I'm redirecting my thoughts once again
Focused on a new beginning with a new perspective
I almost wandered off on all the broken cross streets
Misdirected from all the blinded passengers
The strangers try to speak directions
But their languages seem so foreign to me
I see the traffic light go green and I won't go just yet
All the noises drown out what I need and what to do next
With the echoes humming phrases of "I need you please won't you help me"
I want to be the voice of reason, if your instincts cannot work
I want to save you from defeat but you have to have a bit of courage
I want to light the pitch black darkness from you saddening soul that cries
But love is not enough to save your heart wrenched painful catastrophic life
You're still just a a shadow dancing with hand of distant tragic spite
It's all to much to bare and I am not your super girl
You are far too much to care for as a child of my own
I don't have the time to swallow your guilt on hand and knee
I don't have the room for blaming games and bitter painted self pity
I am not trying to push you from a heart that loves you so
Your tears have done enough for me so I have to let you go
You are so broken and lonely and too naïve to see the truth
I am just one girl with common sense and I hate to lie to you
Your misinterpretation of the reality that is
Is all just so demented and it only bringing you down
And darling I don't want to go down with you
darling I have just to much to lose
Please forgive me
I can't save you
Its not that your not worth it
But I have traveled that winding road once or twice
And life is only what you make of it
So why don't you make it what you want to be
Instead of crying here for company
Why don't you, start now

I've been turned on to a completely different perspective
plus I'm counting all my blessings
But **** all those who criticized me during my struggle
I wish I could confide in people
I never meant to hurt anyone, I confess
I only wanted to find myself
never meant to make such a mess
But I put myself through God's biggest test
And I guess
I'm doing just fine
I might have lost my mind
didn't do anything right
for a minute, but I picked myself back up
and I'm here to win it
It's an adrenaline rush
as I wash
all that I ****** up
I'm praying for luck
But I don't believe in it
I got to work hard for what I get
I admit
I wish you would just believe in me
Give me a little bit of encouraging
Tell me to go strait for my dreams
But it seems
you already know what you want for me
But that's not the way I want to succeed
I got a different plan apparently
But I don't care
it's just not fair
to be in my hair
the signs are everywhere
I got to do what I want, do what I need
and who cares who believes in me?
I'll prove everyone wrong eventually
And I'll be who I'm meant to be
I don't need pre-approval
I'm proud of myself, proud of who I've become
everything I've done
Plus I know everything that I don't want
I've only begun
to get what I want,
I wont stop until I'm number one
and it feels good to have a new direction
I got my faith, it's my protection
Lost my man, my only affection
I got no need to seek any attention
I've faced all of my convictions
I found my head and gave up my addictions
All at once
But that's the cost
for a new adrenaline rush
I sit back and watch
myself grow all up
And admit I'm only human
I'll admit life's a bit too confusing
But I'm refusing to keep on losing
Anymore things that I love
Yes, I already messed everything up
But wait and just give me a little more time
I'm running behind,
but I'll be fine
I'm not stupid or blind
Just watch me now is my turn to shine

I once cared
enough to prove
that
sometimes love conquers all.

I once cared
enough to prove
that
yesterday is not a shame.
But yesterday was different.
Yesterday was an exception.

I bleed words
out from ink
Stained on paper lines
that shelter freedom.

You stab me with contradiction
by judging my hearts only emotion.
I was cursed with a sense of self worth.
And you destroyed my only passion.

I once cared enough to prove it.
But yesterday you took that away.
Yesterday was a shame.

I cried about your willingness to disrespect me.
Yet you can't confront yourself.
Because a mirror is truly the only enemy.
yet I am the one in hell.

I once cared enough to prove it.
But yesterday you took that away.
Yesterday was a shame.

She thinks the planets have aligned
Finally, just for her.
She can feel the worlds heart beating beneath the floor.
Face to face against the world,
ready to conquer everything you ever said she couldn't do.
She is ready.
Ready to prove the girl in the mirror wrong.
She is off.
With an empty backpack and pocketfull of change.
And a ticket to a bigger city with a different name
A city with dazzling stars and puppy love.
A place where she learns every breath is a gift and love is not enough
A place where mistakes follow like rain clouds.
And tears fall down like rain.

