I cried today
Because I can't say
How mad I am at you, my unknowing love

In the blue hours you don't think of me
Too busy lamenting how you work too hard
When the streetlights come on, you don't miss me

Because you don't know anything
You don't know how I love those blue hours
Or the streetlights of the night

You don't know how I love you

why do you like my silence
that I do not tell you of my loves
and keep my life quiet

do you ever wonder how I feel
i know it's selfish
but to you am I real?

or just an inconvenience when you come home from work
angry at some **** you don't know
remembering him or her when you go

but forgetting that my exam was tough
and maybe my day too was rough
to you, just an invincible child
better silent then loud and alive

perpetual engulfment
entanglement in a web of your misdeeds
I try to struggle out in degrees
but I doubt my ability to do

I'm terrified of TV shows
As the yelling disturbs my sleep
I have dreams of whiplash
Because you're never what you seem

I tick due to ambition
Because without it, I'll be just like you
I'm scared others will take advantage
And I'll hate myself before my life ends

I draw a narrow box
To limit how much I can pantomime
If one time I mess up,
People will hate me for not keeping my mouth shut

perpetual engulfment
entanglement in limiting beliefs
i must crawl out
as it's safe for me to be free

If sisyphus did not have his rock,
What would he do?
With free time (and no kids or wife)
I'm sure he'd be a fool

I am a collection of rocks
That people put on me
Or I feel simply should be there

And without them I'm terribly scared.

Was sisyphus's rock his friend
Did he talk to it, sun up to down
Daylight to day's end?

As I talk to my mind and imaginary audience
They throw tomatoes as I back-bend
But they also entertain me
With new ****** expressions daily

Although it's awful and burns
I learn from the scenarios the theater plays
Tweeting like a bird
I locked myself in my own cage

I'm so good at this game
the what if's, costs and benefits
but maybe I should quit while I still can
pawn to e5 and I roll the dice

the what if's, costs and benefits
do I fight for you or is it a blunder? pawn to e5 and I roll the dice
I don't care who pays the price

do I fight for you or is it a blunder?
my mind and heart sink into the mud
I don't care who pays the price
my craving and vice, you must leave me

my mind and heart sink into this mud
but I will not go down further
my craving and vice you must leave me
as I will no longer fight for what I know is a dream

There is no peace in the doldrums
Sing of me as a warning, lost at sea
The people in the lighthouse are gone
The light remains on
But I'm on a boat in the dark
Apart from my family who mourns "me"
So I beg of you, erase me
But do not bury me in a quiet place
For I cannot bear to be without rain
Let nature lament over my fate even with coarse sand

I am sick of the doldrums' lies
Sweep me up in a storm and let this false peace die
Bring me to the beach for it calmed my parents
And it never fails to shush me

The moon shines on you
And you are its puppet
Perhaps there is a prospect of an appeal on my behalf?
To the light that does not burn the eyes to look at
Do not fret, I'll tell you what to say, it's very common
Do not let me rot alone forgotten

Wall of fog, wall of fog
I know you are near
I see you in my mind's eye and feel you stuck in my chest
Wall of fog, wall of fog
Let the clouds dissipate
Let the rivers do what they do
The waters penetrate
Wall of fog, wall of fog
I know you protect
The river carries intensity you would rather reject
But wall of fog, wall of fog
You must break
For my sake
Take a moment, sigh
And let out your rage and rain
Ululate and give me peace
So the water can more softly undulate
Pulse and bubble