I am by no definition the "perfect" daughter. I'm not going to do things for you just because you want me to or think that I should, I'm not going to follow every **** word you say and think that your words are liquid gold. I am **** sure not a "perfect" mother and I already put myself down for that cause I know I could be doing better. But I had her too young, my sister had already had her first so family adoption was off the table and we all know how much I'm against abortions so I took on a role I never wanted nor was prepared for. Nothing I have ever done or will ever do will be good enough for you and I need you to accept that. I'm not this great person and mother that you want and expect me to be… I'm tired of feeling like absolute **** because you're always so disappointed in how I act or the things I do or just the person I am in general. I should feel good about being happy, not guilty. I shouldn't feel like everything little thing I do is just another major step in the wrong direction. It's my life and should have a say in how I want to live it. You say you want to help me but every chance I give you, you tell everyone around us about the things I say and that leaves very little room for trust. You already belittle me to everyone in our family and now to your boyfriend's family too and it just hurts to know that I'll never be good enough like my siblings are. Because of you, I've always felt like a giant disappointment to everyone around me so I continuously push anyone away who might care for me in the slightest of ways and that's not healthy. I make myself be alone all the time because if I were to get real friends, they'd have to meet you and leaving them alone with you for any amount of time is enough reason for anyone to quickly become my biggest enemy. I'm tired of you and everyone else expecting me to be the model child like my siblings but I'm NOT them and I **** sure never will be because I've got no one on my side. I've got you and everyone else pretending to be but I know you all know that I'm too damaged to even be anything more than the person you constantly look down on.
Just a rant of things I wish I had the guts to say to my mother...