You see…
You no longer rule over me

This peace I have found in your absence is mine to cherish and not yours to take
This peace is permanent, and I am NOT giving it up…

You may no longer harm me.

MY energy is my own again, not yours.
And it NEVER was

You never broke me.

I am healing.
I am taking my power back.
I am taking my life back.

And I will live MY life, free of YOU.

Everyone says that if they could go back in time and change something, they would…

I wouldn’t change a thing. The versions of me that have existed created who I am today from the battles they faced and won.

What I would do, I would sit down with each version of myself, during their dark times and tell them that it will all be okay. That they are allowed to simply exist and take up space. They are enough, no matter what. That one day, safety will come, and they will make it out.
I would tell them to always fight on and to never give up on themselves. To always protect the light of their soul, knowing that years down the road, that bright would be needed more than ever.

I would tell them to go easy on themselves.

I would tell them that I was so proud of them, for fighting on even when they wanted to give up.

I would hug them, and tell them they are doing okay, and that I am happy that they exist.

I grew into someone they needed by their side in the darkness they faced.
I grew into someone they would feel safe with.

My life is like a book.

Each day, words - etched into the pages of the book of my life.

Words, moments. In this ever growing tale.

Years = chapters….

Each new year - The next chapter in the book.

The Last chapter, Love, Sadness, Heartbreak, …

… Hope, Strength, Resilience.

Victory.

As rough as the battle was, victory was still achieved.


Now… Get ready for the next great chapter,

In the book of MY life…

You Re-entering my life was a curse

Your exit from my life was a gift

The silence and peace my life has held since your exit has been nothing but welcome.

A man rises at dawn, removing the mask that is his past.

He wants to start a new, using scissors to cut the memories of the past.
Visions that haunt him, enduring many sleepless nights reliving the horrors from long ago.

His future awaits, and he will no longer wear the burden that is the mask.

The scars of his past, erased by the dreams of his future.

Just as oceans needs the moon
And darkness clings to the stars at night
The way the living need to breathe,

This is how I need her.

She is the best part of every single day.

She is softness
She is strength
She is power.

My heart and soul will always need her

Healing is glorified

They make you think healing is sweet, soft, delicate.
They show the end result, when you finally open your eyes after a long rest, feeling better and ready for life…

But really, healing the hardest process to go through

You feel so much, you relive the past. You wonder about the future and what it holds.

Sometimes, it breaks you down to your knees.

Healing is messy. Healing is painful. Healing is hard

Healing can feel like you are fighting a war, some days losing that war.
And some days winning it.

But in the end, healing is worth it

When you wake up on the other side and the sun is shining on you and you feel more free than you ever have.

When the burdens of the past cease to exist and the weight of the world you once carried on your shoulders fades into oblivion.

Some day, that is what I wish for you, and for myself.
That we are free, unburdened, unchained, by the events of our past.

After the dawning of the rain and the darkening of the earth, in the time of the great plague of floods.
When Thunder and Lightning ruled the earth,
That was only the beginning…

Another villain came into play… The Queen of Frost.

She marched in, her long sapphire cloak trailing behind her, calling out in a shrill voice and a wicked grin
“You have done well, boys… Now step aside, it is my turn to play!!”
She tossed them aside, a great sense of cold washing through their core...

Thunder and Lightning scowled and glared, but moved along, knowing the power of the Frost Queen is one they just could not match.

Laughing maniacally, she uttered her spells, casting a chill upon the earth
Turning the earth into a frozen wasteland
Staring down evily at her work, as ice consumed the world

Thunder and Lightning stood horrified, knowing that she took over their work. They were just having fun, while she sought ultimate power…

“What have we done…?” They asked together, wanting all of this to be just a horrible dream.
Hoping one day, they get the chance to right their wrongs...

Thunder and Lightning, the two lords of the sky.

Jealous of the legend, fame, and success of the cloud master.
How they never got any of that fame or glory.
Always on the sidelines in someone else's story.
Fell into a deep state of rage.

The clouds blackened as the earth was plunged into darkness.
Rain fell to the earth, blinding lightning and deafening thunder flashed upon the sky.