She drives over the speedlimit
while she puts her thoughts on paper.
The only words to her thoughts are on a song played on the radio.
But it kills you to know,
When she's smiling, she is lying and its killing her also.
Even with the worst of her,
You would give her everything just to have the chance.
But people always end up hurting her.
Even after she is nice.
Even after karma comes around, she's still suffering the consequenses.

One by one
as the fall...
the sky starts getting closer.
The only optimistic route,
leads to another lonely adventure.
But I fight it anyway.
Freedom is the only stretch
that my hands can't fully grasp.
but karma will come around.
I'm miserable,
at this point,
but someday,
soon I hope
this will all be another turning point in history.
And the shadows
fill sky and clear the air.
When the lightning finally strikes,
the thunder rolls off in the distance..
The solitude in this stormy weather
wont be so traumatic in the end.
They can patronize me..
And then, when they think its over,
the rain will burst out
from the *****, cotton colored clouds
and  I will proudly say,
I did it with love.

Sheltered deep inside
Somewhere secrets hide
My imagination is sky high
After all the years of put downs
Years of feelings bottled up
Are ready for escaping
My smiles cover up the fears
As my fears blind all my dreams
                                                        and
                                                               tears
                                                                       fall
                                                                             from
                                                                                     heaven
                                                                                                 and
                                                                                                        make
                                                                                                                  me
                                                                                                                         soar

Worry.
Some kind of crippling sickness.
Holding on to my brain cells, if there are any left.
I must of held my breath too long.
Maybe that one time, when I was younger,
is the reason my memory is lacking.
Maybe through all my rebellion, this is my karma.

Because I can't remember exactly,
but I am worrying about it, nonetheless.
Those moments leading up to my defeat all shelter my vices,
the secrets no one knows about.
And I cannot remember any reasoning.

The anxiety of this flashback keeps me wondering,
will I ever stop the worry
about the things I can't change?
Or will I keep on
blaming myself for the things that have happened?

I'm disgusted with myself
as I am with all my troubles.
I'm ashamed of  things I've done,
the past is so hard to forget.
I want to change who I'm becoming
But I'm stuck on yester-years.
This is what happens
when I blame myself.

Welcome to wonderland
where the truth is far from reach
it's a place full of magic sparkly dust
and tales of mysteries
It's in between heaven and dreaming,
deep inside your mind
It's what you want deep inside your heart
and what you wish for all the time
It's a place where you can turn
when you have no where to go
When life is complicated
and you feel so very low
It's a magic place
to escape
at any given instant
just close your eyes
and play pretend
you are in
heaven

I went under the rainbows and through the rainstorms on a little pink cloud of hope
Everyone kept telling me it was useless and hopeless and such a big waste of time
But I followed my heart and bled on my blankets and even cried myself to sleep now and then
Crossing my fingers that something would happen and this wasn't just another mistake
I might have be wrong, now that I think of it
I might have been stupid for trying to reason with the unreasonable
I might have had false hope and impossible faith
But chasing after the magic of uncertainty was all part of the journey
I was innocent and a little niave at times
But there was something that kept me fascinated
I think it was the magnatude of self pity and lust
But after all this time, I still have no regrets
Some days I want to ask why and what happened?
But I'll never have closure I truly deserve
I guess thats part of the lessoned learned;
When you live for your love and your love does you wrong
When you keep on convincing yourself that its right
When you keep on swallowing your pride in the mirror
And you pretend like its perfect when its all such a disaster
I still can't be jaded when I'm a hopeless romantic in the heat of the night
When a stranger is a temptation and its difficult to keep at a comfortable distance
Because even though my ego was burnt and my heart hurt like hell
I still love with my soul and lead with my head
And not everyone's kindness is meant to wasted
And one day I'll be loved in return
And that love is worth all the burdens I carry
And one day, is getting closer by the minute

