I often wish to speak
But my words come out as ferocious as flames
I wish to be gentle and meek
Something just happens on the way out of my mouth
When i'm having a bad day I just can't control my tone
And I know I'm making excuses
I shouldn't moan and complain
But I have a grown-up problem
I blame myself for it
Because it's not in my nature to be mean
After all babies are born with a slate clean
But I guess life happened on my way
To make these words come out to others' dismay
Verbal throwup to make a disaster

The dusty piano of my feelings for you started playing again
One day, as I toiled to make art, the strings inside began to sing
I felt a craving to know what you thought
To show you what beautiful work my hands had wrought
Except the piano alone sounded distraught
It was a normal day for you, without even a thought of me
And it hurt so much that I wanted to share with you my glee
How embarassing! When I think that piano might be quiet again
But then it strikes up wanting someone who wouldn't want ME to be their friend
Stupid and silly is that piano
As it sounds so beautiful but plays at inopportune times

they look at me with ravenous eyes
yearning with hope for a pleasant surprise

but i simply have nothing to give
overwhelmed with the risk
because failure costs more than the prize of winning

i try to run ahead but with every step i sink further into the mud
of crud expectations and eager predictions of my future

i dont understand how i can be tired
my tries for success are trapped under the weight of emotional wires
of aspirations failed even though i keep trying harder and harder

to be better is to be in pain
im always chugging, working hard like a train
but i'm running out of coal
stumbling and falling, chasing after my fleeing goals

don't mind my jesting
it's just a little fun
playing with fire to keep you guessing
the dancing flames have a delightful burn

it's just a little fun
you see, i'm crying on the cold kitchen floor
the dancing flames have a delightful burn
until you're numb and bored and they can do something you can't

you see, i'm crying on the cold kitchen floor
i think it's just the afterparty's effects
until you're bored and they can do something you can't
we elect new people to look down on us

i think it's just the afterparty's effects
nothing's a big deal when you've been out all night
we elect new people to look down on us
thinking they'll be better and just maybe we'll be alright

i'd like to believe i can do it all
bear the weight of my world on my shoulders and still stand tall
I hate that I fall amidst the weight
I think "my problems are all too simple, why do I struggle with the weight"
Forgetting i'm human, i judge myself like an alien
Giving myself one strike because I think three is too much

But then I have a bad day and the thought comes back again
"I can't do this on my own and I need a friend"
But I hate it and i hate myself for it
Because I hate needing help
But to be strong is to be weak at times
To fall but always get back up

I thought ardour would make me an artist
Needing something to snap me awake, I was optimistic
Now im grieving and narcissistic
Because i'm angry at other people's tricks
That I didn't care about because I wasn't realistic
Too apathetic to feel the sting

Now I'm without a Beatrice to pine over
Embraced the idea that I'm not a loverboy
I'm just an average boy covering up
For many things, but among them that all my days feel the same

With all the stress on me
To people-please and to pick who I wanna be
Just a wannabe human that's falling on his face
Too straight-laced to get up
And happily skip around today

So I doom scrolled in bed
even though lights hurt my head
Because I feel too much
Trudging through the sludge of all I refused to feel

Reeling from my unhappiness
I turned to my poetry to cure my sadness
But without an object there's nobody or body to draw
Only the same thing: I hate myself, just throw the tomatoes as I talk!

Audience, I know you're bored
The tally marks show the score
That i've lost to myself a million times
So please, just give me a subject and I'll rhyme

I need something to let me stop being myself
I've projected for so long that I am greatly unwell

we were together
running outside in the recess yard
sneaking out for warmer weather
to escape the crowd
if you want to stay lovers
i don't mind, it's whatever

i'm not your type
too temporary and young is our love
but i would bear any strife if i could
breaking my bones to be tall enough
sacrificing the familiarity of my hometown to be seen with you

i thought we could be forever
you would brush my hand in public
but you think to be close friends is better
than, for my love only, to risk it

i will embrace your casual embraces
call your name
with the tenderness of my disapproving parents calling my own
leaving you without a disgraced paramour
to go to them who do not know of the mere story of us

that you have broken me
so delicately
that i do not fault you for my cracks

but would you please chip down my walls again?
it is a welcome pain
that i yearn to want to sway with someone

but the only desire i have is to crumple into your arms like paper
my ardour left for only songs to understand
i cannot bid goodbye to the memories
as i bid you farewell too early