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97 · Jan 2019
The only word
Theo Jan 2019
In the end I come to you
It's you.
It's always been you
And you are my cure
Help me live another day
So I can write another poem
About you
For you
And you.
My moon
And stars
Are you.
My life my love are you
The only word I know is you
So what am I supposed to do
Without you?
Would you be my sun and air
And everything that is there
So I can feel you
And only you.
And be with you
Until I run out of ink
While writing the last word on my skin-
'You'.
For you
And only you
I'll drown inside you
So come near
And just drown with me, dear.
My love, my word, my world
My end.
97 · May 2019
***
Theo May 2019
***
Storms make me ponder
Of how all can vanish in a single heartbeat.
Those thoughts lead to another:
why do we even bother
to try and feel complete?
97 · Oct 2019
i am well?
Theo Oct 2019
If i am not hurt, then why does it feel like the end of the world?

There's a hole in the earth and i can feel in grow and I can't stop it from. and i still wanna know how it feels to hold something pure, i want to feel it in my bones.I want to learn how to fly. I want to see stars in her eyes, many suns in her smile and the beauty of her mind.

There's a hole in the earth and it's getting bigger. people keep on hurting people. warmth is coming, it's getting nearer than before. we can only hold it off for so long.

There's a hole in the earth and i can't get it out if my mind. i'm tired of hiding inside but whenever i come out it's like i'm breathing in fire. and I don't want to belong to you to anyone. i just wanna know who you are.

There's a hole in the earth and we all fall down, it's only a matter of time.  i wanna run into the open air and grow tall until I can see the Earth no more. i need to search for positivity, empathy. but why does it seem like it's hiding from me?

There's a hole in the earth and i have no idea when i'll fall, it may happen the next second. No point in asking for answers for i need to find out myself. Until then i gotta keep on keeping on and find someone who'll be there to plant a few tulips for me when it happens.

There's a hole in the earth, no one escapes. I'm sad, but not sad enough to cry, meaning that it's alright. But I'm too sad to write and write and rhyme. too sad to love to love loud and be loved. too sad to hide to fight the tide. too sad to get you out оf my head my mouth my life, May. And you still don't know my name.
96 · Sep 2019
Earthquake
Theo Sep 2019
Hungry eyes, fume.
I'm holding a wall
Roll back, arms up, i love you.
Your chin, my neck
We spilled our beverages.
Soft songs,i feel you'll get there soon.
I knew where i belonged
Only for so long.
Now it's all gone
Not that i mind it, though.
96 · Jan 2019
The city
Theo Jan 2019
Looking at the note of someone
Entirely mad.
Took it from the large pile of those in my closet.

Wrote them yesterday in the middle of another heat wave.
When everyone was a bit insane
On edge of melting down.

I read them last night
Thought that I could find there something worth my time.

Instead, I found myself staring
Through the inked pages
Right in my doe eyes.

Night air reeked of
Someone else's sweat and broken dreams.

The fresh winds ruffled through the light blue curtains.

Stars dazzled in the distance
Some of them got stuck in my growing horns.

Oh peaceful night of woken mysteries!
Sometimes I wish for you to swallow me whole...

Forgive me for all my dreams, tainted red.
All those words that broke through my cracked lips.
You have no slightest idea of
That repelling aftertaste.

The whirlwind of feeling froze.
Something outside this walls
Called out on me, luring me with its breathy voice.

Looking out I saw a pack of deers Passing under stars,
Walking slowly, as if to show their beauty and freedom.

A cold refreshing wind tore the note out of my clutched hands and all those left hidden in my stained closet.
Tore the past apart right in my sight.

I breathed out,
Not realising how badly I lacked oxygen.

Shed of my clothes I stepped out if the high window, not looking back.

I heard the sound of hooves hitting hot pavement.
I looked back just to see a limp body on the ground.