The sinking starts again in the pit of the stomach up to that empty heart of yours
So emotional and so attatched to possibilities of high hopes and expectations
Drowning in tears again in the darkness of your bedroom in the middle of springs moon
Blossoming with fears of losing everything in the palm of your hands
You had no chance at all because all the chances you had you threw away in daze of indecisiveness
All your insecurities flood in your bedroom as you get lost in your thoughts and forget all your promises
It was so sad, all those choices you made lead you strait to tradgedy
Both you and me,
I swear its both you and me
But your convinced that only bad things happen to you and little black rainclouds hover you in June
I'm not so sure you understand that process is only the beginning and maybe your choices are part of the magic of blind faith
So just escape to optimism

I almost gave up today
After years of being torn apart
Words that strangled my confidence
From the ones I loved the most
All this built up anger bleeds from my pit of my stomach
Bruising my heart
Scraping my knees
Eating me alive
Tension
Fear
Resentment
Pride
Psychotic mutilation meltdown
Help me
I want to give up

I was somebody else not that long ago
Today I am someone who is brand new
Who are you?

Are you holding a grudge that barks at your ego?
Do you criticize because you have expectations?
Do you make mistakes yet seek forgiveness in yourself?
I guarantee--
You are human like me

I guarantee you can point the finger
Yet the mirror holds a stranger you see everyday
I bet you have burdens and shame on your conscious
With secrets in the form of tears that fall down like rain

I bet you a dollar there are some things you wish you hadn't done
And friendships you've burned because fighting wasn't worth it
I bet you you've said some mean words once or twice
And sometimes it's just to painful for you to be nice

But who are you to hold grudges when you've done so much wrong?
Who are you to point fingers, when the monster is you?
Do you wish for forgiveness but can't give in return?
When will you be willing to learn?

Who are you?
Resentful, angry... broken?
Or are you brand new, like me?

You allowed me to be ambiguous
Strangely in a different way
Allowed my character defaults to fall
Impeccable with shades of grey
You filtered my thoughts into shock waves
With understanding empathy
Arrested my love with your mind
You held me in captivity
I followed through with all my heart
Step by step I played your games
Stranded forced to reassemble
Running wild through ice and flames
You watched me dance behind your hat
I heard you chuckle through your teeth
I watched your eyes beam shards of crystals
Then found your passion underneath
I'd lie in bed and watch you crumble
Stare at you and wonder why
For in a moments spell of glory
Did I see the man in inside

Passive aggressive
I may have been partially protected
In denial and defensive
Unsure that I meant this, but I remain optimistic
Because I can't take back that awful thing I just said;
But we both know, I only meant half of what I did
Half of what I did was an accident
I can hear your screams echoing
Raging machine, blood boiling
Under my veins I never contain my inner rage either
Not very well, anyhow
No, I'm not very well at all
But you love me
Anyhow
Anyhow? Any time, any place you've agreed
Dear boy you are patient to have been in love with me

Sometimes love gets lost
in the middle of uncertainty.
When  I start to think of you,
and forget all about me.
Sometimes luck runs out
And hearts get bruised and damaged.
But  some how we keep trying
To see what's left to salvage.
But all I see is a shadow
of some kind of silhouette
of stranger that I used to know
Someone I keep trying to forget.
When all I wanted was a lover
Someone who held my hand,
to comfort all my troubles
when the world forgets who I am.
Maybe I'm too much of a dreamer.
Maybe I'm a wreck.
But I'm easy to  please,
Just hard to impress.

You are green.
Like my sorry.
I fill your buckets with ideas of promises,
but my worry breaks the illusion of the possibilities.

I am ocd.

I fear the worlds gift of breath and excitement.
I wont face the end of the tale.
I wish I were dreaming but its too hard to make it
just another thought in the back of my head.

My blood, scars and becomes infected
and wounds are left with no protection.

I want to heal.
But I am stuck behind a glass.
I am too far back.
Just go on without me.
I'll surrender eventually.

And I will be green like you,
too.

