You see, my safety is no longer conditional

Coming home no longer feels as if I am walking on broken glass or standing on eggshells,
It feels as it should, peaceful, stable, secure.

I no longer need to tread carefully, waiting for the bomb that is your unjust rage to go off.
I no longer need to feel small, as if my self worth comes with conditions.

You may have left deep scars across my core, but just know this…
Those scars are being healed by the day, with each new experience of true safety.

I am healing my wounds so I can erase every sign and symptom of you from my life,
Soon, I shall be free from the plague that was the space and time you occupied in my life.

If you see this, know that I am safe, and living a life that I truly love.
A life free from the toxic waste that is you.

Everyone says that if they could go back in time and change something, they would…

I wouldn’t change a thing. The versions of me that have existed created who I am today from the battles they faced and won.

What I would do, I would sit down with each version of myself, during their dark times and tell them that it will all be okay. That they are allowed to simply exist and take up space. They are enough, no matter what. That one day, safety will come, and they will make it out.
I would tell them to always fight on and to never give up on themselves. To always protect the light of their soul, knowing that years down the road, that bright would be needed more than ever.

I would tell them to go easy on themselves.

I would tell them that I was so proud of them, for fighting on even when they wanted to give up.

I would hug them, and tell them they are doing okay, and that I am happy that they exist.

I grew into someone they needed by their side in the darkness they faced.
I grew into someone they would feel safe with.

You see, in a backwards, twisted way, you helped me… Because of you and others who had no business leeching my energy.

I now know and fully understand my true worth.
My worth is not dependent on always being strong.
Or  being what others need…

On always wearing a mask that shows that I am okay, even when I truly need to break.

I know my worth, and what I have to offer this world.
And you know what?


Yeah…
I exist.
I occupy and take up space.

And that is totally okay…

I am allowed to simply, be…

And through all of that, I am worthy of love just as my true self.
Not as an image of what is “required” from me.

But as just me.

Here it is and you heard it here first.

Moving forward in my life, no more ******* ego checks

I deserve to and am allowed to truly love who I am,
And that is something I am working *******.

Part of that is actually celebrating my victories, triumphs and my journey so far.
Which I will always do,

The times I sat in the darkness and others walked away,
I was forced to

I never gave up on myself.
I put in the work and overcame the dark.

So here is to celebrating every new victory as they happen.

No longer will I remain quiet, living in the shadows, my story unheard.

Hello, little ones,

This is written for all of the past versions of myself who were never allowed to heal.
Who were always just so scared, sometimes simply of life itself.

I know all of the horrors each of you had to fight through and survive,
And I am so sorry you ever had to fight that hard, sometimes to just exist.
I am sorry I was not there to shield and protect you then.

Just know this,

You are safe now.
Slow down, take a deep breath, and open your eyes.

You made it, you survived.
You made it to the good times.

You made it to the point where life is sometimes so overwhelmingly amazing, and all you can do is smile and laugh, no words needed.

You made it to a time where harm may never reach you again.

I am here now, I’ve got this.

Your story is still being written.

Tales of sadness and sorrow
Softness and love
Strength and growth

It has been an honour so far to read the words in the pages of your story,
And to witness your tale being written.

That said, your tale is far from over.

You still have a lot of life left to live.
Things to experience,
Places to visit.

So please,
Never give up on writing the pages of the story of your life.

Hello, beautiful, brave one.

I know, your spirit is weak and weary.
Your soul feels shattered and broken.
And your heart feels damaged beyond repair.

You try to hide it, but the cracks in your smile show truly how broken you feel deep inside.
Your once bright eyes are now tired and worn from the harsh battles you have faced.

Just know, you are allowed to rest.
You are allowed to lay down your burdens for a moment and just exist.

Curl up, hide away and rest.

Your soul needs it, I can tell.