Fragile petals drifting along the shoulder of the sidewalk
So many interruptions from the passengers and their small talk
The yellow dandelions I use to pick when I was young
Remind me of the innocence there once was when I hadn't had a clue about love
And I didn't have pain to compare with
I didn't have shame to weigh me down
Didn't recognize I was envious
Hadn't yet discovered who I was
I never knew better
I was always right
Always discrediting my mother
Wish I could step back in time
Because if I knew now what I know back then
I would of been somebody different
If only I could be, free
The birds are humming a melody, floating so nonchalantly
I can sense all the encouragement in the summer air
Flickering with confidence
I wish it would rub off onto me

Change,
Don't be subtle like the cold breath of wind that is yesterday's memory
Start as soon as last nights moon becomes this morning's sunrise
History is in the making
The rest of the world is waiting for you
Love is the movement
These circumstances we are faced with will dissipate
And you will overcome your biggest fear
and this glorious day will become
Extraordinary
I do not imagine my strength, I believe it
I control you
with the blink of an eye
and for one instant I feel
Powerful
I am shameless
Still I feel heartless, judged, and incapable
I have seen, how cowards judge the rest of the world
But I can swallow my weakness whole
I can bury my insecurities
Close my eyes and get closer to the happiness that was destroyed
And the visions that pour from my imagination become pixels of reality
And suddenly life is worth living

I've changed, but you don't let me forget
the things I've done, or the things I've said.
I'm  better, but you think I'm still sick
I'm trying to keep my focus
but you have me distracted.
Life's not always easy,
I've paved a path at something hard.
Twisted in the problems.
Your negativity keeps me discouraged.
Trying to move forward,
trying to move on.
Trying to keep my self together
Praying that I stay strong.
Tell me I'm forgiven.
Give me motivation
I promise that I'm sorry
for all the promises that I've broken.

Words on top of a paper, floating
there so bare, naked
Telling the inside of my heart
So honest
there so bare, ****
Alive, dancing inside the minds of strangers
Speaking
there so bare, unarmed

I wish I could tell you
All the things I never got to say
But my minds over thinking my heart
Its got me sick to the stomach
Its got me weak at the knees
Its got me contemplating my morals
You're an addicting disease
Oh ,
how I hate falling for it.
And I wish that last nights escapade would have been meaningless
But my heart is out of my chest
And my lungs can barely function
And I think
About how much I hate falling for it.
Then I reflect
And I understand how it all came together
How the pieces of the puzzle fit together
And I am so grateful
That being nieve
Was the only downfall
That I can honestly say
I am blessed with
Because I'm not ashamed
That I can finally admit
That I loved
Falling for it

We are all travelers
One in the same
With different perceptions
Lacking compassion

We don't know what we don't know
But we feel,
And sometimes it hurts too much

Sometimes we wish others more pain and suffering
Because we feel disgusted at what we were handed
And being nice is just a front
So we twiddle our fingers and bat our eyes

We spend too much time worrying
Too much effort trying to control things
Trying to out do one another
It is easy to point the finger
And keep all focus off our own problems

So easy to be caught in the eye of a devil
Yet we are quick to pray when we want something
It is so easy to stumble off the path
And so hard to wipe away the tears we shame

When we know right from wrong
We still make mistakes
We learn the way we need to
Yet we forget
We are all just travelers
One in the same

I was naive when it came to love.
But he was the boy of my dreams I swear
he gave me things that I can't explain
and we were lovers without a care.
I was a queen in our fantasy
and he was the king who ruled my heart
We were alive in our masterpiece
nothing could ever tear us apart.
but we were bad for each other, it's true
Always fighting about something else
had to break away from our cycle
but couldn't stand to be by myself.
so I ran back into his arms
almost every other night.
and I would love him for eternity
or just until another fight.
And he would tell me that I was beautiful
So I never considered abuse
But we would disagree about something
and he would blow another fuse.
But he had the charm of a prince
And when I looked him in the eyes
he was just a devil
in disguise

Butterflies and a sky full of diamonds
The right words, I'm still trying to find them
A cool breeze lets me know that it's over
But I'm not over you