Fighting sleep
in the belly of a dragon
missed the rescue boat and sank with the anchor
missed the message that you were coming around
blame it on the enemy now
wish it could be different somehow,
but we are two lost strangers in a packed crowd
The freedom taste so bitter
and the love we had just had to splinter
I missed you last December,
but I moved on from that damaged winter

I feel the wind and it's you touching my face,
a flashback of a better day
maybe sometime early last June,
when it was me and you painting in the backyard
having laughs so hard, watching you play guitar
Dancing to the beat of the bass,
While you licked your lips when I kissed your face

Perfection, as the clock stopped
and we were two lost souls whose paths finally crossed
It was you and me honeymooning illegally
reaching for passion, in the arms of eternity
but all that is a memory gone
trapped inside my brain in the unknown

with a lost soul and an empty apartment
Because all good things fall apart and
it might be hard to let it all go
because our dreams were all that we know
But I've took more than I needed to take
Learned from love, and made some mistakes
Gave it chance and I'm not looking back
On the unknown magic that we once had
On the love that hurt more than it needed to bleed
because your pain is everything I need
to set my broken heart free

At the edge of dissolution
she bites her lip to lock the key
she dances in her vulnerability
through the blizzard, through the heat
hoping he will come around
and bite his lip in sufferance
and confess
his sins;
all her broken wishes

It was blue underneath the stars again,
Both, the twinkle in your eye and in the sky are lost somewhere else.
I cried when I realized the obvious.
As the sky sinks into eternal  kaledesope of my own imagination.
Swirling orange with pink and blue.

Empty eyes tell a story.
Once, there was a reason I believed in you.
Back when we were laughing.
Now I'm stuck wishing for all the rainbows to evaporate this depression in the basement.
I blame myself because I should have known better.
and suddenly I remember all that was invested and how easy it is to be blinded by someone.

Our dreams were our paradise, once upon a time.
When sheets were clouds in heaven-
And wonderland was somewhere we called home.
Paradise was somewhere,
When magic lit the moonlight with satisfaction and opened doors to let me in.
Somehow laying there life made sense
then time passed us just like in a movie, even as it rained.

But it falls apart.

A heart is tougher than a bulletproof jacket.
The ones you hurt are usually innocent.
Someones daughter, sister, mother, friend.
This time, it was me.
But today's sunrise is another simple miracle,
Something not to take for granted..
Because troubles always make a survivor

Burdens weighing heavily
Flashbacks of the days
Tears run out of reasons
In the most convincing ways
Lies flood out the trust
Truth bleeds out the lust
Forgiveness can't be swallowed this time around
Strength is something wonderful I've found

These circles resting inside of squares.
My empty daydreams lie in nightmares.
Plastic homes,
tucked in for the night.
Sleeping comfortablly
with no peace in sight.
Another character from my subconscious senses
No way to justify my mixed up sentenses.
But you stayed with me to keep me company.

During the day changes reappear.
But noting was ever very clear
Between you and me.
beneath the kitchen table,
the emptiness shines on the wooden floor.
It is the only beautiful thing left in this room anymore.
When you left for work, or when I left to play,
We closed our eyes
to give excuse to get away.

As you approached the corner full of memories
I erased the outline of everything we thought we'd be.
These feelings are invisible to you
But your pain was forever stuck to you like super glue.
You played the music loud,
and kept me at a distance
The sounds turned themselves into somekind of profound visions
And I read between the lines.
Nothing that belong to you could ever be mine.

So we waited
At the bus stop
And I waited in the car.
You waited
by the bathroom
And I waited in the bar.
And we waited
and waited
so much that we hated.
But we waited
And tried not to look concered at all
But the waiting
was the pressure that made you fall

We were fadnig like the photographs you took of your past.
Something I said had to make you laugh?
But you kept replaying your first love over in your head.
Sometimes I wish I were her instead.

Everything was echoing together mixing,
overlappig the boundaries in the dirt.
I didn't realize how much you hurt.
But everythig keeps holdig us back
We were never going forward.
It's why I left somewhere in the middle to say the least.
I naturally wanted to feel relieved.

You were focused on keeping my attenetion.
I was always changing subjects.
You were seeking more affection
But I still had to change the subject.
Stories were spiraling up into the sky,
You were living just to die.
What things mattered to you the most?
When we look back together on the long road?
What images sneak their way back into your mind?
Was it me or is it still her this time?