Walking faster, then running.
I ran.
Still hot air changed to fresh
After I left the feverish city.
96 · Apr 2019
Untitled
Theo Apr 2019
There's a 3% chance I'll meet my love and find my heart again.
97% chance i'll be freezinh in her arms forever.
95 · Oct 2019
autumn autumn autumn
Theo Oct 2019
I fell for my heartless love
Red leaves falling from above.
Sunlight on her skin is a work of art.
Autumn's near, it's almost here
And i can sense she's ready to leave
Someplace new, someplace warm and far,
Though it's just for the wintertime.
I can't come,
this city holds my heart.
The words stay on the tip of my tongue.
A scream filled the sky
The whole casecade's falling apart
Revealing a perfect night
Lit up by many city lights.
It's quiet out here,
i think I'll stay for a while.
Then I'll by myself another pillow
And I will feel less lonely for some time
95 · Aug 2019
Growth
Theo Aug 2019
Feasting on creamy clouds,
Breathing in stars
That i'd once seen from far away
No longer be her throwaway
Those are my only goals
95 · Apr 2019
Untitled
Theo Apr 2019
I will be waiting at bay
for you to come.
oh darling, please don't drown  on your way here.
we will speak,
gulping evening sunlight.
dusk till dawn I will wait here.
through mist and rain
storm scares me less than your absence.
how long must i wait for you?
salty water brushes my ankles,
it's warm in shallows, but if you go deeper... now i understand you,
even i forgot you in those icy calm waters.  sorry,love,
I think I was born to float alone in the cold.
95 · Mar 2019
Untitled
Theo Mar 2019
I have this feeling,
It just won't go.
It's like we've been here before.
We must've forgotten what we're here for.
Feеls like we've won somebody else's war,
Not ours, not for us.
There's something more out there.
If only we could raise our heads
And see what is it up there.