I wonder why it's so hard to move on
I wonder when it fell short and went wrong
A long day and a sad face to prove it
Proof enough that I loved you

You asked me once and never believed me
The truth came out you only deceived me
I tried my best but I had to give up
Because my best was never enough

I got high to shut down my feelings
Lost faith in God and believing
A sad soul lost in her dreams and
I'm not over you

It's so hard to face all this pain and
I don't know where I should begin
The last kiss is all I can think of
I'm not over you

New boy.
New charm.
New game, new arm.
New chase.
New dream.
A brand new me.
New love.
New lust
New future
New trust
New happiness
New karma
New promises
New drama
New things
New steps
New plans
New mess
New crowd
New everything starting now.

Wonder lust,  I saw him starring through my flaws
subtle like the summer breeze,
Curious and all
I might have been adapted
Semi serious but even when I'm fearless he teaches me the most.....
I adhere to all the unspoken rules
With him I feel slightly marvelous

Broken pieces lay here on this bed of withered petals
Left to sink into the weight of emptiness
Weaping in the face of defeat for months, even years
Arrogance walked away from the only real thing that ever was
Innocent eyes plead for comfort in the mirror, all alone
But life rearranges itself into perfectness
Miscalculated steps and accidents lead to simple pleasure
As blue eyes smiled shyly first
I smiled back, for the first time in long while

Love happened.
It came, and went.
Just like the sun.
And the stars burned like diamonds
When the fire hit the bowl
and I knew the meaning of the word
incredible.
Intimacy was discovered.
And I fell fast and hard.
It changed with the seasons.
But I never let rock bottom be the end of me.
When I look back and remember,
I think of oceans and trees.
I recall laughter and movies.
And my happiness is
Oregon grown.

How could this be
the same mistake?
I thought I've changed,
But I'm still the same.
How could I fall?
I must be stupid
got no one around
to help me get through this
How could I
let down my guard?
I confused lust with love
now I'm falling apart
How could you lie
and tell me you love me?
Break my heart,
and take everything from me.
How could this be,
the same mistake?
I thought I learned
But nothing has changed.
How could I fall?
I must be blind-
a stupid girl, left for dead this time.
How could this be
The same mistake?
Maybe its time
to give up on love anyway.

Empty pages waiting for a story
Green, green grass waiting to be cut
The smell of the rain brings you back
Traffic slows you down
Aggression holds your laughs

Roundabouts confuse you
The river calms your nerves
Your dog brings you comfort
Your first love brought you hurt

It was the kiss that slowed down time
The *** that kept you in
You remember drunk dancing
You can't finish what you begin

You remember holding hands
Being too in love to speak
You remember significant moments
But your insecurities keep you weak

I remember every moment of the summer that changed my life
I remember everything, my memories will never die

Words that he clung to like confetti in the air,
Ups and downs, and truths or dares.
Strangers gossiping without a care.
Jealous much? You can't compare.

He says
"Look me in the eye and tell me
What it is I need to know."
Excused wrapped in lies
Tied with pretty bows.

He's lost in translation,
lost in love.
Has no where to turn
He's run out of luck.

He's standing next to nothing.
And losing his mind.
But he's better off
if he leaves the lies behind.

But everybody knows love is blind
He is nothing special, of the kind.
Infatuated just as much
as anybody else was once.

So leave it all
and walk away.
Little white lies
are too much pain.

Songs playing in the background
of a cold winters day
Fog clouds up the air, in the most depressing way
I'm sitting on the inside
and that's where I'll stay.
To depressed to move,
wish the pain would go away.
I remember what he told me
this time last year.
we were meant to be together
I swore he was sincere.
He broke promises
as I shed tears.
I guess this whole time I knew
what I really feared.
This game
My shame
his hearts not tamed.
Someone please save
me.
I want a new love to forget
everything he ever said.
I want a new lover in my bed
to cover up these tears I shed.
I want a new lover
but now is not the time.
because I hold these secrets,
and I know that love is blind.
I want a new lover
to put all this behind.
I want something to be all of mine.

