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Someone told me that "why don't you just die?"

And it hurts me a lot and now I'm dying
Bryant Arinos Apr 2019
I'm at my worst right now
and I want you to see that.
Bryant Arinos Feb 2019
Where is the fairness of it all?
Why do I need to stumble and fall?
What is the strength I need when everything starts to crumble?
When does it all started to crawl...

People ask me "why am I happy"
My face shows it but my body can't feel it.
Don't ask me why I am happy...
Dare to ask why I am not...

There are words circling on the hollow mind.
I made this self and form two characters...
One for the public...
One for myself at night.

Again people ask me "are you okay?"
My face shows it but my body is empty.
Don't ask me if I'm okay...
Dare to ask why I am not...

Maybe there is a black dot inside of me.
It slowly grows and eats me up daily.
I also have this monster as a pet,
I feed it very well, and I hate how I love it.

Now I'm sitting in this black room
Staring at the black shadow that cannot be seen
Because black is all what's left from every colors that made me well.

For the last time people ask me, "you fine?"
My face shows it all, but my body already died
Don't ask me if I am fine...
Because if I said yes...

That would be my biggest lie.

Bryant Arinos Jan 2019
darating talaga sa punto na mapapagod sa inyo ang isa,
ang maiiwan ay di alam kung san ang puputahan,
walang lugar na kabibilangan.

ilalaban ng naiwan ang lahat,
pipiliting buohin ang mga bagay na wala na.
iipunin ang lahat ng lakas masabi lang ang bawat sana.

tila nakaraan lang ay ayos pa ang lahat,
naiguguhit pa ang litrato ng bawat ngiti.
ngunit nagdesisyon ang isa na itigil na ang kasiyahan.

natapos ang lakbay nating dalawa nang walang rason.
gusto **** lumaya? hindi na masaya? ayaw mo na?
mali... baka ayaw mo lang talaga simula palang nung una.
  Nov 2018 Bryant Arinos
I had my first dream last night that you weren't in.
not even a minor character,
your ****** name wasn't even in the credits,
let alone plastered across the sky in flashing lights
like you want it to be.
my first reality that you didn't belong in,
and it was the most blissful peace that I can remember since we bathed in pools of cloud.

I heard the first song that didn't make me think of you yesterday.
the lyrics, for once, were just lyrics,
not an embodiment of you and the things you do.
guess what?
it was coldplay.
you always hated coldplay.

this morning, I basked in the sun and didn't picture you coated in gold light beside me.
I didn't look at the leaves adorning the trees and picture your face laughing beneath it.

I didn't trace the plate lines of my palm and imagine the earthquake we used to create when yours collided with mine.

I didn't eat new food that I wanted you to try and I didn't want to share the smallest details of my day with you.

you may have won this poem, loverboy,
but don't be too triumphant.
your victory won't last long.
it's the era of my new beginnings without you and I'm going to be just fine.
never trust anyone who doesn't like coldplay.
Bryant Arinos Nov 2018
I want to die.
Please help me,
God help me.
Cause I can't bear this pain anymore.
A person in a brink of nothingness
  Nov 2018 Bryant Arinos
Alex B
Someone stole my color
And threw it to the wind
Scattered like ashes
I don’t know if I’ll ever find it

Someone stole my color
From the face I know so well
I saw it in the cotton candy clouds
And the teal ocean swell

Someone stole my color
I guess that’s where it went
The world looks so much brighter
Like something heaven-sent

Someone stole my color
And that’s what no one knows
Depression isn’t black
It’s the color of a rose

It’s the light orange in a sunset
And the yellow of a peach
Light blue, my favorite color
So simply out of reach

Purple like my favorite eyeshadow
No, lavender, I’d guess you’d say
And my favorite music artist
Although he has passed away

Someone stole my color
Now everything’s too bright
I suppose sometimes darkness
Isn’t the opposite of light

Someone stole my color
So I’ll wear grey and black
As if in mourning
Until I get it back
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