But right now we are smiling,
I like who we're becoming.
94 · Oct 2019
this sad and still alive?
Theo Oct 2019
behind my eyes
i live with haste
it's crowded place.
tonight
it's tiring
to be myself
oh i'm a mess.
in the dark
i'm wide eyed,
it's a success
when i take a deep breath.
and i watch her sleep
i think that's glitter on her eyelid.
i feel present,
by her side i'm helpless.
my darling
it's not that hard to hide it,
but i would be lying
if i said it's alright
to feel this sad.
Oh if you can
please hold my hand
while i hold my head,
and i will breathe your air.
oh hell, i love your hair
and the way you smell.
oh i am warm again
and for a brief moment
i'm fine
whilst being alive.
hold me for an hour
a month, a year or a hundred,
hold me for a lifetime.
94 · Jul 2019
Untitled
Theo Jul 2019
Walking faster, faster
Trying to catch up with time
Stumble, fall behind
Pick up the pieces
Run for the prize
94 · Aug 2019
Is there something wrong?
Theo Aug 2019
Why do you like every single thing i hate?
Tell me, i too want to feel this way!
I type and type and it is not enough
For me, my brain and heart.
I must like the things i write
But i do not seem to win this fight
frusrated
94 · Feb 2019
Untitled
Theo Feb 2019
sometimes i think that this town is alive.
hundreds of people exist in it.
every day are trying to get a better life.
But i guess they don't mind the stares of hundreds lit
Eyes and millions
hollow ones.
Perhaps they don't feel the pressure of high buildings anymore.
They breathe fine under the grey clouds, that lay low.
People are rushing through the hungry streets,
Choosing not to notice how it eats
Their souls up
without a single sound.
Can't you see that the city doesn't have a heart?
It has a stomach,
In which it devours every part
Of you that was once humane without a struggle.
And that's because you don't have many of those parts.
You've lost them along with your minds.
Breaking each other's lives,
Spreading all those horrible lies,
Beating and shooting in your children.
Who is gonna listen to you then,
If you pretend not to be a part of the story
In which, the end is not about your glory?
You did this to yourselves.
A bunch of empty faces,
Throwing shade with your glances.
93 · May 2019
Note
Theo May 2019
For years I walk alone,
In shadows i try to grow.
I'm tired of running
from my lonely life.
I'm standing in the rain,
I am so done with pain.
Without control
I'm gonna tumble into a hole.
I write down those last chords
And here i go.
I'll be fine on the other side.
92 · Jan 2019
Whisper
Theo Jan 2019
Bite my tongue
And watch me bleed.
Rip out my lungs,
But I beg you,
Stop me before I say too much.
91 · Apr 2019
Untitled
Theo Apr 2019
My hands aren't listening
Tears on black keys are glistening.
Why can't I get it out?!
There is something
Tangled in my hair,
Shinning in my eyes,
Just won't get out of my mouth.
But still our hands match,
Hearts beat in same seconds.
Hope you can see it.
90 · Jun 2019
Untitled
Theo Jun 2019
The night sky is blossoming with stars
Oh there are so many!
Maybe my happiness is still being born up there.
Maybe it is wandering amongst the souls of one's who we have lost,
of people who were too good for this world,
taken to a better place...
to a parallel universe,
where nothing ever hurts.
I'd like to believe that.
89 · Jan 2019
Only one day left
Theo Jan 2019
by tomorrow
  you will be longing for something else.
  and I will be locked here to melt.
  dripping straight chlorine in my mouth
can't stop can't get enough.
love to hate you for leaving
without saying a word.
I forgot you
but chemical still lingers in my throat.
Have to build my brain with pieces again.
89 · Jun 2019
Untitled
Theo Jun 2019
It all just happens too fast
Too much in one moment
Not enough air in my lungs
And the temperature gets higher
While pressure keeps pushing down
Crashing my spine
Pushing me deeper into the ground.
Even after I'm gone
My flesh and bones are bound to it
Never to break through the clouds
Never to touch the sky.
I've been walking free
My whole life it seems,
But I'm only ever standing
One foot on the ground, pretending
to stand strong and fierce.
But in the end I realize that
There should be more to it
Than trying to keep your feet steady on the ground.
89 · Jul 2019
Untitled
Theo Jul 2019
Even though nothing has changed
I know i did everything i could.
And my soul is freed of its weight.
I'm running away for good.
It seems like that's what I always do
That's the only thing I'm good at too.
87 · Jul 2019
Untitled
Theo Jul 2019
Give me a few more seconds
Of feeling your light
And then I swear I'll become somebody else
But they'll still hold you tight.
86 · Sep 2019
Untitled
Theo Sep 2019
I hoped you were different,
Made up a thousand nicknames
For you in my songs.
You're not in my hands,
Now I'm left with a thousand pieces
Of my soul.
Baby, wanna watch me cry?
I'm alone at night
Don't you wonder why?
I'm right about to die.
Honey, wanna watch me try?
86 · Jul 2019
Untitled
Theo Jul 2019
She taught me love
Unlike every other girl i would kiss
We both rose up
As we told each other the words we would later miss.
Half a world apart,
Away to find a new start.
Blue memories of those times are a bliss.
85 · Jul 2019
Souvenirs
Theo Jul 2019
After some time it becomes obvious that they never actually stay.
Take one step closer, of course you may!
Pass through, take away some feelings and precious moments,
take a few memories and put in another brick in any of these walls.

And they're done, ready to move on.
And here i'll stay and wait
Until the last hint of their perfume escaped.
There goes that green light
And the room is busy again, oh what a delight
To feel this way anew,
To have a person, a night they'll get me through.
What comes next shouldn't bother me
Until the daylight comes i will feel free.