If it were different we could just be happy
reasons become meaningless after a while
I peeked behind my eyelids once
while you were falling asleep, watching me smile.
But now
It's pointless to ask reoccurring questions
Or remember once upon a times.
Pointless to blame myself
No answer is even worth a dime.

I will never get the closure
that most people need.
You  only get the glory of never being freed.
Everyone gets the first look at your real face
Watching you  fall, and fall and fall and fall.
Take a good hard look into the brick mirror...
Now who's the one who has it all?

Do you forget
I'm just a dreamer?
Inside my head
fighting the monsters.
I'm not afraid
to face you there-
inside my head
I am not scared.
You might believe
in losing the war
But anythings possible
That's what dreaming is for.
So give it a chance
go where nobody goes
a wild imagination
where nobody knows
that you are a fighter,
that challenges fate.
Where you pave the roads
and go your own way.

I can't take your calls anymore
Something's just not right with your mind
I can't stand the way you try to control the things you can't help in your life
Because even when the skys are blue
Your still living in a tragedy
And even when its going good
Your still impossible to deal with
I wish you could see yourself
Take a good hard look
I wish you could just be yourself
Your trying to impress the world
But your just another mindless, failing robot
Circling the depths of nonsense and chaos
You're a product of the dogma that comsumes the currupted mind
One that stabs uncertainty with darkness instead of light
But somethings are not exactly what they seem
Sometimes I'm forced to drown in echoed ****** screams
And pretend to be somewhere else in this misery
I'll pretend you were only trying to protect me
As I wish upon another hopeless, dimming shooting star
Concentrate on anything else but this headache you make pound on my brain
If only magic exsisted
And I had it in me
To just fly out of this nightmare and into the sky
Would you leave me alone and stop calling
Because I can't take your phone calls anymore

When your heart skips a beat underneath the covers
And you love how it feels to have comfort with someone
When your spine feels a chill just because your touching
And you leave in the morning, all crooked and blushing
It might be what you think or it could be decieving
But you have to take a leap of faith and start believing

We ran from the tears.
But the strength of our cries inside our nightmares became something deceiving.
You heard it in the other room, when I was dreaming.

Blind and convinced that waves of illusions would flash me by, I psyched myself out.
I traveled outside in different electrons and what not.
Asleep and floating on the music note of my heartbeat's base.

Some kind of radiance appeared in the back of my head, like it did after every story.
Happily ever after you said once or twice before.

I imagined things nicer because you lied to me.
But that was love, or some kind of protection.
Shadows and presents cover up the technicalities
The footprints on the ground had painted colors into our adventures with owls and dragons...

It was the two of us lost in our tales in dreamland.
The stream of make believe we created glued the words to the page, and I followed my instinct.
I knew where to find you.
It was cold. But we were too far ahead to call it off now.
Closing our eyes to escape form the monsters of reality became habitual and
The white picket fence separates our two worlds from colliding.
Like the words do, that describe peace and war.

Hiding in treasure chest are the skeletons of what we wanted to be when we grew up.
That's just unrealistic anymore.

So mad I could almost **** you
These thoughts I have rage through my brain
And I never knew how disappointed I could be over such a little thing
You smile at me as if nothing happened
But two can play that game
I stare right through you with my piercing eyes
Anger will be misplaced with  silence
Because talking it through only ****** me off more
And your an idiot for not thinking thing through

Falling into the sadness of disappointment yet again
I can see the flags all rising turning deeper shades of red
I can hear the voices echo-- telling me to run, darling run
Protect yourself from the pain before you get too attached
I'm already there
I'm already scared
I was strong before and now I'm so unprepared
I never thought it through
Never thought you do these things to me

We are a little distant with the ones we love
Lying to ourselves to hide from the truth
We are a little twisted and broken and bent
Lacking the honesty we so desperately need
We are all fighting battles of burdens and shame
Suffocated by the enemy and the hurting and sorrow
Do we know how to see the through our own dark ****** up lies?
Do we know how to know how to smile and laugh at the good?
Is there hope for us, is there nothing but rain?
Are we capable of love? Or shall we dig our own grave and lay in the pain?
Am I hopeless? Are you worth it?
Deciding is hard
Are we just enough?
Or is it too little too late?

