Still empty in December after 11 months of being full, the year was nearly over.
I wanted to give up after a lifetime of rejection.
He was just as lost as I was.
Both of us were determined to find solitude.
Under a magnified glass we melted the pieces we had left over of ourselves together.
And the walls began to fall.
I found rhythm in our breath.
I also found truth behind his stare.
It only eased the heartache of every impossibility and the overwhelming complications of whatever twisted thought I could dream up.
It only stopped me in my tracks.
It evolves even when I take step backwards.
But still it revolves around the energy that brought us together.
Nothing makes sense when your as confused as I was.
But I have direction now, somehow, because of him.
They called it lack of understanding.
Some call it love.
I found it to be a direction all my own.
And no one can take that away from me anymore.
Even when it explodes in my face and everything is ruined.
Lesson learned.
Because sometimes we end up with exactly what we wanted.
And it turns out to be everything you need.

Electricity behind those eyes
A kiss that seemed to last all night
a smile, a wink
A whisper to sleep
With arms to hold me eternally

So mad I could almost **** you
These thoughts I have rage through my brain
And I never knew how disappointed I could be over such a little thing
You smile at me as if nothing happened
But two can play that game
I stare right through you with my piercing eyes
Anger will be misplaced with  silence
Because talking it through only ****** me off more
And your an idiot for not thinking thing through

I'm not heartless or jaded or broken
Though I have been rejected a few times before
I'm still complex but I'm working on it
And all that matters is not what I've done, but what I'm doing to be better than yesterday
I'm not exactly where I wish to be just yet
I am still sensitive and protective and I admit I have doubts
I don't say sorry as much as I should, but I have my way of making ammends
I'm not lost or searching or impulsive and weak
I'm curious and interested in expanding my horizons
My imagination takes me everywhere and sometime I don't want to come back
But I still try my best to improve what I do have
I do what I can and when I fail it's a lesson
If I didn't do my best, I'll take a look at what went wrong
I'm a hopeless romantic and a dreamer in the process of making use of my life and all my potential
I can be funny, sarcastic and niave all at once
But there are times when I'm serious and all I want is respect
I earned what I have and threw away many oppurtunities
But thats the beauty of life whether I like it or not
I forgive easily and remember most things
Especially what it feels like to be hurt and left alone
I enjoy what life brings me and I've learned that I'm capable
I've found my voice and I'm not afraid to be singled out
My head holds a crown that might be too heavy
But all my burdens are mistakes that paved a path towards my successes
I was a girl but now I am a woman
And to be honest, I love who I've become
Some people like me, some may be critical
But the only opinion that matters, is the one in the mirror
I like to laugh, I like to share, I like to listen to my friends
But most importantly I love to smile, even when it's difficult and everything is falling apart
Because in the midst of rainstorm always comes a rainbow
Soon after any day now, the sun will shine on my destiny
And the puzzle of life will still make no sense at all

We are so dysfunctional in this galaxy of stars and fear
You and I and him and her
Wonder and magic, twisted with fate
All colliding towards something greater, of which we do not know
Something we could never predict
But, we both know we need something real and solid--
I can't save you, or me, or anyone else
And either can you
But at least we can try
At least we haven't given up
and we are alive

Unresponsive
Silence aching in the pit of my stomach boiling the blood beneath my skin
Raging chaos
Weeping solitude until I fall asleep awaiting an explanation
Shaken glory
Magnifies in the heat of some miscommunication, lack of trust slithering out within each insult
Always trying to defy the laws of gravity
Unable to admit there are no such thing as superheros, magic wands, or even luck
I am bulimic to love and lust and all things good
Allergic to kindness and appreciating and all things right
I always get left in the middle, asking myself
What the hell is wrong with me

She knows it all it seems.
In the space above the clouds
there is a dreamer who believes heaven is below her,
looking up into her eyes.
And then, she falls asleep.
There's no glass in between heaven and you,
to catch her if she falls.
But she's brave enough to peek up at the almost.
Gosh, it was so close.
There's still sunlight in the cracks, the twinkle in her eyes says she'll be back.
So you just cant say no, even if you want to.
But she knows it all it seems.
Even if she's wrong. She continues to dream, and
she still believes in you,
even after all you've put her through.
And she sits,
in between the space
of heaven, and better days.
Waiting for you to look up to her and say
she's your heaven too.
Because she's brave enough to tell you, almost.
Gosh you were so close,
to the heaven that we all wish we had.