I know, my dear friend,
You'll think i get attached too easy,
or perhaps i am too greedy.
But know that it was my intent:
I walk around, i collect
tiny pieces of them; love, hate, souls and hands,
Put them in bottles and hide them in my desk.
So i remember them forever
85 · Jan 2019
Untitled
Theo Jan 2019
You don't know all
'Cause if you did,
You'd run.
You will not know all
Until you say it's over,
love.
85 · Feb 2019
Untitled
Theo Feb 2019
the floor will turn
into a hole in the ground
When you leave without a sound.
Then I will wish for something real
To fill in for something that I want to feel.
And all the old thoughts will come back.
And will wonder - where are you at?
Wasn't it you,who promised not to leave my side
Until the day you die.
Wasn't it you, who asked me to believe
And promised to never deceive?
Does it remind you of anything?
Or were those just simple words
That were rushing
Through your mouth,
Like the fire in your house
That burnt down
With a cracking sound.
At least then you left, leaving something.
Where are you at now,
Where are you hiding?
84 · Apr 2019
Life
Theo Apr 2019
On the road
If you take a wrong turn
You might never return home
Or you might find it in someone.
84 · Feb 2019
Life. Part three
Theo Feb 2019
There will be somebody listening
There will be something sickening
In every other word,
Perhaps the telling will be too bold...
And the theme might get too old...
But that's how those stories must be told.
83 · Apr 2019
Untitled
Theo Apr 2019
Lower your head
Down and down -
Your screens see calling out to you.
Do you even see where you're going?
Are you?

It's weird
How your thoughts are not only yours, at least
Not anymore.
Theo Jul 2019
I'll come again to you
To show that gasoline has soaked through my clothes
And all my bones.
Don't light your match, not yet
I might blow up and you'll regret
Being close to me like that.
82 · Jul 2019
Untitled
Theo Jul 2019
Breathe me and i'll sing to you
Without you i am empty
I'll do whatever you want me to
81 · Mar 2019
My place
Theo Mar 2019
But if you run off again
I hope to see you sooner than
My feet turn cold, my eyes stop seeing,
Thought my heart will never stop feeling.
I will wait behind for you to come
To raise your hands, to pick me up
And bring me home
Where I'll never feel alone.
81 · Apr 2019
Untitled
Theo Apr 2019
I like your hands
Even when they're not in mine,
Moonlight on your skin
Even when i'm not around.
I will live for you
Even while you're gone.
I know you need a rest, my love.
But after that - please, hear me,
Something is wrong:
I've been lost for too long,
well..it did happen before.
But don't leave me alone,
not here, not now,
I think that time might come
when we float amongst the stars.
Theo Dec 2020
i have someone kiss the skin that groans from you

burning out
but never really running out of flame
the water's the shade of your favourite coat hanging on a chair at night
and i remember you
our miseries, how they cost us all we wanted