The cloud master, watching in complete horror, at the work of the two enraged lords, laughing maniacally at their work

Floods now plunged the earth, countless towns destroyed from the rushing waves.

They went mad with power, blinded by the destruction they were able to unleash upon the earth.

The earthlings, trembling and terrified, as the once docile lords of the sky, wreak havoc upon the earth...

You see, my safety is no longer conditional

Coming home no longer feels as if I am walking on broken glass or standing on eggshells,
It feels as it should, peaceful, stable, secure.

I no longer need to tread carefully, waiting for the bomb that is your unjust rage to go off.
I no longer need to feel small, as if my self worth comes with conditions.

You may have left deep scars across my core, but just know this…
Those scars are being healed by the day, with each new experience of true safety.

I am healing my wounds so I can erase every sign and symptom of you from my life,
Soon, I shall be free from the plague that was the space and time you occupied in my life.

If you see this, know that I am safe, and living a life that I truly love.
A life free from the toxic waste that is you.

Why do I make the choice, every single day, to keep on living???
To keep on fighting, every single storm I ever go through…
Fighting every single day, to make it to the next…

Well….


I have a story.
I have a voice.
And I will never be silent…

And my voice, my story,

Can change the lives of others.
I can give them hope, for victories in their battles.
I can be a light on their darkest days.
I can protect them from facing the battles that I have faced…

I lived today, so I could be a protector…
I can help change the script in the story of someone’s life…
I can help brighten the pages, soon to be written.

This, is why I fight…
This is why I live.

Hey, kid…
You are hurting. I can tell…

I can see it in the fact that your eyes do not sparkle as bright.
Your eyes are looking out at the world, but it feels like you are seeing in black and grey.
As if a foggy haze surrounds you.

I can hear it in your voice, that doesn’t sing to your passions to the world.
Your once boisterous, carefree and cheerful voice now sounds small, sorrowful and defeated.

I can tell by the way your head hangs low, the feeling of defeat looms over you.

I can tell, by the way that your heart feels like it has been crushed.
It feels like it is beating at half speed. It feels like it’s beating for nothing.

Well, you are allowed to hurt. You are allowed to feel. You are allowed to fall to your knees and fall apart.’
You are allowed to feel down and out, just allow yourself the grace and love you put out to those around you.
Be gentle on yourself. You are hurting. You are allowed to.

You don't like me?
You have an issue with me?

Well guess what???
**** it up, your opinions don’t matter.


You don’t know me.
Where I’ve been.
What I’ve faced…

You have never read the pages in the chapters of my life…
So until you do,

Don’t you DARE judge me.

You don’t know me, so your opinion ain’t worth ****.

Your story is still being written.

Tales of sadness and sorrow
Softness and love
Strength and growth

It has been an honour so far to read the words in the pages of your story,
And to witness your tale being written.

That said, your tale is far from over.

You still have a lot of life left to live.
Things to experience,
Places to visit.

So please,
Never give up on writing the pages of the story of your life.

I know

You TRIED to break me…

You were slick… Using the very vulnerabilities I had shared with you to claw your way in and make me feel safe, and once that happened, you took your ******* mask off and the real you came out, like I knew was there in the past. I should have ran far and fast right when that happened, but you had your claws dug in so deep, I could not flee.

You knew you were never good enough, so to keep me, you had to break me down and reduce me to nothing, stripping me of all my power.
You had full control and called all of the shots.

Your hope was that when you drained me of my use and decided to leave, taking everything with you, the destruction you caused would permanently shatter me…

Well let me tell you, I have done so much work to heal and build myself back up…
To make you just a little blip in the timeline of my life, instead of a massive disaster.

Looking back, I do not remember any of the good times, because they were few and far between, and most of them were followed by a one way fight, you screaming and me just taking it…

So maybe it was just to spite you, or to **** you off, but after you left, I kept living…

I can’t for one second say that I wish you well… Because that would be the ultimate lie.
I wish you the life you have, and all the karma that comes with it.

These next words are like honey and Lavender coming from my mouth,
I survived you.