I run
towards the sunlight
that lights up your eyes.
and hide from reality...
Wish it could only be,
you and me
together.
Our hearts race
underneath
the nervousness
of the definition of
eternity.
But I see you believe in me,
Forever
and I wouldn't have it any other way.
This is our sweet escape.

Do you forget
I'm just a dreamer?
Inside my head
fighting the monsters.
I'm not afraid
to face you there-
inside my head
I am not scared.
You might believe
in losing the war
But anythings possible
That's what dreaming is for.
So give it a chance
go where nobody goes
a wild imagination
where nobody knows
that you are a fighter,
that challenges fate.
Where you pave the roads
and go your own way.

Words on top of a paper, floating
there so bare, naked
Telling the inside of my heart
So honest
there so bare, ****
Alive, dancing inside the minds of strangers
Speaking
there so bare, unarmed

I was use to the unusual
The pain and torment of dysfunction
And in return he loved me more than I knew or noticed

I was distracted
By the glitter and appeal of "we will, "we are," and "us"  
That I'd forgotten about me
And him
And the beginning

Twirling him around my finger
Losing sight of my ambitions
Slightly unsure where to go

He is mine
Or half of me?

Without a way of knowing what's best
But only knowing what's right
And never knowing who is wrong

If I knew myself better
Love would never bleed
And April would have stayed all year long

I was standing there so cold and heartless
Bitter till the better end of it
And you'd mistake me to be shallow
But I wasn't quite the girl you'd thought I'd be
I was consequently hurting, the shell of me had left me wounded
You were amused at something similar within yourself
But you swore you'd never tell
We had effortlessly scabbed our cuts with innocence
We had seemingly drifted far from discontent and selfishness
You understood me when I spoke about the damaged things that made me choke
You understood me when I laughed out loud at nothingness
I understood that little smirk of yours when you had nothing else to say
Your laugh gave it all away
I was trying to align the moon with the stars in the universe
Hoping that it would come together in time
I thought I needed more time
But then a rush of rain poured heavy floods of all the things I wish I had the courage to say
I made an effort to recollect it all so I did what I said I'd never do
And then I threw it back at you like a fast pitch from the outfield
I had asked for guidance, I had prayed for comfort
I had over analyzed, but that's what I'm good at
And so I swallowed my pride, and gave it up to fate
Then you smiled again
And I smiled back
And so for the first time in a while
I was able to admit
Sometimes its so necessary to live in foolishness
I was cautious to all, trusting of few
Suited in armor and
And ready to try it all brand new

It was Sunday when you cried
into my lap you were dying inside
I was hoping I could end it,
but your tears made me feel like a new beginning
So I sat
and I waited
maybe you were admitting you were wrong
For so long, I had prayed that
I could be the high note in your song

But tears only covered up the shame you held in
You weren't admitting anything
You were only crying because your time was up
and you new your love could never be enough

You cried for me
I cried for you too
You'd die to be
back into my arms if only you could

You lied to me
Sometimes I'd lie to you
You'd die to be
back into my arms if only you could

The serpent speaks words which are undeserving fables of hurtful intentions raging within her
I took a deep breath in an instead of a push back, my kindness was sweetness aching her teeth
Her sugar rush of confusion relayed a headache and her fangs and her poison took a step back
I gleamed with a smile of trust and amazement
As pure kindness does **** an old heated heart
I can't blame her or shun her for her bitter ways
I can only lead in example in style with grace
Because a serpent is tantrum of an entitled stranger
Or maybe a wounded solider battling herself yet to heal from a dysfunctional heart
And I am a lady regardless of such things I've done in my past or can't admit to the world
A master of disguise with innocence behind me
A pyramid that stands after storms and abuse
I've known no avalanche to strike or defeat me
Only negatives that lingered to help me develop
I've known no artist to win in an instance
Or a luck so clever to keep running back to
I've only known that terror and darkness and hatred are cured by the kindness from the wise ones
And coincidence is more than some kind of echo
It is purpose we seek and sometimes we question
But the truth is our purpose is to blossom like wildflowers
And even flowers need help from rain drops to flourish
And sunshine to liven that inconsistent rain
So be the sunshine or you might end u a serpent
Praying on kindness only to **** you in the end

