****.
I'm sad.
Allowing myself to get walked on.
Such lack of respect and not enough faith and too many bad things to compare it with.
There is no hope for me and togetherness.
It is all a mythical plot and vivid imagination circling my ever changing mind.
I cried about that too.
I cried myself to sleep wondering why, and what and how should it be?
Or can I ever get this right?
I'm a goose trying to be swan.
A kitten thinking I'm a tiger.
I'm alone, once again...here talking to myself in riddles and metaphors.
Such nonsense.
Can I ever just be...normal.
I feel like an alien.
Out of place, misunderstood, taken for granted,
with all the bad karma that ever existed.
And nobody here to share it with.

Unresponsive
Silence aching in the pit of my stomach boiling the blood beneath my skin
Raging chaos
Weeping solitude until I fall asleep awaiting an explanation
Shaken glory
Magnifies in the heat of some miscommunication, lack of trust slithering out within each insult
Always trying to defy the laws of gravity
Unable to admit there are no such thing as superheros, magic wands, or even luck
I am bulimic to love and lust and all things good
Allergic to kindness and appreciating and all things right
I always get left in the middle, asking myself
What the hell is wrong with me

Falling into the sadness of disappointment yet again
I can see the flags all rising turning deeper shades of red
I can hear the voices echo-- telling me to run, darling run
Protect yourself from the pain before you get too attached
I'm already there
I'm already scared
I was strong before and now I'm so unprepared
I never thought it through
Never thought you do these things to me

So mad I could almost **** you
These thoughts I have rage through my brain
And I never knew how disappointed I could be over such a little thing
You smile at me as if nothing happened
But two can play that game
I stare right through you with my piercing eyes
Anger will be misplaced with  silence
Because talking it through only ****** me off more
And your an idiot for not thinking thing through

I was a dreamer content with all my blessings
Striving for perfection; wishing my life away
I lived inside of lala land and flew into the sun
I drove towards high ambition but steered with blind hesitation
Always second guessing cupid's arrow with a microscope
Like a pessimist on a soap box, defensively corrupt
I was bleeding my soul out onto invisible horizontal lines
Crying out for that someone who had once stabbed me in the dark
Blaming all my issues on things I can't take back
I don't know why or what kept me so amused with trouble
Something in the heat of danger keeps me satisfied
You were different
Something difficult but interesting
Calm and collective
Someone I could never be
You were a wayward child running from the truth
Just looking for an escape or just another muse to keep you entertained
You were filled with the chase of recklessness
I was filled with light of faith
I was uptight at somedays, but you let time lead you astray
And the peak of the adrenaline keeps you stimulated just barely enough...
Just enough to keep you coming back for seconds
Just enough to sugar coat your stomach
Just enough to keep you smiling on the edge who knows what
You needed something to keep your eyes from rolling in and out of sleep
You were used to the sour aftertaste broken promises and lies
I was highlighting the ultimate and envying the game
I was use to disappointments and devouring the pain of the unforgivable
But I was challenging and you admired it
We were opposite like Mercury and Neptune
But all those underestimated ingredients are what makes the dancing possible
As we Tango past the moon and we Foxtrot across the stars
I pirouette through all the difficulties and we fall back into reality
And you catch me here on planet earth
Right back to the beginning, where it feels like home

I'm redirecting my thoughts once again
Focused on a new beginning with a new perspective
I almost wandered off on all the broken cross streets
Misdirected from all the blinded passengers
The strangers try to speak directions
But their languages seem so foreign to me
I see the traffic light go green and I won't go just yet
All the noises drown out what I need and what to do next
With the echoes humming phrases of "I need you please won't you help me"
I want to be the voice of reason, if your instincts cannot work
I want to save you from defeat but you have to have a bit of courage
I want to light the pitch black darkness from you saddening soul that cries
But love is not enough to save your heart wrenched painful catastrophic life
You're still just a a shadow dancing with hand of distant tragic spite
It's all to much to bare and I am not your super girl
You are far too much to care for as a child of my own
I don't have the time to swallow your guilt on hand and knee
I don't have the room for blaming games and bitter painted self pity
I am not trying to push you from a heart that loves you so
Your tears have done enough for me so I have to let you go
You are so broken and lonely and too naïve to see the truth
I am just one girl with common sense and I hate to lie to you
Your misinterpretation of the reality that is
Is all just so demented and it only bringing you down
And darling I don't want to go down with you
darling I have just to much to lose
Please forgive me
I can't save you
Its not that your not worth it
But I have traveled that winding road once or twice
And life is only what you make of it
So why don't you make it what you want to be
Instead of crying here for company
Why don't you, start now

I can't take your calls anymore
Something's just not right with your mind
I can't stand the way you try to control the things you can't help in your life
Because even when the skys are blue
Your still living in a tragedy
And even when its going good
Your still impossible to deal with
I wish you could see yourself
Take a good hard look
I wish you could just be yourself
Your trying to impress the world
But your just another mindless, failing robot
Circling the depths of nonsense and chaos
You're a product of the dogma that comsumes the currupted mind
One that stabs uncertainty with darkness instead of light
But somethings are not exactly what they seem
Sometimes I'm forced to drown in echoed ****** screams
And pretend to be somewhere else in this misery
I'll pretend you were only trying to protect me
As I wish upon another hopeless, dimming shooting star
Concentrate on anything else but this headache you make pound on my brain
If only magic exsisted
And I had it in me
To just fly out of this nightmare and into the sky
Would you leave me alone and stop calling
Because I can't take your phone calls anymore