You told me you were crazy,
liked to smoke
mountains of cigarettes.

You told me you craved
massive amounts of whiskey,
you could gulp it all day &
follow with lots of Oxys,
said they took your edge off.

You said you were a crazed *** addict,
loved to do just about anything.

But first, you said
you wanted to be comatose,
had to be numb
before anything started,
'cause that was the only way
you could feel anything.

You said it was payback
for the damage
they'd done to your soul,
for being
forever thirsty
on phony love.

You know it sweet sunshine,
you know
I'm a connoisseur
of your confections,
infected with your wares.

I love your delicious candy drops,
your rock hard candy drops,
I die to nibble them,
live to lick them,
twirl & spin them,
**** them
into my mouth.

I love their raw-taste,
the feel of them
when they melt,
harden to the touch
of my searching tongue.

So go ahead
sweet sunshine,
feed me your candy drops,
one by one,
tease my appetite,
plop them into my mouth,
your sugary
beautiful-gumdrops,
the ones you love to unwrap,
you hang so high above me,
I promise,
I won't fight you,
only eat you.

I'm ****** fixated
on you,
I'll kiss your mouth,
twirl your tongue
with my own,
taste your fingers,
one by one.
Lord knows,
I'll even **** your
pretty painted toes,
love grows like that.

i am falling in love with the way he speaks
because he shouts
then he mocks
and demands to be heard
but then he listens
and he stops
but promises his return

You may not always see him
but i promise he is there
he will always steal your breath
but Death
i do not care.

So you want to go higher
than your nicotine-induced rush,
get dreamier than your ethanol buzz,
speed faster than your ******* train,
eliminate the pain you find
deep in your heart
with chemicals
& compounds.

O indeed your brain
does pound, it screams
for a release.

So please pretty baby,
let me in,
open your door wide,
quit your hiding.

I can do all of those trippy things
and a whole lot more.
I can, I will
effect you organically,
magically,
completely,
with only myself,
a bowl full of ocean waves,
a six-pack of stars,
a sniff of green meadow
& maybe a kiss or two.

i still remember the first night we fell asleep on the phone together. i don't recall why you were crying and i'm sorry that you probably do. but i sang to you. i sang to you until you were silent. and that became a ritual for us. my voice carried you into dreams and i had never felt so important before. i didn't know it was possible to think the way someone snored was cute but night after night you proved me wrong. the moments before sleep were occupied by conversations of the future we wanted to build. we talked about being together in our bed in our house someday. i conjured up countless images of memories yet to be made that served as pictures on the pages of stories you told me. those images are still stuck to the walls of my skull, clinging to them as if to say, "but he promised." every time i try to peel them off they scream. i told you from the beginning the way promises tie my stomach in knots and most of the time you were careful. but at 4am when my voice was drowning in sobs i let you tell me you weren't going anywhere. you told me to breathe, suddenly i could. and you kept doing stupid little things until i gave in and laughed. i felt you smile. promises still made me feel sick. but i needed your consistency. the nights i had to fall asleep without you were hell. they always turned into red-eyed mornings where i watched the sun rise before managing only a few hours of dreamless sleep. i always woke up tired. i looked for you in other voices but none of them fit. your promises still lingered in my head. you said my heart would never be broken again, and i know this is not your fault, but i have been picking glass from my lungs for 17 days and the bleeding hasn't stopped.

- m.f