sweet music but the tune is off
the strings along my spine are hard to reach
but you always know where to start
and so i hear different gasps every other night
the stranger they are the better it gets
and sometimes rain falls to the beat of their heart like clapping hands
but i - remember you
how we kept out the burdens, careful not to make too much smoke between us
79 · Apr 2019
Untitled
Theo Apr 2019
White blossoms
Swaying in the wind.
The grey sky is about to gulp them down, after -
they're gone
Dancing in the rain, carried by the wind.
Raindrops on my face -
This is how I want to disappear.
78 · Apr 2019
Untitled
Theo Apr 2019
I like it
When people don't try too hard.
Instead
They just hold on tight
To that one inside
That feels right.
78 · Jan 2020
Untitled
Theo Jan 2020
finefinefine
the word looses its meaning with time
telling a lie
saying i'm fine
well i'm not. even when i don't cry
when my eyes are completely dry
this doesn't mean i'm fine
listen when i say this, everything will be alright
at least better, am i not right
76 · Jan 2019
No lungs
Theo Jan 2019
Laying on my back
I am watching our stars:
For now they are far away from each other.
But
Baby believe me the winter will come
  We will meet once again.
   You will be older
   I will be saner.
  You will hold someone else's hand
And I will be held by the wind.
The night will be cold
The sheets will hold our heat underneath.
Blown out candles and blown out trust.
You will look vulnerable in my arms
After a while you will be back,
Sadly, you are only going to watch me float away.
Away from shallow waters
Into the deep.
I will not need you
Nor your mouth
Not even your lungs.
Now I can be my own ship and my sailor
That ship will leave you in a day
At bay
Alone with your disease.
Then we will be strangers
That don't remember each other's names.
I will not even remember mine.
75 · Jul 2019
Untitled
Theo Jul 2019
Why did you have to go
Where i couldn't follow?
Don't, don't ask me to turn around
I can't bear hurt in my heart
I now have to close my eyes
71 · Feb 2019
Panic
Theo Feb 2019
what am I doing in this place?
where are we all running in this race?
how do I breathe?
how do I live?
tell me, because right now I am suffocating.
Sometimes I wonder if all those thunders
Suddenly crash above my head.
Then I wish that I just bled.
Catch my breath
I can't face my death
Now that I know I am without you
I can't be alone after that too
No.
I wanna stand up
Without breaking apart
And stay up
On that place
Until I can't feel my legs
Until the cold takes over
Until I am under.
I can't face this alone,
Please don't turn into stone.
I am fading away
Come take the weight
Off me now.
70 · Jan 2019
Truly
Theo Jan 2019
"Can't you just love me?
Can't you see that I'll be gone?"
Your love matters more
Than the air I breathe
Your sight heals those wounds
I got along the years.

But you only advert your beautiful eyes away.
Then you say, on the edge of breaking apart.
"I can't. It's not the way I was made. I love you. Not like that."

Now I understand that I only Played a part.
A role in society's horrible play.
She shook her head violently,
Tears streming down her face. Pressed her head against my shoulder.
It was never just a phase.

I put my arms around her lovingly.
Even if it's she's not mine to chase
I am never gonna let this world make her feel lonely.
Not even if she gets lost in black cold space.
69 · Feb 2019
Wires
Theo Feb 2019
i'm on the line
this line is mine
and I will kindly remind
that there are two kinds
of sides on this line:
there's plus and there's minus.
now you will find
that my spine is aligned
with this line
and my head us on the minus side.
you might find
that on this side of the line
there is nothing divine.
only holes in the ground,
only fright, to which you're bound.
but this line is mine,
no. i am its tie-in.
but my spine is tied to this line
and i can't escape this time.
on this line
i am not moving.
And where are you?
68 · Apr 2019
Untitled
Theo Apr 2019
You were there-
I couldn't see that.
Now I wish I couldn't feel this.
Why would you walk away?
Perhaps it's me,
Yeah, I guess it was always me,
And you know, oh you know it.
There's so much I could've been,
But now the only person that saw that ******..and useless warmth in me...
they left with all my skin.
66 · Feb 2019
Untitled
Theo Feb 2019
Do not be afraid
If you fall out of the grey.
Something is hiding at the bay.
You do not need to feel sane
Just because they tell you to be same
Like all those that are plain.
66 · Apr 2019
Untitled
Theo Apr 2019
What would you do, if you knew you'd die in seventeen days?

You'd be that person you've always hoped to be,
You'd live your best live
Unleash all those secrets you tried to hide.
You will love an be loved.
Those days would seem like forever.
Like hot summer days with the sky of this burning world
melting down the collar of your favourite shirt;
The sun would get stuck in your eye,
Making your lover's face shine
Like that star you kissed under.
You wouldn't be able to get enough.
Do you really believe that?
What if you'll walk alone
Down the road
With noone to hold?
Will you feel more hurt
from loneliness
Than when the world
Goes up in flames?

I know I couldn't care less...
63 · Apr 2019
Untitled
Theo Apr 2019
Lower your head
Down and down -
Your screens see calling out to you.
Do you even see where you're going?
Are you?

It's weird
How your thoughts are not only yours, at least
Not anymore.

— The End —