Sheets of shame, blankets of burdens
So many lies you tell to yourself
Quick to forgive- excuses, excuses
You are so holy, you don't need anyone's help
You need humility
I need validation
You're living someone eles dream
You need a glass of wine
I need an asprin
Not too many things are as it seem

Here I am again
Content with loneliness
Writing riddles to keep track of time
Detaching myself from the reality of emotions
Pretending
Deep down I know love does not conquer all
I'm naive but I can keep a strait face
Too many arguments of nonsense and jealousy
So I keep everything at a distance
Such a wreck
In a tangled weave of misdirection
I panic at the thought of love
It's for children
It's for hope
It's for co dependancy
But not for me
I'm contenet with lonliness

My thoughts puddle into a catastrophe of constant disappointments
I can never live up to all these expectations
I cannot imagine any light or weights lifted off my shoulders
As long as the worries eat at my stomach and bleed from my brains
Too many things I've thrown away in search of something greater than material happiness
A fog blinds my view of the dreams I seek even though I can see the phoenix inside
I yearn for anything other than put downs and anger people criticizing my every move
I've chosen a path that debases me from any worthiness of successes--they think
To an outsider I am delusional and undecided
Maybe lost and a little frightened, but they could never say it to my face
But I keep on believing

I almost gave up today
After years of being torn apart
Words that strangled my confidence
From the ones I loved the most
All this built up anger bleeds from my pit of my stomach
Bruising my heart
Scraping my knees
Eating me alive
Tension
Fear
Resentment
Pride
Psychotic mutilation meltdown
Help me
I want to give up

Seeking perfection in the midst of your doom
Nobody recognizes you
You close your eyes to see what you've started
But you're invisible
You feel like you are drowning and grasping for air
But nobody is helpful
You want to give up
But you are still alive
And only God knows the reason why
So you hold it in, bottle it up
And give it another try

How many days have you felt like this?
How many nights have you felt like ****?
How many times have you called it quits?
How many days have you felt like this?

Yearning for freedom
Having no luck, not finding any glory
You are miserable
Nobody trust you anymore
Your brain waves are crashing
As everyone is laughing
And there is no escape
You're begging to sleep, but you're staying awake
Maybe tomorrow
There will be a refuge
But there is no guarantee
So buckle your seat belt
Prepare for the worst
And let everything that is, be

It is August already
Another year slips through my fingers
Where has the time gone?
I'm still trying to reassemble it back together

I almost forgot your birthday
But at night you float into my bedroom
It's impossible not miss you
When your magic soars across the stars

The sirens remind me of a nightmare
You were always an emergency
White cats and baseball bats
Grunge shirts on a broken boy to cheap to pay full price

Your moms apartment was scented with cigarettes
We drank coffee just to stay awake
You spoke riddles just for conversation
And walked with your hands in your pocket

I danced to keep a smile on your face
Payed the bills and cooked you dinner
But simplicity wasn't your style
So you threw out the window

Putting others down is not empowering
If it makes you feel better about yourself, go ahead
Look in the mirror at your flat nose and big ego
and try to tell me your perfect
Try to tell me you're not a narcissist
Try to tell me you're better than me
When your living up to others expectations
While I do not compare myself to you
You think being brutally honest is a good quality
When I'd rather be compassionate and sensitive
I don't live a double life
What you see is what you get
But even with your cruel words that you debase me with
I still have the courage to take it in
I don't get mad or get even
I wait for your rain cloud to appear
And when it does
I will smile
Because karma is only a ***** if you are