Broken pieces lay here on this bed of withered petals
Left to sink into the weight of emptiness
Weaping in the face of defeat for months, even years
Arrogance walked away from the only real thing that ever was
Innocent eyes plead for comfort in the mirror, all alone
But life rearranges itself into perfectness
Miscalculated steps and accidents lead to simple pleasure
As blue eyes smiled shyly first
I smiled back, for the first time in long while

Under the bruises there's a smile fading
There's a girl who's waiting
to show her colors
...
You just wait and see
Everything she'll be

One by one
as the fall...
the sky starts getting closer.
The only optimistic route,
leads to another lonely adventure.
But I fight it anyway.
Freedom is the only stretch
that my hands can't fully grasp.
but karma will come around.
I'm miserable,
at this point,
but someday,
soon I hope
this will all be another turning point in history.
And the shadows
fill sky and clear the air.
When the lightning finally strikes,
the thunder rolls off in the distance..
The solitude in this stormy weather
wont be so traumatic in the end.
They can patronize me..
And then, when they think its over,
the rain will burst out
from the *****, cotton colored clouds
and  I will proudly say,
I did it with love.

Your sweet and sour disposition lights my wide eyes seemingly
I've sunken deeper into your glory
The hills you paved were treacherous
I blinked in rhythm and counted corners
Nervously, I talked to much
Your eyes would prompt me to retire
But I would never let you win
I know sometimes my Achilles Heel is out to get me
The rumor is it could be you
I'd laugh to try to disconnect from all the things I hate to love
You'd try and look into my pupils and gaze into that great abyss
The dilation keeps you hooked but I could still never let you completly in
I tried to kiss you to surrender, but that's not what you've come here for
And I convincingly stare right through you and of those subtlties you wear
All that intimacy is not what I'd prayed for
I've come for something much more complex 
So what I need to do is stop deflecting, keep it real and hold you close
I wish that I could start connecting that broken little girl whom speaks in vain
Fairytales are not an option
But for some odd reason I'm starting to change my mind
The way I think is still distorted
And for you it might be a silly game
Because all these bruises keep me guarded
And all my problems shelter all my shame
And thus my soul is not yet at rest
And my heart still runs a muck
But if you have the patience for it
It might be better than you imagined

Talentless drought fluttering
Anxious eyes, swell in the midst of confusion
Lack of sleep
Full moon, peaking
Endless chatter

I surrender to the trail of stars guiding us
Into the deep woods of recklessness
I was certain this time... maybe you
You were certain this time
Maybe me
But maybe, may be impossible

Dreams are intertwining with reality
skies are chilling with the winter months
The rage is fueling from atoms of nothing

You're eyes are doubting your trust

Fear, jealousy and chaos
Still prevail....
sadly this winter
without any cure of hope in sight

I was somebody else not that long ago
Today I am someone who is brand new
Who are you?

Are you holding a grudge that barks at your ego?
Do you criticize because you have expectations?
Do you make mistakes yet seek forgiveness in yourself?
I guarantee--
You are human like me

I guarantee you can point the finger
Yet the mirror holds a stranger you see everyday
I bet you have burdens and shame on your conscious
With secrets in the form of tears that fall down like rain

I bet you a dollar there are some things you wish you hadn't done
And friendships you've burned because fighting wasn't worth it
I bet you you've said some mean words once or twice
And sometimes it's just to painful for you to be nice

But who are you to hold grudges when you've done so much wrong?
Who are you to point fingers, when the monster is you?
Do you wish for forgiveness but can't give in return?
When will you be willing to learn?

Who are you?
Resentful, angry... broken?
Or are you brand new, like me?

