Even now I have a hard time, no a harder time, making sense of everything.

I tell myself that everyone feels this sad all the time when they think about happy memories.

But all this time, I've been heartbroken.

**** it.

Write down my thoughts to get them out of my head

You're so ******* brilliant, you devilishly cruel former lover
      The way you always sneak back into my head
Even though I just had the best *** I've had in months, with somebody    
     else

God ****** ! I miss you

I miss you, I just dreamed about running into you on the street and you kissing me and then just walking away, leaving me in tears and speechless

Goodness, I'm probably crazy, you stopped writing me lover letters months and months ago and started writing me letters of hate and sadness, those stopped months ago too

I'm dwelling on the past

Got to tell myself not to be stupid

It's a good thing my anger deleted you from my phone and unfollowed you on every social media, because I would send you messages all the time

Tonight I would say: Hey, I really miss you. I know it seems kind of out of the blue that I'm texting you, and probably completely inappropriate of me, but like I said I really miss you. I've been wondering how things are going in your life, like I'm genuinely curious to know how things are really going for you. Oh, and also I miss talking to you more than anything I've ever missed, I really miss sharing my thoughts with you and listening to you shares yours with me

Every night I try to remind myself that I don't miss you
Every day I forbid myself of thinking about you...for more than a hour
Besides, I have someone else now, well I've always had someone else,
But I wanted you and I think you really wanted me too, if you remember
Anyway, I heard you had someone new these days,
I hope she is way nicer than I ever was to you

Scratching on pen and paper
I search and search, for what
Though, a career in a dying field
And a promise of earnings.
To see not the death in my eyes,
Falling victim, to the plague in my heart,
You are at the mercy of the souls, you ****,
Personally, holding victim to yourself,
Sadly, searching for your own name, among millions.

Tonight, bottle, bongs, and voices
Clicked, clattered, and called
My name, an isolated entity of its own
Yearning to be near you, to love and hold you
My love, my bones, myself are yours if you take them
So, I am intoxicated so, but you loved me then don't you
Love me now, my dearest longing, don't you hear me calling,
Calling for you...

There is not a moment when the beauty that runs through yours veins doesn't run through my mind too.  
I love and caress your soul, I lean and loaf at its ease

My inamorata, sitting propped upright on a pedestal
Can by definition do me no wrong
And yet I sit admiring her beauty
Slighted and betrayed by her other formable lovers
Appreciators of the arts, connoisseur of her fine curves
Her brilliant colors, her rich and lavish history
And I sit and admire,  a bodacious figure
A finely chiseled model that I will never obtain