Dear Mister,
Do you hate the world so much?
What could have hurt you so bad?
I want to know because I tried loving you
But you were always living in the past.

Dear Mister,
Do you know everything?
Or are you just fooling yourself?
I think you put to much blame on the world.
Instead you should worry about your health.

Dear Mister,
You smoke too many cigarettes.
You should go for a run.
Maybe trying being nice to yourself
You're a mean son of a gun.

She knows it all it seems.
In the space above the clouds
there is a dreamer who believes heaven is below her,
looking up into her eyes.
And then, she falls asleep.
There's no glass in between heaven and you,
to catch her if she falls.
But she's brave enough to peek up at the almost.
Gosh, it was so close.
There's still sunlight in the cracks, the twinkle in her eyes says she'll be back.
So you just cant say no, even if you want to.
But she knows it all it seems.
Even if she's wrong. She continues to dream, and
she still believes in you,
even after all you've put her through.
And she sits,
in between the space
of heaven, and better days.
Waiting for you to look up to her and say
she's your heaven too.
Because she's brave enough to tell you, almost.
Gosh you were so close,
to the heaven that we all wish we had.

I wanted a knight and shinning armor
But I learned quickly I had to be my own
I never had just one person to rely on
So I had resentments and misconceptions that begun
I wanted a shooting star to fall from heaven
Maybe erase my debts and punishments
I wanted more than anything to be a champion
But all that wishing left me lonely and indifferent
I wanted peace and forgiveness to come easy
And never ending dreams of fame
I wanted all the fortune and the glory
But I wasn't willing to work the game
If only I could put aside the bitter taste left behind
Maybe I could smile and pick the flowers in my mind
Instead of taking it out on anyone who's in my way
Maybe one day
I wanted a phenomenon to come along
And sweep me up right off my feet
I wanted a soldier with a solar touch
To keep me dancing to the beat
I wanted it all but all I have is one day
Maybe one day
Maybe
one day

Blackened, blurred, blistered world
Take me by the hand
Lead me to a palace that is the complete opposite of the color of my heart.
Erase the hatred I have towards the innocent,
Who seem to have an influence on me;
Erase the guilt that I swallow, after every solemn breath I take.
Or are we all controlled by the pathetic curruption
that is....
what we live in now?
Is this the very end?
Or--
Is this just only what others call
the very very beginning?.....

It was Sunday when you cried
into my lap you were dying inside
I was hoping I could end it,
but your tears made me feel like a new beginning
So I sat
and I waited
maybe you were admitting you were wrong
For so long, I had prayed that
I could be the high note in your song

But tears only covered up the shame you held in
You weren't admitting anything
You were only crying because your time was up
and you new your love could never be enough

You cried for me
I cried for you too
You'd die to be
back into my arms if only you could

You lied to me
Sometimes I'd lie to you
You'd die to be
back into my arms if only you could

Still empty in December after 11 months of being full, the year was nearly over.
I wanted to give up after a lifetime of rejection.
He was just as lost as I was.
Both of us were determined to find solitude.
Under a magnified glass we melted the pieces we had left over of ourselves together.
And the walls began to fall.
I found rhythm in our breath.
I also found truth behind his stare.
It only eased the heartache of every impossibility and the overwhelming complications of whatever twisted thought I could dream up.
It only stopped me in my tracks.
It evolves even when I take step backwards.
But still it revolves around the energy that brought us together.
Nothing makes sense when your as confused as I was.
But I have direction now, somehow, because of him.
They called it lack of understanding.
Some call it love.
I found it to be a direction all my own.
And no one can take that away from me anymore.
Even when it explodes in my face and everything is ruined.
Lesson learned.
Because sometimes we end up with exactly what we wanted.
And it turns out to be everything you need.

I run
towards the sunlight
that lights up your eyes.
and hide from reality...
Wish it could only be,
you and me
together.
Our hearts race
underneath
the nervousness
of the definition of
eternity.
But I see you believe in me,
Forever
and I wouldn't have it any other way.
This is our sweet escape.