I trust few, love easy and never let go completely
I hold secrets, but if you stare long enough you could read me
I like tulips, write poems and dream about things no one knows of
I like to push the envelope
I like my music loud
I always lose the remote
But I don't believe in doubts
I'm complex in many ways
But my heart is quite simple
My thoughts are always circling
And some days I am mental
I know what I want when I see it
I get what I want when I try
I have plenty of tricks up my sleeve
And I always question why
I'll believe you if you tell me
And I'll listen when you talk
I'm considerate yet selfish
But I'm humble when I walk
I seek progress not perfection
I admit when I am wrong
I admit some days I cry a lot
But deep down I know I'm strong
I'm a positive and caring
Naive yet unafraid
I'm a little on the wild side
But I am daring because I'm brave

All the things that make us so different
Counterbalance and leave me inconsistent
You lack what you keep on saying
I lose my cool because you lied in the beginning
I try hard to keep myself together
So many teardrops fall from heated temperature
When will I get what I deserve?
A tiny piece of heaven on this earth
I felt cold and pessimistic
Left all alone to handle life's petty ****
I wanted you to hold me truly
Light up my world and reassure me
When will I get what I've been looking for?
A real man who shows me love is the perfect cure
I want to be so grounded in
Able to enjoy myself and live in my own skin
But you know how to push my buttons
Make me insecure and poison all my feelings
When will you finally open up
Trust me and show me how you really love
I know you can do better than most
I have faith in all of your little flaws and such
I see all of your potential in your personality
You get my heart and all of my intensity
I said I love you for a reason
You said it back, and I believed in it
When will we get what we deserve
A tiny piece of heaven on this earth

You allowed me to be ambiguous
Strangely in a different way
Allowed my character defaults to fall
Impeccable with shades of grey
You filtered my thoughts into shock waves
With understanding empathy
Arrested my love with your mind
You held me in captivity
I followed through with all my heart
Step by step I played your games
Stranded forced to reassemble
Running wild through ice and flames
You watched me dance behind your hat
I heard you chuckle through your teeth
I watched your eyes beam shards of crystals
Then found your passion underneath
I'd lie in bed and watch you crumble
Stare at you and wonder why
For in a moments spell of glory
Did I see the man in inside

Where are these mythical creatures we call men?
I have yet to meet one
I have stumbled upon many animals and a scared little boy
I have touched a soldier
Loved a hypocrite
I have held hands with the spawn of Satan
I had beside me a chameleon
Even danced with an ***
But never have I seen this wonder we call a man

Pay attention
Hear the voices reconnect?
The traffic dies down simultaneously
The summer entwines and untangles
The skies reach out
The dandelions bloom
Feel the subtle changes
Purity is raining

My thoughts puddle into a catastrophe of constant disappointments
I can never live up to all these expectations
I cannot imagine any light or weights lifted off my shoulders
As long as the worries eat at my stomach and bleed from my brains
Too many things I've thrown away in search of something greater than material happiness
A fog blinds my view of the dreams I seek even though I can see the phoenix inside
I yearn for anything other than put downs and anger people criticizing my every move
I've chosen a path that debases me from any worthiness of successes--they think
To an outsider I am delusional and undecided
Maybe lost and a little frightened, but they could never say it to my face
But I keep on believing

Escaping the distance beside me
Lying in a sea of false hope
Destined to sink into the bottom of the bluest of black holes
Reaching out to sunnier side of the fence
Unmindful of being sensitive
Disgusted with myself;
Trapped inside of hell
Giving into temptations, save me
Losing sight of all my blessings daily
Wishing I could rewind time and fix the cause
Wishing I could put my life on hold and pause
But I'm trapped in waves of lies above my head
Drowning in your adversity instead
While your laughing because you knew it couldn't be
You love the stench of your own misery
And the weight of guilt upon my conscious
Burdens me a heavy distress
Problems I eventually confess
And you vilify me nonetheless
But it hurts to have to caused so much pain
Lost devotion and found a web to weave my shame
Breathing gets easier day by day as I'm looking into my reflection
Swallowing my vanity to find a whole new perception;
I'm forgiven somewhere deep inside
But lust could not survive the hills we climb
You swear you'd die with all your lies
The indications I never recognized
The facts that keep me awake at night
Knowing we were never right
My stomach's turning,
fuel burning
a few things I still need to learn and
get over and just forget
all our empty promises
Like loyalty and trust
the things we never get enough of
The things we gave up and broke
How lust has me like a choke hold
It's got me wearing false smiles and happiness
Keeping the distance between the both of us
In the sea of covers, waves of lies
Captive of the guilt that keeps me alive
Lost the key, hopped the fence
Suffering in consequence
The things I need, the hurt you bleed
I loathe the stench of my own misery

