I was naive
Too broken
and distorted
To see

With the past
occupying my mind

I never saw
that what he did
Was a crime.

Blinded by trust
He found his chance
To take away my soul.

This time I cried out
Stopping him from
doing anymore damage.

He stopped with a sigh
Wishing
that my voice would've stayed
Inside.

Wanting more
of what was mine.

I prevented further damage
Yet I realize now
That it was too late.

He succeeded
In obtaining my heart
And tearing it away.

My soul and mind
Clash
In to one.

The music
surrounding the room
Lingers
then fades.

And I feel no more.

Then realization hits me-
I was *****.

He says my name.
Pulls me in close.

Whispers to me passionately
"I love you".

I feel distorted.
Trapped
Lost in time.

I can't feel
My body's gone.

Away from my mind
And my self.

He clings on to me
Like a spider

Unwinds his web
As he silently moves.

Alone in the dark.
I lay in pain.

Tears that taste of betrayal
And mind-numbing fear.

I lay there
Unable to move-
Voiceless
And in tears.

He calls my name again
With fake sympathy.

He rolls back
On to his side.
Muttering words of disgust.

3 am
I'm still lying
Wide awake.

Thinking of redemption
Lost dreams,
and suicide.

Oh, how peaceful
it sounds.

I can learn to live with my shadow-
My demons-
Created by the past.

Sometimes I feel
As if I never made it out alive.

But, I will keep hoping
That in time.

Maybe I'll be alright.

The colorless leaves
Blow in to the air

The cold breath
Of winter breeze gently flows
In and out of the trees

Serenity flows through me
Recalling childhood
Memories and dreams

Your melodic words
Keep playing inside my head

Telling me
To never give up hope
And my dreams

Then I vividly recall
The reason why I'm here

To find you
See that there is more to life
Than hopelessness, and fear

These butterflies on my scars
You've shown me how to heal
From everything depressing and dark

I dedicate this poem to you
For you are my everything
My beating heart.

These words which I write
From the lead of my pencil
Are words of not only truth
But also of hope

Hope
Which I give to myself

These words flow out of me
As if they are my last words
While I am still alive

My creation from ashes and sadness
Swirling its colours so lightly
Watching it create a world of its own

My safe place
Where I long to keep my secrets

A silent haven
The depths of my mind and heart
Where every piece of me is stored

I feel invincible
When  lost in this world

With a heavy heart
In return
It fuels me

To weave through my mind
Finding the hidden source
That's corrupting my sanity

And there, I find peace again
Intertwining myself and I
Where I belong

I hear the quiet voices in the water
As the waves gently roll on to the shore.

He calls my name
and I remember once again.

Why I was put here.
He takes me back to the better days.

A carefree child roaming the world.

He holds my hand
To catch me when I fall.

As the waves splash my ankles.
I squeal with delight
And look up at him
As a silent gesture
To make him hold me.

Where I can feel safe
In his arms.

The good old days.
On the beach.

With the hot sand on my feet
And sunlight in my eyes.

With the cool ocean breeze breathing in to my hair.
As I let it fall on to my face.

I miss those days with him

As much as I know
those days are far gone.
Maybe still,
They can be remade in to a
new memory

Filled with laughter and warm hugs.

I hope one day you can remember and see
Just how much I've missed being with you
Bonding over meals and beer.
Other times
just peaceful silence
Helped me feel closer to you.

Tell me if it's odd to still feel this way.
At my current age.

I only hope
That one day
You and I
Can spend time
To bond closely again.

Like how it used to be
in the past.

At the beach or
in the pool.

This poem doesn't rhyme at all.
But I don't care about that
right now.

I wish you will read this someday
Only to recall our happy memories
That we had before.

And I hope it could be the same again.
Just you and I
On the back porch of your house.

Beer in our hands,
Just looking over the beautiful horizon,
We called home.

So it calls out to me once again.
This dark abyss I call my home.

It's too familiar
A grip so nostalgic
I can't let go.

A sickness that makes me feel alone.
Like a soothing drug
Yet a plague.

It's hard to feel or think
When in this state
I don't feel at all.

I let it take me there.
An invisible lead takes me whole.

I lose my self.
I'm broken once more.

I fill these pages
with long overdue confessions
of you.

Things may have been better between us
if some words were left unsaid.

I still think momentarily
of the things you said.

The anger in your voice
And hatred in your eyes.

You never would have expected me
to ask you such a heart-stopping question
that night.

I close my eyes
whenever I recall that night.

I take myself back
in to the depths of my fears.

A place you have long made me forget.

By now
you and I
are like any other family.

Even now
I feel I am still carrying a burden.
A piece of the past that I need to forget.

I will be okay.

One step forward
and two steps back.

I know that in the end
My life will feel whole again.