I was standing there so cold and heartless
Bitter till the better end of it
And you'd mistake me to be shallow
But I wasn't quite the girl you'd thought I'd be
I was consequently hurting, the shell of me had left me wounded
You were amused at something similar within yourself
But you swore you'd never tell
We had effortlessly scabbed our cuts with innocence
We had seemingly drifted far from discontent and selfishness
You understood me when I spoke about the damaged things that made me choke
You understood me when I laughed out loud at nothingness
I understood that little smirk of yours when you had nothing else to say
Your laugh gave it all away
I was trying to align the moon with the stars in the universe
Hoping that it would come together in time
I thought I needed more time
But then a rush of rain poured heavy floods of all the things I wish I had the courage to say
I made an effort to recollect it all so I did what I said I'd never do
And then I threw it back at you like a fast pitch from the outfield
I had asked for guidance, I had prayed for comfort
I had over analyzed, but that's what I'm good at
And so I swallowed my pride, and gave it up to fate
Then you smiled again
And I smiled back
And so for the first time in a while
I was able to admit
Sometimes its so necessary to live in foolishness
I was cautious to all, trusting of few
Suited in armor and
And ready to try it all brand new

Boy.
You're like an ice cream cone
I want to eat from head to toe.
You smile, I think it makes me weak
Your shyness has me at the knees
You're sweeter then sugar,
but you got be naughty.
I can tell that want it,
like the way I want your body.
You are looking so fly,
and yet you don't believe me.
Look me strait in the eye
and be too much of a good thing
I can see myself in trouble
But in a good way.
We could be almost be lovers
would you like to play?
I don't see a problem
Maybe lust has me blind.
Tell me all your secrets
And we'll be just fine.

Wink wink
I am scared to blink
The years will fly by without you
One minute you're here, the next you are blessed
God sent you to heaven
Without me
Wink wink
Dare me to blink
And dinners will go on without you
One minute I'm seven, the next you're in heaven
But you'll always be watching me
Won't you?

She has a big heart
And when she smiles I know
All the reasons that I'm alive
Without her I'd never grow
Without her I feel lost,
and sometimes I'm afraid
I need to see her darling face
Just to make my day
She sparkles when she dances
Her eyes light up a room
Her kisses make my heart melt
And I live for her "I love yous"
She has the key to my heart
When there's nothing more to give
I just want to see her happy
She's the reason that I live

There is a delusion of perfection blocking the gates between us
Your self destructive outlook underlines  the inadeqacies I tried so desperately to deflect
With humor or sarcasm or impulsive unecessary habits
Hindering me
Entangling me into another dysfunctional abyss I cannot deny
These shattered hearts heal with unsolicited *** scandals whispered by the tounges of cowards
Piddling their intoxicated paddles with reruns of last years season highlights
It's all the same and we became complacent
Unmotivated by the unmet expectations of our nemesis
Our image isn't mirrored by that of what we strive we are lost in a maze of who is good, better, richer glory
Success is based on luck and come ups meanwhile
We are drained with greed and jealousy and entitlements holding one another in a ship wreck
dangling by a measly line off our last second chance
I knew you'd take me back
Even if we sink together

A blank distant state of paranoia twisted in the gates of fear
Swelling from the reaction of getting too close
The air exhaled circulates around the room slowly as the clock ticks even slower
Each minute passing is undefined with empty, hollow space
The molecules are attempting to manipulate my illusions of what I know are to be solid reality are slowly peeking over the horizons
I'm not functional  in this state of content
I crave self destruction unwillingly.
The only thing stopping me between progress is caffeine, love and my inabilities to seperate emotion and work
I want to be stable, grounded and free but my broken, bipolar mind bleeds for closure