Framed.
I surround myself with an abundance of its glorious aftermath.
A cheap thrill for the night.
Let a half hour soak in the wrath.
I've continued to overdose myself with an endless cycle of euphoria
a sinful, deadly deception-
a vindictive vice.
Where manslaughter may be the only token for temporary happiness.
Be hypnotized with me, no pressure
as I am eager to embrace a mouthful of its alluring poison
like candy,
sweet candy.
A marigo-round of dileberate madness.
I spin around;
it's the sensation that brings me back every **** time.
knowing I wont come back every time.
I'm addicted.
So very addicted,
atleast I can admit it.
It's the sweet taste of cotton mouth,
it's the beautiful realization I figured myself out.
Spin me.
Let the drug seep through my pores
and bless you all
Hold me.
Let your sensation be my only amusement for the night.
I crave it.
I wont let myself go through withdrawls.
I can't control its endless cycle of euphoria
After all,
my addiction is to be
chemically happy.

Darling,
Why are you so distant from me all of sudden?
I can almost feel the lies in the bottom of my stomach.
I can almost tell this conversation is going no where fast
We're circling the block again, this love will never last.
Honey,
Why is everything so backwards and things are upside down?
Could you keep the promises you made this time around?
I'm trying to keep up with you, the best way that I can.
Trying to stay positive by trying to hold your hand.
But darling,
I'm swallowing my pride as everything begins to slip.
Just trying to ignore all the negative.
I'm holding my breath for you
But mainly just for me.
Closing my eyes, and just trying to breath.
But lover,
Everything is complicated
and it's all down hill from here
This is just another tearful fight and another broken mirror.

A blank distant state of paranoia twisted in the gates of fear
Swelling from the reaction of getting too close
The air exhaled circulates around the room slowly as the clock ticks even slower
Each minute passing is undefined with empty, hollow space
The molecules are attempting to manipulate my illusions of what I know are to be solid reality are slowly peeking over the horizons
I'm not functional  in this state of content
I crave self destruction unwillingly.
The only thing stopping me between progress is caffeine, love and my inabilities to seperate emotion and work
I want to be stable, grounded and free but my broken, bipolar mind bleeds for closure

Come away with me to a perfect place,
it might be a dream, but its not insane.
Run away with me, to a magic land
You wont be alone, if you take my hand.
Don’t you be afraid, to run away with me
You won’t lose you mind, Breathe the scenery.
Come on take my hand, to this magic place.
Don’t you worry about being too afraid.
I’ve got it figured out, if you believe in me.
If you accept your fate, and live your destiny.
Don’t you worry about, what you might win or lose
think of what you’ll gain, if it’s me you chose.
Run away with me, to a secret place
it’s a fairy tale, it’s a sweet escape.
Come on take a chance, and don’t you dare look back
We don’t need to know, I don’t follow maps.
Come away with me, to a lovely place.
Where the grass is green, life’s at a different pace
Give up all your fears, let me inside your mind
There is nothing here, so leave it all behind
Live your destiny, and control your fate.
Run away with me to a magic place.

