me mad as i wait for it to heal...
impatient, i rub it just enough to satisfy it.

i wake up with dried blood crusted over my ankle,
where the scab used to reside...

a wound re-opened is a wound likely to stain, rip, and ruin every innocent thing in its path... i leave you with one word or less.

i stammer into the bathroom, and gather the tools needed.

THE ACHE! THE ACHE!...

i prepare for the procedure and breathe heavily...
with shaky hands i attempt to craft my own suture:
_ _ _

THEY'LL SEE YOU FOR WHAT YOU ARE!...

no assistant at my side, always the lone surgeon.
it bleeds...it bleeds...it bleeds...

a tourniquet, a needle, a thread.
just enough so abandonment doesn't show up at my door.

THE NOISE...THE NOISE...

just enough to heal in time for them to love me...
just enough to forget that seemingly perpetual past...

THEY'LL LEAVE...THEY'LL LEAVE...

THEY ALWAYS DO! THEY ALWAYS DO!...

DON'T SHOW! DON'T TELL! JUST FEEL!

deafening silence, whispered cries, and visible sighs.
NO MORE! NO MORE! NO MORE! . . .

i open my eyes as the sweat falls from my brow...
the blood is no more and my heart is full.

the silence has come and the light floods the bathroom floor...
my hands stop trembling and my heart beats slow.

i stand up and stay there for a moment.
i turn around and walk out...

out and to you.
out and to my love...

for now,
or for forever . . .