You are so mysterious, guess its part of your charm.
Your eyes are hypnotizing, guess that's why I try not to stare too long.
I try to keep you talking yet your silence turns me on.
Don't be alarmed.
I'm only honest.
But with it comes all the fears.
It's something I've been keeping from you, after all these years.
You are in my day dream, but I don't have the nerve.
You deserve the truth, but I can't find the courage.
I keep it in my secrets,
and I know I'll never brake.
Time will let it happen,
I believe in fate.

Frostbitten heart
Cold to the touch
I was sent flowers
But it wasn't much
I acted if
It was enough
But his love was never that serious

Electricity behind those eyes
A kiss that seemed to last all night
a smile, a wink
A whisper to sleep
With arms to hold me eternally

Developed an apathetic view at the world, here today
When you drank copious amounts of alcohol, to erase the pain
You were fighting inner demons, trying to make the best
But at least you were brave enough to come face to face with yourself
You were defined by what you did, what you said and who you knew
They were seeing different colors, you were seeing different hues
You were craving change, trying to self improve
They were always looking down upon you
But you had the motivation to be someone more than they expected
You faced the challenges and changed your direction
But it's hard to gain back all of the confidence and all the trust
When you don't believe in coincidences or luck
And though your past might be tremendously haunted
You have to work hard for everything you ever wanted
Don't give up just because you can
Be someone extraordinary, who doesn't give a ****
Be the change in the world and be the one to prove
you can do anything that you choose

In a coma state of bliss
with, an old memory  
of
a fascinating moment
that can not be forgotten.
I have lost all train of thought
and my sober mind
is about to relapse
please help me
with forgiveness.
Please heal these
****** wounds
Of a broken heart.
Shattered in the mirror
is a look of dissapointment
in myself.
But I know
soon
everything else will be better
as soon as I
let
it
all
go.
Let the weakness leave my body
as an overwhelming fear
of loneliness
is left
with me
and holds me
captive
to a house with never ending walls of white.
Though I am blessed
I don't embrace the light
enough;
I hold a grudge
against myself,
as all regreats come back to haunt me.
Like a shadow in the night,
I am left alone.
and in regards to how I feel,
I want you to feel,
as miserable as I do,
because you did this
to me.
But I have
to learn how to
let
it
all
go.

Make me feel pretty but don't tell me a lie. Prove it by your actions, boy.
You wrote me a poem, but now do what you need- to keep me around, please.
Take me to the movies, take me on date, start up the fire if you believe in fate.
Hold me in your arms, show me the world or what you can make of it, if I was your girl.
Make me feel special, I'd do the same- if only you knew I'm not playing games.
Show me your insides, feelings and all- don't be a mannequin building a wall.
Tell me the words, I want to hear. Don't let this moment disappear.
Boy, I'll tell you something, don't laugh at the truth. I already know what I'd do for you.

Take me
and break me
please
steal this heart
away and
engage me
I'm bleeding
while choking
on these words
not knowing
you've cheated me
now
You're leaving me
I'm still left bleeding
on words you've decieved
to me
I wonder
Why can't you believe in me?
Take your heart
and be sincere to me

Under the bruises there's a smile fading
There's a girl who's waiting
to show her colors
...
You just wait and see
Everything she'll be

Seeking perfection in the midst of your doom
Nobody recognizes you
You close your eyes to see what you've started
But you're invisible
You feel like you are drowning and grasping for air
But nobody is helpful
You want to give up
But you are still alive
And only God knows the reason why
So you hold it in, bottle it up
And give it another try

How many days have you felt like this?
How many nights have you felt like ****?
How many times have you called it quits?
How many days have you felt like this?