Your sweet and sour disposition lights my wide eyes seemingly
I've sunken deeper into your glory
The hills you paved were treacherous
I blinked in rhythm and counted corners
Nervously, I talked to much
Your eyes would prompt me to retire
But I would never let you win
I know sometimes my Achilles Heel is out to get me
The rumor is it could be you
I'd laugh to try to disconnect from all the things I hate to love
You'd try and look into my pupils and gaze into that great abyss
The dilation keeps you hooked but I could still never let you completly in
I tried to kiss you to surrender, but that's not what you've come here for
And I convincingly stare right through you and of those subtlties you wear
All that intimacy is not what I'd prayed for
I've come for something much more complex 
So what I need to do is stop deflecting, keep it real and hold you close
I wish that I could start connecting that broken little girl whom speaks in vain
Fairytales are not an option
But for some odd reason I'm starting to change my mind
The way I think is still distorted
And for you it might be a silly game
Because all these bruises keep me guarded
And all my problems shelter all my shame
And thus my soul is not yet at rest
And my heart still runs a muck
But if you have the patience for it
It might be better than you imagined

We almost drowned in the solitude of the nights that we cried alone
Left in inconsistancy swallowed by the fear of anxiety
The stress was just too much to handle
The pain was just too much to bare
And as we cried we panicked in flight
We wanted out but had no where to turn
The only door left open was far too out of reach for us
We hid underneath the shame of burdens
We laughed just to make light of it
But all the overwhelming waves were challenging our minds in fright
We were hopeless
Life was backwards
Seeds of beauty were planted in the dusk of our final meltdown
Our final turn around
The begnning of the end was near
As we threw our hands up in the darkness
We accepted that we had nothing left
And our defeats were taking over
Blinded by the fog of despair
Life was bad
We were lost
And all dreams were at a distance
We found faith in a ticking time bomb
All our our fears began to evaporate
Slowly
We climbed the treacherous ***** of glory
Smiled in the mirror
Danced inside the music
Began to look forward and stopped looking back
And life began to take its shape
The collage of doom began to dissapear into the shadows
And we were finally able to breathe in the freedom

Parallel to the walls of silence
Absent minded
Shallow hearts that bleed
Discontinued
As the weather's changing
Rearranging, muted subtleties
Voices tremble
Disassemble facts from fiction
Hear them?
Listen
Blinded by a shimmer
Hiding in the winter
Angry at my mother
Blaming someone other
Than myself,
Even when the war is over
Still I can't grab on to help
Holding on to madness,
Claiming there is hope
Giving second chances
For fear of being so alone
Maybe there is still a chance at life
Maybe you'll forgive me if I lie
Maybe if I had just one more night
You would understand the reasons why
I'm insane
So insane, it hurts

Broken, broken. Words I've spoken. Life I've chosen
agony.
Hungry, hungry. Don't you want me? Feed me here
helplessly.
Broken, hungry, hopeless me.
Tear me down, so viciously
Judge me here right on the street
then pass me by,  ignorantly
I'm hungry, cold, and hopeless
and you think it's all a choice.
You think I'd chose to do this
but it's my parents vice.
I ran away from them
I didn't think twice
For, he used me and abused me, and I had no where to run
but to these streets of hopelessness,
where I had freedom.

Sheets of shame, blankets of burdens
So many lies you tell to yourself
Quick to forgive- excuses, excuses
You are so holy, you don't need anyone's help
You need humility
I need validation
You're living someone eles dream
You need a glass of wine
I need an asprin
Not too many things are as it seem

My man
is made
of armor
pure and strong
his lips are sweet
as sugar cane
to them
I do belong

Softly whisper,
a kiss
under the moon and the starlit sky.
Heaven, up above
beyond the trees,
waiting desperately.
Dancing in the rain
when you have nothing to do
but to look forward to the unknown,
waiting for you.
Singing secrets
to the man on the moon
hoping,
wishing,
praying
he is listening to you.

We are so dysfunctional in this galaxy of stars and fear
You and I and him and her
Wonder and magic, twisted with fate
All colliding towards something greater, of which we do not know
Something we could never predict
But, we both know we need something real and solid--
I can't save you, or me, or anyone else
And either can you
But at least we can try
At least we haven't given up
and we are alive

I can hear the voice inside me,
over the echoing crowd
It is my saving grace sometimes
when I'm down and out.
And faith is not just a glimmer
of neither solace or lights embrace.
Because your angry temper
will put you in your place.
I will go on knowing,
That genius tune I sing-
Will be the answer to
all the negativity that you bring.
And sometime when you hear my name
remember when you had
the chance to overwhelm me
and the chance to love me back.
Once we were together
dancing underneath the stars.
But without your negativity
I will go so very far.