Here I am again
Content with loneliness
Writing riddles to keep track of time
Detaching myself from the reality of emotions
Pretending
Deep down I know love does not conquer all
I'm naive but I can keep a strait face
Too many arguments of nonsense and jealousy
So I keep everything at a distance
Such a wreck
In a tangled weave of misdirection
I panic at the thought of love
It's for children
It's for hope
It's for co dependancy
But not for me
I'm contenet with lonliness

What do you do when the world comes crashing down on you?
What do you think is the best way to go about it?
I don't always know what to do when it's unexpected
I just go with the rhythm of the beat of the bass drum
Feel the wind in my hair and dance to the weight of the freedom
I just let the butterflies take flight, such beautiful insight
Watch the heat of the moment ignite with the passion of magics bright light
Life is short
Life is fast
Life can be humdrum
I've seen my worst, I've tried my best and still suffer from confusion
I know my type, I know the pain
I feel insync, but I've lost my brain
All at once, I've paid my dues
Pushed my limit and had everything to lose
Such a wonderful kind of enchanted mind of being lost and being wrong
And I laugh it off with a silly smurk
A sarcastic joke because I've been hurt
And I might not be right where I want to...
But I'm where I'm at and absolutley love where I've been

Dear Mister,
Do you hate the world so much?
What could have hurt you so bad?
I want to know because I tried loving you
But you were always living in the past.

Dear Mister,
Do you know everything?
Or are you just fooling yourself?
I think you put to much blame on the world.
Instead you should worry about your health.

Dear Mister,
You smoke too many cigarettes.
You should go for a run.
Maybe trying being nice to yourself
You're a mean son of a gun.

I was naive when it came to love.
But he was the boy of my dreams I swear
he gave me things that I can't explain
and we were lovers without a care.
I was a queen in our fantasy
and he was the king who ruled my heart
We were alive in our masterpiece
nothing could ever tear us apart.
but we were bad for each other, it's true
Always fighting about something else
had to break away from our cycle
but couldn't stand to be by myself.
so I ran back into his arms
almost every other night.
and I would love him for eternity
or just until another fight.
And he would tell me that I was beautiful
So I never considered abuse
But we would disagree about something
and he would blow another fuse.
But he had the charm of a prince
And when I looked him in the eyes
he was just a devil
in disguise

Burdens weighing heavily
Flashbacks of the days
Tears run out of reasons
In the most convincing ways
Lies flood out the trust
Truth bleeds out the lust
Forgiveness can't be swallowed this time around
Strength is something wonderful I've found

I'm so alone now in this shelter as a cocoon
Empty and unholy
Insecure and maybe moody
I'm so unafraid now I've turned my guilt into a blaze
As I rage against the enemies I create
Its the path of freedom in this miserable escape towards happiness

I wasn't particular about the things that I expected from you
Just obvious with the what and when and where and how but never with the why
I knew the secret rules of boundaries and respect
Silence is a way to watch it all or twist it all, or hide it all
Silence was the one time you fell apart when all the other times you weren't too far from Hercules
I am angry with you, patient with you
I can't lose sleep over it
I'll just cry in terror
You can just sit there careless
I guess its times like these when you realize the things you want
And the things you don't

I'm unhappy
At this  very instant
But even most days I can muscle up the energy
I can focus on whats right and whats now and what can be
You can sit there drown in your solitude
because if you can't let it out and you won't let me in
Eventually the guilt from your kisses will be swallowed in acid
And the reaction of which will eat you alive

A dark heart in a dark place.
Bruised in every which way.
So much pain.
Rain.

A shallow mind on a different page.
Optimism still in the game.
So much shame.
Vain.

A smile of lies on a sad face.
With sarcasm to embrace.
So much waste.
Erase.

Today.
Tomorrow.
Yesterday.
The day before.
And more.

So much pain to endure.

The sinking starts again in the pit of the stomach up to that empty heart of yours
So emotional and so attatched to possibilities of high hopes and expectations
Drowning in tears again in the darkness of your bedroom in the middle of springs moon
Blossoming with fears of losing everything in the palm of your hands
You had no chance at all because all the chances you had you threw away in daze of indecisiveness
All your insecurities flood in your bedroom as you get lost in your thoughts and forget all your promises
It was so sad, all those choices you made lead you strait to tradgedy
Both you and me,
I swear its both you and me
But your convinced that only bad things happen to you and little black rainclouds hover you in June
I'm not so sure you understand that process is only the beginning and maybe your choices are part of the magic of blind faith
So just escape to optimism

I can't pretend I don't think about you
You left me with a big space in my heart.
I don't have all the answers at all
But I know that I must go on.
I can't escape the memory of you.
The smell of chocolate reminds me of you
I don't know how to keep you out of my mind
But I know what is best for me.
I couldn't imagine life without you
Its hard to see past all what could of been
I don't know how to get over you
But I know I will eventually.