Yearning for freedom
Having no luck, not finding any glory
You are miserable
Nobody trust you anymore
Your brain waves are crashing
As everyone is laughing
And there is no escape
You're begging to sleep, but you're staying awake
Maybe tomorrow
There will be a refuge
But there is no guarantee
So buckle your seat belt
Prepare for the worst
And let everything that is, be

I believe in you
Even though the pitch dark sea is drowning everything.
I believe the words
You sang to me under the sheets last spring,
so poetically; I hung on to all of those dreams...
But yesterday finally came, and suddenly tomorrow is already here.
All I see are promises falling apart- around the kitchen table.
It's all to shameful.
What is left of you?
Is there nothing left to give??
All I can see are the excuses that you mopped me up with.
I can't embrace that shade of your heart,
so I thought it over,
so many times I lost count.
Lets just start over
it is the only thing that ever makes sense anymore.
I ask myself, "what the hell am I doing here still
Am I crazy is everyone as clueless as me?"
It's just me--
I don't know all the in-betweens.
But I wish I did.
Just like I know you wish you knew..
the thoughts that flicker behind my eyelids-
if you only knew..
I've always hated being in the dark

Your distant, but we almost touch
Lost lovers, once inseparable
The silence is louder than hell
A phantom in itself

We're liars, to afraid to speak
Of the burdens that we had to seek
I can not find the strength in me
To break the heart that once was everything

But I forget
What I regret
I never said
What I meant

I meant to say,
I'm sorry,
but its better off this way
Don't worry

I'm paying for it somehow;
Freedom's just another word for missing you

I guess maybe you were convenant?
But every emotion I felt was honest.
But I guess you really had me going, I dont know maybe I'm just easy.
I should of never let you close enough to even reach my heart and shatter it.
I never want the chance to fix the stitches, mend the glitches.
You know **** happens and time passes
but I want to forget this feeling because I dont like it.
And you dont deserve another oppurtunity.
All my anger must come from hurt.
Why did we bother, if you knew it would never work?
Call me crazy but see the human in me.
How do I change the way I feel when it's so **** real?
Believe me if I could, I would have by now.
I dont know why you did it.
I'll never figure it out
I guess I was wrong about you.

Twisted in delusions
Another thing I've done all wrong
Backwards in confusion
Lyrics to an empty poem

Faith spiraling into an abyss,
Another guilty dream
Everything I've ever missed-
Breaking at the seems

Love is at a distance
Burdens left unspoken
Tears are left to glisten
Why am I the chosen?

Darling,
Why are you so distant from me all of sudden?
I can almost feel the lies in the bottom of my stomach.
I can almost tell this conversation is going no where fast
We're circling the block again, this love will never last.
Honey,
Why is everything so backwards and things are upside down?
Could you keep the promises you made this time around?
I'm trying to keep up with you, the best way that I can.
Trying to stay positive by trying to hold your hand.
But darling,
I'm swallowing my pride as everything begins to slip.
Just trying to ignore all the negative.
I'm holding my breath for you
But mainly just for me.
Closing my eyes, and just trying to breath.
But lover,
Everything is complicated
and it's all down hill from here
This is just another tearful fight and another broken mirror.

I believe in Santa not because he's real.
But because of his existence I know exactly how I feel.
He brings joy to all the children with his spirit and his gifts.
And I am for certain, I'm on his nice kids list.
I believe in love and laughter and this is my advantage.
Because without Santa, all I have is an empty package

Driving under the lights on a bus going nowhere,
starring into the eyes of a demon
heaving.
not listening to the heartbeat
not seeing
what's right in front of me.

Promises mingle with fall outs
and dreams seem better off
without doubts
but somethings keeping my mouth
from speaking.
What I see
is you abusing me,
and love is just something you say to make me feel better.

Stopping at a red light in a small town,
starring into the eyes of a demon,
bleeding.
Not holding on to the words you speak
I'd rather let go to the tears that I cry,
because it's only your resentment.

It's a tragedy the things she's been through
Burdens only she was meant to carry
Somehow she still smiles to your face
Whether skies are blue or grey

It's a shame no one taught her how to cope
Alone she falls apart underneath her covers
Some days it's hard to look you in the eye
But she still puts up a fight

It's amazing, the things she's done
Conquered nightmares and slayed dragons
Some nights she's still afraid of her sleep
But she'll always face reality