It's something invisable that I'm attracted to
That lies in the sparkle that shines all around you
Some kind of wonderful, magnetic magic force
That brings me closer to you and your wide eyed open door
Something innocent that keeps me so allured
Glorious and brilliant that has my heart cured
Wont you tell me what it is about you
That keeps me glued

I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow.
I am not a fortune teller.
All I know is what I have to look forward to
even though I'm completely broken right now.
everything was completely taken from me
I've been defeated more than once.
Took my pride, took my dignity
Took my things, and stole my life.
So many things I can replace
that's how I keep my chin up.
Maybe tomorrow will bring them to me.
Maybe tomorrow I'll have better luck.
So many things I have misplaced
but maybe tomorrow will give them back.
If I remember to look forward to
the only thing I really have...
and that's tomorrow.

My blood boils
Though I am not easily angered
I was taught to wear a poker face so outsiders could not look in
I do strive for excellence but with me nothing is a competition
I have learned to deal with petty things
And stay true to what I want
In the end I might be placed on a pedestal
But comparisons are sometimes wrong
I do enjoy a challenge and if you dare me, I will try
Not for the sake of validation
Because I don't want to run I want to fly
Who I was and where I'm at are always forever changing
But I don't want to make a mark for all of history,
I want to be the inspiration
I want to see the world smile
When everything is upside down
I want to keep it all together
When the sky comes crashing to the ground
I want the best of both worlds
And to keep my grass so green
I'm not looking for perfection
I'm still struggling to be heard and not just seen
So in this world of searching
I am here to unmask my own disguise
Because in the land of  pretty things
I can still see right through all my own lies
Because even though I'm working on it
And I have come so very far
Its still hard to swallow that one regret
......

Bitter thoughts redirecting infinite wavering change
Manipulative and graceful even
Catastrophically inclined because negativity was a habit brewing
Possibly her only hope, if that isn't ironic enough

Everything is a reflection of irony
Stardust was result of all my wishes
I've never seen perfection sparkle so bright, as sober as that night
Perfectly gleaming through a thunderstorm, effortlessly painting chaos's masterpiece
Beautiful
The sunset beamed through the prism of my heart
There she was smiling back at me

I feel broken, inside
A little empty
And maybe I'm still dissatisfied all together

I feel hopeless, dwelling
Carefree but driven
I'm so unpredictable running in contradicting circles

I feel bitter
Tainted; holding resentments
I'm just so petrified of freedom
I can't face it all by myself

I wish maybe someone could read me
Lighten me up
And teach me what it's like to be loved
What it's like to trust

I don't know what that feels like yet
But I imagine...
Just like the movies or better
Maybe just like my childhood
Maybe I am naive

I'm just a star gazer
Hopeless romantic, dreamer
Maybe that's all I know
Maybe that's how good it gets with me
Maybe forever alone I will weep

Like spiders crawling underneath my skin
An unbearable sensation revealing all my deepest sin
A heavy load filled with buckets of regret
Too many sleepless nights
Too many burdens to confess
I pray to something I can not see
A force so strong it pulls me down like gravity
I wished on stars
And crossed my hopeless fingers
Held resentments with false forgiveness
And left my soul in the dusk of soiled solutions
Stuck in dilemas diagnosed with purfumes of pollution
Too many problems I'm left to conquer
All alone I'm left to suffer
Here I am but I'm no where to be found
Racing down a sidewalk on the verge of breaking down

I can't pretend I don't think about you
You left me with a big space in my heart.
I don't have all the answers at all
But I know that I must go on.
I can't escape the memory of you.
The smell of chocolate reminds me of you
I don't know how to keep you out of my mind
But I know what is best for me.
I couldn't imagine life without you
Its hard to see past all what could of been
I don't know how to get over you
But I know I will eventually.