What do you do when the world comes crashing down on you?
What do you think is the best way to go about it?
I don't always know what to do when it's unexpected
I just go with the rhythm of the beat of the bass drum
Feel the wind in my hair and dance to the weight of the freedom
I just let the butterflies take flight, such beautiful insight
Watch the heat of the moment ignite with the passion of magics bright light
Life is short
Life is fast
Life can be humdrum
I've seen my worst, I've tried my best and still suffer from confusion
I know my type, I know the pain
I feel insync, but I've lost my brain
All at once, I've paid my dues
Pushed my limit and had everything to lose
Such a wonderful kind of enchanted mind of being lost and being wrong
And I laugh it off with a silly smurk
A sarcastic joke because I've been hurt
And I might not be right where I want to...
But I'm where I'm at and absolutley love where I've been

It's something invisable that I'm attracted to
That lies in the sparkle that shines all around you
Some kind of wonderful, magnetic magic force
That brings me closer to you and your wide eyed open door
Something innocent that keeps me so allured
Glorious and brilliant that has my heart cured
Wont you tell me what it is about you
That keeps me glued

We almost drowned in the solitude of the nights that we cried alone
Left in inconsistancy swallowed by the fear of anxiety
The stress was just too much to handle
The pain was just too much to bare
And as we cried we panicked in flight
We wanted out but had no where to turn
The only door left open was far too out of reach for us
We hid underneath the shame of burdens
We laughed just to make light of it
But all the overwhelming waves were challenging our minds in fright
We were hopeless
Life was backwards
Seeds of beauty were planted in the dusk of our final meltdown
Our final turn around
The begnning of the end was near
As we threw our hands up in the darkness
We accepted that we had nothing left
And our defeats were taking over
Blinded by the fog of despair
Life was bad
We were lost
And all dreams were at a distance
We found faith in a ticking time bomb
All our our fears began to evaporate
Slowly
We climbed the treacherous ***** of glory
Smiled in the mirror
Danced inside the music
Began to look forward and stopped looking back
And life began to take its shape
The collage of doom began to dissapear into the shadows
And we were finally able to breathe in the freedom

Like spiders crawling underneath my skin
An unbearable sensation revealing all my deepest sin
A heavy load filled with buckets of regret
Too many sleepless nights
Too many burdens to confess
I pray to something I can not see
A force so strong it pulls me down like gravity
I wished on stars
And crossed my hopeless fingers
Held resentments with false forgiveness
And left my soul in the dusk of soiled solutions
Stuck in dilemas diagnosed with purfumes of pollution
Too many problems I'm left to conquer
All alone I'm left to suffer
Here I am but I'm no where to be found
Racing down a sidewalk on the verge of breaking down

I went under the rainbows and through the rainstorms on a little pink cloud of hope
Everyone kept telling me it was useless and hopeless and such a big waste of time
But I followed my heart and bled on my blankets and even cried myself to sleep now and then
Crossing my fingers that something would happen and this wasn't just another mistake
I might have be wrong, now that I think of it
I might have been stupid for trying to reason with the unreasonable
I might have had false hope and impossible faith
But chasing after the magic of uncertainty was all part of the journey
I was innocent and a little niave at times
But there was something that kept me fascinated
I think it was the magnatude of self pity and lust
But after all this time, I still have no regrets
Some days I want to ask why and what happened?
But I'll never have closure I truly deserve
I guess thats part of the lessoned learned;
When you live for your love and your love does you wrong
When you keep on convincing yourself that its right
When you keep on swallowing your pride in the mirror
And you pretend like its perfect when its all such a disaster
I still can't be jaded when I'm a hopeless romantic in the heat of the night
When a stranger is a temptation and its difficult to keep at a comfortable distance
Because even though my ego was burnt and my heart hurt like hell
I still love with my soul and lead with my head
And not everyone's kindness is meant to wasted
And one day I'll be loved in return
And that love is worth all the burdens I carry
And one day, is getting closer by the minute

