I have a horrible taste in men
I don't care if they're short or thin
but I need them to hit me
as in physically hurt me
take me bones and break them in ways I didn't think possible

Twist my mind
take my beliefs and shatter them
take the walls I built and bulldoze through them

lock me in your basement
keep me there rotting for years
tell me you love me
as long as I let you in

I need to feel that abuse
I want a love that hurts me
I need you to treat me
just like my father did

im hungry
as in i didnt eat dinner
my stomach is caving in on its self
and i dont know how to fix it
i could eat food
but honestly i dont have any
so i keep watching others that are eating
and hoping i get some of that feeling

I'm hungry for hope
as in I stopped believing
my faith is caving in on itself
and i dont know how to fix it
I could find joy
but honestly  i dont have any
so i keep watching other that are smiling
hoping i get some of that feeling

We have a desire to matter
To be remembered
To have a life that was more than the standard
Work to die
Or always be dieing to work
We live wanting more than average
But won't take the big risk
Because if they don't work out
You die
So we all strive for the middle
A secure life where we are truly happy
And mean something
To someone
Anyone
It's a roll of dice
But I will ask you one thing
How do you expect to be remembered
If all you do is work a 9 to 5
How do you want to be the greatest writer of all time
If all you do is just enough to survive
It's not going to be easy
But it will be worth it
Because you will finally find joy in your work
Until you aren't working anymore
So it's really a roll of the dice
But the it will never roll in your favour
If you don't try

I really do
If I could just stop pretending around him
He would know it too
I'm just so stupid
Just so young and dumb
I don't know how to act
Now that I'm in....

Hold on to me
As we treat carefully
Through our feelings
I know I say I don't
And I know I push you away
But it's because I love you baby
I love you and I don't want to hurt you
Like I did to her

I don't want to be black anymore
Strip me of my melanin
My natural curls
Take my lips
My hips
Remove the rhythm from my steps

I don't want to be black anymore
Because in this society that means fear
That means your death is warranted
no justice exist here

I don't want to be black anymore
Because that means my son
Or daughter
Is a victim of the world before us
Where thier deaths are seen as collateral
For the peace of all those lighter than them

I don't want to be black anymore
Because I am a walking target
Aim your gun at me
Because my life means nothing

I don't want to be black anymore
I was so proud of my ethnicity
But now my race only means one thing
Death

So no I don't want to be black anymore
Because I don't want to be scared of everything
I want society to love me
And I want my life to be worth something