It’s 1 am and all I can think about is you
How there’s so many adventures waiting

So many people for us to meet
Places we can visit
Moments for me to love you

There is so much waiting for us together
I’ve met my match and I can’t remember life before

It’s 1 am and I’m looking at rings
But I’m really thinking about our future

The steps we’ll take
The plans we’ll make
The new is waiting for us

My no doesn’t mean convince me
Saying please don’t doesn’t mean carry on just because I’m smiling

My no wasn’t respected
My right to that word was pushed down with my clothes and thrown into the corner
And I let you

I didn’t move I didn’t stop doing what you asked
I just wanted it to be over

As you wrapped your fingers around my neck you crushed the word as it clawed out
Your soft pressure on my throat was enough to sumbit my no to silence

I’m not worth talking to
that’s what you said in the kitchen
we end up in circles, around and around

I’m not worth talking to
you words wrapped themselves around my legs and took them upstairs
and they’ve worn me down

I’m not worth talking to
they slipped into my spine
and I took them to bed

I’m not worth talking to
your words sat on my chest at night
I waited for that sunshine but it didn’t show

I’m not worth talking to
I sounded like your echo to begin
but now I sound like you
our voices match
entwined

I am not worth it
you’re right

you're supposed to be my mother
not my enemy
i saw others don't tip toe around their parents
they're honest and smile

you're supposed to be my mother
not my enemy
so why do you rain the insults
obnoxious, selfish, rude girl

i've heard the symphony so often i now sing it to myself
obnoxious, selfish, rude girl
i saw others aren't afraird of their parents words
they're constructive and gentle

you're supposed to be my mother
not my enemy
so please act your age before the gap between us grows
i can't hold on forever when you're hot and cold
the everchagning tap is burning

please be my mum and not my enemy
i'm tired of this repetitive symphony from you

What you see
Is a confident woman
And everyday I have to remind myself I’m strong
that I am that person.
But deep inside I know,
I’m not.
I’m still that girl
That lonely girl afraid of being left
that girl terrified of rejection and abandonment
That girl yearning for a hug.
I want to be that woman.
You help me become her.
The inside slow fades.

I want to claw open my stomach
I said no

I want my fist to smash through
I said no

I want to rip out this dark mass in my stomach
I said no

I want to slice out the feeling inside me
I think I said no enough

I didn’t fight
I didn’t move
I wanted to

I said no
When will these heavy thoughts leave my stomach
Because they’re dragging me further than I imagined
And i hope they pull me to a lake
Because I’ve always felt like drowning

Near you

My books and poems don’t excite me
Neither does swimming in the endless sea
but the presence of you-

My brushes and paints are now lost on me
the pages that excited me are pale now
but when you’re nearby-

My words fall out all at once clumsily
but when you’re near me
my thoughts flutter around your mind
my words build an eloquent house around your sentences
art grows from my tips and all I want to do is paint your lips

My palette is static as my mind
but when you’re near me
the colours change their hue

Like the flying chaos of the world I am soothed by the presence of you

You don’t want to talk,
So quietly in the snow we walk
I have so much to say
But you’re just going to look away

You don’t want to talk
We reach a snowy crosswalk
That’s okay I say
But I can feel you pulling away

You don’t want to talk
The words feel stuck in my throat
We live in a democracy do I even get a vote?
The silence you’ve created
I warn you darling is gonna end up ill fated
You’ll wish we never dated.

You don’t want to talk
I’m mad you just sit there
Your miserable silence filling my air

I don’t mind shouting, **** it even fighting
But I assure you I will not survive in this silence
Tell me what’s wrong, walk me through the grey thoughts I see across your stupid face
Because I’m scared of this quiet place

You don’t want to talk
Unfinished thoughts and sad words in a tight lock
And I say that’s okay
But one day I’ll just walk away.

Soothe

He didn’t know how he made the voices in my head be silent,
He didn’t realise his presence stopped the raging storm.

He didn’t see how the change engulfed me.
How in control i feel.

Your presence soothed my soul?
Your words hushed the wave and I’m not drowning?

When I breathe out it’s not from releasing unsaid words and thoughts.
My lungs can breathe deeply, freely.
He didn’t understand how he lifted that weight for me.

I feel so free.
Like a candle flickering all night long.

For once I don’t want to listen to her or me.
For once I want your presence to keep soothing me.

Darling mark,
you’ve had quite a year
(This is not a love poem, let’s be clear,
But i know I’ll blow you out the stratosphere so sit down and have a beer)

You’ve had it quite rough
And although you’re quite tough
You should have died once or twice
So listen to my advice

Don’t change you ****
You’re a half decent chap
You don’t pretend you’re something you’re not
It’s kinda why I mistakenly think you’re quite hot
And I’m certain Freud would have had a field day with you
Beyond reason I enjoyed hanging out at Waterloo
Everything seems nicer with you
so please push through
Listen closely, I’ll only say this once,
You’re kinda funny and you have a kind heart

So this Christmas I won’t ask for much,
And if you tell anyone about this, you’ll be walking with a crutch
please don’t change you ****

Home is your arms wrapped around me
And bringing me a sweet tea

Home is your silly little laugh
And where there’s a sleeping bison calf

Home is discussing the world at midnight
And planning our next flight

Home for me is around you
And feeling close to a little grey Blue

Home is being myself
With a love like yours that lets us be.