We blanket our fears with silly defense mechanisms to shelter any shame we carry
From every angle we stand we are judged at first sight
We pretend we aren't critics but we are hypocrites everyday
As we seek the forgiveness we can't give in return
We make promises and sugar coat little white lies
As we defensively reassure the world we are mistunderstoond and unique
The truth is our narcissim reeks like bad perfume suffocating everyone around us
As we stand tall for whatever it is we believe in
It's just denial
Because inside we are tormented with insecurities and charachter defects
Inside our stomachs are fluttering with anxiety and secrets too painful to remember
Inside we are incarcerated with a plethora of misguided ghosts screaming for an escape
Inside bombs are bursting out gunshots and out hearts have bullet wounds to prove it
Our viles of happiness are never satisfied
We are always seeking more
But we are never sure what we are looking for
Some sort of accomplishment or recognition
Maybe validation
A sign that we are still breathing with a euphoria seeping out our pores into the air
A sign of greatness
Maybe we want that picture perfect dream that we fantasize about until we reassure ourselves we are lunatics for wishing
We feel debased because our choices keep the odds against us
We are incapable of managing our own lives
And maybe nothing will restore our piece of mind
It's insanity--our thoughts
I think its called delusional
Because in reality nothing goes as expected
We had learned to cope with self medication
Because all the doctors were wrong
Something had to fill our voids in our hearts
Something had to stop the brain from processing emotions
We chased after something invisible
A force that spiriled our lives down into the ground
We ran away like little children afraid of the dark
Because we thought the pain would be like daggers through our hearts
Stabbing us over and over again until we died from sufferance
The pain was too frightening to look directly in the eye
If it were easy or if there was a simplier way of figuring it out we wouldn't have wasted so many years battling the addiction that wears a shield of armor
If it were easy the grass would be green and we'd never have to water it
If it were easy we wouldn't be so sensitive to triggers and flashbacks
It's not easy
It is World War 3 every single day
There is a chip on our shoulder and a devil on the other jumping up and down eager to break us
He is whispering temptations;
Seducing us with our vices, pushing us to collapse like an avolance until we overdose
He is waiting patiently and constantly because he knows us so well
We were weak for so long and he is hungry for our failures
He wants us to throw our hands up and call it quits
And the worst part is just when we think we've won it gets worse
And we are forced to stand in the mirror and detect every flaw of imperfection we wish to erase
And then it comes back all our defense mechanisms
The way we present ourselves to the big whole wide world
Biting our lip in sufference
Haunted by a past of turmoil and depression
It is hard to communicate to those who don't understand our demons
We are looked down upon and there is another stupid burden to carry
Because everything adds up and we get tired of all the negative
We get stomped on and spit on and drug through hell
But then something clicks
And we look around the room and we realize we are not alone
We are brave, strong and somehow still alive
And there is a person to your left an another to your right starring right through you
But all you can do is hand over the keys to your self destructive behavior and pray that help is on the way
Because we are addicts batteling the same devils in different levels of the game
Because we were dealt with a bad hand
But we played with what we had
And suddenly everything was ok when we walked into the doors to our recovery
and said
Hello, I am an addict

I fall apart every now and then
Crumble down into shells of mix matched pieces
It's like the rain clouds follow me
Every right I take, I should of gone left
It's hard to face so many mixed emotions
The waves of guilt are always crashing in
Living up to people's expectations
I lose my way
Side track on little interruptions
Too many thoughts to process all at once
Temptation dangles right in front of my face
One mistake sends me back to rehab
But the reasoning is overlooked
I'm a shell, when I could of been a pearl
A dim light drowning in a sea of dust
Negativity echoing in my eardrums
But I find a way to believe
So much pressure dancing on my shoulders
And as I pray I scraped my knees
Put a smile on and breathe in deep
And to think it's just the beginning of a mountian with never ending hills
So I'll use my compass to guide me back