Acrobats diving into a sea of exotica
Landing amongst the heroes and the renegades
They were equipped with the power of silence,
Subtle yet unafraid
And all disbelievers drown in decimals of a twisted maze
Were they casting  spells on the curious?
Or we're they the definition of what it is to be brave?
I wasn't ignorant
I was here to learn from it
It was force that lead me into the darkness just to find the light of faith and hope at the end of the tunnel
At the end of a race
After an avalanche of discouragement
I finally saw the weekly forecast of what it could be.
Partly sunny
Mainly rain
A light chill
Or a thunderstorm
I wanted more
I wanted everything
I wanted more
I had everything
I was dreamer drunk on dandelions only to find what couldn't be true
But I wanted to;
I wanted you
I was hopeless romantic with a bad attitude
With a delirious mind casting spells on you
I was entitled
You weren't having it
I wanted everything
But you wanted less from me
I was incapable, but you were everything
You had nothing
But you were my everything

Twisted in delusions
Another thing I've done all wrong
Backwards in confusion
Lyrics to an empty poem

Faith spiraling into an abyss,
Another guilty dream
Everything I've ever missed-
Breaking at the seems

Love is at a distance
Burdens left unspoken
Tears are left to glisten
Why am I the chosen?

We ran from the tears.
But the strength of our cries inside our nightmares became something deceiving.
You heard it in the other room, when I was dreaming.

Blind and convinced that waves of illusions would flash me by, I psyched myself out.
I traveled outside in different electrons and what not.
Asleep and floating on the music note of my heartbeat's base.

Some kind of radiance appeared in the back of my head, like it did after every story.
Happily ever after you said once or twice before.

I imagined things nicer because you lied to me.
But that was love, or some kind of protection.
Shadows and presents cover up the technicalities
The footprints on the ground had painted colors into our adventures with owls and dragons...

It was the two of us lost in our tales in dreamland.
The stream of make believe we created glued the words to the page, and I followed my instinct.
I knew where to find you.
It was cold. But we were too far ahead to call it off now.
Closing our eyes to escape form the monsters of reality became habitual and
The white picket fence separates our two worlds from colliding.
Like the words do, that describe peace and war.

Hiding in treasure chest are the skeletons of what we wanted to be when we grew up.
That's just unrealistic anymore.

Free falling; gone in an instant-- blink of an eyelash faster than lightning, flashing like brilliance
Drilling holes into the psyche
Astronomical; impeccable aim
Breathtaking colors with patterns like kaleidoscopes the creativity blows the mind
It's the morphine you can take without overdosing in pain and numbness
It's the chase you can't escape if you wanted to but you won't even try
It's the height of ecstasy and the awe of gratification
Its pure and magnetizing invigoration
When you prove what you set out to prove
When you give it all, you have everything to lose

The negative chatter fills the gaps of endurance and credence
The silence of the aftermath, leaves a clear distinctive taste
All the critics and the villains siphon air so you lose the ability to breathe
There is a glimmer, a tiny microorganism still standing on two feet pushing forward
Moving slow
Falling sideways
All, all alone
Glowing, fueling, bursting...flooding roadblocks, causing traffic
All the commotion is seeding havoc
Like an artist left unknown...you will grow
Flow and flower into a masterpiece

And the free fall secures you high amongst the nebula
There is no more spiraling downwards there is only a tiger lurking, always ready to pounce
On their victims, on the goals you've set ahead
Like a real winner always does, you finish first
because you did your very best
You're a tiger and you just earned you your stripes
So leave the amateurs on their soap box discombobulated
You're resilient, even savvy
You're a vision to be reckoned with

I've changed, but you don't let me forget
the things I've done, or the things I've said.
I'm  better, but you think I'm still sick
I'm trying to keep my focus
but you have me distracted.
Life's not always easy,
I've paved a path at something hard.
Twisted in the problems.
Your negativity keeps me discouraged.
Trying to move forward,
trying to move on.
Trying to keep my self together
Praying that I stay strong.
Tell me I'm forgiven.
Give me motivation
I promise that I'm sorry
for all the promises that I've broken.