Can you believe it?
It's just like gravity,
Can not for see it, when it fell down in front of me
Falling like rain drops, but there’s no clouds in sight
I just fear the aftermath- getting no sleep tonight.
Can you imagine, just what I really feel?
Broken and shattered,
Pretending it isn’t real
I don’t want to feel the pain, of what this heart is capable of
I don’t want to hear your name orr anything that reminds me of us
This can not be real,
Love can not be
If this is heartbreak, wake me up from this dream
I do not believe it
Tell me its a lie
you were all I wanted, but I don’t remember why
How can this be real?
How can it end
This is a nightmare
Tell me it’s all pretend
This can not be real, love can not be gone
Tell me the dream is over and heartbreak hasn’t won

Starting over, once again.
Told my mother, I had enough.
Been defeated once or twice.
Gave it up, all for love.
Lost my mind,
Broke my things,
Been defined by my mistakes
Threw my future all away
When I gave it up, for love.
Lost my dream, lost my head
Fell so hard in love instead
Now I'm trying to catch up
Because I gave it all up for love.

I was use to the unusual
The pain and torment of dysfunction
And in return he loved me more than I knew or noticed

I was distracted
By the glitter and appeal of "we will, "we are," and "us"  
That I'd forgotten about me
And him
And the beginning

Twirling him around my finger
Losing sight of my ambitions
Slightly unsure where to go

He is mine
Or half of me?

Without a way of knowing what's best
But only knowing what's right
And never knowing who is wrong

If I knew myself better
Love would never bleed
And April would have stayed all year long

You're the one that I've always loved boy
Can't you tell by my broken heart?
I searched the seas so high and low for you
But all good things fall apart

You're the sun and I am wind
I reach for you, but you're settled in
You're the kiss I want to keep
The love my heart forever seeks

Love we've missed, love we lost
Lost our touch, but you're my love
Love is gone, love is trust
Trust my love, that you're the one

Dance with me, just one more time
Find the magic we left behind
You found a home, and I wish you luck
But leave that place and I'll show you love

This heart of mine is yours to have
If I can too, have yours back
The love we made has glued my mind
I close my eyes to rewind time

Love we've missed, love we lost
Lost our touch, but you're my love
Love is gone, love is trust
Trust my love, that you're the one

You're the one I want to keep
The love my heart forever seeks

I must be weak. I must be broken
all that you done has caused me to choke and
I lost my mind. I can't forget you.
these feelings I hide
You might just see right through
All of my fears, all that I'm scared of
All of these tears I can't show you because
I never meant
all that I said.
all that i wanted was you out of my head.
I can't just be
eternally happy.
I can't just be in the right mind
You make me think I'm never fine
you make me love madly and deeply
But I'm not myself and you'll never please me
We're a mistake, you will not bend
get out of my way, lets not pretend.

You let all the things get to your head.
Even after all that I said
I guess you'll never trust me
the way that I trust you.
And me-
Oh, I've always believed
in the magic of our love.
Why is it so hard to go-
with the flow of traffic?
Why do we all want to surpass it?
Why can't we just go along-
holding onto the hope that we need,
why cant we just believe?
It'll all work out
in the end.
In the end of everything-
everything will be just fine.
As long as I am yours
and you are mine.

I like the simplicity of a story.
When the words make perfect sense.
So you can feel it in your heart,
and your bones get a slight chill.

I like it when you speak to me softly
On the other end of the telephone
and your voice is so calm
that it slows the hand of time.

I like it when the ice cream is slightly melted
and the way you walk with your hands in your pockets
At the fair last summer,
After winning me a prize.

I like the simplicity of life,
it's nice.

If words described the feelings
that are trapped inside my soul
then the painting of my stomach acid
would express the debt I'm owed.

Capture
my radiance
Tonight when I reveal
All the things I have to offer
Frame
My innocence
Tomorrow as you reveal
All the things you have to share
So that
we have
The only
picture
Of
The depth of love

The past is catching up to me.
I'm living in my head again.
I'm trying to forget it
but it's all you left me with.

I'm trying to move on from you
I'm trying to be happy too
but its so hard to escape the truth
Because it's all you left me with.

I wonder how your doing still
I try to fight it with all my will
But I can't forget the happy times
Because it's all you left me with.

I seem to be out of my mind
for loving all the painful times
but it's easy to remember you
Because it's all you left me with.