Wake up
Bed time was yesterdays awakening
I only dream possibilities that decipher my life's catastrophe
**** regrets,
I only wish them away
Because I feel sorry for myself
Self realization
a deeper, profound thought
Ignited illegally
Frowned upon by humanity
True amazement
Dawning a bliss
A beautiful realization
Formed an abyss-
Contaminated
Corrupted
Innocent
World
I feel sorry for you.

These circles resting inside of squares.
My empty daydreams lie in nightmares.
Plastic homes,
tucked in for the night.
Sleeping comfortablly
with no peace in sight.
Another character from my subconscious senses
No way to justify my mixed up sentenses.
But you stayed with me to keep me company.

During the day changes reappear.
But noting was ever very clear
Between you and me.
beneath the kitchen table,
the emptiness shines on the wooden floor.
It is the only beautiful thing left in this room anymore.
When you left for work, or when I left to play,
We closed our eyes
to give excuse to get away.

As you approached the corner full of memories
I erased the outline of everything we thought we'd be.
These feelings are invisible to you
But your pain was forever stuck to you like super glue.
You played the music loud,
and kept me at a distance
The sounds turned themselves into somekind of profound visions
And I read between the lines.
Nothing that belong to you could ever be mine.

So we waited
At the bus stop
And I waited in the car.
You waited
by the bathroom
And I waited in the bar.
And we waited
and waited
so much that we hated.
But we waited
And tried not to look concered at all
But the waiting
was the pressure that made you fall

We were fadnig like the photographs you took of your past.
Something I said had to make you laugh?
But you kept replaying your first love over in your head.
Sometimes I wish I were her instead.

Everything was echoing together mixing,
overlappig the boundaries in the dirt.
I didn't realize how much you hurt.
But everythig keeps holdig us back
We were never going forward.
It's why I left somewhere in the middle to say the least.
I naturally wanted to feel relieved.

You were focused on keeping my attenetion.
I was always changing subjects.
You were seeking more affection
But I still had to change the subject.
Stories were spiraling up into the sky,
You were living just to die.
What things mattered to you the most?
When we look back together on the long road?
What images sneak their way back into your mind?
Was it me or is it still her this time?

If it were different we could just be happy
reasons become meaningless after a while
I peeked behind my eyelids once
while you were falling asleep, watching me smile.
But now
It's pointless to ask reoccurring questions
Or remember once upon a times.
Pointless to blame myself
No answer is even worth a dime.

I will never get the closure
that most people need.
You  only get the glory of never being freed.
Everyone gets the first look at your real face
Watching you  fall, and fall and fall and fall.
Take a good hard look into the brick mirror...
Now who's the one who has it all?

Frostbitten heart
Cold to the touch
I was sent flowers
But it wasn't much
I acted if
It was enough
But his love was never that serious

Starting over, once again.
Told my mother, I had enough.
Been defeated once or twice.
Gave it up, all for love.
Lost my mind,
Broke my things,
Been defined by my mistakes
Threw my future all away
When I gave it up, for love.
Lost my dream, lost my head
Fell so hard in love instead
Now I'm trying to catch up
Because I gave it all up for love.

I wish I could tell you
All the things I never got to say
But my minds over thinking my heart
Its got me sick to the stomach
Its got me weak at the knees
Its got me contemplating my morals
You're an addicting disease
Oh ,
how I hate falling for it.
And I wish that last nights escapade would have been meaningless
But my heart is out of my chest
And my lungs can barely function
And I think
About how much I hate falling for it.
Then I reflect
And I understand how it all came together
How the pieces of the puzzle fit together
And I am so grateful
That being nieve
Was the only downfall
That I can honestly say
I am blessed with
Because I'm not ashamed
That I can finally admit
That I loved
Falling for it